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Today, I had a panic attack at 2am because someone decided to throw a snowball at my window. FML

by nuerrotticc / 01/06/2011 at 3:58am / Health

Today, I was hanging out with my neighbor. He asked me if I wanted to play Twister, and I said no because I thought it would be weird. What was his response? "C'mon. You can leave if it gets sexual". FML

Today, I enjoyed a lovely family dinner, but my irritating grandma kept trying to buy my purse off me, and kept picking it up to look at it. When I got home I realized all my cash and cigarettes were gone. FML

by Brooklyn / 11/05/2012 at 5:11pm / United States (Oregon) / Money

Today, a train hit me. A slow mini-train full of kindergartners who were on a tour of the museum I was visiting. FML

by MahSquito / 02/05/2012 at 9:14pm / United States / Health

Today, I frantically chased a customer down the parking lot, because they had left their package at my register. Only to find out that the whole time I was chasing the wrong person. FML

by Anonymous / 09/06/2011 at 5:32am / United States / Work

Today, I snuck out of the house to go to a party. When I got back later, I tried climbing back up the rope-ladder I'd set up earlier, leading back through my bedroom window. I was halfway up when it broke free. I sprained both my ankles and had to shamefully ring the doorbell to get back in. FML

by groundedasfuck / 05/24/2014 at 4:24pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to try to convince my roommate that, yes, you do need to use dish soap when you hand wash dishes because of bacteria in old food. She still won't believe me, insisting that, "there's no such thing as bacteria in food". FML

by seriously_CAT / 10/20/2015 at 10:26pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up early for an important team meeting I needed to attend. I washed, got changed, and sat down to eat breakfast... I then woke up again, an hour late and covered in cereal. FML

by themcdave / 05/19/2012 at 4:03am / United Kingdom (Bedfordshire) / Work

Today, at my job at a ceramics store, I was loading a $300 statuette into a woman's car when I saw a dismembered foot in the trunk. I was so startled that I dropped the statuette and it shattered. Turns out the foot was fake and now my boss says I have to pay for the damage. FML

by AIienware / 06/30/2015 at 11:33am / Work

Today, I was dumped by my boyfriend. He claimed that it's because he's an agent fighting the Mafia, and he doesn't want to put my life at risk through reprisal attacks. FML

by Anonymous / 08/27/2012 at 6:21pm / Love

Today, my mom screeched at me about my pillowcase being dirty and finished off one long rant with an irate "Who raised you to be such a pig?" Her anger multiplied by ten when I asked if it was a trick question. FML

by kira / 10/02/2012 at 6:29am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my sister was taking forever in the bathroom, and I jokingly threatened to kick down the door. I rammed into it, and it actually bust almost off its hinges. My sister screamed and our parents came running. Now I'm grounded forever and our bathroom has no door. FML

by shit / 01/26/2014 at 1:20pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my best friend she looked great in the dress she was wearing. My boyfriend overheard and is now convinced I'm a lesbian. FML

by Anonymous / 09/06/2015 at 12:00am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous