Money and Health: Today, I was telling my wife how being told to drink water all... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 2

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 219

You deserved it 56

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 113

You deserved it 1 029

13/07/2018 08:00

Today, I was telling my wife how being told to drink water all day when you're not even thirsty is "such a scam". Suddenly, I felt an excruciating pain in my abdomen. The ER had to give me IV fluids because I was so constipated from dehydration. The bill was over $2000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 424

You deserved it 6 962

Sorry…

Still pining

The Blob

24/08/2015 01:40

Today, I had my driver's permit in an envelope to keep it safe and a letter to mail out. I drove away from the post office with the letter in my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 628

You deserved it 8 739

21/11/2009 11:40

Today, as I put on my pajamas, a large spider ran down my leg. After freaking out, killing it, and recomposing myself, I went to the bathroom. As I sat down to go to the toilet, I looked up to see hundreds of baby spiders hanging over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 069

You deserved it 3 993

04/09/2013 21:07

Today, I put scribbles, lines, shapes and random words on my calendar just to make it seem like I was busy. This isn't the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 942

You deserved it 8 967

23/02/2013 06:28

Today, my brother accidentally hit me in the throat. After I stopped coughing, choking, and feeling like I was going to die, he came back into my room, quietly said "I know your weakness," and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 490

You deserved it 3 429

02/03/2009 23:38

Today, I went to get my underarms waxed. I'm usually not self-conscious because I figure they see worse stuff all the time. When I raised my arm for her to wax my armpit she looked at me, laughed and said "Well I guess that's how I know it's winter in Wisconsin!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 945

You deserved it 9 429

15/05/2014 12:02

Today, a customer came into our store and asked if we sold "child-sized coffins". This isn't even the weirdest question I've been asked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 911

You deserved it 4 643

12/05/2016 03:13

Today, my mom woke me up in the middle of the night to make me help my brother write an essay. I read what he wrote so far, gave him my suggestions, and went back to bed. She woke me up 30 mins later because he just sat and stared at his paper instead of fixing anything. Somehow that's my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 999

You deserved it 1 038

17/09/2012 04:47

Today, I got stopped by the fuzz. The officer told me he "could care less" about my excuses. He was probably about to let me go without a ticket, but my inner Grammar Nazi kicked in and I explained why he meant to say "couldn't care less." I got the ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 311

You deserved it 46 845

28/01/2019 06:00

Today, my girlfriend and I went on a date. I went to the bathroom. When I came back, she was sitting at a different table flirting with a guy that looked twice as old as her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 462

You deserved it 218

27/10/2017 06:03

Today, I purchased a cactus in a cute little pot and put it on my windowsill so it could get sun. Unfortunately, that's also where I have my alarm clock. Guess which one I grabbed in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 194

You deserved it 2 613

22/01/2011 09:03

Today, a friend and I saw some deer outside my car. Since we were both leaving for college the next day we wanted to do something memorable so we decided to chase the deer. Turns out the deer wanted to chase us too. We ran for over five minutes screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 751

You deserved it 54 007

08/02/2009 16:30

Today, I am finally dating the girl I have liked on and off for the past year. In the school play. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 352

You deserved it 5 253

16/08/2009 21:05

Today, I was desperate to teach my 2-year old to use her potty. I had to pee, and thought maybe she would learn by watching me use it. Everything was going well, until I realized that I had a long pee. So long that it overfilled her potty all over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 228

You deserved it 63 005

20/08/2012 09:14

Today, I was at Starbucks after having a rough day. The old man beside me was talking to his friend. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him point at me and say, "See that beautiful girl over there?" Flattered, I listened closer, until he finished his statement with, "She's gonna die." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 035

You deserved it 2 404

28/01/2009 17:25

Today, my grandmother who has Alzheimer's and can't usually remember my name, had a sudden moment of clarity and asked me why I'm still not married yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 416

You deserved it 2 261

19/08/2018 18:30

Today, I scratched my car with a bottle of scratch remover deeply enough that the scratch remover couldn't remove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 524

You deserved it 573

Fancy Hobo

By Anonymous - 29/12/2019 14:00

Today, I decided to change my name on YouTube to Fancy Hobo and then proceeded to send an email to a well-admired professor. Little did I know my email was linked to YouTube. Yes, Fancy Hobo sent a very professional email about registration for Grad School. FML

I agree, your life sucks 605

You deserved it 1 956

21/02/2009 05:41

Spicy

Today, My mom walked in on me and my 2 year crush about to have sex. When she saw us she said "oh I'll just wait outside, I know it wont be long anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 88 901

You deserved it 8 289

04/07/2009 10:42

Today, I came home and found a few of my faux fur coats completely butchered. On my way to interrogate my boys, the only ones home, I found our husky dog, who was recently shaved for an operation, covered in the fur that once belonged to my coat. My boys said 'he was cold'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 502

You deserved it 10 370

3spooky5me

By Anonymous - 10/09/2018 13:00

Today, I stayed the night at a friend's house for the first time. I went to get water from the kitchen when I saw a cat staring at me. I looked back and it ran off. I told my friend about it. He doesn’t have a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 527

You deserved it 216

16/12/2013 08:52

Today, I thought it would be to a good idea to introduce my indoor cat to my dog. The pee stains, multiple scratches, and puncture wounds to my face prove otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 934

You deserved it 10 181

14/03/2009 20:55

Today, I was walking down the street and noticed a man in ripped clothes with a cup out asking for money. I was on my way to the movies but I felt like this man needed it more that me. Right as I gave it to him, he pulled out his blackberry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 378

You deserved it 17 760

Eggs

By Anonymous - 03/01/2021 23:01

Today, while eating breakfast with my family, I asked my mother if there was any more scrambled eggs in the skillet because I really felt like having some more. She got mad at me because she thought I'd asked in a sarcastic manner. I wasn't joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 730

You deserved it 80

Zapped

By Anonymous - 24/12/2020 11:01

Today, I got the worst electric shock ever, touching a wire that was connected to the electric fence only by a plastic isolator, made specifically to NOT conduct electricity. I still don’t understand how it was possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 107

14/06/2015 01:27

Today, I had to wait for my daughter's pet python to finish taking a bath before I could take a shower and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 983

You deserved it 3 942

10/02/2011 20:06

Today, I was on the phone with a client, when the gum I was casually chewing fell out of my mouth and down my shirt. While I was trying to dig it out, two of our newest customers walked into the lobby to see what looked like me fondling my breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 306

You deserved it 12 661

04/01/2017 06:27

Today, I was supposed to start my first day of work at my dream job. However, my car had other plans and refused to start. When I called my boss to tell him I was going to be late, he told me not to come in at all and fired me on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 747

You deserved it 1 028

18/11/2008 06:42

Today, as I do every morning, I woke up and gave my dog, who sleeps next to me, a kiss on the nose. Except that this morning he had been sleeping the other way round. I kissed him on the arse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 496

You deserved it 25 083

29/06/2016 03:11

Today, for the third day in a row, I have been volunteered to kill and dispose of the bugs entering my apartment. I live with two "manly" men who can't use a flyswatter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 000

You deserved it 898

16/12/2011 20:11

Today, the heating in my house broke down. I called my boyfriend and asked if I could stay at his place until I could get it fixed. He said no, and told me my overgrown leg hair would keep me warm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 556

You deserved it 13 778

09/11/2009 09:12

Today, I went to a petting zoo to take pictures. I look down to see a goat chewing the sleeve of my new sweater, so as I reached down to get it loose, it started eating my hair. People took pictures of me wrestling the goat before they helped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 994

You deserved it 3 789

14/07/2013 04:32

Today, my water broke. I called my mom, who had agreed to watch my other two kids while I went to the hospital. When I asked her to come over, she just said, "Sorry, now isn't a good time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 866

You deserved it 3 689

20/04/2015 02:39

Today, my mom called my workplace and told my boss to make sure I wear a hat so I didn't get heatstroke like I did on my last shift. I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 607

You deserved it 3 928

31/12/2014 20:29

Today, my mom tried to give me a pep talk to boost my self confidence. Somehow, it ended up turning into a conversation about how much of a loser I am and how I have no friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 008

You deserved it 2 858

22/03/2017 19:00

Today, I became my one night stand's shrink as he went through the process of realising he might be bisexual. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 288

You deserved it 694

20/04/2014 17:21

Today, my dad made me stick my gut out and walk around awkwardly, just so I'd look pregnant and let him get away with parking in an "expectant mothers" parking spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 540

You deserved it 4 866

01/02/2017 10:00

Today, after closing down the gas station I work at, I went to unlock the door to the building. Turned out the lock broke and I was locked inside until my boss could get there to let me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 874

You deserved it 481

04/06/2019 16:00

Today, after getting home from work late last night and feeling lazy, I'd put my leftover dinner in the microwave, spoon and all. I wake up to find one of the kids started the microwave and it blew up because of the metal spoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 677

You deserved it 2 532

23/07/2010 00:39

Spicy

Today, while getting a lump in my private region examined by a very cute nurse, I got a massive erection. The smartest thing I could think to say at the time to her was: "I haven't been touched there in a very long time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 755

You deserved it 16 823

13/09/2016 15:02

Today, I bought a new phone. It's shock proof, water proof, you name it. Just not kitten proof, it seems. That's $400 down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 153

You deserved it 1 924

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

BurnInDemonFire 32

Send a private message

Monday 25 June 2018 3:05

Given that humans are 70-80% water (I forget the exact figure), it makes sense that we need to drink some to replenish what we lose. Were you not taught this in school?

jbuckets_404 38

Send a private message

Monday 25 June 2018 14:26

Besides staying hydrated, you also need sufficient daily fiber in your diet to AVOID constipation....

Comments

BurnInDemonFire 32

Send a private message

Monday 25 June 2018 3:05

Given that humans are 70-80% water (I forget the exact figure), it makes sense that we need to drink some to replenish what we lose. Were you not taught this in school?

Send a private message

Saturday 14 July 2018 1:02

yeah, that's not really how this works... dehydration is actually incredibly difficult state to achieve (if you can call it achieving) in humans, OK must have REALLY not liked the idea of drinking lol

jbuckets_404 38

Send a private message

Monday 25 June 2018 14:26

Besides staying hydrated, you also need sufficient daily fiber in your diet to AVOID constipation....

Dave_Davington 33

Send a private message

Friday 13 July 2018 15:15

So, you paid $2000 for a bag of water. Well, the prevention may not be a scam, but the cure certainly is (well, more of a price gouge than a scam, but you know, semantics).

Send a private message

Friday 13 July 2018 20:28

Well, he's paying for using the ER and taking up the personnel's time

Send a private message

Friday 13 July 2018 22:49

A shame they don't live in a developed western country where subsidized universal healthcare is a thing

Send a private message

Saturday 14 July 2018 17:40

Why should we have to pay for this idiot?

wanted_2_want 40

Send a private message

Friday 13 July 2018 15:26

What if instead of the IV the ER would’ve used an enema on you. Wouldn’t that scare you more into drinking water in the conventional way? Just sayin’

Justine Malang 16

Friday 13 July 2018 15:55

Such a scam? At least you now know you were being ignorant.

Send a private message

Friday 13 July 2018 16:39

Water you gonna do cooking forward? Drink more what are from now on. Seriously, carry a 32oz what are bottle and force yourself to drink it all day. You should have to fill it again half way through.

Send a private message

Saturday 14 July 2018 1:06

that's actually a myth. different people need different amounts of water depending on size and environmental factors.

Send a private message

Friday 13 July 2018 16:41

ydi. you're an idiot.

Send a private message

Friday 13 July 2018 17:03

I guess your body had enough of your shit, huh

Spencer Seymer 6

Send a private message

Friday 13 July 2018 18:50

The sensation of thirst is actually the first sign of dehydration. you are supposed to drink enough fluids so that you actually never really feel thirsty...

ViviMage 38

Friday 13 July 2018 19:03

8 glasses of water is kinda a scam. Still then you're thirsty. Humans don't tend to overdrink (unless their holding their wee for a Wii), and if your thirsty you will seek out water (unless you mistake that for hunger). Too little can also cause blood clots and DVTs