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The all-time greatest FMLs

UTI

By Anonymous - 09/01/2021 14:01 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, while studying in the library, I felt a sudden urge to pass gas. There were not too many people around, so I let it go while in my seat and it went unnoticed. What caught the attention of everybody was the puddle slowly forming under my seat. Turns out, I farted so hard I pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 1 115

Welcome!

By Annoyed - 27/04/2025 00:00 - Canada

Today, I invited a friend over for dinner and spent hours preparing a fancy meal. When I opened the door, he walked in with his new girlfriend, his mom, his sister, and his dog. I barely had enough food for one, let alone five. I ended up serving my fancy meal on paper plates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 82

I'm surprised

By Anonymous - 29/02/2024 20:00 - United States - Washington

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend at his house. Apparently, I ruined the surprise party he'd planned for me, and now he’s upset with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 128

Lovely, just lovely

By subhuman inbred - 08/04/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, my mom called me a “subhuman inbred.” All because I was fidgeting during church without realizing I was doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 131

Denied

By Anonymous - 02/02/2025 20:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up with a raging hard on. My wife, who was also awake, felt it when I pressed against her. She said, "No thank you," got up, and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 204

Taking no chances

By Anonymous - 27/08/2023 10:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was sent 800 km home from my interstate job because I have the sniffles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 134

Cancel culture

By Anonymous - 18/12/2023 00:00 - United States

Today, I found out that my insurance canceled my contract, claiming I hadn't paid, even though I had. I only discovered this because I backed into a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 121

Don't give up

By Frustrated - 24/08/2025 20:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, my wife complained that our sex life is too boring and vanilla. I have spent the last two years suggesting ideas to keep it interesting: S&M, swinging, roleplay, cosplay, public play, new toys, you name it. All I ever hear is, "Eww you pervert, that is disgusting and sick, how dare you even mention that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 123

Home sweet home, or not

By Anonymous - 04/03/2024 14:00 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I returned from my holiday in Cairo and was planning to go straight to bed, seeing as I had landed at 2 a.m. All was going well, until I tried to open my front door and realised that I'd left my keys, my S23+ phone, and my wallet in the cab I took home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 226

Sleep cycles

By Anonymous - 29/08/2024 14:00 - United States - Washington

Today, my roommate gets up at 3:30am for work and wakes me up each time. I try not to complain about it, but whenever I come back to the apartment at midnight, she gets mad that I woke her up. I told her that she wakes me up in the morning, but apparently that’s different because she’s going to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 153

Do you even lift bro?

By Dilemma - 28/11/2023 10:00

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend has been nagging me to help her with her fantasy of being picked up and fucked in mid-air. I don't know how to tell her that its impossible until she loses about a hundred pounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 203

What is wrong with you?

By Anonymous - 30/03/2024 20:00 - United Kingdom - Castleford

Spicy

Today, I had to inform my son that no, his genital warts will not just go away on their own, and if he ever wants to have sex with a decent woman again, he’ll take his stupid self to the doctor and get treated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 140

Chemical warfare

By Anonymous - 09/04/2024 06:00 - United States - Dallas

Today, a sewer main broke just outside of where I work. It smells like a latrine here but we are not allowed to close down, and the county won't do anything about it for two weeks. The only upside is that I'm not dealing with many customers, but having to smell the entire city's feces is way worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 101

You done ****** up

By Anonymous - 13/01/2022 20:01 - South Africa - Bronkhorstspruit

Today, I briefed a developer to delete 57 email accounts. I sent the wrong screenshots; those were the ones the client asked to stay active. The clients now don't have access to their emails until the account gets restored. I feel like crawling into a hole and dying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 1 277

Brutal

By Bob - 26/07/2024 22:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I worked my job then went home to enjoy my weekend. An hour later, I was called and told I was fired, without any reason given. I can’t even empty my locker, as they'd said they would mail my things to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 74

The agony and the ecstasy

By Anonymous - 01/05/2023 12:00

Spicy

Today, I got home from my vacation. The last few days of my trip, I stayed at my father's house. I was having trouble sleeping last night so I decided to use a little "discreet" vibrator that I travel with. When I unpacked back home, I realized I'd forgotten the vibrator in my bed at my father's house. I'm mortified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 1 083

By Anonymous - 16/07/2009 05:32 - United States

Today, I learned that walking on the sidewalk does not mean that you will not be hit by a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 39

Open to interpretation

By Anonymous - 13/09/2024 06:11 - Belgium

Today, I found out why my ex of three years started an argument with me that quickly lead to our break-up. He said he would be talking to people of a different race to make life "easier." I should've seen the fact that he dislikes our own race from prior conversations. He ended up getting into a relationship two months later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 331

nm1545 tells us more.

nm1545 9

Thursday 12 September 2024 13:27

Op here – For some context: we’re both black. During the relationship he would mention how he didn’t like when black women would do certain things or just talk down on things I did and say “This is why you shouldn’t date black women/should date this instead.” When meeting right before our breakup he mentioned that he would probably be dating a Hispanic or white woman next because it would be easier. I don’t care what race he dates, do you! I just don’t respect him saying he thinks certain demographics are less aggressive when there’s all types of personalities in any race. I say this because when we first got together he told me his ex wasn’t black and ended up stabbing him. As far as the breakup - I believe he was talking to her before we broke up. They got together quickly after we called it quits and it surprised me.

Old prude

By Anonymous - 25/09/2023 22:00

Spicy

Today, my dumbass self left my DIY dildo on the sink and my mom found it and threw it away. She called me a whore, who'll be "fucking around with a new partner each night." FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 339

Been there, can't do that

By Anonymous - 20/02/2024 22:00 - United Arab Emirates - Sharjah

Today, I feel like I made the worst choice of my life and I have to pay the consequences, and I seriously feel like shit. I need help. Moving abroad to study at 30 was the worst mistake and I hate my life here. I want to go back but I lost everything back home and I don't have anything here. I'm stuck; I just want to be happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 231

Get it on

By Em. - 21/06/2025 20:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, I learned that my married mom has been having an affair with my best friend for over a year. When I tried to fight him, he knocked me on my ass and said, "Your mom is sexy, and your dad's tiny dick wasn't good enough for her. Don't screw this up for me or I'll beat your ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 516

You deserved it 139

How can I resist you?

By Anonymous - 10/09/2023 08:30 - United States - Carson City

Today, my cat has a new ritual: As soon as he sees a human, he meows for a good ten minutes straight. Pettings, brushes, and toys have yet to get him to stop. His new favorite time to do it is 5 AM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 516

You deserved it 134

Stop bringing it up!

By Anonymous - 02/04/2024 00:00 - India

Today, I've recently been promoted to a VP at a bank. Despite this, in my parents' eyes, I will always be that idiot two year-old who refused to put his pants on at the cinema. FML

I agree, your life sucks 516

You deserved it 123

That's no excuse

By Conflicted - 27/02/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, my boss's ADHD son was suspended from school. It was a misunderstanding, but the school won't listen, so now my boss has to take him to work. She gets very short-tempered when he's around because, quite frankly, he's extremely annoying and disruptive, even for a kid with ADHD. It's gonna be a long week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 516

You deserved it 122

Commited

By Anonymous - 25/02/2026 03:00

Today, my wife demanded a divorce and full custody of our younger kids, all because I had our drug-addicted daughter arrested for theft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 516

You deserved it 93

In these times

By Anonymous - 01/08/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, after my ex left me to be number 5 or 6 to some dude, she’s now going to jail for whatever bullshit they got her into. She calls them family, and she expects me to still take my kids to visit those creepy ass polyamorous freaks she’s had them living around. No fucking way! FML

I agree, your life sucks 516

You deserved it 126

Oh no, the horror!

By Anonymous - 07/09/2025 09:00 - United Kingdom - Abertillery

Spicy

Today, it’s too complicated to explain how I found out but suffice it to say I learned that the actress I shared a kiss with on stage at the theatre had given her boyfriend a blowjob less than ten minutes before coming on stage and kissing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 516

You deserved it 96

Sore loser

By Anonymous - 13/03/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, I have an excruciatingly sore throat due to chronic canker sores around my uvula. Every bite of food I swallow brings tears to my eyes. I had enough of dad calling me a wimp at dinner over it and shoved my food onto his plate. He's now faking allergies to food we've had for years, just to take the piss out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 516

You deserved it 118

Oddly specific

By Anonymous - 06/05/2026 00:00 - United States - Arlington

Today, I have no choice but to move back in with my mom and her husband, who are still married even though he's responsible for the house fire that killed my two younger brothers in 2013. FML

I agree, your life sucks 516

You deserved it 77

Force of habit

By Muscle memory - 02/04/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, there was a massive thunderstorm in my area. My first instinct - as well as my parents' - was to go to my sickly grandma's house and make sure she was okay, as she lives alone. As we prepared to step outside, we all remembered a rather crucial detail: My grandma is dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 516

You deserved it 181

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The Top

The Top

Today, I found out my grandma sleeps in the nude. I witnessed her running naked from her bedroom to the bathroom, because she "didn't have enough time" to put on her robe. I need to get my own place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 788

You deserved it 6 874

Today, my girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for 3 years. She's pregnant. I'm a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 496

You deserved it 11 776

Today, I went to Walgreen's for a tub of Vaseline. The old guy at the counter looked at me, winked, and said, "Not having too much luck with the ladies, eh?" He was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 096

You deserved it 13 989

Today, my daughter got upset because, even though I bought the car for her when she got her license, I told her it was her responsibility to pay the tax, insurance and MOT every year. End result, my daughter is a selfish brat and I returned the car, but lost a bunch of my deposit money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 405

Today, my dad is a drill sergeant, which is bad enough, but my boyfriend wants to meet him and my mom. This cannot go well, all the jokes and comedy movies say this cannot go well at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 749

You deserved it 172

Today, after we drove to France to go to a jazz festival, we'd arrived in the evening after a 600 km drive, and my wife made a misstep and broke her ankle, it's the next day and we drove back home. After the first toll booth, the electric car window would no longer go up, so we drove with the window open for the remaining 500 km. FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 112