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Today, my father tried to secretly follow me all day, because he doesn't believe that I have any "real" errands to run or friends to meet with. He's actually convinced that I'm living some secret double life with another family. FML

#20022416
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23931) - you deserved it (1604)

On 08/15/2012 at 11:15am - misc - by Bree - United States

Today, trying to take initiative, I wore nothing but an apron and led my husband to the kitchen by his knob to have some fun. I tripped on the floor and used his knob to keep balance. FML

#8797344
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23930) - you deserved it (7440)

On 03/03/2010 at 11:22am - intimacy - by Sorry (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I overheard my boyfriend of two years saying he only dates me because "sometimes jerking off just ain't good enough". FML

#21460883
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23927) - you deserved it (2237)

On 08/26/2015 at 8:31am - love - by Ananimus (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, after class I was chatting with my teacher, a really cool and stylish old black guy. I tell him he reminds me of one of those soul dudes from those 70s movies, right down to the pimp-walk. He tells me he walks that way because he was beaten for drinking out of the wrong fountain as a kid. FML

#115273
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23925) - you deserved it (50160)

On 02/23/2009 at 5:11pm - misc - by catfish - United States (Texas)

Today, I was stuck in a room with a man who was catching flies. That I could cope with, until he insisted on turning the lights out because it was 'stressing out' his flies. FML

#17546019
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23925) - you deserved it (2265)

On 08/22/2011 at 7:04am - work - by anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was watching TV with my mom, when a plumbing ad came on. A hot guy showed up on-screen and said "I'm here to snake your drain." My mom immediately piped up with, "Oh, I'd let him snake my drain any day." Thanks for that imagery, mom. FML

#20101823
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23924) - you deserved it (3017)

On 10/04/2012 at 7:24pm - misc - by disgusted (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, a friend of mine and I were talking about how hygienic we are. She mentioned she hadn't shaved her downstairs in a while. I was looking at the computer when she said this so when I turned to look at her I saw she had pulled down her pants and underwear. I was face to face with hairy muff. FML

#6646693
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23923) - you deserved it (3895)

On 12/07/2009 at 4:30am - intimacy - by roxyriley - United States (Arizona)

Today, after dating this girl for 3 months, I finally introduced her to my friends. She looked panicked during the date, and after it she broke up with me. When I asked why, she told me she could try to deal with a black friend, but not with a gay one. I've been dating a moron all this time. FML

#21508983
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23923) - you deserved it (2419)

On 12/29/2015 at 6:07am - love - by Alien (man) - Switzerland

Today, my mom told me she can't wait for me to turn eighteen so she can turn my room into a place for her to display all her antique glass dolls. FML

#8999294
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23922) - you deserved it (2404)

On 03/11/2010 at 4:07pm - misc - by heartless (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, the only card I got for Valentine's Day was in my mother's handwriting, and she posted it through the front door herself. She still won't admit it's from her. FML

#19072071
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23921) - you deserved it (2640)

On 02/14/2012 at 6:56am - love - by ThanksMum (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my grandpa sent me a letter apologizing for not congratulating me about my graduation last spring. Too bad I don't graduate until May. FML

#6795980
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23918) - you deserved it (4114)

On 12/17/2009 at 5:08pm - misc - by chill (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out my son was never accepted into the local university 2 years ago. He actually went out and got a job, and only lied about it so he could keep living in my house rent-free. The conniving bastard makes more than I do at my minimum-wage job. FML

#21500083
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23918) - you deserved it (4408)

On 12/04/2015 at 4:47pm - kids - by Suckered (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I returned home from a 2-day trip. Before I left, I told my brother to move my car across the street when the street cleaner passes by. Turns out, he used all my gas and got so wasted he forgot to move my car. I got a big ticket that he said he'd pay for. He's unemployed and lives off me. FML

#8930944
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23917) - you deserved it (4734)

On 03/08/2010 at 9:24pm - money - by yessssir - United States (Pennsylvania)



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