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Today, I broke up with my boyfriend of seven years. He stared at me, then said "Yeah, okay then. I'm gonna watch TV now." He then turned on the TV and watched Top Gun. Not quite the response I was hoping for. FML

#20556604
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20071) - you deserved it (37456)

On 03/23/2013 at 3:00pm - love - by Jessica (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my doctor called with my test results, which seem to tell him that there's absolutely nothing wrong with me. I'm still sitting here with an appendage that I'd swear was dispensing napalm, but now I have a $500 bill to go with it. FML

#2743
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20069) - you deserved it (1900)

On 01/26/2009 at 9:18pm - health - by ouch - United States (Washington)

Today, while on vacation, I think I met my soul-mate, and quite possibly the love of my life. My vacation is to celebrate my 8-year anniversary with my husband. FML

#20563782
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20065) - you deserved it (54601)

On 03/28/2013 at 12:24pm - love - by not funny but :( (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was lying on my recliner watching TV when I dropped the remote under the footrest. I got down on my hands and knees and pushed the footrest into the chair. The moment I touched the remote, the footrest deployed and hit me square in the face. FML

#13035925
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20062) - you deserved it (5554)

On 09/13/2010 at 3:33pm - misc - by Joplin - United Kingdom

Today, I went out on my back patio at night to skinny dip. I live on the intracoastal, and as I was walking towards my pool, the police were doing a random search. From a boat with a spotlight. At least their whistles told me they liked the birthday suit I had on. FML

#17749646
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20062) - you deserved it (8423)

On 09/15/2011 at 3:42am - misc - by Japaroni - United States

Today, while at a boring lecture, I heard some people behind me whispering and laughing. I turned around, wondering what was so funny, which made them laugh even more. I then realised it looked like I'd been giving my pen a blowjob for the last 10 minutes. FML

#15386188
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20060) - you deserved it (33118)

On 03/19/2011 at 5:37pm - intimacy - by gayboii (man) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, three women came into my work and one was wearing a shirt with a rainbow that said, "We are everywhere". I had just gotten what it was referring to and when I greeted them I ended up saying "Hi gays!" instead of the standard "Hi guys". FML

#2494614
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20058) - you deserved it (48997)

On 06/01/2009 at 6:46am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, feeling desperate, I asked my dad for advice on how to get a girl. He asked me why I want to even date. I panicked and said I just wanted to make someone happy. He told me that if I wanted to make someone happy, I should "just start by getting a goddamn vasectomy". FML

#19574398
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20054) - you deserved it (2417)

On 05/04/2012 at 8:01pm - love - by AnonymousUser (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, while at a pool party, I found out the reason I got my new, white bikini at such a bargain price; it goes completely transparent when wet. I only realized this after everyone was staring at me and whistling. FML

#20119331
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20054) - you deserved it (11291)

On 10/16/2012 at 7:28am - misc - by bargainshopper (woman) - South Africa (Western Cape)

Today, I was babysitting three kids, one of whom was particularly difficult to control. While trying to get him to behave, the two girls came up behind me and pulled my pants down. In front of a huge window open to the street below. FML

#19994550
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20052) - you deserved it (2165)

On 07/31/2012 at 1:43pm - kids - by 1D-107 - United States (Utah)

Today, my car broke down and had to be towed to the dealership. Normally, this would be just unlucky but I work with kids and we had been fundraising for charity. I am now sitting at the dealership with my hair coloured purple, red and blue and in ridiculously high pigtails while people stare. FML

#19687715
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20050) - you deserved it (2286)

On 05/27/2012 at 9:20am - work - by straightlyconfused - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my cat played dead just so I would leave him alone. FML

#20126149
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20050) - you deserved it (5553)

On 10/21/2012 at 1:59am - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my crush came over and we began to fool around. He started to kiss my stomach, and just when I was getting into it, he pulled away with a disgusted look on his face, wiped his mouth, and said, "We'll continue this when you get rid of all your bellybutton lint." FML

#3740095
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20044) - you deserved it (59611)

On 07/14/2009 at 5:41am - intimacy - by unlucky_number13 (woman) - United States (California)



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