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Holy shit I can't believe my FML got published thank you. I've been actively dating for about 3 years now, but it has been over 8 years since I've been intimate with a woman. Not that I haven't been trying but health issues with my child and I have have made it difficult sometimes to date. But some of the biggest issues have been finding someone who can look pass the fact that I'm a single dad with two kids and health issues. But afew ladies on occasion seemed like good possibilities. And we did start to get to know each other better only for me to realize that they were drunks, heavy drug addicts, abusive to their kids, trying to use me for weed or just leading me on for kicks and being ghosted alot. so all I can really do is keep looking and hoping. and for anyone wondering I live in the upper peninsula of Michigan if you're interested LOL don't know why it says Ottawa.

Classic dude moment

By Two hundred down - 06/08/2023 22:00 - United States

Today, my husband hasn’t touched me in ages. I bought sexy lingerie and walked around the house in them. My husband wouldn’t budge. When I asked him why he didn't want to get physical, he told me, “You want me to be honest? Do some sit ups and butt squats, then I’ll be all over you like cheese on macaroni.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 724

You deserved it 322

Double FML

By Kelly - 26/06/2023 12:00

Today, I tried to put a drinking glass on the top rack at the dish sink where I work, but lost my grip. The glass then fell into my coworker's face, the bridge of her nose to be exact. X-rays confirmed that I broke her nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 724

You deserved it 135

Time to move on

By Anonymous - 22/02/2023 10:00 - United States - Boulder

Today, it's been a year since the girl I'm madly in love with completely cut off all communication with me. She called me crying a year ago, saying she couldn't do the long-distance, unaware I was planning on moving closer to her. Not once has she reached out, and has a girlfriend now. I think about her every night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 724

You deserved it 338

Follow the lifescript

By Anonymous - 17/11/2023 07:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I came out to my parents as lesbian. Surprisingly, they were OK with it… just as long as I still marry a dude, give them grandbabies, and keep the whole lesbian thing a deep, dark, shameful secret that we never talk about again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 724

You deserved it 231

Gotta get that delivery dopamine rush

By Anonymous - 06/10/2021 05:00

Today, I've been waiting two months for eight eBay purchases to make it through my country's fucked up customs fiasco. I'm reduced to vicariously sharing in my husband's delivery of a litre of industrial vinegar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 142

Impressive dating technique

By Anonymous - 23/01/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I took a girl on a date. This girl is tiny, about 4 ft 10 and petite. She ordered a 16 inch pizza, garlic bread, wings, fries, and multiple drinks, and damn if she didn’t eat every bite of it, it was impressive. Until we were screwing later and she vomited the whole meal down my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 225

It wasn't me

By jpaylay - 05/05/2022 20:00 - United States - Lakeland

Today, I was framed for hacking a Facebook account. I’m a 17 year-old cybersecurity major. Really? FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 135

Livin' la vida loca!

By Mike - 07/08/2022 18:00

Today, I realized my life is very similar to my dad’s, except I’m only 55 and he’s almost 80. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 236

Yoyo

By jetpack girl - 22/02/2023 22:00

Today, after months of grueling hard work, I'd finally gained five pounds. Too bad I lost it all and then some, due to one good stomach flu. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 109

By nobar - 04/06/2019 06:00

Today, I learned how to make my fridge colder. I felt that what it was set on felt a little warmer than normal, so I turned it down. Now everything in my fridge is frozen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 1 750

Smoking gun

By cami - 19/04/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, my roommate asked me for help finding her wallet because it’s been lost for days. I helped a bit, but it never turned up. I left to go to my boyfriend’s house as I'd planned. Guess whose wallet I found laying on the ground next to his night-stand? And why it was there… FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 112

Double betrayal

By iwannagointothewoods - 13/11/2023 23:00 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I found out that my girlfriend is cheating on me. With my mother. They were doing it for almost a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 143

The passenger

By F.L.Stubbs - 05/08/2023 00:00 - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, I was drinking coffee at work, while being surrounded by a lot of flies in the area I was working. Later, in the evening, I found a fly under my bottom denture plate. It'd been there for about 12 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 145

Small world

By Ashy.Kinz - 08/07/2022 20:00 - United States

Today, while visiting family in my very small hometown for the summer, I met a guy and we really hit it off. Everything was going great, and I brought him home to meet my family, where my grandmother told me he was 16. Now I’m definitely not getting lucky this trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 257

WOOF WOOF

By fuck! - 16/05/2023 18:00 - United States

Today, my upstairs neighbors, in my supposedly pet-free apartment complex, got a puppy. It’s a Great Dane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 115

Boot him out

By Anonymous - 02/08/2023 13:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, the love of my life has moved a new girl into our house. Seeing him with her is agony. When they met, he told me I had nothing to worry about. Three hours after he'd said he wanted to get back together, she called him from a new permanent phone number, and now he acts like us getting back together never happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 184

Knackered

By exhausted - 20/02/2023 22:00

Today, I got written up for “making a big show” of being exhausted at work. I was trying to hide it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 156

Finger wagging

By Anonymous - 16/12/2024 14:00 - United States - Edison

Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 135

Sometimes you need a mess of help to stand alone

By Anonymous - 11/08/2023 04:00

Today, I realized that now that I've cut anyone who was toxic out my life, I now have no one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 220

Thank you for your service

By Anonymous - 04/12/2022 01:00 - South Africa

Today, I discovered that more than half my family has disowned me on both my mother's and father's sides, and whilst I was having my mental breakdown about this, I tried to call my boyfriend to tell him what had happened, He fell asleep and didn't call me back for 5 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 279

Crushed

By Anonymous - 16/10/2023 00:02

Today, I realized I have a crush on one of my co-workers. I’m married. I would never ever act on it but it’s really scaring me that I have these feelings and can’t make them go away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 209

By Anonyme - 03/11/2012 02:24 - Japan - Takatsuki

Today, I live in Japan. I discovered that the toothpaste with the terrible taste that I’d been using for a month, and on which it says “Whitening” in non-Japanese characters, was in fact a skin whitening cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 203

I will always love you

By Ihavenothing - 01/05/2022 02:00

Today, at a very important company function where lots of the big bosses were, including the CEO of the company, I absentmindedly introduced the executive director whose name is Whitney as “Whitney Houston.” On stage. In front of ALL of them. I’ll never live this down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 419

Rats!

By Anonymous - 28/06/2022 13:00 - United States - Pomona

Today, I'm feeling extremely sick and itchy. I'd bought rats as pets to help with my anxiety, and they gave me ringworm. I now have ringworm in about nine places on my body, including my face. I don’t know which one is worse, being dizzy from the medication or the itching. I’m feeling more anxious than ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 721

You deserved it 609

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The Top

Today, the McDonald's in my town ran out of fries. I was the one who had to tell all the angry customers we had no more fries in the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 416

You deserved it 3 997

Today, it appears that it's Single Loser Awareness Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 419

You deserved it 6 633

Today, I told my parents that I wanted to donate blood. My dad helpfully interjected, "Sorry, they don't accept blood from gingers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 079

You deserved it 8 366

Today, my girlfriend accused me of not having any friends. So I sent out a mass text saying "Hey, what's up?" to prove her wrong. I didn't get any replies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 618

You deserved it 7 713

Today, I was eating at a restaurant in town, when a small boy started looking at me. I simply smiled and went back to eating, only to hear out of the corner of my ear, "Daddy, why does that kid's face look like that"? He said it so loud, the three tables next to us turned and looked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 173

You deserved it 3 530

Today, I picked up my first ever brand new car. Top of the line, beautiful, can't be happier. However, trying to insure it, the company has taken my money, but not completed the deal, and therefore I'm not insured. Their customer service knows this in an online fault and I have to wait for them to refund. FML

I agree, your life sucks 442

You deserved it 99