Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, the pills my doctor prescribed for my extremely painful period cramps apparently have a side effect; excruciatingly painful cramps. I feel like I'm being repeatedly stabbed in the ovaries with a rusty fork. FML

#21398967
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20902) - you deserved it (1532)

On 04/24/2015 at 11:18am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, while driving, I saw a car pull over with its hazard lights on. I went to see if they needed help, only to see the guy was jerking off to something on his phone. FML

#21398963
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20256) - you deserved it (2265)

On 04/24/2015 at 11:07am - intimacy - by someoneneedsassistance - United States (Virginia)

IAmzephyr's comment : car jacking?

See all the comments →

Today, my husband admitted that he's been spying on me for the last 5 years to see if I was cheating, out of paranoia brought on by his own cheating for all 5 of those years. FML

#21398951
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22704) - you deserved it (1384)

On 04/24/2015 at 10:12am - love - by LolaBell (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

m1e0l's comment : it takes one to know one

See all the comments →

Today, I learned that, when you ask your girlfriend "Do you think we're having sex too often?" she might interpret it as, "I don't think we should have sex ever again," and entirely stop talking to you. FML

#21398912
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17238) - you deserved it (7467)

On 04/24/2015 at 7:38am - intimacy - by Sexless from Texas - United States (Texas)

FusionPlacebo's comment : Is it bad to have lots of sex with her? Why'd you even ask that, of course she's bound to get offended by it

See all the comments →

Today, I found out that, given the correct velocity, a used condom can actually fly through a tiny window and slap you on the leg. I also found out that when you go to the window to yell at the perpetrator, they might have more ammunition. FML

Today, teachers were pulling students out of class to announce valedictorian, salutatorian, and other awards for graduation. I got pulled out of class by one of them, and I got a little excited since I wasn't expecting an award. It was to tell me that my sister was staying after school. FML

Today, my husband called me a nympho after I told him I'd ideally like us to have sex more than once a month. FML

#21398482
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29102) - you deserved it (2219)

On 04/23/2015 at 1:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was home alone and tried to make some popcorn so I could watch a movie. Thirty minutes later, my parents came home and found me talking to the firemen. FML

#21398409
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23111) - you deserved it (6896)

On 04/23/2015 at 9:43am - misc - by almost_a_pro - Brazil (Rio de Janeiro)

Today, my boyfriend told me he traded nude pictures I sent him for a costume piece in an internet game. He told me I should be okay with this, because, "It's a rare piece." FML

#21398399
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28089) - you deserved it (5420)

On 04/23/2015 at 9:16am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, it was my 18th birthday and I was told I couldn't get the night off work because a party of 34 had booked into the restaurant. It turned out my family had come in to 'celebrate' by making me wait on them. They were a nightmare, thought it was hilarious to be difficult, and didn't tip. FML

#21398382
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32470) - you deserved it (2108)

On 04/23/2015 at 8:28am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Dundee City)

Today, in a crowded doctor's waiting room, my two-year-old daughter let a loud fart rip. I asked her, "What do we say?" She replied, "IT'S ME!" FML

#21398419
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24401) - you deserved it (3436) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/23/2015 at 8:27am - kids - by bleue - France (Midi-Pyrenees)

Today, at work as a bank teller, an angry customer complained that the payments on his two credit cards had been messed up the previous month, with the wrong amount being credited to each account. I asked if he knew who'd helped him. He said, "Well, it wasn't you - she was younger and prettier!" FML

#21398349
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23551) - you deserved it (1906)

On 04/23/2015 at 5:04am - work - by Old and Ugly (woman) - United States

Today, while going down on my boyfriend, I must have gotten a little too enthusiastic because I ripped my tongue's frenulum. We then awkwardly went into the bathroom. While he was washing the blood off his penis, I was hung over the toilet bowl puking because blood makes me woozy. FML



FML's blog

  • FML's Question Time #2 : School
  • We tried this before and it went pretty well, so here's another blog section for everyone to have give their opinion on a popular but controversial subject. OK, we're not debating a…

Thursday 23 April 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: