Today, I discovered that the rancid stench in my bathroom was... - FML

By Ewwwwww - 4/2/2010 18:53 - United States

Today, I discovered that the rancid stench in my bathroom was a decaying carcass of a mouse in my toilet tank. FML

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KoBabe

Trip Advisor says no

Risky business

By t.hughes - 1/4/2013 14:50 - United States

Today, my fiancé dumped me because he claimed he needed to "focus on his career and his engagement." When I asked him how dumping me would help with his engagement, he immediately replied with, "No, I mean my other one." FML

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By Anonymous - 18/10/2010 14:24 - Netherlands

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend because he's been working extra hard these last two months. I went to his house only to find him in bed with another girl. Standing there, with fifteen roses in my hands, all he could say was, "Thank you, can you put them in a vase?" FML

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By pinky - 12/2/2010 05:13 - Australia

Today, when setting up for a rehearsal, my eldest teacher was standing next to me. My music teacher announces that it will be a tight fit and hard for everyone to fit in the area. The old teacher next to me leans over and whispers, "I'd like to fit in your tight area." FML

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By Anonymous - 11/4/2018 15:00

Today, I found the special needle I needed yesterday for a school biology project. I found it by walking around barefoot at 5 am. FML

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By pygmalion - 26/9/2009 10:39 - United Kingdom

Today, after the most stressful two weeks of my life, I finally found a few minutes to sit down with a relaxing cup of tea. I went to take a sip, sneezed, smashed the mug into my nose, and dumped scalding hot tea all over my face and cleavage. FML

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By In Pain - 11/1/2012 08:03 - United States

Today, I had gum surgery. I can't laugh. I can't smile. I can't talk. I can't eat. All I can do is wait for the pain medication to kick in. FML

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By Kelleee - 30/9/2017 20:00

Today, I paid £200 for a car service to make sure everything was running okay. I got the all clear that everything was perfect and all necessary fluids topped up. I then wrote the car off 20 minutes later in an accident. FML

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By unimpressed bride - 22/11/2015 06:10 - United States - Traverse City

Today, it's been two weeks since I got married. It's also two weeks since my husband got cold feet about moving in together, because he thinks the sudden change would be too emotionally distressing for his cat. FML

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By - 23/1/2020 01:00

Favorite child

Today, I heard that my mom is coming back from France, where my brother lives. I have lived in the same place, exactly 45 minutes from my mother, for 6 years. She hasn't visited me once, but has been out of state to see my sibling. FML

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By porkfriedlife - 28/7/2009 20:38 - United States

Today, I went to a theater and saw "Bruno" with my mom. We saw "Borat" together, so I thought, 'Hey, how bad could it be?' I don't know what was more nauseating: Bruno's penis spinning around and talking or the fact that my mom thought it was hilarious and couldn't stop laughing. FML

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By jewel87 - 12/3/2010 16:39 - United States

Today, I decided to wear my Ugg boots to work. I forgot that my office is carpeted and that the fur in my boots makes me shock every metal thing I touch. I work with computers all day. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/8/2014 04:34 - United States - Boston

Today, my new boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. He started whispering in my ear, but I couldn't understand him. He pushed me away and ignored me the rest of the night. Apparently it's a huge turn-off that I can't talk dirty in Klingon. FML

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By Jdub - 28/5/2009 00:51 - United States

Today, I went to a real Japanese restaurant with my sister and mom, where you had to take off your shoes and sit on the floor. After the meal, I realized my shoes were no longer where I put them. For the seven years the restaurant has been open, I'm the first person to get their shoes stolen. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/9/2015 21:54 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, my daughter's 14-year-old boyfriend confessed, in front of her, that he only went out with her so he might have a chance to date me. My daughter isn't speaking to me. FML

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By anon - 20/12/2016 23:57 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, after taking a guy home and getting frisky, he woke up in the middle of the night, got out of bed, and peed on my desk. That's 2 years of uni work and my laptop soaked through. FML

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By dBLIZZARD - 9/6/2015 18:39 - United States

Today, my dog ran away. I looked for him for 5 hours, and when I came back home, he was waiting for me at the door. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/5/2013 16:40 - Sweden - Storfors

Today, my brother tried to convince me to get a clitoris piercing at his recently opened piercing studio. FML

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By kay - 3/12/2009 02:06 - United States

Today, I received an e-mail from my stepmom. It was a picture of a boy that she said she thought I might like to know. Next to the picture was the message "he comes from a good military background". My love life is so pathetic that my stepmother feels the need to try and set me up. FML

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By nobleach - 2/7/2009 14:05 - United States

Today, I decided I was going to bleach my bikini line, as I have not been able to shave there due to some ingrown hairs, and I also have to lifeguard every day. As it turns out, I'm allergic to the bleach. There is now an angry red, burning rash on my crotch that you can see around my swimsuit. FML

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By BoobiePain - 16/10/2014 02:33 - Canada - Saint John

Today, I got stitches in my breast. I never knew how much they jiggled until every bump on the road made my breast feel like it was on fire. FML

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By Bam - 9/9/2018 15:00

Today, after being told my cellphone was under warranty and would be repaired for free, Samsung received my device, changed their minds, and charged me $636.96 to return my device to me. That's more than the device costs new at this point. FML

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By why - 17/8/2013 14:18 - United States - Lexington

Today, we were having a family dinner with my boyfriend's parents and mine. In the kitchen, when we were getting the food ready, he proposed. I screamed. My dad thought he was hurting me, came in and tased him in the leg. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/10/2014 10:35 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I'm so out of shape, I started wheezing on my way to check my mailbox. Not my physical mailbox, either; my email inbox on the phone I'd left on the table at the bottom of the stairs. FML

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By J……… - 16/10/2020 02:02

Dog whisperer

Today, my new dog broke out of his new crate, ate my door, pissed on the floor, and trashed my room. I got him to help with my anxiety, but all he does is give me more anxiety. The worst part is that I adopted him as a favor to a friend, because she couldn’t handle him. FML

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By fullmoonfml - 12/8/2010 23:05 - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to moon people out of my friend's car window. I rolled down the window and mooned a random couple. You should have seen the looks on their faces when I had to get out of the car and pick up my phone and wallet, which were in my back pocket. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/7/2009 19:56 - Canada

Today, I was at the park with a friend when I said "Gotta go, sorry. I've got court in an hour." The lady on the bench next to us then loudly complained how disgusting I was for being a criminal and threw her bird seed at me, dirtying my suit. I'm a lawyer with a case in an hour, not a criminal. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/9/2020 23:02

Ambien conversations are the worst

Today, my close friend messaged me, asking if she could still move in. I don't remember the conversation we had saying that she could move in in the first place. I live in a one bedroom apartment. I have no idea what to say. FML

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By Sam Stuhlinger - 3/1/2019 20:00 - United States - Denver

Today, my friend with benefits that I was starting to like forgot my name in front of his friends when they asked who I was. We've known each other for at least a year. I think this means I'm just a benefit. FML

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By vividrabbit - 12/7/2009 13:29 - United States

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really hit it off with. Then he admitted that he was a recovering heroin addict and had to cut our date short to go to the methadone clinic. When I got home, I realized that my wallet was missing $40. I think he lied about the "recovering" part. FML

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By JTo - 3/3/2012 22:07 - United States

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend because I found an email he had written to an ex-fling telling her he was single and wanted to meet up. He wrote that email from my computer, in my apartment, on Valentine's Day. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/6/2013 09:04 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, after cricket training, the homeless man that lives in the drain next to the nets threw a beer bottle full of piss at me for rejecting him for a date last week. I ducked; it sailed through my car’s open window and smashed all over the seats. FML

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By cogu - 3/2/2010 19:34 - France

Today, I realized my girlfriend has more hair on her abdomen than I have on mine. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/10/2009 21:07 - United States

Today, my english teacher asked me why I didn't have my project completed. Thinking quick on my feet I told her it was because my grandmother had just passed away. Apparently they go to the same country club and have known each other for years. My teacher started crying and ran out of the room. FML

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By ufhdafuhds - 19/3/2009 23:31 - Egypt

Today, I decided to have sex for the first time with my boyfriend. It was his first time too. While in bed, he blankly stopped and stood up and got out a piece of paper from his pockets. Turns out, he had written instructions on what to do while in bed, and forgot what he had to do next. FML

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By amanda_ae_erin - 10/11/2009 04:02 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 7 years broke up with me in a text message. Then I found out from a mutual friend that he "came out" and told everyone at our school that he is gay. He has known he was gay for years and he was just using me as a cover up. What a great way to start my senior year. FML

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By Brook - 26/2/2013 08:21 - Australia - Sydney

Today, when my doctor told me I had symptoms of an STD, I had to repeatedly try to convince her I'm a 28-year-old virgin. Even as I left she still didn't believe me. FML

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By ouch. - 25/9/2011 04:17 - United States

Today, my father was telling me that one of the benefits about his job was that the family could get discounts, then asked if I'd like some. My dad's a plastic surgeon. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/6/2009 16:32 - Russian Federation

Today, at my job in a chemists, I had a customer ask me which acne cream I would recommend. I picked up the brand I use and told her that I've been using it for a year now. After pausing to stare at my face for a second, she thanked me and picked up the competing brand instead. FML

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By ChangoFett - 26/5/2013 06:46 - United States - Laguna Hills

Today, I changed my teacher's PowerPoint picture to me making a funny face. He saw it and changed it to a picture of him, with a middle finger. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/6/2009 13:25 - United States

Today, I was at my friends house. It was dark and downpouring so I couldnt see as I was backing out of his driveway. I made it out, but then my phone went off, scaring me, and I accidentally hit the gas pedal, hitting his neighbor's parked car. Turns out he called to warn me to watch out for it. FML

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Top comments

By davidhasmorefun | 0

#825977 - Friday 5 February 2010 2:08

today Mickey committed suicide after finding Minnie in bed with Donald.

By omgmorganomg | 0

#825930 - Friday 5 February 2010 1:58

ewww

COMMENTS

By omgmorganomg | 0

#825930 - Friday 5 February 2010 1:58

ewww

Reply

jeterman67 | 0

#825992 - Friday 5 February 2010 2:12

looks like someone was playing a joke on u lol but thats just nasty

Reply

keysshooter1440 | 1

#826310 - Friday 5 February 2010 4:14

you think that is gross?!?!?!
i had to remove the wall in my bathroom yesterday to get to the dead rats that are stinking up my house.

Reply

jessxoxo28 | 5

#826318 - Friday 5 February 2010 4:17

#40- that is gross =S

Reply

samuelj57 | 0

#826421 - Friday 5 February 2010 4:58

cock sucker

Reply

hippo23 | 0

#826512 - Friday 5 February 2010 5:29

ewwwwwww that's gross! poor u!

Reply

Shainax3 | 0

#826689 - Friday 5 February 2010 6:43

thtsss ittss grotesque!!!!
ewwww #40

Reply

georgiaboy01 | 0

#826702 - Friday 5 February 2010 6:53

Thats nice

Reply

Xrandomkrisx | 7

#826723 - Friday 5 February 2010 7:03

don't you ever poop pee?? or else I don't think It would be dead??

Reply

shade609 | 0

#827087 - Friday 5 February 2010 11:38

is that what we're calling it now? Be proud dude and say that you took an epic shit.

By love2bu | 0

#825933 - Friday 5 February 2010 1:59

thats horrible!!!!! fyl!!!

Reply

yourefreakindumb | 0

#826083 - Friday 5 February 2010 2:41

I don't get it. Just take it out. Problem solved. Setiously, you're a fuckin idiot. That doesn't fuck your life at all.

Reply

Jrook | 0

#826214 - Friday 5 February 2010 3:38

it's just gross, and it sounds like someone is trying to bioterrorize the family pet

Reply

hotscar | 3

#826495 - Friday 5 February 2010 5:23

dude, how disgusting is that to find a soggy decaying carcas od any animal in your bathroom. this is a complete fml. besides it can just be something that just ruins your day

By KateeJo | 0

#825937 - Friday 5 February 2010 2:00

Yummy.

Reply

Puls3ofth3maggot | 0

#826448 - Friday 5 February 2010 5:08

nom nom nom

Reply

metman9192 | 2

#826553 - Friday 5 February 2010 5:47

ewwww wtf man, yummy? how the hell is that yummy in any way?

Reply

sum1savemeh | 0

#826569 - Friday 5 February 2010 5:52

@#61. it was a joke. ever heard of sarcasm?

Reply

lovesick4628 | 0

#826657 - Friday 5 February 2010 6:26

you could make DELICIOUS soup outta that! Nomnomnom!!!!

Reply

Jrook | 0

#827322 - Friday 5 February 2010 13:50

WTF is a sarcasm? either way I feel like nobody should use it

By ajthemistress | 6

#825941 - Friday 5 February 2010 2:00

I would be grossed out and then laugh. Although, poor mouse. :(

Reply

sterl13 | 0

#826550 - Friday 5 February 2010 5:45

perdix comes through again

Reply

XDNurse | 0

#826779 - Friday 5 February 2010 7:27

f(the mouse's)l

By stereotype_eater | 0

#825962 - Friday 5 February 2010 2:05

...how did it get in there?

Reply

raithex | 0

#826831 - Friday 5 February 2010 8:18

I agree with #5. How does a rat get into the back part of a toilet.? That's really weird. :b
But yeah. This is an FML. Fasho'.

Reply

Ser0 | 0

#827033 - Friday 5 February 2010 10:48

rat suicide

By GreenTroll | 0

#825965 - Friday 5 February 2010 2:05

OM NOM NOM NOM-

Reply

omgmorganomg | 0

#825971 - Friday 5 February 2010 2:06

Bwhahaha

By Kylias | 6

#825975 - Friday 5 February 2010 2:07

Poor mousy drowned in your icky water. D:

Reply

catriona_cd | 0

#826008 - Friday 5 February 2010 2:15

actualy the water in any toilet tank is clean fresh water, unless it's bore water or dam water.

Reply

time4coffee | 3

#827371 - Friday 5 February 2010 14:12

How did the mouse get into the toilet tank anyway

By davidhasmorefun | 0

#825977 - Friday 5 February 2010 2:08

today Mickey committed suicide after finding Minnie in bed with Donald.

Reply

HitmanRider | 0

#825989 - Friday 5 February 2010 2:11

Haha! Poor Mickey.

Reply

x_HELLo_tHERE_x | 0

#825996 - Friday 5 February 2010 2:12

Huh, go figure... I always pictured her cheating with Goofy.

Reply

HitmanRider | 0

#826010 - Friday 5 February 2010 2:17

She has cheated with Goofy, and every other animated character in DisneyLand.

Reply

MikeStern | 1

#826095 - Friday 5 February 2010 2:46

"So mister mouse you want a divorce because your wife is demented" "No man, she's F***ing Goofy"

Reply

8trickster8 | 0

#826256 - Friday 5 February 2010 3:51

Minnie is a whore

Reply

MF12 | 0

#826342 - Friday 5 February 2010 4:27

haha

Reply

Cthulu | 0

#826479 - Friday 5 February 2010 5:18

oh gosh #25 is epic win

Reply

JCadle90 | 0

#826561 - Friday 5 February 2010 5:49

hahaha #25 ftw

Reply

ALegitNinja | 0

#826623 - Friday 5 February 2010 6:12

"Hello Mickey, what are you here for in the psychologist office?" "Well, I found my best friend and Minnie in bed." "What did you say?" "I said I wanted a divorce to Minnie, and I said to my best friend: DOWN PLUTO!"

Reply

o0XMzMayX0o | 0

#826713 - Friday 5 February 2010 6:59

#9 lol too funny!
OP- wow that's very disturbing. how could it posibly get there?

By ipwnallmen | 10

#825981 - Friday 5 February 2010 2:09

poor, poor master splinter...

Reply

XDNurse | 0

#826781 - Friday 5 February 2010 7:29

lmfaooooo

By MinaIsTheBest | 0

#825983 - Friday 5 February 2010 2:10

Mhhmm. That sounds good lol