Today, I was telling my wife how being told to drink water all... - FML

By CantPoop - 13/7/2018 08:00 - United States - Springdale

Today, I was telling my wife how being told to drink water all day when you're not even thirsty is "such a scam". Suddenly, I felt an excruciating pain in my abdomen. The ER had to give me IV fluids because I was so constipated from dehydration. The bill was over $2000. FML

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Rock, hard place

Nice neighborhood

Too embarrassed to get them from a store?

By Steph - 19/8/2019 02:00 - United States

Today, I was at a soccer game when some guys walking behind me yelled that I had a nice ass. I then heard someone shout, "Hey, assholes. That's my daughter." He yelled at them for quite a while. He wasn't my dad, just some weird dude. FML

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By sosadstudent - 20/4/2011 20:52 - Netherlands

Today, I realized I can tell which one of my 6 roommates has taken a dump, just based on the smell emanating from the toilet. FML

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By smashyonewfloors - 31/8/2013 04:44 - Canada - High River

Today, my crew and I were berated by a client for not installing her new hardwood floor on time. We were only halfway through the day, but apparently it should have only taken "like, an hour?" because "The guys on the TV shows do it that fast." FML

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By James - 6/9/2019 02:04

Windows 2019

Today, a group of angry women stormed my boss’s office, complaining I was harassing them and peeping through their windows. I'm a window washer, and these women never buy curtains. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/2/2015 01:27 - United States

Today, my grandma rushed into my work and told my manager I had to leave due to a family emergency. Panicked, I ran to get my stuff and ran to the car. When I asked what had happened, she replied, "I needed someone to go see 50 Shades of Grey with me." FML

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By catherineratley - 6/5/2012 04:09 - United States - Carmi

Today, I shut my finger in the car door. The door locked. Then I dropped the keys on the ground and couldn't reach them. FML

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By fartlover - 27/11/2009 05:10 - Canada

Today, I went over to my boyfriend's apartment and I smelled a delicious aroma as I walked in so I asked him what he was cooking. His response was, "I'm not cooking anything. I just farted." FML

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By YEEYEE517 - 3/9/2019 22:00

The customer is always something

Today, working in retail, I noticed a customer looking for an item, so I walked up to them and asked, "Is there something I can help you find?" He replied, "Did I ask for your fucking help?" FML

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By Abendigo77 - 14/1/2013 04:49 - United States - Healdsburg

Today, my vegan boyfriend told me that if he were forced to kill either his cat or me, he'd kill me because he "would never kill an animal." FML

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By Killme - 13/7/2016 02:10

Today, as a birthday present, my friends threw a surprise party for me. I was so surprised, I pissed myself in front of everyone, including my crush. FML

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By Angel - 22/6/2015 02:16 - United States - Utica

Today, while swimming under water, my 80-pound lab thought I was drowning and tried to "rescue" me by jumping in after me, wrapping his front legs around my neck, and standing on my chest. FML

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By badparent - 8/4/2013 04:26 - Australia - Southport

Today, my 16-year-old son convinced my 14-year-old daughter that she wasn't allowed to use the ladies bathroom at the shopping centre, because she wasn't wearing a dress like the girl on the sign. He told her girls in pants always used the other one. She believed him. This is my legacy. FML

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By cogu - 3/2/2010 19:34 - France

Today, I realized my girlfriend has more hair on her abdomen than I have on mine. FML

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By Krystl - 18/9/2016 16:35 - Australia

Today, I met the old couple I would be house-sitting for. As I was leaving the lady stuck her fist out towards me. After a seconds awkward pause I thought she wanted to fist-bump so stuck mine out and bumped. Turned out she was handing me the key. FML

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By 420dits - 26/1/2010 01:16 - Canada

Today, my crush went on webcam on MSN. He looked really adorable, so I took about 6 screen shots and copied them into paint. I accidentally took a screenshot of my screen with all the pictures on paint and copied it into the conversation. FML

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By sotired - 5/3/2013 19:58 - Australia - Mona Vale

Today, my neighbour's puppy has developed separation anxiety. Every time my neighbour leaves for work, the puppy constantly whines and barks until he gets home. He works night shifts. FML

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By pinkplasticjesus - 20/6/2009 03:17 - Canada

Today, I went to a restaurant and only brought $14 with me to eat. I ordered and ate my meal, then went to the counter to pay for it. I threw $2 into the tip jar then got my bill. My bill was $13.86. I had to reach into the tip jar and take my $2 back so I could pay for my meal. FML

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By whatabitch - 16/9/2010 16:23 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend's mother came up to me at school, yelling and causing a scene in front of everyone for breaking her son's heart. We broke up over a year ago because he was cheating on me. FML

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By Crappyfayman - 23/2/2010 02:46 - United States

Today, someone gave me a note to pass along to a girl in class. The note had the girl's name surrounded by hearts. When I gave it to her, she assumed it was a love note from me, and said "Not in a million years, fat ass" before I could say it was from someone else. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/6/2016 12:37 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was trying to get my girlfriend to speak Mandarin. After speaking her first words and taking a break, she posted on Facebook: "I speak ching chong! :D :D :D" FML

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By whatdidIdo - 3/9/2011 05:33 - United States

Today, I went to a restaurant with a girl I really liked. She started crying when an overweight family walked in and loudly sobbed about how the parents were "murdering" their children. This made the father of that family try to fight me. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/10/2010 13:03 - United States

Today, I was supposed to present a speech on diabetes. The girl who went first chose the same subject, knowing I'm diabetic and that it was my topic. I went last, so I had to change half of my speech on the spot. I sounded ignorant about my own illness. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/1/2010 01:12 - United States

Today, my mom asked me if I would be embarrassed if she got a tramp stamp. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/12/2018 13:30

Today, in addition to having to deal with chronic pain that keeps me from driving for more than 10 minutes, I now have to deal with my brother who thinks I'm not paying him enough for taking me to school 2 days a week, when he does the journeys for himself anyway. FML

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By Flora - 17/4/2013 22:56 - United States - Watsonville

Today, I got ancestry DNA tests for my parents and myself. The DNA testing company informed me that I'm a 50% match for my mother but I share no DNA with my father. Apparently, both my parents forgot that they used a sperm donor. This insignificant detail has slipped their minds for 35 years. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/8/2010 05:14 - United States

Today, for my mom's birthday, we went camping. At night, my mom and her boyfriend decided to have "Birthday Sex" because they thought everyone was asleep. Trying to not make it awkward for me and my friend that I brought along, I kept still. Soon, I heard my friend going to town on herself. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/5/2012 11:35 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he would still love me if I became a vegetable. His response: "Well, the sex wouldn't be any different." FML

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By phone-less - 17/12/2015 02:47 - United States - East Peoria

Today, I was at an amusement park with friends. We wanted to get a picture of all four of us, so we asked a nice-looking man to take it for us on my brand-new iPhone 6s. He took something. Unfortunately, it wasn't a picture. FML

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By heshay - 28/10/2010 04:27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was seated in my section at work. As he sees me his face drops... he's on a date. He had forgotten I work there. I had to serve him and his date, and they didn't leave a tip. FML

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By Cacahuete - 28/12/2013 14:46 - France - Villejuif

Today, a DJ friend of mine offered me a part in one of his tracks. I was flattered, and accepted. All I ended up singing was, "I'm a bitch, I'm a bitch" over and over again in the background. FML

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By dotcomboy - 28/7/2009 15:23 - United States

Today, my boss asked me to call his new phone to make sure it's working. When his phone didn't ring, he looked at my phone to confirm I called him. My boss then saw that I'd entered him into my phonebook as "douche bag". FML

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By Anonymous - 11/2/2013 20:58 - United States - Raynham

Today, with 24 inches of snow on the ground, it is raining like hell. The weight of the snow, now full of rain water, collapsed the roof over my living room. I was eating cereal in my underwear, in the living room, directly under the failure. I'm cold. FML

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By runsinthefamily - 4/10/2014 16:31 - United States - Aurora

Today, my neighbor called the cops on me, claiming I'd threatened him with a gun. Despite zero proof, they took me to the station and gave me hell. I guess what I've learned today is that you should never offend your crazy neighbor by breaking up with his daughter. FML

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By noluckwhatsoever - 6/1/2010 16:44 - United States

Today, after months of job hunting, I got a call back for a position. I was outside at the time and had no pen or paper available to write the address down. I told the guy to call me back in 5 minutes and he agreed. It's been 3 hours and still no call. FML

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By splooge - 28/1/2009 15:12 - United States

Today, I was in bed next to the boy I loved, he had just came and passed out immediately afterwards. I reached over to look at my phone but grabbed his instead and saw a text message from his ex-girlfriend that read "I love you too." FML

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By Laura - 17/9/2010 00:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of three years decided it was finally time to have sex. After we did, he told me that he was sleeping with another girl. He wanted to have sex with me to see who was better. FML

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By screw life - 1/10/2012 11:35 - United States

Today, my brother saw my side when my shirt came up, and asked when I got a tattoo; the pink he saw was in fact my stretch marks. Worst of all, I had to show them to everyone to prove I didn't actually get a tattoo. FML

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By sophie - 13/4/2011 16:36 - United States

Today, my teacher told me I wasn't pretty enough to play the princess part in the play. FML

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By Pika - 9/10/2017 01:30

Today, in the midst of an interview, I was asked what my best qualities are. I panicked and quickly responded that I can make a great Pikachu impression. They wanted to hear it. FML

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By Hairy Cheek - 15/4/2016 04:27 - United States - Columbia

Today, I was at work and caught my pants on the corner of the door hinge. They tore completely open and my hairy cheek was exposed for the whole office to see. FML

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Top comments

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7652984 - Monday 25 June 2018 3:05

Given that humans are 70-80% water (I forget the exact figure), it makes sense that we need to drink some to replenish what we lose. Were you not taught this in school?

By jbuckets_404 | 38

#7653119 - Monday 25 June 2018 14:26

Besides staying hydrated, you also need sufficient daily fiber in your diet to AVOID constipation....

Comments

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7652984 - Monday 25 June 2018 3:05

Given that humans are 70-80% water (I forget the exact figure), it makes sense that we need to drink some to replenish what we lose. Were you not taught this in school?

Reply

iRoybot | 16

#7661031 - Saturday 14 July 2018 1:02

yeah, that's not really how this works... dehydration is actually incredibly difficult state to achieve (if you can call it achieving) in humans, OK must have REALLY not liked the idea of drinking lol

By jbuckets_404 | 38

#7653119 - Monday 25 June 2018 14:26

Besides staying hydrated, you also need sufficient daily fiber in your diet to AVOID constipation....

By Dave_Davington | 33

#7660807 - Friday 13 July 2018 15:15

So, you paid $2000 for a bag of water. Well, the prevention may not be a scam, but the cure certainly is (well, more of a price gouge than a scam, but you know, semantics).

Reply

AXel2169 | 23

#7660962 - Friday 13 July 2018 20:28

Well, he's paying for using the ER and taking up the personnel's time

Reply

protoskore | 26

#7660999 - Friday 13 July 2018 22:49

A shame they don't live in a developed western country where subsidized universal healthcare is a thing

Reply

regi13 | 8

#7661237 - Saturday 14 July 2018 17:40

Why should we have to pay for this idiot?

By wanted_2_want | 40

#7660811 - Friday 13 July 2018 15:26

What if instead of the IV the ER would’ve used an enema on you.
Wouldn’t that scare you more into drinking water in the conventional way?
Just sayin’

By Justine Malang | 16

#7660826 - Friday 13 July 2018 15:55

Such a scam? At least you now know you were being ignorant.

By bl3ur0z3 | 17

#7660853 - Friday 13 July 2018 16:39

Water you gonna do cooking forward? Drink more what are from now on.

Seriously, carry a 32oz what are bottle and force yourself to drink it all day. You should have to fill it again half way through.

Reply

iRoybot | 16

#7661036 - Saturday 14 July 2018 1:06

that's actually a myth. different people need different amounts of water depending on size and environmental factors.

By lucasj23 | 11

#7660857 - Friday 13 July 2018 16:41

ydi. you're an idiot.

By Takegami | 22

#7660872 - Friday 13 July 2018 17:03

I guess your body had enough of your shit, huh

By Spencer Seymer | 6

#7660922 - Friday 13 July 2018 18:50

The sensation of thirst is actually the first sign of dehydration. you are supposed to drink enough fluids so that you actually never really feel thirsty...

By ViviMage | 38

#7660926 - Friday 13 July 2018 19:03

8 glasses of water is kinda a scam. Still then you're thirsty. Humans don't tend to overdrink (unless their holding their wee for a Wii), and if your thirsty you will seek out water (unless you mistake that for hunger).

Too little can also cause blood clots and DVTs