Disaster Preparedness

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 98

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 558

You deserved it 91

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 568

You deserved it 40

Disaster Preparedness

By FML Videos - 17/09/2018 18:30

In all seriousness, be safe out there guys!

I agree, your life sucks 303

You deserved it 153

You tried

Hiding from the drama

Dementia or hate? You decide

Weddings blow

By Anonymous - 20/05/2021 19:59

Today, I missed going to my boyfriend's stepsister's wedding. I would have been meeting my boyfriend's mom for the first time; now she doesn't like me. She figured I could just "tough it out". I have a chronic health condition and haven't been able to eat or get out of bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 67

Physician, heal thyself

By MDpending - 01/11/2019 13:00

Today, just 8 months away from graduating medical school, I successfully diagnosed myself with basal cell carcinoma. At least all that studying is paying off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 341

You deserved it 122

01/04/2012 10:08

Today, I had my first free night in months. I spent it doing homework and watching TV. I had set my Facebook status to say I was spending time with the boys from The Big Bang Theory, then fell asleep. I woke up later to an angry text from my boyfriend thinking I was cheating on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 677

You deserved it 5 024

07/09/2014 04:52

Today, my hormones decided to make my pimples appear symmetrically on my face around my nose and mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 653

You deserved it 2 943

What goes up…

By Anonymous - 18/06/2020 17:02

Today, I had to take my daughter to hospital because her butt swallowed her dildo. Try as I might, in the waiting area her dad and I couldn’t stop giggling at random intervals at the absurdity of the situation, so she’s probably never going to speak to us again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 078

You deserved it 292

06/06/2011 06:27

Today, Twilight once again won all the awards at MTV, beating out Inception, Toy Story 3, Harry Potter, etc. This is MY generation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105 109

You deserved it 12 095

23/04/2009 10:07

Today, I saw a girl I knew from high school at the DMV and she started leaning forward. I thought she was leaning into hug me. So I just began to hug her. She was actually trying to throw something in the garbage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 307

You deserved it 17 180

17/01/2013 05:03

Today, due to technical problems, I had to call the company's IT-support as my computer went totally haywire. I explained via phone that I couldn't access anything. The support then tried contacting me by e-mail and got upset with me when I didn't answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 009

You deserved it 2 389

Technically, that's stealing

By Elizabeth Ann - 04/10/2019 22:00

Today, I told my mom about the $50 I'd hidden in case of an emergency, and how I couldn't find it. She said she'd borrowed it last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 568

You deserved it 160

25/11/2013 17:06

Today, I finally password-protected my phone, to protect it from my friends' favorite game: stealing it and sending stupid texts, and hijacking my Facebook. They quickly found a new game. My phone is now locked for 24 hours due to too many attempts to guess the password. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 245

You deserved it 7 384

22/01/2010 07:26

Today, I was sitting in IHOP with my girlfriend of six months when she brought in her son of three years she had neglected to tell me about, and asked 'Does this change things?' FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 187

You deserved it 4 468

Three is the magic number

By KTBeck - 26/05/2020 14:00

Today, my husband returned from a hiking trip. We had "I missed you" sex and after we were done, he told me about all the ticks he had while on the trail. He then went to shower and while washing, he found a tick latched to his penis. I technically had a three way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 019

You deserved it 276

09/12/2016 20:01

Today, I fell and fractured my tailbone. I just healed from my last tailbone fracture 4 weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 408

You deserved it 1 364

03/04/2009 22:05

Today, I saw a very attractive female police officer while at the DMV. Thinking myself suave, I asked her: "Is it sexual harassment if I tell you how beautiful I think you are, and ask for your phone number?" Apparently it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 205

You deserved it 86 323

Come on, man

By Steve - 24/09/2021 17:01

Today, I went to a White Sox game, and tried to purchase some pizza. There was a huge line behind me, and as soon as I got the pizza, the lady at the register told me that my card was declined. I tried 3 more times and still declined. Turns out Geico charged me twice on my insurance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 88

02/07/2014 17:01

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my boobs. I quickly found out that I'd accidentally sent it to my sister instead. She sent me one back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 707

You deserved it 29 213

03/10/2009 10:31

Today, I checked in a group of men from Mexico. I speak just enough Spanish to realize they're discussing my breasts. I have to stand there smiling while checking in three more people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 065

You deserved it 3 873

16/06/2013 18:49

Today, I woke up to my bratty younger sister cutting through my hair with a pair of scissors. I now look like a freak, and my mum bitched me out for being angry, all because my sister claimed she'd been sleep-walking. Her demented smirk said otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 245

You deserved it 3 146

Leave me alone !

By failfailfail - 30/09/2009 13:36

Today, I had a big exam. Twenty minutes in I could feel people turning round looking at me. I ignored them at first, but towards the one hour mark it got more distracting. I stood up and yelled, "Why's everyone staring at me!" I got kicked out. Turns out I was seated directly in front of the clock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 998

You deserved it 51 439

11/01/2012 05:23

Today, I looked into my sink's garbage disposal for the first time since I moved in two months ago. Apparently, the putrid smell was not the food I've been throwing down it, but instead, a now what appears to be mutilated litter of rats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 427

You deserved it 3 728

29/11/2011 00:01

Today, I found out where a few of my favorite outfits went. My mother had taken them out of my closet, wrapped them, and given them to my cousin as a gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 203

You deserved it 2 572

01/02/2011 03:11

Today, I had to babysit two kids. I told them to stop fighting, or to sit on separate couches. They stopped. I asked why nobody would sit on the other couch, where I'd been sitting. They told me it was the couch their autistic brother often pees on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 771

You deserved it 3 423

05/10/2012 02:44

Today, I chaperoned a school dance. A song I knew came on, and, wanting to be the fun teacher, I danced around a little. The students then pointed and laughed. I graduated in '87 and high school still hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 380

You deserved it 6 523

Out of the mouth of babes...

By DEE - 26/07/2018 15:00

Today, while I was getting ready for the day, my 5-year-old daughter looked at me and said, "Mom, maybe you should do some gymnastics today. Your legs look bigger." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 707

You deserved it 448

28/09/2018 13:30

Today, in spite of 2 different types of bug spray, underwear, and jeans, I discovered not one, but two mosquito bites on my vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 545

You deserved it 215

09/05/2011 20:30

Today, I blacked out going up a roller coaster. Instead of helping me, my friend took pictures of my face and posted them on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 234

You deserved it 7 384

18/04/2012 00:07

Today, I had to put one of my preschool students in timeout for masturbating during nap time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 017

You deserved it 4 090

10/05/2009 20:25

Today, I told my parents that I was going out with my boyfriend and they agreed to let me go as long as I was home by midnight. Did I come home on time? Yes. Was my shirt right side out? No. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 368

You deserved it 127 789

15/02/2017 23:00

Today, after getting out the car and closing the door, I began walking and slipped on some black ice. In the moment of panic, I grabbed onto my car wing mirror. Luckily, I didn't hit the deck. Unluckily, the wing mirror broke off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 129

You deserved it 645

17/05/2019 03:00

Today, my boyfriend's 16-year-old daughter got a job. I'm 29, with a Master's degree and I'm still unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 674

You deserved it 560

06/11/2016 06:08

Today, I saw a photo on Facebook of all my best friends from high school together at a 50th birthday party I wasn't invited to. I knew the birthday guy for longer than any of them and introduced everyone in high school. They wouldn't even know him without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 880

You deserved it 1 004

21/10/2009 03:42

Today, my roommate revealed that the reason he's so grumpy is because he hasn't gotten laid in a year. I'm his only female friend, and the entire time he talked to me, he stared at my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 325

You deserved it 3 786

13/10/2008 08:20

Today, I woke up and switched on the TV. The first thing I saw was a picture of a wanted rapist, who looks just like me. I'm afraid to leave home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 326 389

You deserved it 33 685

No excuse

By Anonymous - 28/07/2020 14:01

Today, I missed my chance to see my mum for the last time because my son is such a selfish druggie, he couldn’t be bothered to stay sober long enough to pass on the message from the hospital that she was deteriorating fast, and likely only had a few hours left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 315

You deserved it 185

13/05/2012 15:12

Today, I realized that all the times I checked behind the shower curtain before peeing didn't prepare me for what to do if someone was actually there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 837

You deserved it 4 039

25/03/2016 13:20

Today, the guy I buy weed from invited me to have Easter dinner with his family, since I've nowhere else to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 305

You deserved it 5 235

Sunshine of my life

By Anonymous - 14/04/2021 15:30

Today, while watching a news clip about NASA's Mars helicopter, Ingenuity, my wife asked me if Mars has a sun. She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 148

25/08/2016 03:50

Today, eight tornados hit the town where I live. The only person who tried to get a hold of me and see if I was OK was my World of Warcraft guild leader after I didn't show up to raid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 435

You deserved it 1 417

07/12/2012 05:46

Today, I thought I felt something itch my butt as I sat down on the toilet. Sure it was just my imagination, I did my business. When I was done I saw there were 4 cockroaches crawling under the seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 971

You deserved it 4 834

15/01/2016 16:08

Today, I told one of my teachers I have to attend a family member's funeral on a day she's passing a test. She straight up asked if I could reschedule it, and if not if I could just give it a miss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 258

You deserved it 1 432

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pjsr 32

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Monday 17 September 2018 19:41

This is why there is no male version of Mary Poppins

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pjsr 32

Send a private message

Monday 17 September 2018 19:41

This is why there is no male version of Mary Poppins