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Today, I was stuck behind an elderly man on a one-way street into my university campus. There was no traffic in front of him and we were both going under the speed limit, so I honked my horn at him to speed up. He ended up double-parking in the last two spots. FML

#14069245
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20311) - you deserved it (11599)

On 12/03/2010 at 6:42am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I promised my boyfriend a blow job every time he does the dishes. Every dish in the house has been washed three times already. FML

#15718627
308 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20310) - you deserved it (66103)

On 04/10/2011 at 1:07am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was dressing in my apartment when I noticed I left the blinds open. Outside, a maintenance man was mowing the grass within eyeshot. I figured I'd leave the blinds open and give him a little peek of the goods. Later I found a note on my window saying, 'Next time, close the blinds'. FML

#1021502
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20304) - you deserved it (110025)

On 04/16/2009 at 2:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my boyfriend gave me my first compliment in months. Apparently my body spray makes me smell like a stripper. He then asked me if he could "park the beef bus in tuna town". FML

#6718371
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20303) - you deserved it (3778)

On 12/12/2009 at 2:28am - intimacy - by Laura_2118 (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I went to a Japanese restaurant. While the chef is throwing food at us, I'm getting ready for my turn. He tosses the piece of broccoli at me, I lean back to catch it, completely falling off my chair. I knocked everything over and had the packed restaurant laughing at me. FML

#7534746
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20302) - you deserved it (6892)

On 01/24/2010 at 12:21am - misc - by ashley_skillz06 - Sent from mobile version

Today, I decided to try and seduce my boyfriend of 2 years. He was on his laptop, and while he was on it I took off my shirt and bra, and gave him a hug from behind. What I didn't know was that he was video chatting his father the whole time. FML

#11911406
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20299) - you deserved it (43381)

On 07/16/2010 at 12:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found my missing shoe. It hit me as it fell out the tree in our front yard. FML

#18711671
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20293) - you deserved it (4156)

On 01/04/2012 at 11:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I re-broke my leg. The same way I broke it the first time, playing frisbee. FML

#18344372
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20293) - you deserved it (12336)

On 11/25/2011 at 3:44am - health - by Sammy - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was using the toilet. I was still insanely pissed off over an argument with my girlfriend, which kind of explains why I was wiping my ass so furiously that my fingers broke through the tissue and ended up in my ass, causing me to shriek like a little girl. FML

#21428778
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20296) - you deserved it (12343)

On 06/19/2015 at 9:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I got up on stage excited to recite a spoken word piece that I worked on and memorized for about 20 hours, neglecting other obligations like studying for an exam the next day. I blanked out in the middle of the performance in front of hundreds of people. FML

#8962343
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20288) - you deserved it (6286)

On 03/10/2010 at 12:00am - misc - by KJS (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, after puking all over the bathroom and my legs, I called my husband for sympathy. The first thing he says is "Did you cry?" and when I answered no, instead of wishing me better he quickly exclaimed "WHO'S MY BIG GIRL!" FML

#8923957
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20287) - you deserved it (6109)

On 03/08/2010 at 5:40pm - health - by gotitEVERYWHERE (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I noticed something written on the top of my toaster, so I used a finger to clear away some of the crumbs, burning my finger in the process. The writing? "CAUTION: Hot surface!" Thanks, toaster. FML

#21106752
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20287) - you deserved it (45029)

On 04/07/2014 at 1:02pm - health - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, as I was running a cute guy was coming towards me. As he was passing me, he yelled "nice tush!" I said thanks and slapped my ass flirtatiously. He stopped running, laughed and pointed to my crotch, replying "No, I said nice BUSH" I looked down to see my shorts had rode up a bit too high. FML

#1701817
285 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20285) - you deserved it (66295)

On 05/06/2009 at 8:20pm - misc - by schmoodles - United States (Massachusetts)



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