By Anonymous - 18/5/2020 05:00 Water, water, everywhere Today, I learned that taking a shower right before your house starts flooding is the human equivalent to washing your car right before it starts raining. Only much worse. FML I agree, your life sucks 1371 You deserved it 131 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Bashit - United States - Bullard Today, I received a call from the company I applied to, only to have my father pick it up and make fun of the man's accent. They won't call me back or take any of my calls, and my dad is completely unapologetic. FML I agree, your life sucks 29383 You deserved it 2063 95 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By notanybetter Today, the drummer from my favorite band threw a drumstick into the crowd during a concert. It hit me on the head and bounced into my friend's hands. She left with a drumstick from a band she didn't want to see in the first place. I left with a bruise. FML I agree, your life sucks 1507 You deserved it 151 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By FreshDonuts - United States - Antioch Today, my girlfriend said she was going to start appreciating the little things in life. She's starting with my penis. FML I agree, your life sucks 40139 You deserved it 6236 113 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Sid - United States Today, my dog was barking at a squirrel in the yard. I opened the door to let him chase the squirrel. I went to look at the dead squirrel and found out it was the neighbor's chihuahua. FML I agree, your life sucks 24643 You deserved it 41609 312 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By verycre8tive - Romania Today, after a few drinks my dad decided to tell me the story of how I was born. He wanted a baby girl after my brother, and mum didn't want any more children. So he tricked her by giving her the wrong pill. That should explain a lot. FML I agree, your life sucks 55507 You deserved it 2708 108 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Bad Child? Today, as I was brushing my teeth, I heard my mum praying to God to help her "get rid of such a stupid child". I have no idea what I've done wrong, and she's refused to talk to me all day. FML I agree, your life sucks 5711 You deserved it 404 15 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By not drunk - 21/7/2020 08:01 And I oop Today, I was at a restaurant. I turned around looking for the restroom. I almost walked into the men’s room, then corrected myself and stumbled in the hallway looking for the ladies’. The employees thought I was drunk and kicked me out. I hadn’t had a single drink. I’m just clumsy as shit. FML I agree, your life sucks 1387 You deserved it 219 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By devourer, apparently Today, my boyfriend of two years told me that I had grown on him. I thought it was cute, until he added, "like a flesh eating bacteria". FML I agree, your life sucks 2353 You deserved it 247 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my mom walked in on me and my boyfriend having sex. She was completely embarrassed (as was I) and she flew out of the room. My boyfriend, on the other hand, still wanted to finish. FML I agree, your life sucks 12326 You deserved it 20561 132 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By oliveoyl - United States Today, my husband, who is in the Navy, had a couple of his sailor friends over to hang out. The stereotype about their swearing is true. My two year old now won't stop saying "Fuck." FML I agree, your life sucks 36586 You deserved it 5244 139 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By shit... - United States Today, I sent out my monthly curriculum list to the parents of the kids in my math class so they can see what their children will be learning. I usually end my e-mails with the phrase 'math is power'. Now, 154 parents got an e-mail saying 'meth is power'. FML I agree, your life sucks 45849 You deserved it 23744 193 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Seriously? - United States - Mill Valley Today, a teenage girl bumped into me and my phone fell out of my hands, and over the Golden Gate Bridge. FML I agree, your life sucks 59598 You deserved it 6148 134 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By RebekahBrooke - United States Today, I started my first day as a waitress. After getting my ass slapped, drinks and food spilled over me, and being tripped by a bratty kid, my tips were stolen. FML I agree, your life sucks 39054 You deserved it 2628 171 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By insurgent - Belgium - Antwerpen Today, I'm so lonely, I wrote my number on a desk at my university, hoping someone would text me. FML I agree, your life sucks 12474 You deserved it 2032 64 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fuckmyjob - United States - Lake Charles Today, at my first day working at Walmart, a customer asked if we have any egg cookers. I said I wasn't sure, but that I'd be "eggstatic" to go ask for him. The first clue I got to suggest he hated puns was him yelling "Don't get smart with me, boy!" and then threatening to kill me. FML I agree, your life sucks 45909 You deserved it 10128 141 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, a month after my final bout of intimacy with the stage five clinger who's been borderline stalking me since high school, she called to tell me I'm going to be a father. FML I agree, your life sucks 14394 You deserved it 62812 207 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Turnipseed3 - United States Today, I was sitting on the toilet, pregnant as ever and really sick. I asked my fiancé to bring me a pair of clean underwear. He did so and brought me some lacy underwear. They weren't mine. FML I agree, your life sucks 47356 You deserved it 3023 186 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By pear8head - United States Today, I ran into my new apartment neighbor. She said she could hear me and my girlfriend having wild sex last night. She told me she had always wanted to have a threesome. My new neighbor is as old as my grandma, and even resembles her. I politely declined. FML I agree, your life sucks 54107 You deserved it 5870 84 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada Today, I was wanking and started thinking about why the Simpsons are yellow, and how that came to be. I haven't been laid in 4 years and my ADD is so crippling that I can't jack off. FML I agree, your life sucks 34981 You deserved it 6289 181 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my fiancé was performing oral on me, when I heard him start making a "Waka waka waka waka" noise. He confessed to pretending to be Pacman. FML I agree, your life sucks 29137 You deserved it 5354 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By W T F - United States - Jacksonville Today, I gave my girlfriend a hickey barely an inch from her vagina. She texted me later, saying her dad saw it and had grounded her. So yeah, I'm not sure I even want to know what the hell goes on in their house. FML I agree, your life sucks 43729 You deserved it 3592 191 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Littleton Today, my 14-year-old sister came into the bathroom while I was in it. When she saw me, she said sorry and left. Little did I know, she took my electric toothbrush to masturbate. FML I agree, your life sucks 6624 You deserved it 519 26 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my friend thought it would be funny to dress in all black with a ski mask and use my spare key to break into my house as a joke. He though it was even funnier when I jumped out the window and broke my leg. FML I agree, your life sucks 43520 You deserved it 6308 114 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By soccercrazed1520 - France Today, I was taking a warm shower when someone in my house flushed the toilet, making the shower extremely hot. In my rush to get out so I wouldn't get burned, I slipped and knocked a tooth out. FML I agree, your life sucks 35188 You deserved it 4357 78 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sysadmin:~# rm -rf / - New Zealand - Auckland Today, my self-esteem sank so low that I sabotaged my workplace's corporate network, then fixed it, just so I could feel needed. FML I agree, your life sucks 44608 You deserved it 7385 73 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Confused - Spain - Madrid Today, I finally had sex with my boyfriend. I had never gotten so far with a guy, so I was really nervous. He was careful, we tried different positions, "it was fun" and he came. I barely felt anything. FML I agree, your life sucks 33577 You deserved it 4375 174 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By not funny but :( - United States - Wooster Today, while on vacation, I think I met my soul-mate, and quite possibly the love of my life. My vacation is to celebrate my 8-year anniversary with my husband. FML I agree, your life sucks 23164 You deserved it 60490 203 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Netherlands - Gennep Today, I was in a hot tub at a public sauna. After chatting with a friendly couple, I decided to go get some lunch. I was halfway out of the water when the man started laughing and said he'd thought I was a woman. I am. FML I agree, your life sucks 28884 You deserved it 2312 74 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By CathyMary - United States - New York Today, my date asked me if I enjoyed golden showers. We were in the middle of making out, and it was our first date, which I thought was going well. I guess when things seem too good to be true, they really are. FML I agree, your life sucks 1953 You deserved it 223 19 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, trying to be cute, I told my soon-to-be husband he was the ying to my yang. He responded with "Baby, you're the Monica Lewinsky to my Bill Clinton." FML I agree, your life sucks 27467 You deserved it 8453 139 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By PizzaNIF - United States - Henderson Today, I was woken up by the sound of my dad blasting porn on his computer. FML I agree, your life sucks 14679 You deserved it 1312 20 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By SN MetalMilitia - 3/11/2020 05:02 Make believe Today, I once again bought condoms at the gas station to make the people who work there think that I have a sex life. FML I agree, your life sucks 366 You deserved it 1116 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Jackal - United States - Trumbull Today, I found out the time I'd requested off for a trip in 2 months, that my boss said that I could go on, wasn't fully processed, just in case he decided I couldn't go. He told me the second part after I'd bought no refund tickets for shows for both me and my girlfriend. FML I agree, your life sucks 1671 You deserved it 143 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By eh - Azerbaijan - Baku Today, my laziness reached a whole new level when I caught myself skipping the longer FML stories to read the shorter ones. FML I agree, your life sucks 33427 You deserved it 13758 79 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By longest minute - United States - Cypress Today, I was peeing in a public bathroom when a guy walked in and passed by 4 open urinals to use the one next to mine. After feeling his gaze for a second, I confronted him with my own, in hopes he would stop. Instead, I stared into a stranger's eyes until I finished peeing. FML I agree, your life sucks 13628 You deserved it 2630 58 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By vegas-81 - France Today, I came home from a night out with the lads. My girlfriend refused to make love to me, saying my sperm were drunk and would raise hell in her uterus. FML I agree, your life sucks 50504 You deserved it 16366 89 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By RectalSteve - United Kingdom - Belfast Today, I showed my girlfriend some old home videos of me as a kid. My dad must have taped over one though, because halfway through it cut to extremely graphic footage of his colonoscopy. FML I agree, your life sucks 3468 You deserved it 272 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jacquelle - United States Today, I came home to find that my roommate had done the laundry. At first, I was very appreciative. However, I wasn't so thankful when I found out she brought home the wrong basket from the laundromat. FML I agree, your life sucks 25381 You deserved it 2308 52 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, for the first time in years, I worked up the nerve to ask a work friend if they wanted to hang out sometime. They winced, and said they were busy that day. I hadn't specified a day. FML I agree, your life sucks 5036 You deserved it 376 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Sonofaquiche Today, I had to help my grandma because her TV suddenly stopped working. She has cable as well as satellite, so she figured she didn't need the satellite receiver anymore. Apparently the best way to do get rid of it was to cut all the cables connected to the TV. FML I agree, your life sucks 4902 You deserved it 436 19 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today, I started to cry while masturbating. This isn't the first time that this has happened. FML I agree, your life sucks 116 You deserved it 44 3 Comments
Today, I woke up with a sore clitoris. I haven't had sex with my boyfriend for weeks, but I did masturbate yesterday. I guess I can't get horny without... I agree, your life sucks 333 You deserved it 69 4 Comments
