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The all-time greatest FMLs

Standards

By Anonymous - 01/09/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, after a lot of discussion and setting ground rules, my wife agreed that we could try swinging. Problem is, she has vetoed every single person I’ve suggested as either “butt ass ugly” or “fatter than holy hell.” Her exact words were, “There’s no way in fuck I’m munching fat box!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 132

You deserved it 395

Local attraction

By Jefferson - 27/01/2025 03:00 - United States - New York

Today, I was jogging through the park and in my enthusiasm I thought I’d be able to jump over a bench in my stride. I tripped mid-jump, landed face-first in the grass, and scared a group of schoolkids who were on a tour of the city. FML

I agree, your life sucks 132

You deserved it 525

Push on through the shame

By Anonymous - 02/12/2025 00:00

Today, my neighbor caught me practicing a “power pose” pep talk in my car before work. I froze mid-pose while he stared in confused silence. He gave me a thumbs-up, slowly backed away, and I drove off immediately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 132

You deserved it 304

Don't look

By Anonymous - 10/06/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I realized I had accidentally swapped phones with my coworker. She now has access to my search history, which includes: "Can cats sense shame?", "Is it OK to eat expired hummus?" and “Why do I hate my coworkers so much?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 132

You deserved it 433

Technicality

By Anonymous - 09/11/2025 15:00

Today, after years planning our wedding, booking a venue, a DJ, dresses and suits, a limousine, sending invitations, hiring caterers, buying gifts, arranging the honeymoon for the day after the wedding, we did all that flawlessly. What was the one god damn thing we forgot? To book a registrar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 403

Lost and found

By Lauren - 19/02/2025 20:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I was in a rush to meet some friends for brunch, and I arrived first. The restaurant door was locked, so I knocked. A waiter opened the door and stared at me with confusion before saying, “This isn’t the entrance, ma’am.” It wasn’t until I walked around the corner and saw the correct door that I realized I had been standing at the employee entrance the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 443

Where is my mind?

By Anonymous - 12/02/2025 15:00 - United States - New Orleans

Today, I went to the store for one thing: eggs. I came out with eggs, a new plant I didn’t need, and a jar of pickles that I’ll never eat. At least the eggs didn’t roll out of the bag this time, especially now they're practically considered a luxury item. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 462

Don't mess with family

By Anonymous - 08/11/2023 00:02

Today, it's 49 days until Christmas, and all I can think of is how it’s mine and my partner's first Christmas together but she’ll be out of town. Apparently, she’d rather hang out with her whackjob family rather than my normal, stable family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 1 196

Lightweight

By Anonymous - 30/06/2023 18:00

Today, I threw up on the subway. Luckily, because I hadn’t eaten all week, it was just the seven pints of beer I'd had previously chugged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 1 679

The heat of the moment

By ImSorry - 18/01/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I found out I’m gonna be a father. One day, I accidentally walked in on my sister-in-law changing. For some reason I’ll never understand, we ended up having a quickie doggystyle and swore to not talk about it ever again. She’s now 6 weeks pregnant. I’m a dead man if my wife finds out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 1 667

Self sabotage

By StarryEyes - 27/01/2024 06:00 - Canada

Today, I spent an hour meticulously crafting the perfect text to ask my crush out. Just as I hit send, I realized I'd accidentally sent a screenshot of the conversation to my crush instead. Now they know my level of commitment: zero. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 569

Mixology

By Anonymous - 01/12/2025 03:00

Today, I tried to act confident at a work mixer by telling a funny story. Halfway through, I gestured too wildly and knocked an entire bowl of pretzels off the table. Everyone watched them scatter across the floor like confetti. I just kept talking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 352

Chemical balls

By Mac (29m) - 27/05/2026 20:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I'm aging, so it’s clear my ball skin has got more rough, and I can't even shave anymore without bad razor burn. Well, I tried Nair for the first time. My balls are now severely chemically burned and blistered. It was just 4 minutes of Nair! I was finally getting my sex drive back after a divorce, so I was trying to be ready just in case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 202

Caught in 4K

By Abby - 18/07/2023 12:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I absentmindedly posted a story of me and my boyfriend to my main stories instead of my “Close Friends” list where my husband is excluded. My husband saw the post. I’m dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 4 156

Cheap out

By FFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU - 05/10/2025 09:00

Today, two days after getting a fanny pack so I could more easily store my stuff when I'm out and about, I accidentally broke it without even trying. Don't be cheap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 271

Passport bro

By ThaidUp - 31/03/2026 00:00

Today, I realized being a passport bro cost me my life’s savings and $40k credit card debt. I married a beautiful petite Thai girl molded out of my dreams, only for her to tell me six years later that she’s leaving me for her husband in Thailand. She’s a US Citizen now (thanks to me), and is now gonna sponsor him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 765

Another non-emergency

By Anonymous - 29/10/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I went on a date, and halfway through I started getting nonstop calls from “Mom” on my phone. Annoyed, I silenced them. Later, I checked my voicemail. It was actually my mom calling from the ER because she had slipped and broken her ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 658

Bad friend

By Anonymous - 02/10/2024 12:00 - United States - Newark

Today, I went to the airport to pick up my friend. It wasn't until I got there that I realized I'd come on the wrong day. Her flight arrived yesterday, so that explains her radio silence for the past two days. I just thought she was in transit, but turns out she's pissed at me and wants me to pay for the Uber ride she had to take home from the airport. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130

You deserved it 624

Are you OK?

By Anonymous - 06/11/2023 15:00

Today, while thinking about something cringe I did, I accidentally said, "Oh fuck!" aloud during someone's speech. The room besides me and the speaker was otherwise quiet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130

You deserved it 619

Hand it over

By Anonymous - 23/04/2026 15:00 - United States - Maryland Heights

Today, my girlfriend totally emasculated me and made me a laughing stock when we got mugged and, instead of just handing over her purse like the guy said, she took out a stun gun and used it on him while I freaked out and cried. Now all my friends are laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130

You deserved it 807

Nature calls

By Anonymous - 03/12/2025 22:00

Today, I was out hiking when I needed to go pee. I thought no one was there because it isn't popular so I pulled down my pants. I heard footsteps so I pulled my pants back up and kept walking. There were people behind me, and one of them came up and said, "Hey, your undies are showing." I was wearing hot pink ones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130

You deserved it 326

Please leave

By acrobat - 24/08/2023 20:00

Today, I thought it would be fun to make a grand entrance at a party by doing a backflip through the door. I misjudged the height of the door frame, crashed my shins into it, and landed on my face right on a pile of shoes by the door. The host asked if I needed an ambulance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130

You deserved it 1 383

The betrayal

By Anonymous - 14/02/2022 16:01

Today, like an idiot, I accidentally included stuff I learned from snooping in my daughter's secret diary during a conversation with her. She's not happy at me right now, so I may have to polish off my old grovelling skills from when I was still married to her mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130

You deserved it 2 542

Bad trip

By Gaddz - 06/07/2025 22:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went on a first time trip to Portland to meet some new friends I had planned to see months before for 4th of July weekend. The trip ended on the first day when I was goaded into taking drugs that made me alienate all of them. I was practically chased back to the airport. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130

You deserved it 641

Accounting

By sorryaboutthat - 11/07/2025 15:00 - United States - Cleveland

Today, because I forgot to fill out a form, I accidentally held up payroll for the whole organization. Oops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130

You deserved it 513

Recruitment hell

By Anonymous - 21/02/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, while interviewing a potential candidate for a job, I farted during a moment of silence. Trying to cover it up, I blurted out, "Wow, this chair is squeaky!" The candidate just stared at me, and I'm pretty sure their chances of getting the job squeaked away, because I couldn't bear seeing them every day after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130

You deserved it 717

I hate small talk

By billie - 13/08/2025 03:00 - United States - Boston

Today, I pretended to be texting to avoid talking to an old classmate I saw at the grocery store. Unfortunately, my phone rang while I was “texting.” It was the classmate. I had no choice but to answer, while we were both standing 10 feet apart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130

You deserved it 445

Take this seriously!

By well fuck u then! jst fail - 29/05/2026 15:00 - United States - Secaucus

Today, to help my fellow trainees, I made a very long post in the training Teams chat detailing every detail that tripped me up recently. One responded, "Sir this is a Wendy's" and they all bust up laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130

You deserved it 309

Hooky

By Anonymous - 31/05/2025 20:00 - United States - Austin

Today, I decided to play hooky to go buy new toys from the sex store to spice things up for my girlfriend and me. Well, things got awkward when my boss was also playing hooky and in the same sex store after I'd told him I was out for a funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130

You deserved it 530

Return to sender

By Anonymous - 11/02/2023 04:00 - Germany - Ingolstadt

Today, I pulled a prank on my friend by making a fake Tinder profile just to catfish him. All our friends came to make fun of him, only to realise that he'd stood me up. Turns out, never showing for first dates is his way of playing hard to get. Now everyone is laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130

You deserved it 1 809

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The Top

Today, my husband felt dishonoured: his darling little girl, the love of his life, whom he's always considered pure, turns out to be pregnant. He's now warned her: she's grounded and that whoever did this to her had better not come hanging round the house. Pussy, two years old, is now housebound until her kittens are born. FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 72

Today, I found out that since I stopped shaving my legs, my boyfriend and his friends have started referring to me as a Wookiee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 421

You deserved it 62 892

Today, my mother, who is 75 years-old, just told me and my sister that we were adopted. I'm 45 years-old and my sister is 49. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 901

You deserved it 2 310

Today, we were slowly introducing my daughter to the pool to help her get over her terrible fear of water. My father-in-law scoffed, called us pussies, and tossed my daughter straight into the water. When I threw him out, he insisted he was just trying to teach her to swim "the right way." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 258

You deserved it 293

Today, I was at a friend’s party when I needed to use the restroom. I walked into a closet and couldn’t find my way out in the dark. I ended up knocking over several items before someone heard the commotion and rescued me. I think someone recorded the whole thing so I'm afraid it gets posted it onto social media. FML

I agree, your life sucks 189

You deserved it 392

Today, I checked my jacket pocket for my smartphone, all while still holding my smartphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125

You deserved it 392