Today, I realized that my bike was stolen. It was no big deal,... - FML

By shield1123 - 29/9/2009 02:07 - United States

Today, I realized that my bike was stolen. It was no big deal, my name and number was on it, but it was a crappy bike anyway. I live 3 miles away, and while I was on my walk home I noticed a bike had been thrown through my principal's window. Who's bike was it? Mine. FML

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Compassion

Live dumping

Higher standards

By bestgirlfriend - 3/9/2015 23:31 - United Kingdom - Stockton-on-tees

Today, my dad made me and my boyfriend break up. Not because he was a bad influence, but because I was. FML

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By wow - 14/3/2013 15:43 - United States - Gilbert

Today, my boyfriend got angry and threatened to dump me, all because I wouldn't give in to his demands not to go to a birthday sleepover with my friends. He seriously thinks it's going to turn into some kind of lesbian orgy and that I'll cheat on him. Thanks, PornHub. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/4/2020 05:00

Abandoned

Today, I found a baby in a cradle on my doorstep. I was shocked that someone would do this, so I picked it up and uncovered the baby. It was actually a rudimentary stink bomb that went off in my face when I uncovered it. FML

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By Tgreject - 16/8/2009 04:33 - United States

Today, I was planning on asking out a girl I've been really close to for a few months now. I was with her when I got a forward text from my friend. It was from the girl and it said "noooo tell him not to ask me out I don't like him." I got rejected via forward text before I told her how I felt. FML

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By milly - 20/12/2011 10:43 - Norway

Today, my mother commented "loser" on my Facebook profile picture. She got 41 likes. FML

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By BaconBreathBlonde - 30/10/2009 00:33 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out, holding hands, and he was playing with a strand of my hair. I thought the whole thing was very romantic. He then said he loved how my mouth tasted like bacon. FML

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By wookieewhosshe - 25/4/2019 13:00 - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Today, my phone stopped charging. I panicked because I can't really afford to get it fixed, and it's too stressful a time at my last semester at university to not have a phone. I took it to the repair shop, and the man turned it off and on again. it works perfectly. I'm a total idiot. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/8/2011 07:04 - United States

Today, my mother and aunt got into an argument about who had gotten groped more times in public. I don't know what's more disturbing, that my own mother would brag about getting groped, or that she won the argument, at 34 times. FML

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By Albert06 - 14/3/2011 21:26 - France

Today, I showed my colleagues how I could switch on my webcam at home from the office. That's how we all found out my wife is cheating on me. FML

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By Cxisbest - 23/3/2011 21:21 - United States

Today, as I walked home, I heard the people behind me in an argument over my gender. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/6/2015 02:40 - United States

Today, my grown up, unemployed boyfriend stole 70 dollars from my wallet and tried to hide it in two different places in case he needed to ditch me and go out by himself. He got angry when I confronted him and stormed out. He feels perfectly entitled. I work, pay rent and buy food. FML

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By grow_fasterrr - - 13/10/2010 05:28 - Canada

Today, I went to get a trim. However, follow-up damage control at home afterward shouldn't really be necessary on a fifty dollar haircut. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/2/2014 09:31 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, on Facebook, someone wrote a status implying that she was going to kill herself. I called a mutual friend, asking to check up on her. The next status the girl puts up said, "Someone thought I was going to commit suicide! Haha what a loser!" FML

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By kimboslice106 - 8/6/2011 05:21 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend to spend the night at my house because my dad would be working out of town, and once the rest of the house left I thought it'd be sweet if he snuck in my room and slept with me. His reply was "Why bother? You're on your period, it's not like we can do anything." FML

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By Username - 30/4/2011 08:51 - United Kingdom

Today, at the age of 17, I had my first kiss with the girl I've liked for over a year. However, it was a stage kiss and the girl has made it clear that she finds me repulsive. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/5/2014 05:00 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I pulled up next to a lady who was trying to text, smoke, and drive. My brother said that she was probably going to cause an accident. He was right. At the next light she hit us. She then yelled that I purposely caused the accident because, "that's how teenagers are". FML

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By ThisIsWhyIStayAtHome - 24/5/2014 00:09 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I was at a nightclub when some dick squeezed the ass of the girl beside me. She whirled around and started yelling and slapping me across the face. I was dragged out by the bouncers, to cheers from the people around us. FML

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By Babygirl - 17/5/2010 23:01 - France

Today, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me. Why? He said his mom didn't want us together anymore. His mom died three years ago. FML

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By Chan - 23/1/2010 03:16 - United States

Today, I was holding my son and smelled poop so I checked his diaper, but there was nothing there. Then I realized it was my breath. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/9/2013 22:35 - United States - Cypress

Today, my mom mentioned how she loves certain actor's "British" accent. I couldn't help but mention that there's no such thing, and that there are lots of different accents in Britain. She got pissed and lectured me for "lying" to her and trying to make her feel stupid. FML

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By CreeperKiller2000 - 29/5/2017 00:00

Dude! Come on!

Today, I woke up really out of it, and as I was walking into the kitchen, I stubbed my toe on a tile. I sat down, then got up and stubbed the same toe against the table, went over to the kitchen and stubbed the same toe on the same tile again. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/6/2014 05:27 - Australia

Today, my dad thought it would be funny to spray my open window with the hose. RIP my laptop, phone, school books, wooden desk, my entire bookshelf, and my carpet. FML

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By 5.9Cummins - 11/9/2011 03:18 - Canada

Today, the hillbillies who inhabit the apartment above mine got karaoke machine. It's 1 a.m. and they're singing Achy Breaky Heart. FML

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By robbyrabbit - 11/11/2010 07:41 - United States

Today, I went to the place I signed for yesterday to pay the first month's rent and get my keys. I looked around before I left, and used the toilet. I went back later to show my boyfriend and found the place flooded an inch with water coming from the toilet. It had been flooding for 7 hours. FML

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By WTF - 7/3/2011 09:19

Today, I was awoken by my neighbor pounding on my back door at 3 am, only to look outside and see my car engulfed in flames. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/2/2016 09:25 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, while driving on the motorway, I sneezed so hard my contacts popped out. FML

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By I_Has_A_Fishy - 10/7/2012 19:33 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I heard a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I discovered my husband, naked and with his pants around his ankles, standing in the bathtub and pointing at a cockroach on the ground. After disposing of the body, I had to stay and comfort him while he wiped his ass. FML

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By ALL PRAISE TO THE NIGHT MOTHER - 29/1/2016 21:19 - United States - East Greenbush

Today, my girlfriend lost one of her rings. I found this out as I overheard her gushing to her friend about how I must have borrowed it to find out what her ring size is. I have zero interest whatsoever in the sick and utterly immoral institution of marriage. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/11/2011 00:01 - United States

Today, I found out where a few of my favorite outfits went. My mother had taken them out of my closet, wrapped them, and given them to my cousin as a gift. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/10/2011 03:21 - United States

Today, my car got acquainted with about 3 dozen eggs. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/9/2013 13:23 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I told a guy he should be ashamed of himself for parking in a handicapped space. He hit me with his prosthetic leg. FML

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By yashmoshin1 - 17/6/2009 14:06 - United States

Today, I finished the run for a play in which I played a gay man. Now that all the performances are over, I have kissed a man more times in my life than I have kissed a woman. I'm straight. FML

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By livingamongtheflowers - 15/5/2014 05:40 - United States

Today, I received yet another rejection letter from a college I'd applied to. After crying for a week about how lousy I felt, my older sister gave me all 6 of the acceptance letters she'd been hiding. Turns out she's been forging rejection letters and keeping the real ones in her room. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/9/2009 23:36 - Canada

Today, I was checking into a hotel with my boyfriend. A few minutes after we get to our room, the cops show up to our door asking to see some ID from the both of us. The hotel staff had called the cops on us because they thought I was underage and he was going to molest me. I'm 21 and he is 24. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/2/2016 14:56 - Netherlands

Today, a guy I blocked online for sending me creepy messages showed up at my house. I have no idea how he found my address, or even my real name. FML

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By KieRendan - 25/5/2012 19:59 - United States - Rio Rancho

Today, due to an unforeseen pipe-related incident, I had to shave my legs in my backyard fish pond, while a plumber assessed the damage to my war-zone of a bathroom. FML

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By Rosie - 6/9/2016 12:13 - United States - Brunswick

Today, my boyfriend of over a year said that being in a relationship is pointless. When I responded that I couldn't picture my life without him, he said he couldn't picture his life without our cat. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/8/2009 17:23 - United States

Today, I thought I saw a snake while I was watering. I got my son to check it out and he agreed too. I was nervous so I called animal control, and they said it would cost $50 just for them to come out, I agreed. It ends up I paid $50 for them to pick up an old diamond weave farmer's hat. FML

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By mustabeendrugs - 14/10/2013 01:14 - United States - Tucson

Today, a customer called me "chink eyes", "dog eater", "bloody Chinese communist" and "ching chong." I'm black. FML

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By ThroatSlasher - 17/8/2015 19:20 - United Kingdom - Grimsby

Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He's smart, attractive, and has a steady job. Imagine my surprise when he accepted. Then imagine my surprise when he followed up with "Hah, just kidding. You're fuckin' BORING!" FML

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Top comments

By jasonsexcema | 3

#593801 - Tuesday 29 September 2009 9:46

your principal's window. are you SURE you're not bart simpson?

By Vacant | 7

#593887 - Tuesday 29 September 2009 11:42

The thing is, especially with that information on it, who WOULD throw their own bike through the principal's window? So I don't think you have anything to worry about, OP.

COMMENTS

By Intoxicunt | 5

#593795 - Tuesday 29 September 2009 9:44

That's a very stalkerish way to hit on someone. At least now he/she can call you!

Reply

MaxFishr | 0

#1225316 - Thursday 12 August 2010 1:00

Ha i get it. His bike was 'stolen' and thrown by 'someone else' and his 'favorite' teachers car.

Reply

Achall91 | 17

#4647755 - Wednesday 4 July 2012 3:01

What? -_-

By jasonsexcema | 3

#593801 - Tuesday 29 September 2009 9:46

your principal's window. are you SURE you're not bart simpson?

By elliebutton | 0

#593804 - Tuesday 29 September 2009 9:44

YDI.

Reply

BeeSkwaird | 0

#593968 - Tuesday 29 September 2009 13:19

YDI for not telling us what your house is three miles from—and for spelling "whose" wrong. (It's not that hard!)

Reply

0___0 | 9

#594035 - Tuesday 29 September 2009 14:39

and using the word "but" awkwardly. I don't think he deserves it, but it would have been better to read if he didn't make errors.

Reply

Alphabetica | 0

#594264 - Tuesday 29 September 2009 17:27

#14, you need to dismount from your high horse, not everybody is exceptional at spelling!

Reply

repyourcliche | 0

#594375 - Tuesday 29 September 2009 19:01

firstly, it's not spelling, it's grammatical. booyah.

secondly, am i the only one who fouind ^'s comment quite amusing? 'dismount from your high horse' lolol

Reply

liveBabylon | 0

#594594 - Tuesday 29 September 2009 22:28

No aha I really lol'd at that

Reply

leisl14 | 0

#594819 - Wednesday 30 September 2009 0:47

lol 27- I like that you know the difference between spelling and grammatical errors, but can't spell found.

Reply

slasher29 | 0

#594831 - Wednesday 30 September 2009 0:57

it was probably just a typo. and grammer nazis on fml do amuse me, but YDI for making a grammer mistake or typo in typing it? are we supposed to get it proofread and by a professional editor and formally approved by a publishing company?

and 17 nice!!!

Reply

wajalama | 0

#614814 - Sunday 11 October 2009 6:47

um..you're correcting another person's grammar, and you spell found as "fouind"...kind of ironic, huh?

Reply

missmurderx | 8

#970861 - Tuesday 30 March 2010 4:16

she probably wrote it on an iPhone, these keyboards are the suck): so many typos; I make mistakes all the freaking time.

Reply

stupidmonkey80 | 0

#2720176 - Monday 20 June 2011 4:03

YDI for what getting their bike stolen and smashed into their principles window or mistaken grammar or spelling. REALLY!!??

Reply

stupidmonkey80 | 0

#2720181 - Monday 20 June 2011 4:05

I love the grammar nazi

Reply

KelpGelp | 1

#2877985 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 0:20

How?

Reply

KelpGelp | 1

#2878450 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 1:13

How?

By shapeshifter101 | 4

#593806 - Tuesday 29 September 2009 9:48

thats sucks.
one of the reason i do have a bike.

By Bloodknight | 22

#593811 - Tuesday 29 September 2009 10:03

Nothin to say really except, sucks to be you...

By Aspie | 0

#593856 - Tuesday 29 September 2009 10:53

FYL. I suggest you contact your principal quickly so he knows you're framed.

By missgreenday | 0

#593869 - Tuesday 29 September 2009 11:12

You actually know where your principal lives?

Reply

0___0 | 9

#594038 - Tuesday 29 September 2009 14:42

It was probably the principals' office. Or he lives in a small community.

By Vacant | 7

#593887 - Tuesday 29 September 2009 11:42

The thing is, especially with that information on it, who WOULD throw their own bike through the principal's window? So I don't think you have anything to worry about, OP.

By hollisterlover64 | 0

#593895 - Tuesday 29 September 2009 11:56

FYL. that sucks!

By giganticbrain | 0

#593899 - Tuesday 29 September 2009 12:05

What a poorly written FML.