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Today, it's garbage day. My mom accidentally threw away a receipt she needed to return something and told me to go get it. While I was looking for it, a cop gave me hell for "stealing recyclables on private property." This all happened in my front lawn. FML

#20020707
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20893) - you deserved it (1552)

On 08/14/2012 at 2:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I am going to an event where I will be meeting quite a few people who will be excellent contacts in my future career. Since I wanted to make a good impression, I did the whole makeup and grooming thing before setting out, I accidentally removed about half my left eyebrow. FML

#5776
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20891) - you deserved it (7528)

On 02/02/2009 at 8:10pm - work - by wiseoldone - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that what I thought could be a life-threatening issue causing me chest pains was only because I over-obsessed about it. Now not only do I have social anxiety, but I get so anxious I can create fake illnesses. FML

#18314342
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20890) - you deserved it (5809)

On 11/22/2011 at 3:08am - health - by daybyday - Australia

Today, I was talking to a charming young lady on MSN by webcam. She suddenly asked me to take my glasses off for a minute; I did so, and she said, "Oh never mind, you're still just as ugly..." FML

#814
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20889) - you deserved it (2091)

On 01/08/2009 at 2:55am - misc - by neoteck - Sent from mobile version

Today, my grandfather proudly informed me that the dump he'd just took looked like a tiger claw. He announced this during dinner, and told us not to flush it until he could take a picture. FML

#19369431
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20887) - you deserved it (1816)

On 03/29/2012 at 11:19am - misc - by a - United States

Today, after years of being terrified of those biscuit cans that pop when you unwrap them, I finally decided I'd open one myself. I'm sitting in the hospital with a sliced hand from the lid and can feel therapy in my future. FML

#20129768
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20886) - you deserved it (4058)

On 10/23/2012 at 12:01pm - misc - by afraidofcans - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was trying to pass a lady with a stroller, when she nearly fell. I used my ninja-like reflexes to catch her. Too bad my ninja-like reflexes didn't block the punch that she delivered to my fap-stick for apparently being a "pervert" for saving her. FML

Today, my mom was giving me a long lecture about being aware of my surroundings, because you never know what's out there. While she was talking, I noticed a drug deal going down in the Walmart parking lot. She didn't notice. FML

#19626758
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20884) - you deserved it (1996)

On 05/15/2012 at 10:24am - misc - by observant (woman) - United States

Today, I was eating lunch, and accidentally got ketchup on the sofa, so I hastily doused it with stain remover. The ketchup is now no longer there; however there is a larger stain in its place. I stained the sofa with stain remover. FML

#19673245
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20882) - you deserved it (4227)

On 05/24/2012 at 3:23pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Sheffield)

Today, I was swimming with my friends at the local pool. My friend pushed me under, and as I came up for air, my hand stroked a hairy leg. It turns out I had caressed the leg of an old man who had been swimming laps. He spent the next half hour creepily smiling at me. FML

Today, I made a new friend. He seemed pretty cool, until we came to the topic of religion and the ancient alien theory. I'm seemingly now friends with a guy who thinks alien Jesus raped an Earth woman, and we're the resulting cross-breed. FML

#19355965
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20872) - you deserved it (3402)

On 03/27/2012 at 3:40am - misc - by blueglover - United States (California)

Today, a train hit me. A slow mini-train full of kindergartners who were on a tour of the museum I was visiting. FML

#19004597
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20872) - you deserved it (5714)

On 02/05/2012 at 9:14pm - health - by MahSquito (man) - United States

Today, at my job at the mall, our music malfunctioned and now will only play the same three songs over and over again. Our manager won't let us turn it off because "the customers won't notice". FML

#20031862
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20869) - you deserved it (1476)

On 08/20/2012 at 12:31pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Singapore



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