Health: Today, I found out why I had been waking up feeling like crap...

By fuzzy1895 - United States

Today, I found out why I had been waking up feeling like crap for the past week. I found tufts of cat fur in my pillow case, and I am allergic to cats. My little brother thought I would get so sick, and he could have my XBox. FML

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33280

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Health

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Toxic parents

Trans women are women

By Anonymous

Today, I think I found out just how many times I've ordered through UberEats when my delivery guy told me that, "We should stop seeing each other like this!" with a chuckle. FML

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By Whatdididowrong?

Today, my 12 year old son came home from school and informed me that he bought an air guitar for $20. He honestly thinks this is a good price. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/2/2021 18:30 - United States - Pittsburgh

What's more embarrassing?

Today, I pulled out an annoying nose hair with a tweezer and it made me cry. Not particularly painful but it triggered the tear duct. Had to pretend it was from yawning when someone asked why the teary eye. FML

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559

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By dee - United States

Today, I decided to sing a sweet lullaby to my two year old son. In the process, he smacked me in the face and told me to please stop. My sister sings to him all the time and he loves it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33942

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By Loser - Canada

Today, I decided to modify my resume since I've handed out over 30 of them in the past couple of weeks and I haven't gotten any calls back. As soon as I opened it on word document, I noticed that I had forgotten to include my phone number for employers to contact me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years told me that I appear to have gained some weight. After realizing that it made me feel depressed, he tried to make me feel better by making love to me. I decided to go with it. While doing so, he paused and said "I'm sorry baby, but your weight is too much pressure for my back." FML

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By sashimi9999 - United States - Salinas

Today, while cleaning a carpet in my house, something in it sliced my foot. I couldn't find what it was, so I went to clean the wound. 10 minutes later, I sliced my foot again on the same thing. I still can't figure out what it was. FML

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By Cherie - United States

Today, my daughter told my son that Santa is not real. Of course, being a child, he started to cry. My only problem is, my son is 11 and my daughter is 6. FML

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40105

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By Anonymous - 12/11/2020 13:58

Happy families

Today, I just found out that my mom is cheating on my dad. I went to give my dad the evidence I'd gathered, and he just said he knew, and that he’s cheating on her. FML

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1212

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By picklet - Malaysia - Kajang

Today, I started the job of my dreams. Our first marketing meeting was an in-depth analysis of the phrase, "Haters gonna hate, potatoes gonna potate". I have a 5 year contract. FML

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25052

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By fedexed - United States

Today, I brought my lunch to work in the only box I had lying around my apartment - a small one from FedEx. When I went to the bathroom before lunch, I returned to my desk to find that one of my coworkers had mailed my lunch back to my apartment. FML

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By ballnchain - United States

Today, my insanely jealous wife flipped out and made me promise never to hug any of my female friends or go to lunch with them, ever. It's "cheating." FML

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48406

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By brotheritachi

Today, it was my first driving lesson. I was so bad, the police stopped me and accused me of being drunk, because I almost crashed into the pole in front of them. FML

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3406

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Auckland

First Dates

Today, I went on a date with a guy I've had a crush on for ages. Midway through the meal, he sighed and said, "I'll be honest, this is a horrible date. You got zero personality and I'm too lazy to do a window escape, so..." He then got up and walked out. FML

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By Btdtgts

Today, I had to take out the grease traps from our fryers. A very rude co-worker cut me off, so I had to abruptly stop and try to prevent as much spilling as possible. Luckily, it only spilled on me. I'm here for six more hours with burned, smelly, greasy spots all over my skin and clothes. FML

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By butterfingers - United States - New Wilmington

Today, I dropped a $400 bottle of wine while trying to get the cork out. FML

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47193

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By bummed and broke - United States

Today, I bought an $80, "invincible" phone case. One test drop later, my phone had turned into an expensive paperweight. FML

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By candice - Reserved

Today, I had to tell all the trick-or-treaters that I'd run out of candy. I'd actually bought about $50 worth of candy, but managed to eat all of it by myself, sitting alone in my apartment, exactly like last year. FML

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By ugh - United States - Milford

Today, my dad had a midlife crisis in the grocery store over his football career in high school. So he decided pelting me with vegetables and fruits would be a good idea. FML

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12327

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By anyone - Lebanon

Today, while browsing facebook I found out that today was my school's class reunion. I was the ONLY one not invited. FML

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33729

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By stink - Australia - Sydney

Today, after working alone in a room all day, I let a fart sneak out. Just then, my drop dead gorgeous boss and two new girls walked in. I could literally see them hit the stench and cringe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28344

You deserved it

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By NoCookForYou - United States

Today, I decided to cook dinner for my wife and kid. After a long day of preperation and cooking I asked them what they thought of it. My 12 year old son then says, "I would say it tastes like shit but not even shit tastes this bad!" My wife then laughed and gave him a high-five. FML

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44584

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By Marcela - United States

Today, I was taking a shower with my new boyfriend for the first time. Last night was the first night we spent together. As I was washing my hair, I looked down at my feet and noticed yellow water. Some of the warm water I felt on my feet was not from the shower head. FML

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106957

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By ahhhhhh - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I made my mom breakfast in bed for her birthday. She was naked when I went to give it to her. FML

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32546

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By northernlass - United States

Today, I was singing and playing keyboards with my band on stage at a club. A drunken chick from the crowd tried to climb up onto the stage in her heels, fell, and grabbed the back of my mic stand to catch herself. And busted me in the mouth with my own microphone. Then she requested a song. FML

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28830

You deserved it

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By foreveryoung - France

Today, a weird guy approached me and started asking me many questions. I didn't know how to get out of this situation, so I suddenly ran away shouting, "Stranger danger! " I'm 21. FML

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13839

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By sam_666777 - United States - Farmingdale

Today, my 8 year old son asked me why he had to make his bed everyday if he would just use it again. I replied with, "You flush the toilet even though you're going to use it again, right?" He said, "Good point." Now he's not making his bed or flushing the toilet. FML

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40975

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, the kids I babysit hid from me. While I was looking for them, I stepped on multiple strategically-placed Lego bricks. When I yelped from the pain, the kids jumped out and threw soccer balls in my face. FML

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43070

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By Anonymous - Canada

Thanks, I hate it

Today, my boss called me into his office. Expecting a long overdue promotion, I hurried in. Instead, he told me he thought I would be perfect to take his son on a pity date, because he's a suicide risk due to his depression. FML

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38403

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By thjeltz - Canada

Today, I was showering at hockey practice. It would have been business as usual, if not for one of my teammates playing with his junk and not-so-subtly asked me to connect. There are 5 more months of hockey. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28822

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By feels like an asshole - United States

Today, I took new sleeping meds. One of the side effects was sleepwalking. I had a dream my girlfriend wanted me to pee on her. Apparently, while sleepwalking, I pissed all over our dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26188

You deserved it

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By QuinnyZebrass - United States - Laveen

Today, my creepy co-worker walked up and said, "You know, I was having sex with this girl last night, and I almost said your name." FML

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48684

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my mother yet again went on a long rant about how much of a loser I am as I have "never had boyfriend" and I'm 26. Truth is, I've been in the same relationship for over five years but it "doesn't count because he's black." FML

I agree, your life sucks

66691

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By Nicoleanne

Today, I hosted an open house. I forgot about it and arrived as they were leaving. There were dirty dishes and laundry everywhere, and my dildo was on my dresser. FML

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6451

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By Anonymous - 29/5/2020 20:00

Addicted to love

Today, I was half paying attention to a text message conversation with someone about how addicted we both were to social media. It's wasn't until deep into the conversation that I realized we were actually talking about porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

907

You deserved it

967

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By me:( - United States - Romulus

Today, I went to the grocery store with my husband, only to find that his ex-wife worked there. Then I found out he never actually divorced her. FML

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65503

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By seriously

Today, I was spoken to by my boss about an argument I had gotten into with my co-worker, saying I needed to be "respectful of others' beliefs" and less "close-minded." The argument was over whether or not the Earth was flat. FML

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4767

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By fml boy

Today, my 10k dirt bike stopped starting. I used it once and owned it for less than 24 hours. Later in the afternoon, I dropped my phone and it cracked. Later in the evening, I was walking in my room towards my bed in the dark and I stubbed my toe on my Pc and one of the panels fell off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2198

You deserved it

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By adam - France

Today, my mom woke me up and asked if I wanted breakfast. I had passed out naked on the kitchen floor after a party. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By Anonymous - United States - Portland

Today, I came home to my mentally unhinged roommate jacking off to a frozen TV frame of Peggy Hill from King of the Hill. When he saw me, he threw an ash tray at me and told me to get out. FML

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Top comments

By StrickenAza34 | 4

#1387717 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:19

stick cyanide in his...

By bekababy94 | 0

#1387735 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:23

how did he get that much cat fur.?

COMMENTS

By iLoveFloyd | 0

#1387698 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:17

damn.

azmuth29 | 0

#1387790 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:34

i am osssim

ryanmoore23 | 0

#1387987 - Saturday 11 September 2010 17:17

man that sucks

Mars_Bars_Big_Na | 0

#1390382 - Sunday 12 September 2010 2:39

throw your xbox at him and say " well you got what you wanted " and make sure it knocks him out then super glue cat hair on him mwahahahshahawhahvjwhauahagrmdigagahahafksaha
my wisdom helps all

By ieron159 | 4

#1387700 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:17

I like ur little bro :)

legonut4 | 0

#1387820 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:42

skin him alive?

Sonfang | 19

#1387832 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:44

Wow, my little bro and I argue and fight but we've never tried to kill one another...hrm maybe he'll grow up to be an assassin? Hopefully he'll stop trying to kill you, try sharing with him.

lexie206 | 0

#1387894 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:57

Haha, that's something my little brother would do to me. Except he'd do it to just be a jerk.

Anyways- FYL op, that does suck

junkboy | 4

#1388388 - Saturday 11 September 2010 19:05

if i had a little bro, and he did that, i would f*ck up his room then beat the crap out of that little brat. allergies can be deadly.

Ali_Br_fml | 33

#1388391 - Saturday 11 September 2010 19:10

if I had a little brother, & he did that, I wouldn't have a little brother anymore. I'm allergic to cats and pollen and such. don't mess with my allergies!

tooGee24 | 0

#1388611 - Saturday 11 September 2010 20:50

it was worth the try I guess haga

MarkeiMark | 0

#1388755 - Saturday 11 September 2010 21:53

and after you skin him, make the fucker walk on broken glass and salt. allergies are not to be played with!

iskusmarines | 0

#1388942 - Saturday 11 September 2010 22:58

noscope ur bro repeatedly

deaper | 15

#1389238 - Sunday 12 September 2010 1:17

I don't! I say you should beat the shit out of him!

ctFIRE216 | 0

#1392730 - Sunday 12 September 2010 12:48

beat his ass

By MXXD17 | 0

#1387703 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:17

sucks for you

TotalStar | 0

#1388066 - Saturday 11 September 2010 17:36

YDI for having a little brother that plays xbox

d_dubz86 | 1

#1388476 - Saturday 11 September 2010 19:34

What's up with this picture? o_O

By coolguy0040 | 0

#1387708 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:18

ydi for not giving him your xbox

stevendsi | 0

#1387823 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:42

y would he

thebatboy | 4

#1387949 - Saturday 11 September 2010 17:10

you jackass, why would he give away his x-box???

Eric123456789000 | 0

#1388252 - Saturday 11 September 2010 18:20

I hate people like you who say ydi for the stupidest reasons, if not no reason at all

By GreatMelinko | 0

#1387710 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:18

sucks to b u. :/

can I have ur xbox? seems like it would solve all your problems,....

By StrickenAza34 | 4

#1387717 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:19

stick cyanide in his...

Schizomaniac | 24

#1387775 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:30

I wouldn't go that far...

sprawlguard | 0

#1390793 - Sunday 12 September 2010 4:03

happiness lol

By canadian_ftw | 8

#1387724 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:20

smart kid.
but that does suck.

By XxGingerBbyxX | 0

#1387731 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:22

what's tufts?

Suth3rnB3lla | 0

#1387741 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:23

like little balls or patches of something in this Cade he found little ball of cat fur in his pillow

BlakeeeDrummer | 0

#1388036 - Saturday 11 September 2010 17:26

your plain stupid and u look like it

hanhanjr | 0

#1394243 - Sunday 12 September 2010 19:03

u fail

bagofpopkern | 18

#6176020 - Sunday 18 January 2015 8:38

It's not that big of a deal. Calm down. ^^

By bekababy94 | 0

#1387735 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:23

how did he get that much cat fur.?

anorexicbarbie | 8

#1388487 - Saturday 11 September 2010 19:37

Cats leave their hair everywhere..

By saywhaaat_01 | 0

#1387743 - Saturday 11 September 2010 16:24

hahaha smart little brotherr ;P

Jegro | 0

#1388260 - Saturday 11 September 2010 18:23

nice tits

WhyTheFace4 | 0

#1388319 - Saturday 11 September 2010 18:42

How can you tell? Do you have X-ray vision? I never thought it would work on pictures. That's crazy!!

JustinKingr | 0

#1389149 - Sunday 12 September 2010 0:30

no the brother is dumb... throw the xbox in a river and get a PlayStation 3

Luissoto | 0

#1393281 - Sunday 12 September 2010 15:50

ps3 is gay