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Today, I was on the train ride home from a trip to Florida, and I gave my mom a call. While we talked, I made an offhand comment that all my friends back home must miss me. She knowingly asked if I meant my Sims and my cat. FML

#19314289
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21948) - you deserved it (4908)

On 03/20/2012 at 3:15pm - misc - by lyla - United States

Today, my Dad and I killed a cockroach with a large metal pole. It was the most bonding experience we have ever had. FML

#19566407
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21947) - you deserved it (2437)

On 05/02/2012 at 11:29pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my 2-year-old sister walked in on me while I was showering. She began to splash around in the toilet, and as I hastily jumped out to stop her, my brother and his friend got a good look as they walked past the room. FML

#20073442
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21947) - you deserved it (3549)

On 09/15/2012 at 7:26pm - misc - by FullMonty (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I thought it would be nice to park my new car under a big, shady oak tree to prevent it from heating up in the sun. The big, shady oak tree thought it would be nice to shed a massive branch on top of my new car. FML

#20196008
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21945) - you deserved it (3603)

On 12/08/2012 at 4:28am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I saw my crush walking on the other side of the street. She hadn't noticed me, so when she did I nonchalantly looked over and casually waved to look cool. I then walked right into a lamp post. FML

#2991516
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21944) - you deserved it (36178)

On 06/18/2009 at 10:04am - misc - by anonymous (man) - Norway (Akershus)

Today, my 26th birthday party got busted by my parents due to them coming home early because of a flight cancellation. Everyone had to leave, but not before my mother made me go to my room. FML

#5055356
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21944) - you deserved it (44287)

On 09/05/2009 at 3:07am - misc - by joeshmoe (man) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I decided to try and seduce my boyfriend of 2 years. He was on his laptop, and while he was on it I took off my shirt and bra, and gave him a hug from behind. What I didn't know was that he was video chatting his father the whole time. FML

#11911406
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21944) - you deserved it (45876)

On 07/16/2010 at 12:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I spilled boiling water on my legs. A coworker told me that putting mustard on the burn would heal it. I ended up at the emergency room. When people walked by I could hear them say "it smells like hot dogs". FML

#19651204
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21942) - you deserved it (8212)

On 05/20/2012 at 11:03am - health - by jcdc - United States (Texas)

Today, my landlord decided to have people visit my apartment since I'm moving out next month. She had warned me about potential visitors this week but didn't specify when. I work the graveyard shift and apparently the fact that I was sleeping in my room during the visit didn't bother her at all. FML

Today, my mother came home from the grocery store with a 20kg bag of carrots, and nothing else. She then informed me that, for as long as my girlfriend and I keep 'going at it like rabbits', she would be feeding me like one. FML

#18733573
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21940) - you deserved it (41842)

On 01/07/2012 at 5:27am - intimacy - by Danny - Australia

Today, for the second week in a row, my brother woke me up in the small hours of the morning begging me to help him figure out the math problem to turn off his phone's stupid-ass app alarm. FML

#20115354
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21936) - you deserved it (1773)

On 10/13/2012 at 6:25pm - misc - by fucking fratricidal (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I spent hours cooking a big dinner for my parents for the first time. I guess I made the steak too rare, because when my dad cut into it, he said "Christ! This thing's practically alive!" and said a skilled vet could probably bring the cow it was cut from back to life. FML

#21443824
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21936) - you deserved it (3564)

On 07/19/2015 at 1:05am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I woke up from a nap and thought I felt somebody's arm in my bed. I frantically start hitting it and start screaming. I soon realized it was my own arm. I had fallen asleep on it, and it was completely numb, I couldn't feel a thing. FML

#7004520
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21935) - you deserved it (11185)

On 12/29/2009 at 12:11am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)



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