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The all-time greatest FMLs

High expectations

By Anonymous - 13/02/2022 02:01

Today, I got broken up with by a professional clown who lives with his elderly parents and doesn’t have a car. This is definitely a low point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 386

Leave me alone!

By Anonymous - 24/02/2023 05:30 - Canada

Today, I still can't open my curtains or door without ADHD teenage neighbour screaming my name and waving from my across the road. I moved from a city to this place so I could have a big garden to help my extreme social anxiety. When I go outside, she comes running over. Sometimes she brings her dog, who shits on my lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 175

Rulers of the world

By Anonymous - 10/06/2021 18:01 - Germany

Today, my mom insists on leaving both the front and kitchen door open in case the cat comes home, no matter if it gets cold inside. Yes, the cat is that important. Yes, he also has a cat flap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 99

Be hotter

By Amanda Howard - 30/11/2020 02:02

Today, I saw that a girl on Twitter made $1.5 million just from OnlyFans and she's only 19. Meanwhile, I'm 21 and working two jobs just to afford school and pay my bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 190

Poor planning on your part does not necessitate an emergency on mine

By Anonymous - 17/01/2022 08:02

Today, I had to bring my youngest (a 3 year-old) with me to my therapist's, due to not having childcare. After waiting 10 minutes, the receptionist called me up to the desk to inform me that my therapist wouldn’t be seeing me, because of my child being there. Nothing like wasting an hour of my time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 769

Single and unwilling to mingle

By Anonymous - 08/02/2022 14:00

Today, without really meaning to, I’ve become the angry old widower who lives alone, and whose neighbours don’t talk to him and their kids are scared of. I can’t be sure, but I think the kids even invented a legend about me being the old man monster of the neighbourhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 203

Noise annoys

By Anonymous - 01/06/2022 03:00 - United States

Today, I had to watch my grandparents' dogs. Unfortunately, my grandparents forgot to tell me that their new dogs bark non-stop whenever anyone else is in the house, which inspires the older dogs to do the same thing. The result: Five dogs barking incessantly, for hours on end. This is exactly why I'm a cat person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 180

It's about time

By peetime - 24/07/2021 02:01 - United States

Today, I was in the car with my mom taking the dog to the vet, when he peed on me. We were taking him there because he hadn't peed in three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 109

Seize the means…

By Underpaid - 08/05/2022 12:00 - Canada

Today, my boss complained about how his performance bonus is too small, as he expected it to be the total amount accrued rather than a percentage. He also made the decision to not give any of the employees profit sharing this year, because the company didn't beat the budgeted increase in profits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 105

Ralph and Huey

By wookieewhosshe - 12/06/2022 15:00 - United Kingdom - Dalkeith

Today, I was on a train when I felt the unsettling urge to vomit. I ran to the toilet, but there was someone in there, with another waiting in the corridor. Out of time, and luck, I projectile-vomited into a bin built into the wall. The man waiting for the toilet looked truly traumatised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 96

Sketchy

By Jen - 07/09/2022 21:30

Today, my fiancé broke up with me, because he was mad I was worried about him due to him not answering me for ten hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 289

Unrelatable

By Marea90h - 09/12/2020 20:01

Today, a client hung up on me after calling me "Miss Proper" because I spoke too "clearly" for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 72

Poot

By dumblonde76 - 14/09/2021 07:00 - United States - Jackson

Today, I had a rumble in my tummy whilst picking up groceries. I tried to let out a little poot, but ended up shitting in my pants. I had to leave without the groceries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 392

Agoraphobic

By jaya - 03/05/2022 12:00

Today, I attempted to conquer my fear of eating out. The very first thing I saw as soon as I got to the restaurant? An unconscious guy getting taken away by paramedics. I turned around and went straight home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 194

Projectile

By Mr.Incognito-san - 03/04/2021 17:00

Today, my sisters were fighting, again. Unfortunately, one of them has the tendency to pick up the closest object and throw it at the other one. Unfortunately, I was the closest object, again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 115

Great start

By Anonymous - 20/03/2023 06:00

Today, I went on a date with a guy who kept checking his phone every five minutes. When I asked him if everything was okay, he told me he was just playing Candy Crush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 114

No sex, lots of violins

By Anonymous - 21/02/2021 11:01

Today, my violin broke and I have a recital coming up. I gave it to my friend to give it to the luthier and the luthier has fixed it. I asked my friend to return it to me and they became angry I was asking for too many favours. My recital is tomorrow and I can't get my hands on a violin for at least another week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 287

Real life

By Anonymous - 20/01/2021 22:59

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 16 months has had an "internet-only" girlfriend since before we got together, but she wasn't ever "real" to him, so he didn't think it would get in the way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 117

Noise annoys

By Anonymous - 17/01/2022 23:01

Today, I'm on my 20th consecutive night without decent sleep, ever since circumstances forced me to move back to my parents' bungalow, and my dad's thunderous snoring keeping me awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 176

Incitation

By Carnifex - 09/08/2021 07:59

Today, I'm an overweight guy who has lost 40lbs, and I found out my online dating profile was disabled for encouraging violence. It was a picture of me, in a bulletproof vest, in my uniform at work, because it was the best picture I got thanks to my weight loss journey, and I'm only 50 pounds away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 164

Dude, shut up!

By LordHeadass - 19/04/2022 04:00

Today, I was having a pretty good day, then I showed up to work for my night shift. I get here, and I’m put on the worst check stand, have to work with the most annoying person on the planet, and I forgot both my dinner and my AirPods at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 248

One track mind

By Anonymous - 29/05/2023 22:00

Today, it’s been so long since I've had sex, I dream about it every night and I can barely function mentally unless I masturbate frequently, otherwise I get random boners throughout the day that won’t go away, no matter how much I try to think about something else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 422

Creepy Crawly

By chelseasdead - 04/07/2021 06:01

Today, I was smoking a cigarette outside and kept thinking I saw something moving out of the corner of my eye. I would look and there was nothing there, so I kept brushing it off. Finally I figured out it was an earwig crawling through my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 145

Can't be bothered

By Anonymous - 06/07/2019 00:30

Today, I realised just how lazy I am when I was about to masturbate, but decided not to because I didn't want to put in the effort. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 1 763

Serfs

By Impotante - 11/06/2021 02:01

Today, at work while everyone else was at lunch, my boss's sister-in-law called. Realizing I was manning the phones alone, she immediately asked, "Oh, is everyone of importance gone to lunch?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 92

Who's FICA? Why's he getting all my money?

By Anonymous - 31/08/2022 10:00

Today, my daughter is mad sulking because she got her first wage today and learned a bunch of new words like national insurance, pension contributions, taxes, automatic student loan repayments, and so on. She actually thought she got to keep ALL the money she earned, and is taking it out on us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 478

Picture this

By Anonymous - 30/01/2022 10:59

Today, I've got so many pimples in my face, I could actually fill a bucket with my own pus. I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 159

Cruel summer

By Anonymous - 22/08/2021 22:01 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today, it’s a rather wet summer and everything in our house is prone to mould. No, I’m not exaggerating when I say “everything”: I just found mould growing on the plates in the cupboard. And, no, we did not accidentally put them away unwashed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 104

Entitled

By anonymous - 14/11/2020 06:57 - United States - Irving

Today, where I work at a pharmacy, we were short staffed and running 4 hours behind. A lady came to drop off a new prescription. When I explained to her the wait time, she called the patient. I heard, "No, they don't look busy." Like, really? FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 121

Circular logic

By Anonymous - 14/03/2021 11:01

Today, I was told I was disrespectful for letting a parent know that her son was disrespecting adults. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 82

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The Top

Today, I thought I'd locked my house keys in my locker at work. Not having any replacement nearby, I decided to cut the padlock with the saw of my pocket-knife. It took 20 minutes and four cuts into my hand to destroy the padlock. It took another five seconds to find the missing key in my jacket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 488

You deserved it 21 359

Today, all I want is someone to talk to. The only person who ever responds is my ex-fiance who cheated on me. Multiple times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 413

You deserved it 119

Today, while I was eating cereal, my mother thought it would be appropriate to grab the bowl and start spoon-feeding me while making airplane noises, again. I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 382

You deserved it 8 798

Today, I was feeling sick but went into my waitressing job because I'd already missed 3 days this week. I was dizzy and managed to spill a tray of drinks all over the customers. Then, when their food was done, I tripped and spilled hot chili all over the man's lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 063

You deserved it 11 991

Today, my parents switched phone companies, which changed the phone number. Two days ago, I dropped off over 15 job applications with my 'old' number on all of them. There is a waiting period before I can reapply anywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 630

You deserved it 4 235

Today, my husband left our bedroom to go turn the thermostat down in the hall. I let out the smelliest fart, so bad that I had to blame it on our baby. He laughed and said, "I leave for one second and come back and it smells like a sewer in here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 128

You deserved it 533