Today, my husband and I ran into his high school girlfriend at the mall. We were catching up and my husband told her that we have a daughter. She asked what our daughter's name, but my husband hesitated and tried to change the subject, so I told her it was Juniper. That was her name. FML
Today, like every month, I need to summon the courage to tell my husband that I’m on my period. When he finds out, he’s gonna go out and sleep with other women until it’s gone. He has “urges” and “needs sex every day” and if I "can’t give it to him someone else will.” I’m disabled and can’t afford to leave. FML
Today, it's been a week since I hired a 17 year-old guy to work at my store. Three of his friends decided to come in today and "prank" him by all three taking a shit in one toilet and clog it. The toilet overflowed. FML
Today, despite house prices in my area being the highest they've been in ten years, my mother insists that the reason I can't afford one is not due to insane inflation, but because I'm single. She also seems to conveniently forget that she was a large contributing factor to the end of my last relationship. FML
Today, my boss finally worked out that by not giving the lads a pay rise to £18 an hour, instead just offering them overtime when necessary, it actually cost the equivalent of raising each employees salary to £26 an hour, for a whole year. He’s is blaming me because I issue the pay checks. FML
Today, my now ex-girlfriend broke up with me by simply "ghosting" me. We're both in our late thirties. I thought she was more grown up than this. FML
Today, it was my best friend's birthday party. Her boyfriend and I agreed to organize a dinner date to surprise her and celebrate. They celebrated, but forgot me until they arrived at the restaurant and saw the dinner reservation under my name. FML
Today, my parents think the only reason I'm gay is because I have a curse that makes me attracted to women, and I'm actually straight. At this point, even my older sisters believe it, which is crazy. FML
Today, I'm in a legal dispute with my neighbour, but he uses his autism as an excuse for being an asshole. I know people with autism much worse than his who are the nicest people, but this guy uses it like a get-out-of-jail free card, especially in front of police, or whenever we go to court. FML
Today, I told my close friend that I have a thing for him. His reaction? "Oh, fuck." FML
Today, I cooked for the future in-laws and was accused of trying to poison them. Absolutely no one told me, even as they watched me cook shrimp and smoked sausage gumbo, that my mother-in-law is deathly allergic to shellfish and my father-in-law gets severe diarrhoea when he eats pork. FML
Today, I went to the dentist in the same building my wife works. I decided to leave a love note on her car to surprise her. I'm currently being held by security, waiting on the cops, on suspicion of stalking. FML
Today, I realized just how fragile and idiotic my brother is. At a family get together, I bought a giant box of popsicles for all the kids to enjoy. He refused to let his sons have one, because according to him, “it looks gay”. I swear my mother found him by the road or something. FML
Today, I was at a very important music competition. When we'd rehearsed the song in question, the conductor said we were to repeat the last four bars of the song three times. As I went to play the third time, the whole orchestra stopped playing. I kept playing by accident and we came in third because of my mistake. FML
Today, I told my dad I wasn’t feeling well, to which his response was to interrupt me and say, “Nope. Not buying it.” I have never faked an illness in my life, and this time I vomited in front of my entire class. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend was cheating on me, thanks to a friend's TikTok account. FML
Today, my girlfriend raged furiously at me for never initiating sex. The reason I haven't been initiating is because she was on a medically-ordered sex ban, and she "forgot to tell me" that her doctor had cleared her two weeks ago. She's still mad at me, and there's still no sex. FML
Today, I went to surprise my boyfriend at his job. When I saw he wasn't there, I asked a co-worker, who told me his "sister" came by earlier. He's an only child. FML
Today, my fiancé told me he loved me just the way I am, but admitted he wished he had met me before my head injury that made me "slow." FML
Today, my longterm girlfriend and I broke up after 2 months of me not being myself, due to repressed memories of a childhood trauma. Prior to this coming up, I was about about ask her to marry me. FML
Today, my flatmate has gotten so obese that she's breaking through the solid wood floors just by walking barefoot. She refuses to diet, and we're never getting our deposit back on this place. FML
Today, despite being married and renting my own apartment, I can't fulfil my teenage dream of slamming my wife on the sofa and pounding her like cheap mince, all because it would apparently "defile the sofa for the children." FML
Today, I learned that working while taking muscle relaxers is not as fun as it sounds. FML
Today, after fasting for 24 hours and drinking 2 buckets of laxatives, my doctor's office notified me that my colonoscopy had been cancelled. I'd just finished the prep by taking the fart pills, and now have the cleanest colon ever. A lot of time spent on the toilet that I’ll never get back though. FML
Today, my sister kicked me up the ass with such precision that I’m still bleeding from my asshole where the toe of her shoe tore the skin. FML
Today my boyfriend left his camera with me. I wanted to see the recent photos we took at the park next to my house. I scrolled through and found pictures of him and his ex-girlfriend the weekend before at the same park, posing under the same tree we had taken a photo. We've been together for a year. FML
Today, I went to the emergency room. A medicine I'm on for my nerve disease is causing me to have stomach pains. If I get off the medicine though, the nerve disease can get worse. If I stay on the medicine, I can continue to have stomach pains and vomit. FML
Today, on my long-awaited vacation, I got a phone call from my sister. Her childhood friend died. She bawled on the phone, and my plans were ruined. My husband said it was selfish of her to do such a thing when she knew we were on vacation, so she ramped up the drama times ten. She and her friend used to bully me. FML
Today, my significant other decided it’s safe to travel to Brazil for Christmas break, even though they are heavily impacted by Covid. He doesn't understand for the life of him why we should skip this year. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend if maybe she wanted to actually leave the house for date night. All I got was, “Why? We have takeaway menus.” When I insisted we leave the house for once, she got suspicious, like I was trying to hide something bad. She’s not talking to me until I admit what I did. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
