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The all-time greatest FMLs

Inappropriate crush

By Anonymous - 14/06/2020 17:00

Today, a week after my 10-year anniversary, I realized I've somehow been roped into hosting my husband's crush's birthday party with all their friends. My gift to myself was a $60 bottle of whiskey that won't arrive in time to help me with my debilitating social anxiety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 471

You deserved it 367

Dump the dump

By lily anne - 30/01/2022 02:00

Today, my mom screamed my name five times while I was on the toilet. When I was done, I went to her and she said, “Why the FUCK did you not immediately drop what you were doing and rush to help me with the dishes?” Apparently, the fact that I was pooping wasn’t a good enough excuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 471

You deserved it 145

Tidy your room

By Anonymous - 06/07/2020 20:03

Today, I woke up and stepped on a wet jacket. After smelling what it was, it turns out the cat had peed all over my laundry, especially the waterproof jacket, and after attempting to clean it up, it dripped everywhere and the entire apartment now smells like cat piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 471

You deserved it 449

Thanks, I guess…

By Anonymous - 12/08/2019 18:00

Today, I got a package containing a present from my grandma. It was a pack of cookies someone gave her for her birthday, and which no one in the family wanted to take home when she offered, because we all found the cookies disgusting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 470

You deserved it 173

So no one told you life was gonna be this way…

By Alexxicks - 05/03/2020 12:02

Today, I was asked a security question by my bank's app when I tried using it after a year. After two to three wrong attempts, I got it correct with the answer, "Myself." The question was, "Who was your childhood friend?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 470

You deserved it 301

Chill out Jen

By Anonymous - 23/08/2019 16:00

Today, I was at an outdoor market with my family. We'd had dinner and were about to leave when two women stood next to our table, smoking. We called out to let them know they could have it, as we were leaving. They thought we were complaining about the smoke. They yelled at us and stormed off, while the other tables stared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 470

You deserved it 184

Confinement is rough

By daisythebunny1988 - 25/03/2020 05:15

Today, my mother is snoring so loud that I can still hear her with the door shut and with earplugs in. So much for sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 470

You deserved it 151

Monster in my bathroom

By Thescarlettfox - 16/02/2020 01:00

Today, I saw a big, black spider on the floor of my bathroom. I promptly jumped up on the toilet seat, slipped off, and slammed my head against the wall. The best part? It was a tuft of my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 470

You deserved it 894

Obligatory joke about Alabama

By Anonymous - 09/08/2022 10:00

Today, my son has to go live with my brother, because he got his half-sister pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 470

You deserved it 324

Not feeling it

By Anonymous - 20/06/2021 02:01

Today, it’s been over 15 months since I’ve had sex with my fiancé. We’re getting married next month. Now I'm wondering if we’ll have sex at all on our honeymoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 470

You deserved it 388

Work husbands and work wives

By Sleeping at my parents tonight - 28/06/2023 15:00

Today, I went to my husband’s work party where employees could bring a plus one. There, I met the colleague he talks so much about. She looked noticeably disappointed and said to my husband, “Wife?! You told me you were single!” We’ve been married for 7 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 470

You deserved it 135

Minefield

By Anonymous - 14/08/2020 20:03

Today, my cat pissed on my bed, so I had to change the sheets. Just as I got out of bed and take my first step, I stepped in my cat's poop as well and slipped, spraining my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 469

You deserved it 397

By Anonymous - 31/08/2019 18:01

Today, I got a haircut. During dinner, my grandmother complained about it, and said I looked terrible. I've had the exact same haircut for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 469

You deserved it 147

Water, water, everywhere

By Anonymous - 18/05/2020 05:00

Today, I learned that taking a shower right before your house starts flooding is the human equivalent to washing your car right before it starts raining. Only much worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 469

You deserved it 161

People of Walmart

By FayBerry88 - 04/07/2020 08:08

Today, my four-year-old son asked me for a "boobie hug" in Walmart. It's something his dad thinks is cute and I've just gotten used to, so I hugged him without question. From the other end of the aisle, a strange man asked, "Can I have one too?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 469

You deserved it 501

What's the point?

By Emily - 07/06/2020 20:08

Today, whilst doing training as a mental health nurse, our glorified pineapple of a lecturer told us that trying to stop patients wanting to commit suicide isn't a possibility. So, what the hell are we training for? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 468

You deserved it 201

Revelations

By Anonymous - 29/09/2021 20:45

Today, I told my mom I was thinking of having a baby. She told me it was a huge mistake because children cost a fortune, make you miserable, and if she'd had her chance again she would have gotten her tubes tied when she was 18 and saved herself the grief. Gee, thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 468

You deserved it 277

Pleased to meet you

By Anonymous - 18/10/2020 17:02 - United States

Today, I was eating at a restaurant when a man came up to me and said, "You're pathetic for having lunch with someone that much older than you." My dad immediately got up and punched the man in the face. My fiancé's parents had to walk in the door right as it happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 468

You deserved it 136

The pits

By stinkypits - 23/06/2020 14:00

Today, I started six weeks of radiation on my left axillary region. Besides not being able to shave my armpit, I also can’t use lotion of any kind near the area, nor wear deodorant. This wouldn’t be a problem except it’s summer and I live in Southern California. The sweat is killing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 468

You deserved it 120

By Shrek's Pubes - 22/05/2019 20:00

Today, I tried to dye my hair blonde. Turns out, green hair doesn't suit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 467

You deserved it 587

By Jimmy - 02/08/2019 12:00 - Australia

Today, my friend and I were playing football in the street, when out of nowhere a skinhead sucker-punched me in the gut, grabbed my football, and ran away, giggling like a maniac. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 467

You deserved it 146

Frittering it away

By Anonymous - 13/10/2021 13:59

Today, I've been with my boyfriend for 6 years, and I just found out he has an OnlyFans, on which I found he messages girls, and talks to one specifically nearly regularly all year. I have no idea how much he's spent on there, but a lot: tips, requests, di** ratings. This is only a small part, and we just got a house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 467

You deserved it 199

Never gonna happen

By meat lover - 27/09/2022 15:30

Today, my girlfriend woke me up by saying, "Good morning! We're going to be vegans from now on." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 467

You deserved it 219

Where's my NS10s gone?

By Anonymous - 08/10/2021 14:00 - Spain - Palma De Mallorca

Today, I woke up to find my home studio cleared of most of my music gear. Apparently, my brother went on a Tinder date with a stranger late at night, and decided it to bring her to my place's guest room since my house "was closer." I'd been building that studio for over 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 467

You deserved it 116

Classic sitcom fodder

By Captain obvious - 14/04/2023 18:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I walked in on my wife in bed naked, with a guy I’ve never even heard of. At first she said, “It’s not what it looks like!” I told her I just saw her cheating on me with another man, to which she said, “Oh… it’s exactly what it looks like.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 467

You deserved it 153

That sinking feeling…

By Anonymous - 06/04/2020 08:00

Today, I went to change the toilet paper roll. I failed. It was the last roll of the "right kind," and my wife is "fine" and "not mad." Let the confinement continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 467

You deserved it 443

Sworn to secrecy

By TheEpicWario - 01/06/2021 14:02

Today, my mom confirmed my suspicions that my dad cheated on her. She then told me to hide my knowledge about it from my dad, and to keep my brother completely in the dark for now. Now I can't even look at my dad without reaching the brink of crying, and I'm somehow supposed to keep this under wraps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 466

You deserved it 175

Horndog

By Kimberly - 05/09/2022 23:00

Today, my now-ex bf actually gave me the, “If we don’t have trust, we don’t have anything” speech when I caught him commenting “Soooooooo sexy! I’d hit that 24/7/365” on a girl’s photo on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 466

You deserved it 263

Age ain't nothing but a number

By Anonymous - 19/04/2020 08:00

Today, I was asked for ID to purchase decorative scissors. I was buying them to make my wedding decorations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 466

You deserved it 187

Great party, eh?

By Anonymous - 30/09/2021 17:00

Today, my girlfriend and I threw a housewarming party we'd been planning for almost 2 months. Out of the 30 plus people I invited from work, literally nobody showed up. Not going to lie, I'm a little depressed about it. It's going to be hard to go to work and pretend I'm not upset. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 465

You deserved it 281

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The Top

Today, I gave my husband an expensive watch. The first words out of his mouth were, "You didn't use our joint bank account for this, right?" He then asked if I still had the receipt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 378

You deserved it 5 548

Today, I was looking through some old family photos. I don't know what the hell was going on in my head, but I idly double-tapped on one to zoom in. They were prints. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 241

You deserved it 29 491

Today, I was sitting in a train when the old lady sitting next to me started staring at me. I asked her if she was OK, and she exclaimed, "Willy! It's you! Where have you been all this time?" The entire train trip went like this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 167

You deserved it 2 028

Today, while helping a child through a tantrum, I was kicked and my hand broke. The bone is completely in half and fixing it will require plates, screws, and surgery along with months of recovery. Another day on the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 265

You deserved it 229

Today, I once again woke up to find a huge gash on the back of my foot with blood pouring out. Turns out, I scratched it with my other toenail in my sleep. This is the ninth time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 1 217

Today, I had been looking forward to sex all day, got home, got my husband's engine running, got naked on top of him, violently sneezed at his new aftershave, and started my period all over his balls. We were centimetres away from sex and now have to wait 3 to 7 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 115

You deserved it 459