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The all-time greatest FMLs

Blacked out

By Darkness, Darkness - 18/11/2022 03:00 - United States

Today, I was awoken at the ungodly hour of 1 a.m. to find that everything was very dark and quiet. It took me way more time than I'd like to admit to figure out that there was a blackout. As I tried to doze off again, I was jump-scared by the sound of everything coming on again. This happened twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 738

You deserved it 161

Priorities

By Anonymous - 14/03/2022 00:01

Today, my 6 year-old son came up to me and asked "Dad, when you're dead, will you give me your wallet ?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 738

You deserved it 148

Bathtime

By BadCatOwner - 25/06/2023 10:00

Today, my 11 year-old daughter claimed I'm a terrible cat parent. Why? Because in the 4 months that we've had the cat, I haven't given him a bath. Our strictly indoor kitten lives in attack mode, and would paint the walls with my blood if I attempted it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 738

You deserved it 159

Metal Cat

By Anonymous - 08/02/2021 05:01

Today, my cat jumped on my chest while I was sleeping and head-butted my nose to show she loves me. It was hard enough to crack it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 738

You deserved it 127

By furrette - 20/09/2013 17:35 - France

Today, I learned that a female ferret can die if she doesn't have sex with a male for one year. Then I realized that if I were a ferret, I would have already died twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 738

You deserved it 110

Tonight on First Dates

By Anonymous - 02/04/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a date that went well, until the bill came and she quickly shoved it in my direction, then went to the loo. Rude, but I thought nothing of it… until our waiter took pity and told me I’m the fourth guy she’s had this week who'd been made to pay for her. I paid half, then went home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 738

You deserved it 121

Am I hired?

By Genius - 25/06/2019 14:00

Today, I went to my fifth job interview in a month. While going over my CV, I found a watermark on the bottom of my cover letter that said it was generated by a template website. Yep, I gave all previous interviewers the same cover letter, with the same watermark. Can't wait to hear back! FML

I agree, your life sucks 738

You deserved it 1 947

Bad boy

By Anonymous - 02/01/2022 05:01

Today, my son accused me of being a "Karen" about house rules, and insists he’ll follow normal rules but ignore my supposedly "insane" rules. I consider all my rules normal, so he pointed out he’s 6ft6 and 100 lbs heavier so he will ignore rules he doesn’t agree with, and good luck stopping him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 737

You deserved it 1 026

Bad timing

By Frankie - 05/05/2021 00:01

Today, the company where I used to work at announced that there would be a staff reduction because of the low income caused by the pandemic. I just quit yesterday in favor of another job. All of my former workmates are getting paid their respective settlements because of this termination, while I'm not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 737

You deserved it 828

Management 101

By Anonymous - 14/11/2020 14:08 - United States

Today, I once again got less than 20 hours of work for the entire week. My boss's solution? Double the staff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 737

You deserved it 75

Burn the stock market down

By Anonymous - 03/04/2022 10:00

Today, after I sold the bulk of my employer-granted stocks last week, assuming its the highest price the stock would reach in a while, it's now nearly 30% higher to the price I sold at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 737

You deserved it 419

Welcome!

By Anonymous - 12/12/2023 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I moved into my first house and realised pretty quick that my estate agent lied to me about how great this neighbourhood was. I was in the house for 30 minutes when I heard the neighbours having a screaming domestic in their garden, then a brick flew over the fence and broke my eye socket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 737

You deserved it 135

Family matters

By Anonymous - 22/06/2023 06:00

Today, in response to the guy whose son told him to fuck off for disturbing his one day off a week, my son spent literally his entire savings account for a deposit on a shitbox one bedroom house because he’s sick of his dad finding him things to do every ten minutes, and I don’t even blame him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 737

You deserved it 253

Stop stealing Kias!

By Anonymous - 29/10/2022 17:00 - United States

Today, I watched a video of the absolute dumbest and most dangerous TikTok trends, and I practically lost all my faith in humanity. Then, when I remembered that almost all of these people are/were around my age (I'm eighteen), and whatever faith in humanity I had left after watching the video completely vanished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 737

You deserved it 283

Parting gift

By Anonymous - 16/06/2022 02:00

Today, I was diagnosed with Covid. I've been living with my ex for 8 months. They started dating again, and their new partner broke up with them and gave them Covid, then my ex gave it to me. I was supposed to move out, and now I have to delay it further. FML

I agree, your life sucks 737

You deserved it 277

Priorities

By Anonymous - 17/04/2022 11:00 - Gabon

Today, my near 70 year-old father posted his Wordle score to the family group chat. Two days after I'd messaged him a warm and lengthy congratulations on his 10-year sobriety anniversary — to which he never replied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 737

You deserved it 206

Text arguments are the worst

By Anonymous - 14/08/2022 10:00 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I was upset with my girlfriend, but I didn't want to start an argument with her, so I didn't reply to her message immediately. She asked me what happened. I hesitated but explained nonetheless. She remained silent for almost an hour before replying she's busy at work, so she can't reply. Then why did she even bother to ask? FML

I agree, your life sucks 737

You deserved it 251

Deadlines whoosh by

By Anonymous - 27/11/2022 12:00 - Slovenia - Destrnik

Today, I have to show my boss daily reports on my work over the last three months. She told me this yesterday. They're mandatory, but nobody has ever wanted to see them in the three years I've been working here, so I have long since stopped doing them. It's now 3 am, I start work at 7.30, and I'm not even close to done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 737

You deserved it 725

Right in the nuts

By Anonymous - 01/06/2021 06:01

Today, I thought it would be fun and nice to pick my little brother up, but no, he accidentally kicked me in the balls. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 736

You deserved it 254

Appropriate work attire

By NiceShirt - 18/10/2022 21:00 - Japan

Today, I cycled to work. Since it was so hot out, I decided to go shirtless, then I would put it on before I entered the building. Ninety minutes later, I arrived at work. My shirt, however, was still at home on my dresser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 736

You deserved it 1 022

Rude awakening

By Anonymous - 02/04/2022 07:00 - United States - Steele

Today, I learned from my parents that admitting you're ignoring someone who is trying to give you genuinely helpful advice is not rude, but snapping at said person for ignoring you is in fact very rude. Narcissistic parents at their finest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 736

You deserved it 187

Probably for the best

By Anonymous - 28/03/2023 22:00

Today, my boss informed me that I'll have to work all weekend to finish a project that's due on Monday. This wouldn't be so bad, except for the fact that my ex-girlfriend is getting married on Saturday, and I was supposed to be in the wedding party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 736

You deserved it 297

Thanks for sharing your inspiring story, Dad

By Anonymous - 16/02/2024 23:00

Today, my dad told me quite bluntly that, while he loved me, he never planned to have me. My mom baby-trapped him by sabotaging their birth control methods, and my existence ruined his life irrevocably and caused the functional alcoholism he has suffered with for 40 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 736

You deserved it 123

By VieDeChien - 30/10/2012 04:24 - China - Chongqing

Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because he’d been rolling in mud. I returned to find him totally shaved, save his head and tail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 736

You deserved it 87

Ticket to ride

By Anonymous - 25/08/2021 22:01

Today, I was in a bus headed to another city and fell asleep as did everyone else. I must've woken up last, because I half-snorted as I woke up and everybody heard. Now we’re on a coffee break and I can see them all snicker about it outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 736

You deserved it 166

Rookie mistake

By Lokimagnus - 25/03/2020 23:05

Today, I was working from home. I felt very sleepy, so I set my online status “Active” and went back to bed. I woke up to 3 missed calls from my boss and an email from him, containing a webcam screenshot of me asleep in bed. I totally forgot he has remote access to my computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 736

You deserved it 3 059

Stable genius

By Anonymous - 29/06/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, my mom casually told me, "Remember that time we went to build a swing set when you were four? Actually, I was going to hang myself and take you with me so that you didn't suffer in this life. If it wasn't for your Grandma, we wouldn't be here now. And when I took you to the lake… Oh, silly me!" Cool, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 736

You deserved it 83

I'm fragile, OK?

By Anonymous - 13/09/2023 10:00

Today, I lost a tooth and got my jaw wired shut after my toddler managed to break my jaw by whacking me with a plastic toy. Hello at least 8 weeks of being unable to talk while only eating meals that have been thoroughly blitzed into a liquid form first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 736

You deserved it 135

Twink

By Noé - 10/05/2022 00:01

Today, I decided to start working out. I made a bit of Internet research, and I found out about my body type. The first and only example that popped up is Natalie Portman. Oh, by the way, I’m a 16 year-old dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 736

You deserved it 172

Body double

By Anonymous - 06/06/2023 22:00

Today, I realised that my friend and I have the same cute, round belly. The problem is that she’s seven months pregnant and I’ve been on a diet with an intensive gym program since January. FML

I agree, your life sucks 736

You deserved it 229

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The Top

Today, I was hosting my daughter's thirteenth birthday party. One parent decided to stay at my house, the only parent to do so. The entire night she critiqued every decision I made, from the films to the cake. When it was time to open presents, her kid was the only one without one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 883

You deserved it 4 361

Today, I was showering at my dorm. I had my clothes locked in a locker and my towel and robe hanging outside the stall. Someone took off with my towel and robe, which had my keys. I had to walk down three flights of stairs to get an extra key in nothing but a plastic shower curtain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 264

You deserved it 2 426

Today, I told my mom that I wanted professional head-shots done for Christmas. When asked why, I said "I want to submit them to a modeling agency." My mom exchanged looks with my sister before laughing so hard that she wet herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 778

You deserved it 7 025

Today, I was walking out of Starbucks when I sneezed, causing coffee to burn my nose. I screamed, dropped it, and sent scorching coffee all over my legs, while dropping everything else I was holding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 974

You deserved it 7 205

Today, I received a DM on Facebook, from a woman I've never heard of, saying, "Eric X's wife says HI." She goes on to say that she is going to find me, and ruin my life the way I have ruined hers. I've never even heard of Eric X and am happily engaged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 435

You deserved it 2 470

Today, at work, I had to analyze timecards data and generate a report on the least billed / occupied people at work. I found myself at the bottom. I sent it to my boss too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 730

You deserved it 178