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The all-time greatest FMLs

Chill out

By not a perv! - 13/08/2023 20:00 - United States

Today, a woman flipped her shit, screamed that I’m a pervert, and swore she’d have my ass for asking her to remove her bra. I’m a nurse and she was in the clinic for a fucking breast exam. I swear people get dumber by the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 093

You deserved it 102

Redesign

By rian - 03/04/2021 21:30

Today, my house was broken into. Nothing was stolen, but my laptop had feces smeared all over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 093

You deserved it 92

Funny story

By Anonymous - 23/02/2022 16:00

Today, my therapist started laughing at me whilst I was telling my story. He said, "Sorry, I can't help it" and burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 093

You deserved it 132

Yummy

By EwwwwYuck - 03/08/2020 02:02

Today, I set my parrot in the bathroom while I cleaned his cage, thinking he would be safe there. He was in fact safe, but not so the used maxi pad he chewed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 093

You deserved it 365

Just dependa things

By wookieewhosshe - 28/09/2022 09:00

Today, my fiancé left for a 6-month deployment overseas. I waved him away, came back inside alone, and cried. I know this is what I signed up for, but the cat could've shown more sympathy than staring at me and walking away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 093

You deserved it 608

Left on read

By Anonymous - 01/11/2022 14:00 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I was feeling saucy so I sent my boyfriend a picture of my boobs. He then set it as his laptop's desktop screen, took a picture, then sent to me saying, "Hmm, should probably change this before Monday", only he didn't send it me, he sent to his family group chat with his mum and sisters and didn't realise. Everyone saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 093

You deserved it 457

Cocobananas

By Anonymous - 20/12/2022 21:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, while celebrating my 10 years home from Iraq, my brother told us about his new affiliation with Scientology. Apparently, all those roadside bombs I keep dreaming about are just alien ghosts that need to be purged. What's worse is how well it fuses with his new brand of politics: YouTube QAnon channels! FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 150

Simple pleasures

By juggalo2 - 10/10/2021 05:00

Today, at work, I overrode the limit on my forklift, allowing me to carry four pallets instead of two. Then I was able to place them all within a ten-foot radius, giving a massive boost to my efficiency. My excitement faded when I realized that was actually the high point of my day/week/month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 305

Pay a living wage

By Anonymous - 07/12/2021 14:01

Today, I live in a world where I work 50 hours a week, and yet after paying all necessary bills, eating one meal a day, and only drinking water from the tap, I am £130 pounds poorer than last week, all because I had to use my credit card and increase my debt to buy petrol and pay the gas bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 153

"Based on your purchase history…"

By Anonymous - 19/09/2020 20:02

Spicy

Today, in the break room at work, I was looking through my email on my phone about my Amazon orders. There was a suggested product that looked like a dildo. I turned around to see my boss behind me glancing at my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 301

Free vacation

By Anonymous - 10/07/2021 14:01

Today, I learned my husband was told to isolate for 10 days but hid it from me and pretended to go to work every day, then snuck back home after I left to take the kids to daycare, and has basically had a chore and child-free holiday, playing Xbox every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 265

Lightweight

By Anonymous - 13/05/2020 14:00

Today, I have a hangover. From one small glass of pink Cava. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 454

Gas wars

By Anonymous - 17/05/2021 21:59 - United States

Today, a co-worker has the office next to mine. The walls are not soundproofed. I can hear him farting loudly throughout the day. He spread a rumor around the office that he can hear me farting all day. Another coworker told me and gave me advice on foods not to eat, that gave people bad gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 98

Helicopter parents

By Anonymous - 03/06/2023 00:02

Today, my dad tried to confiscate my car keys because he doesn’t like how late I stay out on the weekends. I’m 26, have owned my own home since I was 24, and also how the fuck does he know what time I get home? My own dad is stalking me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 94

Beady eye

By Anonymous - 16/11/2019 18:00

Spicy

Today, my bathroom flooded. I frantically cleaned my apartment as fast as I could before the plumber arrived. Everything was finally clean when I let him in. It wasn't until after he finished that I noticed I'd left my anal beads in the shower. There's no way he didn't notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 2 269

Painful

By rise - 08/05/2021 10:59

Today, I had a massive, pounding headache. I asked my mom for some painkillers and she said, "No. You don’t deserve pain relief. Ever. For anything." What? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 98

Quickie

By Anonymous - 20/06/2023 15:00

Spicy

Today, I walked to my boyfriend's house, which takes literally 2 minutes since we are also neighbours. He wanted sex straight away. The walk took longer than the sex, by over a full minute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 220

Jealous much?

By Ruthie - 05/07/2023 18:00

Today, I can no longer talk to my best friend thanks to his insecure, overbearing girlfriend of 3 months. We never talk about anything that crosses boundaries, and it's actually him who initiates the conversations. She’s forced him to block my number and social media accounts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 194

Curious

By Ghostrui - 15/05/2022 04:00

Spicy

Today, my dad thought it appropriate to ask if my boyfriend, who was in the other room, was circumcised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 179

Double trouble

By HipstrCharizard - 08/11/2020 05:02 - United States - Nobleboro

Today, I found out I might have Covid due to my manager's roommate getting it by being irresponsible. Two days ago, I found out I may have hep A from getting takeout at a restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 091

You deserved it 141

Screen time

By Anonymous - 08/11/2022 14:00

Spicy

Today, we had a power surge. I don’t know how, but the living room TV blew up and burned the image into the LCD so that even though the telly is dead, you can still see a freeze frame of the last thing I was watching. It was a porno, and you can see absolutely everything. My dad is going to kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 091

You deserved it 958

Now hiring

By BossLady - 05/01/2022 08:01

Today, it's my first day as the boss, after waiting months for this promotion. Today is also the day my replacement, who I trained for three months, quit. Now I've got two jobs for the price of one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 091

You deserved it 116

By Anonymous - 17/12/2018 13:30

Today, I have a busy week scheduled at work, so I took my file home to smash out some reports. Naturally I did not do any work at home and then I also forgot to take the file back to work the next day. Instead of saving time, I wasted an hour driving home to collect it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 091

You deserved it 2 172

Treat yourself

By Anonymous - 26/07/2022 02:00

Today, I told my husband we could have a "him" day, visit the comic book and games stores, then watch anime. He refused to believe I was genuine, and asked what bad thing I did that I was trying to make up for. We ended up not doing any of it because he thinks I can’t be nice to him without a motive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 091

You deserved it 810

Gambled and lost

By Anonymous - 25/07/2021 10:59

Today, I found out that my mom found a paper with my long lost username and password to an old crypto wallet with 17 bitcoins. She'd thrown it in the garbage bin before realising what it was. The bin was empty when I went running to check it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 091

You deserved it 275

Piss off

By Anonymous - 25/05/2023 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my horrible parents turned up to the restaurant I work at just to mess with me. Dad forgot his wallet, what a surprise, and asked me to pay the bill. I refused so my manager got involved. My dad got arrested, I got fired and might lose my lousy flat if I’m late on the rent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 091

You deserved it 1 129

Funny guy

By Anonymous - 09/09/2022 08:00 - United States - Lima

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were finishing in the bedroom; he pulled out and finished on my stomach. Then he figured that was the time to quote Shrek, saying, "Better out than in I always say." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 091

You deserved it 377

Welcome

By Anonymous - 24/12/2020 20:01

Today, I had to clean out my husband's brother's room as he is moving. The room was filled with childish toys, mould and years of dust covered everything. Behind and under every piece of furniture were earwax encrusted cotton swabs, hundreds of them. Oh yeah, he's moving in with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 091

You deserved it 153

New man

By Anonymous - 19/01/2022 08:01

Today, my ex-boyfriend, who broke up with me the day before yesterday, got a job at my workplace. He shows up dressed his best clothes, clean-shaven, and with perfume. For the 10 months we dated, I only saw him in baggy tops, sweatpants, a weird beard, and the smell of sweat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 091

You deserved it 256

Thanks Disney

By please stop talking about Bruno! - 05/02/2022 16:01

Today, my kids have watched Encanto about 37 times. When they aren’t watching the movie, they ask to hear the soundtrack. When they aren’t listening to it in the house, they ask to hear it in the car. I’m starting to hear these songs in my nightmares. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 091

You deserved it 255

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The Top

The Top

Today, I went to a concert. Being 6'5" was a great advantage because I could see the stage from wherever I was stood. On the downside, I was used by people as a meeting point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 397

You deserved it 4 068

Today, at the point of orgasm, my boyfriend screamed out, "Is this all there is?!" then rolled over and stared blankly at the ceiling without speaking for ages. This happens a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 898

You deserved it 6 244

Today, I found out why my cups of tea have been tasting a bit funny. It turns out my kettle is full of ants, so every time I boil water to make tea, the ants get re-boiled along with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 584

You deserved it 17 573

Today, at age 18, I am now the guardian of my sister's 10-month-old and 4-year-old. Why? She decided to "work on her" and enlist in the army. Guess that means no college for me for the next year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 639

You deserved it 349

Today, I found out that the rivalry between my boyfriend and my only friend I have in this city was just a cover up. I'm now a single mom of a 2 year-old and a 5 month-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 249

You deserved it 192

Today, I was written up at work for "leering at my boss". I'm so sorry for having my eyes sore due to lack of sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 809

You deserved it 134