By Anonymous - 11/11/2020 09:04 - Rwanda - Kigali

Freshman blues

Today, I found out there’s a university email platform I never knew about. I’m a freshman and I’ve been using my personal email to communicate with the lecturers. Now I’ve got a pile of assignments to do and most of them are overdue. FML

I agree, your life sucks

387

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1096

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Everyone's an expert

Not now, mom!

Phantom pooper

By richard - United States - Redmond

Today, fed up with my nerdy appearance, I got my hair shaved off, hoping for a Walter White kind of look. I didn't think it was too bad, but not even an hour later, I'd already been called a "fat Bruce Willis" and compared to a freshly circumcised penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38862

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8004

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By Peter Parker - United States - Redlands

Today, after a few days of getting what seemed like an odd, scattered rash every time I showered, I finally figured out the problem. It turns out I wasn't just allergic to all the different soap I tried. Apparently a family of very angry spiders have decided to make my loofah their new home. FML

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16117

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1841

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By Anonymous - United States - Seattle

Today, at a family reunion, my visibly drunk grandparents heard about my new boyfriend, who is a cop. My gran asked if he ever made me feel like Rodney King in the bedroom. Then my grandpa, fresh off a DUI, asked if my boyfriend's dick is as bent as the police force. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45131

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4168

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend went down on me for the first time. Just as I was reaching climax my brother raced into the bathroom right next to my door and began to vomit extremely loudly. FML

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37988

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5539

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By hatecolin - United States

Today, I was driving my new car home when I came around a sharp turn to see a groundhog in the road. I kindly stopped and allowed it to cross when all of the sudden a car slammed into the back of mine. Then, another car went flying around us. That car hit and killed the groundhog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43709

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12909

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By uglyone - United Kingdom

Today, I was going out with my supermodel-gorgeous friend, so I put extra effort into looking good. I thought I looked pretty good, but when we got to the station, a drunk old man looked at us and loudly announced "That's always the way it is, there's a fit one and an ugly one". FML

I agree, your life sucks

33874

You deserved it

3412

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By NotAnExcuse - United States

Today, a woman on the train demanded I give up my seat for her, claiming it was for people with disabilities. Tired from a long day at work, and seeing she had nothing wrong with her, I asked what her disability was. Apparently, obesity is one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34448

You deserved it

2355

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By savanna - United States

Today, it was the concert of my life. I had bought tickets the minute they went on sale, and I'd anxiously waited until the concert date. 30 minutes before the show, my friend got so drunk that we weren't allowed in, and I was stuck babysitting her all night in the hotel, completely missing the show. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34209

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4544

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By soundslikeadumbcommentersituation - Canada - Brampton

Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML

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45570

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6897

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By LaundryVictim

Today, I picked up my laundry from the wash-and-fold and proceeded to put everything away. I noticed a hand towel that wasn't mine and made a mental note to return it; turned out they'd given me someone else's boxers as well. My boyfriend doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13417

You deserved it

1116

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By Anonymous

He tried.

Today, I rejected a girl I work with because I have a girlfriend. That girl then posted on Facebook that she'd friendzoned me for being creepy. My girlfriend saw the post, believed it, and dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4777

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265

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By Msrebound

Today, even my 11-year-old noticed how much my boyfriend constantly reminisces about his ex-girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4793

You deserved it

583

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By StellaSanguina - United States

Today, a buttmunch customer brought in $7 worth of pennies I had to count and roll. As I was putting them in the deposite box at the end of my shift, I fumbled and dropped the rolls. All but one broke, spilling their contents on the floor. FML

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35268

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6751

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By Anonymous - United States - Newark

Fashionista

Today, it's my birthday. All I wanted was birthday sex, but all my boyfriend could talk about was how great the new purse he got me was. I think he might like it more than me. FML

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31365

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5656

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By whatwasithinking - 14/10/2020 17:01

He's let himself go

Today, I took my kids to our local swimming pool. When we arrived, there were several cop cars parked outside and a group of officers interrogating a creepy, haggard-looking old man who was in handcuffs on the bench. As we got closer, I realized the man was my ex-husband. FML

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1155

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By doodlecrzyMeg - United States - Mattoon

Today, I had to hide in the closet all morning because my 22-year-old boyfriend didn't want to admit to his parents that he had his girlfriend stay the night. FML

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24548

You deserved it

4224

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By thatsfine - United Kingdom - Guildford

Today, my sister announced her pregnancy at my husband's funeral. FML

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64530

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3253

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By Anonymous - United States - La Grande

Today, my girlfriend confessed to cheating on me. Unfortunately, she's a pathological liar and I can't be sure if it's really true, along with half the stuff she tells me on a daily basis. Love is hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33036

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11220

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By Judy69 - United States - Dekalb

Today, things were getting heated between me and the guy I like, and we were about to have sex. I told him to turn the TV off so we can get started. His response? "But I like this show." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30456

You deserved it

5979

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By peele - Estonia - Tallinn

Today, a coworker jokingly noted that my signature looks like "Pedo". I couldn't see it that way, so I asked some other people for their opinion. They confessed they'd always thought it looked like "Pedo", but never said anything. My name is Peele. I've been signing it off as Pedo for 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29892

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3690

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at school, I was crying because someone I knew had died. My teacher pulled me aside and said, "I understand you're socially awkward, but don't worry it gets better." FML

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39330

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2976

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, at my wedding reception, I jokingly asked my aunt, who has always been convinced that I am gay despite my protests, if she believed me now. She took this the wrong way and drunkenly went around telling my guests that my wedding was a sham to convince her I was straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34306

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5244

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By Anonymous - United States - Racine

Today, my son drank a bottle of hot sauce. It wasn't a dare, he actually thought that it would give him a fever so that he could skip school tomorrow. This idiot is 15 years old. FML

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40898

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5149

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By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I had a dream that I kicked the moon like a soccer ball. It started swearing in my boyfriend's voice. That part wasn't a dream. FML

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32161

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3774

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By anonYmous - United States - Boca Raton

Today, I received a phone call from my 91-year-old grandpa. He was lost driving somewhere in my town. I then spent the next few hours trying to teach him how to send his location until his phone died. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5939

You deserved it

746

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By CALIdime_15 - United States

Today, I watched my boyfriend have a full on conversation with his penis. He also talks to his penis nicer than he talks to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30201

You deserved it

4838

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By Anonymous - United States - Portland

Today, I found that someone had paid off my $16,500 student loan. I was so excited that I called my family and posted on Facebook about how awesome it was. Then I called the loan company and found out that they had just sold my loan to another company; no one had actually paid it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30395

You deserved it

14111

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By IPityTheStool - United Kingdom

Today, I used the staff toilets at school. As I sat down, I heard a sudden plop, followed by the stench of diarrhoea from the next cubicle. It was followed by a "I do apologise!" It was my English teacher. And we continued to chat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38380

You deserved it

7573

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By kipper

Today, I took my 8 year-old daughter to an airplane museum to show her the kinds of aircraft I’ve worked on during my 30+ year career. In the first 15 minutes, I had grease on my new shirt, bumped my head, spilled coffee and cut my hand. Sums up my career. Only 10 more years to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1361

You deserved it

199

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By queenxalee - United States - Orange

Today, I learned I was conceived to the sounds of a Spice Girls album. FML

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39021

You deserved it

4301

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By analinguist - United States

Today, while playing Star Wars: The Force Unleashed, my phone rang, and I instinctively tried to pick it up with the Force. I kept trying until it stopped ringing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7896

You deserved it

45741

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By Anonymous - Czech Republic - Ceska

Today, while making love to my wife, I felt adventurous and told her to hit me. She didn't so much as hesitate before savagely slapping me with her ring hand. Now I'm back home from the hospital, with stitches closing up a huge gash on my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15468

You deserved it

31610

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By MollyMo - United States

Today, my parents saw my report card. Now, they refuse to buy me my the new computer I've always wanted because my grades had 'slipped'. I made honor roll for three terms, and was kept off for the fourth for a single bad grade. I failed gym. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66969

You deserved it

41794

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By Who-is-living-with-whom

Today, my mother finally finalized her divorce! Unfortunately, she'll have to sell the house, and when she does, she'll move in with me. I only moved out a month ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11627

You deserved it

904

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By nothungry - United States

Today, after four years of anorexia and lots of recovery, my parents took me out to dinner with my counselor and whole family to celebrate my progress. I ended up eating something that made me vomit everything I ate. My parents now think I am bulmic and are sending me back to counseling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53215

You deserved it

5126

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By butterflyzag20 - United States

Today, I realized that the only positive accomplishment my boyfriend has made in the last 3 years is that he started wearing deodorant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28878

You deserved it

7778

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By mr_loveless - United States

Today, I got married on Skyrim. To an elf. While in real life, my love life is floundering like a half-dead carp in the surf on a hot day. So much so in fact that I actually draw a measure of comfort from being married to an elf. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28216

You deserved it

10631

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By Dashofweak - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I did the math and discovered that every year, I pay the equivalent cost of a luxury car to a college that can't even keep rats out of the dorms. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14824

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1547

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By liz - United States

Today, my 23-year old boyfriend is not talking to me because I bought the regular kind of macaroni and cheese instead of the cartoon kind. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38261

You deserved it

18307

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By Anonymous - 5/8/2020 02:02

Empathy Man

Today, I told my man I was feeling a lack of emotional closeness and dialogue in our relationship. I'd hoped for a comeback like, "So what do you need in order to change that?" Or even, "Aw, come here, let's cuddle!" Instead, I got a simple, "I don't." FML

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1331

You deserved it

293

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Top comments

By ahabsfan | 14

#7951212 - Wednesday 11 November 2020 11:16

Maybe University wasn’t for you.

By kfchicken_fml | 27

#7951352 - Thursday 12 November 2020 5:17

I'm pretty sure literally every university has their own email service. that aside do you not have syllabuses for your classes? you shouldn't need an email reminder for your assignments

COMMENTS

By ahabsfan | 14

#7951212 - Wednesday 11 November 2020 11:16

Maybe University wasn’t for you.

By kfchicken_fml | 27

#7951352 - Thursday 12 November 2020 5:17

I'm pretty sure literally every university has their own email service. that aside do you not have syllabuses for your classes? you shouldn't need an email reminder for your assignments