Today, as a pizza delivery guy, I was forced to see yet another naked 200 pound teenage girl with a serious case of body acne. They're starting to give me nightmares. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to deliver pizza to a nudist colony. I got an eyeful of more than I needed to see. FML
Today, the pizza delivery guy saw me in my underwear. My boyfriend is so ashamed of me that he pointed out to the guy twice that we were just roommates. FML
Today, on my first day at my new job delivering pizzas, I got bit by a guy dressed as Dracula. FML
Today, I dropped in on my wife at her part time waitressing job. As I was leaving, I gave her tushie a playful squeeze. I was then tackled by some acne-ridden teenage blockhead trying to impress the hot waitress by beating up the guy groping her. FML
Today, I realized that the only boy that shows up at my door is the pizza boy. FML
Today, my girlfriends dared me to answer the door naked to the cute pizza delivery guy. He laughed it off and thanked me for the awesome tip. An hour later, police arrived because my nosy, frigid, couldn’t-get-laid-in-a-brothel neighbour reported me for public indecency. FML
Today, the pizza delivery guy and I know more about each other than me and my family ever have. FML
Today, I was delivering packages as usual for work. I was dropping off a large letter to a hot girl. Before I turned to leave the girl opened her mouth to say something. Instead, she just vomited all over me. Her letter was my first delivery of the day. I had to finish my job covered in puke. FML
Today, I was working at a day care center. A 5 year old boy came up to me telling me he wanted to eat my face. Confused, I asked him why. He said, "Because your face looks like pizza." FML
Today, as a pizza delivery driver, I delivered to a customer with young kids. She gave the pizzas to one of her kids to take inside, where the kid dropped them and it went everywhere. She then rang the store and claimed that I'd dropped the pizzas, then told her to "suck it up." FML
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Top comments
Huey_Freeman 4
Maybe they're watching too many pornos and expect you to deliver an extra large "sausage" pizza...
gc327072 31
It's not delivery, it's a porno.
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Comments (211)
Vellidrela 7
Looks like you guys shouldn't deliver there anymore...FYL
TheTwistedOtaku 16
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
You can't just stop delivering pizza to a certain house.
perdix 31
#25, yes, you can.
TheTwistedOtaku 16
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Sorry, I honestly thought you could..
walmartpaysme 15
Any privately owned business has the right to refuse service to certain people who have behaved Inappropriately.
walmartpaysme 15
41, now I'M scarred for life.
perdix 31
#33, No problem, I've only learned that fact the hard way. Now, I have to travel miles and wear a disguise to get a coffee. I thought making fart noises as they steamed the milk at Starbucks would get a laugh, not a lifetime ban. Learn from my mistakes.
Pretty_Pink_Lady 10
If that story is true I feel like the lifetime ban was such an overkill as punishment.
musicluvr2000 11
92- ...yes, yes.
Huey_Freeman 4
Maybe they're watching too many pornos and expect you to deliver an extra large "sausage" pizza...
gc327072 31
It's not delivery, it's a porno.
VorpikeII 17
You could always cover her in cheese, pretend she's a pizza, and eat her.
Manj3rico 3
My thoughts exactly. xP
Kn0wledge123 21
#16 got comment of the day.
gracehi 33
23, It's weird, but your comment actually goes pretty well with your profile pic, since female the praying mantis eats the male after mating. Cannibalism and sex...they're like peanut butter and jelly in bug world.
SApprentice 34
57- Actually, they have proven that's false. Those results were obtained while the mantises were being watched closely, in laboratory settings. They were stressed. Recent studies of mantis mating in more natural settings found only one instance of head eating from their test group, and that was only because the female was very hungry. Usually both come away unharmed.
CaptainDoorknob 7
Don'tchu wish your girlfriend was hottt like mee. Lmao I can completely picture this.
OhMinty 5
More like comment of the year.
VorpikeII 17
The mantises have been doing it less frequently now.
gc327072 31
Good grief! I didn't think my comment was THAT groundbreaking.... ohstopityou.png
Shitnobodysays_ 4
I've never watched **** in my life!
The_Big_Boss 20
Oh you know you like it
TomPusslicker 21
"Wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle"
A7XCamaro 19
Actually I think it would be "jiggle, jiggle, jiggle".
sens3sfailing 25
No, it's wiggle in the song, but it is jiggle on a 200 pound girl...*shivers* uuuck!
soldiat_fml 17
Not sure why everyone is downvoting. If he liked it, it may very well be "wiggle, wiggle"...
perdix 31
I guess you're not going to be eating any pepperoni anytime soon. Or pie. This is a **** flick that does not need to be made. OK?
gc327072 31
Agreed! It's not a porno, it's Digiorno!
0RedPenguin0 8
Don't give people ideas like that
p3mguin 7
I saw a porno where that happened, the guys dick was cut through the box and the penis was hanging though the pizza. True Story
gc327072 31
117- AAAHHHH that image... I can't unsee! *stabs eyes out Oedipus-style*
capslockisgood 19
13 - Thank you for posting the best thing I have ever read.
LolPieRofl 11
But pie taste good!!'
Kyle225 3
Me too OP...Me too..
numbersystem 4
Cut them off like a responsible bartender.
BossPathfinderGM 14
I've been there before, my friend. Let me guess... "extra cheese"?
calypso1212 14
Extra anchovies.
herecomestheFMLs 12
^ Loverboy reference, I like it.
Caravele 3
Nice name OP But seriously... Damn
soccergurrll 8
It's scary enough to see one; but multiple... *shudder*
Lucious306 7
I bet that body acne is starting to look like the pepperoni the pizzas, huh?
Pandacupcakelove 26
You are what you eat.
expertsmilee 26
Does that mean cannibals are the only real people?
poopehdoo 9
Only if the person they consumed was also a cannibal. But this would mean that infinite regress would have to exist, a notion that has yet to be proven. Unless it was a circle of cannibalism? O_____o