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Today, I was home alone. It was very dark and so I went to turn on the lights, when I heard the sound of a gun loading. I dropped to the floor but never heard a gun fire. I got up and heard the sound again. When I got lights on, I discovered it was only my printer telling me it was out of paper. FML

#8882513
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7589) - you deserved it (19435)

On 03/07/2010 at 12:02am - misc - by OhaiiKid (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my friend and I were bouncing around on a trampoline. We brought my dog up to bounce him around. We found it hilarious. He didn't. He attacked us. FML

#15844364
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7587) - you deserved it (70438)

On 04/19/2011 at 6:03am - animals - by sore (woman) - Ireland (Limerick)

Today, I handed my friend a $50. I paid her to take care of my farm on Farmville, feed my fish on Fishville, and flip my burgers on Cafe World, while I went on vacation for a week. FML

#7122357
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7585) - you deserved it (47125)

On 01/03/2010 at 7:00am - misc - by loser (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I unpacked in my new, non-air conditioned apartment wearing nothing but underwear, a tank top and an apron to stay cool. Later, I realized I'd crossed through the complex to my car and the dumpster many times, and arranged my deck overlooking the parking lot, without ever donning shorts. FML

#11521879
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7585) - you deserved it (34796)

On 06/28/2010 at 4:35pm - misc - by WelcomeWagon - United States

Today, a guy asked me why I'm single. As a joke, I told him that not only do I have a penis, but that it's so large that most men are intimidated by it. He wasn't impressed. And I actually wonder why I'm single. FML

#19460491
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7585) - you deserved it (18274)

On 04/13/2012 at 9:11am - intimacy - by joolsie (woman) - United Kingdom (York)

Today, I woke up in a field 3 miles from where I'd passed out drunk. This wouldn't have been too bad if I didn't have to walk home through town without my pants. FML

#13417824
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7584) - you deserved it (33643)

On 10/12/2010 at 6:59am - misc - by kronin - United States

Today, as I was walking into CVS, two older men outside said to me "Young lady, please consider us on your way out." Thinking they were hitting on me, I rolled my eyes and said "Screw you." When I walked back outside, I realized they were asking for AIDS donations. FML

#912798
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7582) - you deserved it (74671)

On 04/11/2009 at 9:23am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was speaking to an old friend and I asked her how her mother was. She replied, "She passed away, you came to her funeral last month." FML

#19121013
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7581) - you deserved it (37745)

On 02/20/2012 at 5:01am - misc - by elizabethyeo - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I finally convinced my girlfriend to allow the cats to sleep with us on the bed. As we started to cuddle, one of the cats pissed right in between us. We are sleeping on the couch until the baking soda absorbs the smell in the mattress. I'll be sleeping there longer than that. FML

#20012106
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7580) - you deserved it (22949)

On 08/09/2012 at 8:02pm - animals - by couchsurfer - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I saw a roach on my toilet. I thought it would be funny to pee on it. It jumped out, which scared me; I hit my head on the wall and started bleeding, then I peed all over me and the wall. FML

#6884813
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7579) - you deserved it (39680)

On 12/22/2009 at 2:18pm - misc - by funyfunkid (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was out running. All of a sudden I saw a dog come towards me, I thought it was going to attack me and I screamed like a girl in front of everyone. It was a puppy wanting to play. FML

#14467697
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7576) - you deserved it (26356)

On 01/04/2011 at 9:44pm - animals - by BIZZMAL - United States

Today, while hiking and wearing sandals, I stubbed my toe. This wouldn't have been so bad had it not been into a cactus with 3 inch thorns. FML

#19335625
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7569) - you deserved it (18470)

On 03/23/2012 at 10:42pm - health - by Anon - United States

Today, after spending almost an hour in the dentist's waiting room, watching other people get called in for their appointments, I finally lost my patience and asked the receptionist what was taking so long. I'd forgotten to sign in. FML

#20528161
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7567) - you deserved it (31746)

On 03/02/2013 at 1:32pm - misc - by oops (man) - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)



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