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The all-time greatest FMLs

Sign your name across my…?

By bitchonia - 28/03/2020 17:00 - Canada

Today, I asked my boyfriend what he'd think of me getting his initials tattooed over my heart. "That's awesome, babe," he answered enthusiastically. "But could you get them on your ass instead?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 734

You deserved it 1 641

Acceptance

By tokenTrans - 20/02/2023 11:00 - United States - Thurmont

Today, like many other days, I'm too scared to correct people calling me "ma'am" at work because I live in a small, ignorant town where I've already been harassed and threatened for daring to be trans. I've already had a friend tell me I look nothing like a chick, so what's the deal with customers? FML

I agree, your life sucks 734

You deserved it 793

Kick him out

By Hot hot hot - 04/08/2023 22:00

Today, my two children and I are spending the night in our SUV until God knows when, all because we walked in on a young lady bouncing up and down on their father on our bed. Did I mention our SUV’s A/C doesn’t work? It’s 90 degrees outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 734

You deserved it 169

A group of one

By Anonymous - 08/03/2022 04:00

Today, we're starting group projects in my English class. One of my group members hasn't shown up to class all semester, and the other is an exchange student who can't speak English very well. Guess who's doing all of the work on their own… FML

I agree, your life sucks 734

You deserved it 78

Healthy life goals

By cuz803 - 07/04/2023 14:00

Today, after a month and a half of recovering from a sprained ankle, I was back in the gym training. After a grueling, sweaty session on the treadmill, I tripped walking down the stairs which sprained my other ankle. Back to round one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 162

Suspicious

By SEND HELP - 09/11/2022 19:00 - United States

Today, I keep killing flies in my room, probably dozens on a daily basis, and yet every day there seems to be more of them. I have to sleep backwards in my bed so the droning of the fan drowns out the buzzing noise, or else I can't sleep. Even then, I sometimes jump awake when one lands on my ear, which is often. FML

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 202

Vampire mode

By Anonymous - 01/08/2023 10:00

Today, my doctor put me on a new medication that came with the warning to stay out of the sun. I live in the desert and my country is having the highest temperatures recorded ever in human history. Guess I should stock up on white, long sleeve shirts. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 140

If I fits, I sits

By Dumbass Cat - 28/07/2022 15:00 - United States - Steele

Today, my cat got mad at me because I wouldn't let him sit on my Xbox. Jeez, sorry that I care about your safety, and I don't want my Xbox to overheat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 212

Promises, promises

By Anonymous - 24/05/2023 10:00

Today, after my ex had promised his mother he’d give something from her estate to my kids when she died, so she never bothered to change her will to include them, and she died a few weeks ago so I asked him about it because my eldest is going to university soon. He laughed in my face and shut the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 325

Whiffy

By Uber Chad - 25/03/2023 10:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I was in a rush to get to work and forgot to put on deodorant. I didn't realize until my coworker told me I smelled like a gym sock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 371

Sharkeisha, no

By TIlly - 23/02/2021 14:01

Today, after seeing an old viral video on YouTube, my boyfriend started calling me Sharkeisha. Our friends thought he was implying that I'm violent with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 128

Math ain't easy

By Anonymous - 13/08/2021 15:59 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, as I struggle with dyscalculia, I set up some counters so I could knit up a perfect square. Turns out the counters actually made it worse. I have three failed attempts and I'm stuck on number 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 109

Communication Breakdown

By dummy - 10/07/2022 04:00

Today, my hubby and I realised that the most excitement in our lives this week has been watching how far the disabled spider that got shut in the door has made it around our bathroom. We were both watching all week and have only just told each other. No communication and spider voyeurs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 253

Possessive

By Anonymous - 15/10/2023 18:00

Today, my 13 year-old autistic step-son has been having a meltdown all afternoon and has attacked me three times. Why? He discovered me and his mother are having sex, you know, almost as if we were a married couple. He’s getting worse; no matter what we do, he is definitely getting worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 145

By ismomalle - 03/11/2011 13:38 - Saudi Arabia

Today, my uncle asked me to help him organize a surprise party for my twin sister. I think he doesn’t get the concept of “twins”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 47

Time for a dirty protest

By Anonymous - 12/01/2024 05:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my boss if he was getting temp workers to cover the three ladies from my office on maternity for at least the next two years. He laughed at my fine joke, then said my office will just have to cope. I’m the only member of that office left. I have to do the work of four people for two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 141

By pooolth - 05/03/2012 03:17 - Ukraine

Today, I’m a French teacher in Ukraine, and in class we were debating gun legislation. In order to get his point across, one of my students pulled out a gun and put it on the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 124

Forever alone

By forever alone - 27/03/2022 16:00

Today, I realized I’m so lonely that I actually got jealous while watching Shrek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 194

DIABEETUS

By Diabeetus - 21/08/2022 09:00 - United States

Today, after finding out that my mom is diabetic last year in November, this July a good friend of mine died from diabetes. I also found out that my dad is diabetic, as well as my grandma. It would appear that Wilford Brimley hates my guts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 132

Peaced out

By tappedants - 25/06/2023 17:02 - United States - Sugar Land

Today, a huge family crisis happened, with an abusive DIL, traumatized 10 year-old grandson, and bit-up, scratched-up son. Son and grandson had to flee their home. My husband (their step-dad for 43 years) announced he's going to play golf. Not his kid and grandkid, so why stick around and be supportive? FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 206

Thanks for coming in, Mr Belch

By ZG1 - 13/02/2021 20:00

Today, I burped and sneezed during a job interview, I don’t think they were impressed by my talents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 253

The gift that keeps on giving

By Anonymous - 08/08/2023 22:00

Today, it's been a few weeks since I had my first sexual experience in 6 years following my divorce. It was with a woman I’ve known for years. We get on amazingly, more than me and my ex ever did. She’s sweet, sexy, funny, amazing in bed, and even likes Xbox. Unfortunately she also gave me Scabies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 201

Well hello sinners…

By Yesenia - 02/09/2023 14:00

Today, I learned that ever since I got a tattoo, my mother had edited her will, said I was no longer her daughter, and took me out of it. While my sister got a payout, I basically missed out all because of a small tattoo of a flower on my ankle. I’m a single struggling starving mom. She knew this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 508

Sensitive

By Anonymous - 08/11/2022 10:00

Today, my teeth are very sensitive and hold a grudge, so since getting a cavity fixed a month ago, I’ve had a good side and a bad side to chew on (or rather: not chew on). Unfortunately, I had to see the dentist again for another cavity, and now what used to be my bad side is now my good side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 122

Bad doggo

By Anonymous - 26/03/2023 12:00 - Germany

Today, I'm dog-sitting. To give the pooches some exercise, I took them on a long walk through the fields, where they run, play, and sniff around to their hearts’ content. Thirty seconds after coming back home, one of them made a ginormous puddle right on my living room floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 131

Got a little a carried away there, Skippy

By Anonymous - 31/10/2019 14:00 - Canada

Today, one of the houses had actors with chainsaws. I ran away screaming and slammed into a wall. So much for being macho this Halloween. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 1 370

Whassup?

By Anonymous - 26/02/2024 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked into the bar to meet my Tinder date and sat down next to him at the bar. Without looking up from his phone, his first words to me were, “Piss off fatty, I’m meeting a hot chick tonight.” I guess he didn’t recognise me with my hair done and in a nice dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 219

Breaking news

By Anonymous - 12/10/2023 05:00 - United States - Phoenix

Today, while at a family dinner, my boyfriend's family explained how he needs to learn family recipes to pass down to his future children. He responded, "Why would I ever start a family? I hate kids." I'm currently seven weeks pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 437

My pride and joy

By A good cat owner - 02/11/2022 10:00 - United States

Today, I had to explain to another person that my cat is not morbidly obese, he just looks really fat when he lays down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 186

Pervert!

By Nessa - 11/05/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, I walked in on my husband sniffing my sister’s panties from her laundry basket. He had the gall to defend himself and told me, “If you wore these sexy thongs and cheekies instead of them granny panties, I wouldn’t be doing this.” I wear “granny panties” because I recently gave birth to our daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 166

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The Top

Today, my step-dad's three year old granddaughter slept over. She insisted she didn't need a diaper to go to sleep and they put her in my bed with me, actually believing that she didn't need a diaper. Not only did she kick me all night, but I had the joy of waking up to her peeing on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 196

You deserved it 5 697

Today, I had to beg my husband not to shave his pubic hair into a handlebar moustache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 270

You deserved it 4 328

Today, we had a visit from the bailiffs and police. It turns out my partner has been lying about paying his half of the bills and destroying letters about it. Now I have to find an extra £3k during a cost of living crisis and attend court. This is on top of bailiffs forcefully entering and taking most of our things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 114

You deserved it 137

Today, I had to sleep in a room with my son, since we are visiting relatives at a farm. Every time a cow moos, he says "Cow". I can't sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 365

You deserved it 99

Today, I tried cooking dinner from scratch for my date. Everything was going great until I realised the “icing sugar” I'd sprinkled all over the dessert was actually flour. She took one bite, coughed, and said, “So you’re more of a Uber Eats kinda girlie?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 197

You deserved it 374

Today, I dug out an old yearbook to look up one of my teachers. Instead, I immediately found the signature of my horrible ex, claiming my “yearbook virginity.” He got my physical virginity too, through some extremely unethical means. I hate him for being a scumbag, and myself for being a fool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 395

You deserved it 119