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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend, who is a fully-grown man, that making dinosaur noises in public is no longer acceptable. FML

#19932203
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19386) - you deserved it (6974)

On 07/13/2012 at 10:36am - misc - by shorty4 (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, one of my regulars came up to my car in the parking lot. We talked through the window while I put on my makeup. He then asked for a hug because he won't be in for two weeks. I obliged and he was kind enough to slide his hand between my legs. He then gave me $50 not to tell his wife. FML

Today, while bussing at my restaurant job, I felt a cold, wet animal slither down my leg. I started shrieking loudly and dancing dementedly to get it off, and everyone in the restaurant turned to stare. Then I realized there was a hole in my pocket and some quarters had slid out down my leg. FML

#19979543
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19380) - you deserved it (7172)

On 07/23/2012 at 11:41am - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I rolled over a curb and bent one of the signs that read "Please Park Here After Your Road Test," at the DMV, because my foot slipped off the brake just before I put the car in park, which would've ended my Test. The first words out of the examiner's mouth were, "Well you would've passed." FML

#121657
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19376) - you deserved it (27611)

On 02/24/2009 at 6:02am - misc - by ouagadougou (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my wife stabbed my hand with a fork, making it bleed. I'd only tried to take some fries from her plate. FML

#19595631
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19375) - you deserved it (33083) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 05/08/2012 at 11:48pm - misc - by Mouhahaa (man) - France

Today, I'd stayed up all night to finish a detailed report. By the time I'd printed it I was late for work so I jumped in my car. Driving down the street, I saw my papers fly off the roof of my car. It was raining out. FML

#20112748
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19368) - you deserved it (7461)

On 10/11/2012 at 9:51pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I stuffed my buttcrack with toilet paper right before my job interview because I tend to sweat there a lot and was wearing a white skirt. I went to the bathroom afterward to take it out but it wasn't there anymore. It could have only gone up two places. FML

#5836
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19359) - you deserved it (13442)

On 02/02/2009 at 10:28pm - misc - by wtf - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my girlfriend confronted me for forgetting to take the trash out. At some point during the argument, I tried to calm her down, and the words "I should of" escaped my lips. She spent the next ten minutes calling me stupid and laughing at how my grammar goes to hell when I'm distressed. FML

#20185423
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19356) - you deserved it (4515)

On 11/30/2012 at 2:30pm - love - by Gus (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my godmother informed me that the rule of thumb my ex had used for our relationship during a year of cohabitation was taken directly from a Cesar Millan book on "How to train dogs." FML

#7492319
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19355) - you deserved it (2883)

On 01/22/2010 at 1:17am - love - by housebroken (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I realized I have more in common with a cantaloupe than I do with my boyfriend. FML

#19562059
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19355) - you deserved it (4530)

On 05/02/2012 at 2:16am - love - by muddled (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I spent a quarter of an hour trying to figure out why my car wouldn't unlock, then why my number plate had changed. FML

#21322036
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19354) - you deserved it (23016)

On 12/22/2014 at 11:27am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I smoked weed with friends. Stoned, I put on my sister's high heels instead of my Vans and I walked to 7-11. FML

#20624531
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19352) - you deserved it (74299)

On 04/27/2013 at 2:33am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I tried to convince my boyfriend to come over, telling him it would be "worth his time." He asked, "How?" I said, "Dazzling conversation of course. Just kidding, you'll probably get laid." He replied, "Oh. Well I would if it was for the conversation." FML

#6441814
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19348) - you deserved it (6598)

On 11/25/2009 at 2:23am - intimacy - by sexyconvo (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)



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