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Today, I took my girlfriend out to a nice restaurant for our anniversary. Mid-way through the meal, a guy at the table across left for the restroom. My girlfriend reached over and swiped the guy's wallet from the table. My gonads went AWOL, and I couldn't even bring myself to call her out on it. FML

#19222204
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7667) - you deserved it (22733)

On 03/05/2012 at 5:55pm - misc - by mark (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I took advantage of the fact that my wife was sleeping to watch a porn film on my computer. I put headphones on so that she wouldn't hear. It wasn't until she came out of her bedroom that I realised I hadn't plugged them in properly. FML

#296
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7665) - you deserved it (46884)

On 11/13/2008 at 5:31am - intimacy - by Skylan - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went to boxing and this hot chick asked me if I was wearing a sports cup. I replied yes, when I wasn't. I thought she was going to check with her hand and feel. She checked with her knee. FML

#11442644
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7665) - you deserved it (60928)

On 06/25/2010 at 1:09am - health - by Gbeat411 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at the bar with a date. My date made a joke about me being a slow drinker, so I tried to impress her by chugging the rest of my glass. She was impressed with how fast I chugged my beer, until it came back up. FML

#17651078
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7664) - you deserved it (35099)

On 09/03/2011 at 5:24am - misc - by ol faithful (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, after weeks of drinking my mom's vodka and replacing it with water, it now only tastes like water. She has a habit of drinking on Fridays. Today is Friday. My life is a ticking time bomb. FML

#17030601
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7661) - you deserved it (60989)

On 07/08/2011 at 4:38pm - misc - by UhOh (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was at a local talent show and during a piano performance I had to go to the bathroom. I sang along in the bathroom but was unaware how loud I was until I walked out and everyone started applauding me while the pianist was still playing. FML

#15661071
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7658) - you deserved it (23897)

On 04/06/2011 at 2:19am - misc - by American idol -

Today, I went to the store to buy some new shirts. I tried them on and none of them fit. When I walked out to return the shirts, everybody was staring at me. I looked down to see why. I'd forgotten to put my original shirt back on. FML

#19991846
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7658) - you deserved it (19076)

On 07/30/2012 at 12:40am - misc - by hoaloha - United States (Arizona)

Today, I spent almost my entire English class turned on thinking that the hot girl next to me was playing footsie with me. That is until she stood up and I realized I had been rubbing my foot on her backpack. FML

#10022
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7656) - you deserved it (38880)

On 02/05/2009 at 1:04pm - misc - by Kevin (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I spent 30 minutes trying to find my glasses. I don't know whats worse, the fact that I was wearing them the whole time, or that my girlfriend played along and helped me look for them. FML

#6594028
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7656) - you deserved it (21636)

On 12/04/2009 at 12:28am - misc - by wobbles (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was looking through some old family photos. I don't know what the hell was going on in my head, but I idly double-tapped on one to zoom in. They were prints. FML

#19042625
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7654) - you deserved it (22917)

On 02/10/2012 at 5:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I realized that I probably have anger issues. I came to this conclusion after I finished screaming abuse at the microwave for beeping before I could hit the off switch. FML

#19058382
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7654) - you deserved it (23493)

On 02/12/2012 at 4:50pm - misc - by fuck teh poleese (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was feeling really horny. I decided to send dirty texts to my girlfriend. I sent the first and she didn't reply, so I sent more and more and then I got one back saying 'Stay away from my little girl.' FML

#5522380
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7650) - you deserved it (25544)

On 09/28/2009 at 3:12am - intimacy - by Oops54321 (man) - France (Midi-Pyrenees)

Today, I was walking past a homeless guy while smoking; he asked if he could have a cigarette. So I gave him one and said without thinking, "Sorry, it’s a menthol, but beggars can't be choosers." FML

#19878308
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7646) - you deserved it (21779)

On 07/01/2012 at 10:51pm - misc - by Misky (man) -



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