The Top

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The all-time greatest FMLs

Agoraphobic

By jaya - 03/05/2022 12:00

Today, I attempted to conquer my fear of eating out. The very first thing I saw as soon as I got to the restaurant? An unconscious guy getting taken away by paramedics. I turned around and went straight home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 194

Bum note

By Music Lover - 07/11/2020 05:01 - United States - San Jose

Today, after entering a conservatory of music, I've worked really hard on my academic subjects to past through the exam, so my major is pretty weak. After practising 6 hours a day for three weeks, my teacher asked me to change my major and said I'm the worst student she's ever seen. And there‘s nowhere I can go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 185

Occam's razor

By Anonymous - 23/05/2023 15:00

Today, I had a seizure, and as they were loading me into the ambulance, drooling on myself, I clearly heard my mother ask the ambulance crew if they’d mind swinging by the church on the way to the hospital, you know, in case it turns out I’m not sick, just possessed by the devil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 97

Checkpoint Charlie

By VHgolf1989 - 16/03/2022 22:00

Today, I get to go to my new job and have the boss's kid watch me as I do all the grunt work, and he just sits there watching me, only to come and correct me on how to do my job. Oh joy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 130

Christine

By Anonymous - 15/02/2021 02:01

Today, after waiting a week for an update on my car after the engine blew, all covered by warranty, I was informed that my car is under investigation for warranty fraud. This is its fourth engine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 127

Extreme reaction

By KCS - 04/03/2023 18:00 - Australia

Today, I discovered I'm allergic to the new perfume I bought and now I smell like a hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 151

Suck it up

By Anonymous - 05/03/2022 06:00

Today, I work as a phone agent at a call center, which frequently brags about their awards as the "best workplace ever" because of their working conditions. In reality, we have to suck it up and ignore the burnouts from phone calls with Karen customers, and with the wage I get paid, I can barely make ends meet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 150

Shorty

By Romina - 12/03/2022 14:00

Today, I was mistaken for an 8th grader because of my height. I'm 32 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 109

Social pariah

By Anonymous - 08/01/2023 12:00

Today, I talked to exactly 0.0 people on Christmas, 0.0 people on New Year's, and I just checked my phone: The last call I received from anyone other than work or my tenant was October 29th. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 712

SK8 OR DIE

By @juicy0rphans - 17/12/2021 17:01

Today, I was skating to school and a car stopped then when I was skating across, then another car came and hit me and I went flying.. Her one response was ,"Oops, sorry, didn't see you." Everyone else saw me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 141

People are jerks

By Anonymous - 09/07/2021 03:59

Today, I cleaned the two staircases at the hotel where I work. Five minutes later, someone complained they were dirty. Someone had dropped soda and got mud all over them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 67

Frustrated you are

By SlumLord - 27/11/2020 05:02

Today, when thinking about an Star Wars meme that said, "Quote Star Wars to describe your sex life", I realized that I had to stop at the title screen: "long ago" and "far, far away." FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 156

Detection

By Anonymous - 07/05/2021 08:01

Today, after falling head over heels for a guy I've been crushing on for the past few months; I discovered that he's gay, dislikes children and I stand absolutely no chance. This isn't even the first time this has happened. I have the worst gaydar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 330

Fred Durst stan

By Deaf Biscuit - 26/08/2021 20:01

Today, my neighbour across the street has entered his ninth consecutive hour of playing Limp Bizkit at full blast. The only thing overriding my concern for his mental health is my sheer surprise that they have 9 hours of original music. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 107

Smart kid

By Anonymous - 12/05/2021 21:59

Today, I'm at the ER because my 13-year-old nephew ate an aromatic candle that smelled like chocolate. He saw it on my dresser and actually though it was chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 124

Showing

By Anonymous - 02/06/2021 14:01

Today, I recorded a 20-minute TED talk and told my students to watch it on the app in preparation for next terms projects. I got bombarded with messages from my students, telling me that because I was sat down on a chair while recording, certain camera angles could see straight up my skirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 686

Lost in translation

By Ariane - 03/12/2022 00:00

Today, I work as an executive assistant. My French boss wanted to do business with a big American customer, so he sent her an email suggesting a meeting. He copied me so that I could arrange said meeting. He had written, "Have your ass talk to my ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 121

Don't assume

By Anonymous - 24/01/2023 04:30

Today, after I went to Mexico for its museums, when I try to share my experience with other guys, they all think I went there for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 278

Vigilante

By Anonymous - 03/04/2023 22:00

Today, I got called to my son's school again because he punched a girl. Every time he gets in a fight, he justifies it by saying he only hits bullies he catches hurting other kids. His teachers even agree he only hits the bullies like that girl, but it’s becoming a huge problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 155

Snitching

By Big_Tex23 - 06/07/2023 06:00

Today, I found out, and only after my stepdaughter told me, that my wife spent the whole weekend with another guy at the beach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 96

Working from home rules!

By Anonymous - 22/02/2021 02:01

Today, my husband said a cheery, "Hi!" to me after 4 hours of nonstop Zoom calls. I spun around happily and greeted him back. Turns out he just joined another Zoom call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 142

Mammy's boy

By Anonymous - 14/04/2023 22:00

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I met online. We hit it off, and he invited me back to his place. As soon as we got there, his mother came out of nowhere and started interrogating me about "my intentions." FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 172

Red flag day

By ConfusedAndHurt1997 - 25/11/2022 04:00

Today, there was an Instagram post featuring a couple’s vacation spot, saying, “Tag the one you’d love to share this vacation with.” My boyfriend tagged his friend he swears is “one of the guys”. Everytime I confront him over these red flags, he says I’m “overreacting.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 224

Seize the means…

By Underpaid - 08/05/2022 12:00 - Canada

Today, my boss complained about how his performance bonus is too small, as he expected it to be the total amount accrued rather than a percentage. He also made the decision to not give any of the employees profit sharing this year, because the company didn't beat the budgeted increase in profits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 104

Let people believe what they believe

By Anonymous - 01/01/2023 15:00

Today, my wife and I finally got in touch with a therapist to deal with the fact that our daughter resolutely believes in Santa, despite being told by everyone and by common sense that he is made up. Before you make mad comments, be aware she is 17 and has no mental disorders we are aware of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 244

Exhaustion

By --- - 12/02/2022 14:00

Today, during a phone call, I broke down in tears because I was asked to spell my last name. It’s sixteen letters long and hyphenated, and I always end up having to spell it twice because they never get it right the first time. I’m tired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 357

No sex, lots of violins

By Anonymous - 21/02/2021 11:01

Today, my violin broke and I have a recital coming up. I gave it to my friend to give it to the luthier and the luthier has fixed it. I asked my friend to return it to me and they became angry I was asking for too many favours. My recital is tomorrow and I can't get my hands on a violin for at least another week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 284

Share them with us!

By Anonymous - 30/04/2022 22:00

Today, after dumping my ex for being married, I realized he'd been my best friend too, and I have no one to tell the funny, mundane bits about my day. I never realized until now how much I needed that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 298

Leave me alone

By Anonymous - 01/05/2022 10:00

Today, I got a verbal warning at work for "having a resting bitch face." I had a headache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 102

Go big or go home

By kinwar - 27/09/2021 07:01 - United States - Hamburg

Today, I sneezed and peed myself while working out at the gym. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 132

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my flatmate woke me up early, saying there was a fire and we had to evacuate. Barely awake, she practically dragged me downstairs and got to the front door. Once we got there, she opened the front door, kneed me in the nuts, and pushed me out, locking it behind her. I was only in boxers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 129

You deserved it 167

Today, I found out that I can't pass a field sobriety test while sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 262

You deserved it 4 726

Today, I decided to bleach my belly hair. I bought some body hair bleach at the drug store, and I used it exactly as instructed. When I removed it, I was horrified to see my belly was about three shades lighter than the rest of my body. The hair was still exactly the same darkness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 341

You deserved it 24 674

Today, I pissed my younger brother off. Seemingly unrelated to this was the fact that I left my laptop on in my room along with MSN signed into my email adress. Now, all my contacts know that I apparently "just love the warm feeling of semen sliding down my throat". FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 860

You deserved it 32 951

Today, my boyfriend told me that he'd rather jerk off to sexy pictures of me than actually have sex, because he gets too tired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 125

Today, after boarding my flight, the flight attendant looked at me and said that I had to sit elsewhere because I had to be over 14 to sit near the emergency exit. I'm 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 408

You deserved it 320