By An. - 11/1/2021 15:01 - United States - Denver

Good job

Today, after a really bad day, I just wanted to order DoorDash. When my food came, I saw my burger had tomatoes in it, despite requesting no tomatoes. I’m deathly allergic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

939

You deserved it

100

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Food

Our house, in the middle of our street

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Poisoned chalice

By Anonymous - 20/1/2021 22:59

Real life

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 16 months has had an "internet-only" girlfriend since before we got together, but she wasn't ever "real" to him, so he didn't think it would get in the way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

796

You deserved it

Favorite

By ellie - Australia

Today, I got a missed call from a lady at an employment agency asking why I hadn't turned up to an information session for a potential job. Yesterday, the same lady told me the job position was canceled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30047

You deserved it

2473

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By freezingggg - Reserved

Today, like always, my parents are such tightwads that they refused to turn the heating system on, despite the ball-freezing temperatures. I was so cold, I had to resort to warming my hands up over the toaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29103

You deserved it

3685

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By myfamilyisodd - United States

Today, I had to take my son to the emergency room for shooting himself in the ass with a BB gun. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32392

You deserved it

5203

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By blahblah - United States - Richardson

Today, I decided to try Karate. In an attempt to roundhouse-kick a hanging boxing glove, I knocked over a lamp, lost my balance and pulled down my curtains. My neighbor then looked through the window, started laughing and yelled, "KUNG FO POWA!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

28380

You deserved it

35654

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By Unemployed - Australia - Hinchinbrook

Today, I discovered that my supervisor, who I thought liked me, actually thinks I am incompetent and lack emotional intelligence. I'm a student nurse and I've just listed her as my reference for our single, statewide job application. There's no way to change it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14662

You deserved it

1268

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By Anonymous - United States - Honolulu

Today, I reconnected with my best friend from childhood, and after a tearful confession, found out that for most of my engagement to my husband, she was repeatedly connecting with his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46659

You deserved it

3123

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By hihipanda - Singapore

Today, my friend and I went to a bar for drinks. I noticed this cute girl and went over to say "Hi." I had a great conversation with her and I asked for her number before she left. She passed it to me on a piece of paper with instructions specifying for my friend to call her and not me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41422

You deserved it

3309

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was woken up by a loud noise, which I thought was an earthquake. It sounded like a car had driven right into my living room. Which was exactly what it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61215

You deserved it

2662

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By Anonymous - 28/3/2021 07:59

No job for you

Today, I had a virtual interview for my dream job. Prepared as f**k. One of the interviewers turned out to be my ex, who I dumped for being too dumb. FML

I agree, your life sucks

831

You deserved it

446

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By donguigeek - France

Today, my 4-year-old son is distraught. This morning we saw a man, dressed as Santa, passed out drunk on a public bench. My son is now convinced that it was his corpse, and that Santa Claus is dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23332

You deserved it

1947

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By AGluckily - United States

Today, I was with a group of friends at a bar, and we were all talking about whether we were moaners, screamers, or quiet during sex. My boyfriend said that he was a moaner, which I contradicted. Completely straightfaced, he said, "Well, I am when it's good." FML

I agree, your life sucks

74326

You deserved it

24678

Favorite

By birthday girl - Australia

Today, it was my birthday. My mom didn't buy me a present, throw a party, or acknowledge the event in any way. Last week it was our dog's birthday, which included a party for all the neighbourhood dogs, and a cake for our dog, made out of bacon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36083

You deserved it

2144

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while sitting on the couch, my boyfriend came over, pulled his penis out of his fly, and started stabbing me in the face with it while humming the Jaws theme. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51065

You deserved it

14236

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By Anonymous - Ireland - Kilkenny

Today, I was having some rare good sex with my husband, when he suddenly said "I'm fuckin' BORED," and pulled out so he could go play his video games. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45982

You deserved it

5586

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I've had so many family members die in the past 4 years, I now think of which pictures would look good at people's funerals when I look through photo albums. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9865

You deserved it

639

Favorite

By notsogood - United States

Snoozefest

Today, during sex, my girlfriend got so bored that she asked me to tell her a story. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47420

You deserved it

19332

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By SupaSu - Canada

Today, I passed the girl I like a note asking her out, signed Mark H. She picked it up, read it, turned around and asked me, "Do you know who Mark H. is?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

74651

You deserved it

7891

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend threatened to leave me if I didn't follow her latest fad of becoming a goth, which involves dressing like an undertaker's haunted hearse and putting on eyeliner. Last week she was into Reggae and beanie hats. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34003

You deserved it

13369

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By Anonymous - United States - Blue Springs

Today, I held hands with the boy I like. Without thinking, I commented that his right hand is softer, as if he only used lotion on that one hand. And then we stood there in terribly awkward silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47604

You deserved it

17449

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By fenris - United Kingdom - Saint Austell

Today, whilst at work, I was serving a customer when her kid runs up to me and throws up. It was a 10-hour shift, I was one hour in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11990

You deserved it

700

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By unsuckable - United States - Denver

Today, I had to call the doctor regarding my penis. Not because of erectile dysfunction or an erection lasting more than four hours, but because of the multiple fire ant bites I woke up to after falling asleep in my backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23820

You deserved it

4140

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By acnegirl - United States

Today, I was romantically cuddling with my boyfriend. He looked deep into my eyes, stared lovingly at me, and said, "I never noticed, but you have the most adorable freckles on your face..." Blushing, I tilted my head to the side. He then said, "Oh, never mind, those are just your blackheads." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51649

You deserved it

7123

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By Sarah - United States - Statesboro

Today, I had to break up with my boyfriend when I caught him installing cameras in my bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45521

You deserved it

4710

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By skygardens

Today, I had just gotten home after being away for 8 months. My key didn’t work on my lock and while I was messing the door a man with a child opened. My landlord gave someone my apartment while I was away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3382

You deserved it

211

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By Anon - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I woke up at 3:00 am feeling freezing cold and soaking wet. It turns out that my dad had opened my window when I was sleeping, and rain water had been pouring in on me all night. My hair, face, pillow, blankets, alarm clock, and homework were all soaked as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51398

You deserved it

3609

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By icecreamer - United States

Today, I went over to get some ice cream. I found a rare parking spot in front of the store, and even had change in my pocket. After feeding the meter, A lady comes up to me and tells me that the meter was free after 8 o'clock. I paid 50 cents for it. I was 50 cents short for my ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42944

You deserved it

12680

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By Anonymous - United States - Pleasanton

Today, I was cooking something I knew would make a lot of smoke, so I asked my teenage daughter to tape a bag over the smoke detector. She said she did, so I cooked; the alarm went off and firemen came. She hadn't taped over the smoke detector, she'd taped it over the doorbell. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27330

You deserved it

4796

Favorite

By runescapeftw - United States

Today, the police called and told me that they had Alex in custody. Apparently, she had public sex with another woman and wants me to come bail her out. Alex is my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31419

You deserved it

2657

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By Anonymous - 14/5/2020 20:02

Johnny Weissmuller over here

Today, I was walking in the woods with the girl I like when I saw a vine overhanging a small creek. Trying to make her laugh, I took off my shirt and started swinging on the vine like Tarzan. The vine snapped and I fell into the creek. Guess who's missing half the skin on his back? FML

I agree, your life sucks

646

You deserved it

2079

Favorite

By BLAH - Philippines

Today, after finally returning to my house after over a year overseas, I found that my neighbours built a wall covering the only window in my bedroom. Not only is my room eternally musty and pitch black, but the council won't accept my complaint, because apparently my window was illegally built. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27536

You deserved it

2332

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By Anonymous - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my girlfriend uninvited to me a party because she said her ex would be there, and since she hasn't told him about us, she didn't want him getting upset. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28766

You deserved it

2848

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By Anonymous

Words, don't come easy

Today, mid-sex, my wife told me to call her a nasty slut. I was kind of uncomfortable doing it, but I did it to make her horny. She started crying, because she didn’t realise how much it would hurt her feelings. Now I’m not sure if she’s mad at me or herself, but I’m scared either way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2425

You deserved it

239

Favorite

By Danny - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I was renovating the house, and my girlfriend asked, "Do you use electrical tape on electrical stuff?" Not knowing where she was going with this, I just gave her a puzzled look. She continued by saying, "Because it's not like people use duct tape on ducks." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25318

You deserved it

3269

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I went downtown with my friends. A group of guys came up to us and started hitting on everyone but me. Then, one of them said: "Do you girls hang out with her to make yourselves look better?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

43736

You deserved it

3846

Favorite

New revelation

Today, my Dad sat me down and told me that I was adopted. I was unbelievably shocked by this revelation and asked him why he'd never told me this before. His response was, "I didn't know!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

2227

You deserved it

173

Favorite

By stupid - United States

Today, I saw a spot on my computer screen. I tried to use my finger to rub it off. Then, I tried using my nail. Then I tried to windex it off. I continued scratching at it with my nail. A half hour and one scratched screen later, I realized the spot was part of the webpage I was looking at. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8733

You deserved it

68426

Favorite

By chchboy - United States

Like a virgin

Today, I went all the way for the first time with my girlfriend. After I had finished, she asked me, "What just happened? Was that sex?" I wasn't sure either. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34999

You deserved it

7069

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss called me to say that I've been slow at work this week and that I will be replaced if I don't pick up the pace. That would be understandable, if I didn't have a broken ankle and pneumonia. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25037

You deserved it

1595

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By Andrew Cab - 6/4/2021 13:00 - United Kingdom

Relief

Today, our 9-year-old daughter was removed from our home and placed into a home for children too violent to function in a family setting. I can't stop crying but my wife hasn't been this happy in years. She was actually smiling as our daughter was restrained and forced out the front door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1800

You deserved it

293

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Top comments

By Regis Bent | 9

#7963738 - Monday 11 January 2021 23:31

That sucks. Call back the restaurant if you haven't already and tell them what happened, usually you can get a new meal sent over free

By Wadlaen | 19

#7963740 - Monday 11 January 2021 23:48

Oh, that's bad!😮
Also, I'm wondering who pushes the 'You deserved it'-button on FMLs like this?🤔

COMMENTS

By Regis Bent | 9

#7963738 - Monday 11 January 2021 23:31

That sucks. Call back the restaurant if you haven't already and tell them what happened, usually you can get a new meal sent over free

By Wadlaen | 19

#7963740 - Monday 11 January 2021 23:48

Oh, that's bad!😮
Also, I'm wondering who pushes the 'You deserved it'-button on FMLs like this?🤔

tc201002 | 6

#7963752 - Tuesday 12 January 2021 1:20

I’m wondering the same thing

By RichardPencil | 30

#7963753 - Tuesday 12 January 2021 1:27

Maybe if you tipped better, they wouldn't try to kill you.

alex_jaguara | 29

#7963806 - Tuesday 12 January 2021 7:36

Ah, Murica. you pay for the service while paying for the same service and employers aren't responsible to pay their workers livable wages.

By sarahcroy20 | 12

#7963773 - Tuesday 12 January 2021 5:56

So take them off.

Nhayaa | 21

#7963784 - Tuesday 12 January 2021 6:37

Tomatoes are juicy so it's too late, it's already all over the other ingredients.

weeping_willow | 25

#7963798 - Tuesday 12 January 2021 7:01

Oh you’re allergic to peanuts but got a pb&j sandwich? Just scrape the peanut butter off!
Stupid

ghostinflames | 13

#7963824 - Tuesday 12 January 2021 8:55

I'd have to agree with weeping willow. Tomatoes leave their mark on the sandwich just like pb or jam. Best give the sandwich to someone who isn't allergic.

Shaunna Burtle | 2

#7963930 - Tuesday 12 January 2021 20:18

the tomatoes have juices that seep into everything....taking them off doesn't even work for someone who just doesn't like the taste, much less someone who is ALLERGIC

Ambrily | 27

#7963931 - Tuesday 12 January 2021 20:18

You sound like an idiot.

By sarahcroy20 | 12

#7963933 - Tuesday 12 January 2021 20:23

ok. I was wrong. You cannot remove the tomatoes because there would still be juice.