Jailbird By Anonymous - 06/06/2026 02:00 - United States Today, I asked my foster parents to adopt me. They said no because my dad's getting out of prison soon. FML I agree, your life sucks 397 You deserved it 47 Share Tweet Share
Today, my girlfriend surprised me with what was allegedly a birthday "cake". It was so horribly deformed, I wasn't sure whether to eat it or wear it as a hat. I had to pretend it didn't taste like play-doh, and ended up throwing it up in the toilet. Happy birthday to me. FML I agree, your life sucks 29 334 You deserved it 4 521
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML I agree, your life sucks 61 050 You deserved it 70 272
Today, I decided to change my hair color. After waiting in anticipation, I took a shower to rinse out the dye and reveal my new, blue hair. Rinsing revealed not only blue hair, but blue skin caused by the watered dye running over my body. I now look like a smurf, and it's not coming out. FML I agree, your life sucks 20 470 You deserved it 42 648
Today, I was having sex with the guy I've been in love with for years. I moaned, "say my name." He didn't know it. FML I agree, your life sucks 38 434 You deserved it 11 449
Today, I was sitting in my room watching TV when I heard my mother obnoxiously yelling for the dog. Minutes later she stomped into my room, swatted me over the head, and yelled at me for not answering when she called. She actually got my name mixed up with the dog's. FML I agree, your life sucks 38 820 You deserved it 3 041
Today, I fell down concrete stairs trying to plug my computer into an outlet. I now have a twisted ankle, scrape on my elbow and a huge scratch across my laptop. The best part? The outlet wasn't even working. FML I agree, your life sucks 1 367 You deserved it 364