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Today, I told my boyfriend that I think teddy bears are THE most pointless and careless gift. He shyly gave me my birthday present afterwards. It was a carebear. FML

#94960
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7867) - you deserved it (55050)

On 02/21/2009 at 6:52am - misc - by eejit (woman) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)

Today, I had a big exam. 20 minutes in I could feel people turning round looking at me. I ignored them at first, but towards the one hour mark it got more distracting. I stood up and yelled "Why's everyone staring at me!" I got kicked out. Turns out I was seated directly in front of the clock. FML

#5563519
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7866) - you deserved it (42537)

On 09/30/2009 at 9:36am - misc - by failfailfail - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I had an argument with my wife. I told her to get back in the kitchen. How does she respond? By doing what I told her to do, and returning to hit me with a frying pan. FML

#5811871
290 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7866) - you deserved it (100375)

On 10/13/2009 at 2:54am - love - by PanFace (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I found that when a hot girl asks you whether you have a girlfriend, saying, "I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one" is not the best way to proceed. FML

#18442495
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7865) - you deserved it (50674)

On 12/06/2011 at 1:45am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London)

Today, at work, my friend dared me to answer the next call on my phone by saying, "This is your local sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it." I did it. The person on the phone was my boss. FML

#19682982
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7860) - you deserved it (29336)

On 05/26/2012 at 10:42am - intimacy - by girly girly - United States (Texas)

Today, I saw my crush standing at the bus stop. I did the "I'm talking to someone on the phone thing," trying to be cool. Halfway through the conversation my phone actually rang, I quickly answered but it was my mom on loudspeaker yelling, "Did you bring your tampons?" FML

#8472938
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7858) - you deserved it (25856)

On 02/20/2010 at 8:58am - misc - by Rach (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, after nearly a year of headaches and fuzzy vision, I went to the eye doctor. It turns out I've had my contacts in the wrong eyes for a year. FML

Today, I was using the bathroom in a department store. When I was finished, I couldn't get the stall door open. I am claustrophobic and I freaked out and and started shouting for help. A 6 year old boy got the door open for me. It turns out I was pushing when I should have been pulling. FML

#3011337
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7856) - you deserved it (44020)

On 06/18/2009 at 9:33pm - misc - by ToiletTony (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I purposely misspelled words while texting my boyfriend so he would think I was out partying and having a life. FML

#20048535
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7855) - you deserved it (23753)

On 08/29/2012 at 9:33pm - misc - by nolife - United States (Virginia)

Today, at my bachelorette party, I got so wasted, I ended up giving my stripper a lap dance because he "wasn't doing it properly". There's photos. FML

#5015078
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7854) - you deserved it (43898)

On 09/03/2009 at 2:47am - misc - by sexyfreak2510 (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I was afraid my mother had seen the bottle of hand lotion I'd forgotten to take off the desk after I'd whacked off last night, but she acted fine. I went out with friends to find she'd had changed the background to say "Please Do Not Watch Porn on the Family Computer." FML

#864808
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7853) - you deserved it (56640)

On 04/08/2009 at 12:34am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I got annoyed with my mum stopping in her tracks each time she needed to reply to a text message. I tried to show her that you can walk and text at the same time. I ended up falling into a drain. FML

#5100044
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7853) - you deserved it (46906)

On 09/07/2009 at 4:23am - misc - by misstree (woman) - Singapore

Today, I blared my music while I got ready for a night out. Getting really into this one song, I grabbed onto the nearest thing as a makeshift microphone. It happened to be the hot end of my curling iron. FML

#13998989
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7853) - you deserved it (33710)

On 11/27/2010 at 12:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Scottish Borders)



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