Today, I finally decided to tell my partner that I was sexually harassed by another guy in high school. When I got to the point, she rolled her eyes, stopped me and said, "Why can't you just tell me something nice? I don't want to hear about it, it's triggering me." Well, thanks for your attention, I guess. FML
Today, after a really bad day, I just wanted to order DoorDash. When my food came, I saw my burger had tomatoes in it, despite requesting no tomatoes. I’m deathly allergic. FML
Today, I participated in the "Color Run," an event where you walk across town while people douse you with colored powder. They have yet to implement a rule saying you can't hit people in the face. My ears are pink and blue, my hair's orange, my lips and beard are purple, and I can see better WITHOUT my glasses. FML
Today, I was wedding dress shopping. My fiance is only paying for the dress if I buy a size 10 or under. I’m currently a size 18. Apparently, this will give me “incentive to get in shape for the wedding.” FML
Today, I was at work, photographing a baby boy. I grabbed a bench for him to use to hold himself upright. His mom asked if she should hold him instead, but I told her he'd be fine. Two seconds later, he fell backwards and brought the bench down on top of him. There goes my job. FML
Today, my sister looked prettier in her bridesmaid's dress than I did in my wedding dress. I love her to bits, but she won the genetic lottery out of the two of us, so even on my wedding day I feel inferior. FML
Today, as part of a group project, we are spending a week with the guys who design Formula 1 cars. The role was I assigned was marketing and merchandise, so while the rest of my team get to talk to engineers and work on real engines, I’m sat designing T-shirts and writing fake magazine articles. FML
Today, I heard a loud-speaker announcement in my college that someone had left their car in the car park, still running, with keys in the ignition. I laughed at that person's foolishness until I realised it was mine. FML
Today, while waiting for gallbladder removal surgery, I have to stop taking the anti-acid medication that's helping me not have attacks, because my iron level is too low for surgery and the pills make it so that I can't absorb iron easily. FML
Today, after I'd spent two weeks planning the perfect proposal at the aquarium, right as I got down on one knee, a little kid pointed at me and yelled, "Mom! That man dropped something!" Half the people around us started looking around for whatever I'd "lost" instead of watching the proposal. FML
Today, my mom was screaming and throwing things at me and I didn’t know why. Then I checked the date. Her birthday was yesterday. FML
Today, a huge family crisis happened, with an abusive DIL, traumatized 10 year-old grandson, and bit-up, scratched-up son. Son and grandson had to flee their home. My husband (their step-dad for 43 years) announced he's going to play golf. Not his kid and grandkid, so why stick around and be supportive? FML
Today, what was supposed to be an outdoor market on a busy street got moved to indoors somewhere super out of the way, where nobody goes to, over rain that didn't even happen. I regularly make $100+ at outdoor markets but between the shitty location and all the advertising being for the outdoor location, I made $11. FML
Today, I was at a dinner with my dad's girlfriend's family. I met this guy who I found kind of cute and tried to talk to him a couple times. To avoid talking to me he started playing his PSP. I could see the screen perfectly and the PSP was clearly off. FML
Today, I joined the wrong funeral procession, because I thought everyone gathering outside was there for my uncle, so I followed them into the chapel and even hugged two strangers. I didn't realize my mistake until someone started talking about a man I'd never heard of. I had to quietly sneak out in the middle of the service. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that because he works fifty hours a week, I should be meeting an arbitrary quota of fifty hours of housework, and if I don't, I'm insensitive and ungrateful. FML
Today, I was selected to throw the ceremonial first pitch at a baseball game. I practiced every evening for two weeks. In front of hundreds of people, I got so nervous that I let go of the ball behind me instead of towards homeplate. The mascot had to retrieve it. FML
Today, I made a trip that would usually takes three hours, but took over five thanks to holiday traffic, to comfort my best friend after another breakup with her horrible boyfriend. We'd planned to go and watch the fireworks; instead she completely ghosted me in this strange town so she and him could "work things out." FML
Today, my possibly soon-to-be ex-husband assaulted his sister because she said that our adoptive kids weren't really ours. Because of the pending criminal charges, we may have the adoption revoked. FML
Today, I met an awesome guy. He turned out to be very well off at a young age, which excited me, until I learned that he works for a power company and is very enthusiastic about his career. I don't know if I can date him knowing his company is destroying the planet. FML
Today, I told my mom I wanted to see a doctor, because I feel like I’m slipping into depression. I told her I was so sad, I didn’t shower for 4 days. Her response? “I don’t believe that. You’ve always had great hygiene!” Duh, I’m not myself lately! Thanks for noticing. FML
Today, I attempted to give a motivational speech to my kids, trying to inspire them with life lessons. They then asked me why I couldn't "do a cartwheel like all the other parents" and challenged me to try. Now my back hurts, and I’m questioning my life choices. FML
Today, I went up and spoke to someone at my local grocery store because I thought he was my neighbor. We chatted for nearly two minutes before he politely said, "I'm sorry, I have absolutely no idea who you are." I still had to finish shopping in the same aisle. FML
Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend had promised that the day would belong to me. But no, I had to drive 80km forth and back to pick him up from work, then he took pictures with his new camera lens, then he decided what to eat, demanded a massage, and then he just fell asleep. Happy birthday to me. FML
Today, we announced our engagement. His mother immediately accused me of being a manipulative, gold digging whore. She's been fine with me for the last 5 years of dating, plus I used all my savings to support my boyfriend when he wanted to go back to college, but as soon as the ring appeared, I'm a gold digger. FML
Today, I realized ruined I'd my life forever when i broke up with the girl of my dreams by being stupid 11 years ago and I'm still missing her. I haven't been able to move on ever since, and she is now married and has a kid. Don't ever take anyone for granted, I know I deserve this but… FML
Today, after having had a sore throat all day, I finally decided to have a throat lozenge on the bus. It was nice and soothing, until the bus sharply turned a corner and I started coughing and choking on it violently like a cat with a furball. My throat now feels like Satan pissed nails down it. FML
Today, my girlfriend called me a "controlling, overbearing psychopath." What did I do? I found out her best friend is trying to persuade her to cheat on me and I demanded she cut her friend off. I'm better off single, I know, but it still hurts. FML
Today, I was having a horrible day and messaged a friend to vent. She replied with, "Eat a cookie" and proceeded to send me a picture with a "motivational" quote from her buddhistic spiritual leader. FML
Today, out of desperation, I had to fight my social anxiety in order ask a stranger for directions in a new city. She gave me a detailed answer, and I thanked her, then walked the wrong way for 15 minutes because I was too embarrassed to admit I’d understood none of it past the first sentence. FML
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