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By Anonymous - 03/07/2010 04:19 - United States

Today, I fell asleep on the couch and must have rolled off. When I woke up, I noticed my braces were stuck to the rug. After frantically pulling, my mom finally sawed me off the rug with scissors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 467

You deserved it 44

Hangover from hell

By Damnyouspellcheck - 13/08/2022 18:00

Today, I sent a text to a girl I met last night. Since we'd both had a few drinks, I texted, “U alive?” It wasn’t until later I found it it had autocorrected to “U alone?” when she texted back that she was “creeped out” and “no longer felt safe around me,” and promptly blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 443

You deserved it 728

By braceface - 14/03/2012 20:12 - United States

Today, I got my braces put on. This is the second time I've had them. The first time was after my cousin opened a car door in my face. This time a jock punched me in the mouth for saying that Reese's taste the same as Snickers peanut butter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 082

You deserved it 6 937

By Anonymous - 20/02/2013 07:31 - United States

Today, the guy I like asked me out for the first time. It's a good thing he did it over Facebook, because I started shaking and almost threw up. I don't know how I'm going to function on our date next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 410

You deserved it 8 147

Multitasking

By Anonymous - 14/06/2025 20:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, during an online class, I forgot to mute myself while trying to get my dog to poop. The whole class, including my professor, heard me sing “Push It” by Salt-N-Pepa to motivate her. They all had many questions when I came back on camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 509

By Anonymous - 22/06/2010 23:44 - United States

Today, I found out that my younger sister had maxed out all three of my credit cards when I tried all three of the cards, and realized that I didn't have $5.29 to buy tampons and Advil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 043

You deserved it 5 326

Life's what you make it

By Chanelle - 14/12/2023 20:00 - United States

Today, I realized that I’m undateable because of my weight. I’m 33. My entire life, I’ve always been dated in secret, guys went out with me to make fun of me behind my back, always got cheated on, always get friendzoned, etc. It’s not fair that I have to change my body type to get my chance at happily ever after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 466

You deserved it 902

By Whosthegroom - 13/05/2011 01:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend sent out a mass text to everyone on her contact list. She's getting married in a month. I didn't propose to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 217

You deserved it 3 678

Where did you learn that one?

By Kilamo - 19/06/2025 09:00 - France - Paris

Today, I tried to impress a French student by saying “Bonjour!” but instead said “Bordel!” which means “Brothel.” She laughed, and so did every one of the french students around us. My cultural street cred is officially dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 500

The Voice

By NotChadKrouger - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I was auditioning for a talent show. I asked my girlfriend if I could sing to her before I went. She said sure. Thirty seconds in, she got up and mumbled, "You're only going to embarrass yourself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 762

You deserved it 15 172

By BluesMan1990 - 16/09/2009 10:21 - United States

Today, I was giving a speech to my 300 some-odd person class. All throughout it, people had been giggling and cackling while I was speaking. I soon realized that my pants had been unzipped. I accidentally fell asleep with all my underwear in the washer last night and had gone commando that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 499

You deserved it 21 545

By Anonymous - 15/02/2013 01:08 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had to yet again explain to the guy I live with that just because you can't see dirt, it doesn't mean it's clean. And so letting his dog lick the plates is NOT the same thing as washing up. He won't listen to me, and he uses my plates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 419

You deserved it 3 430

Dear John

By Pauljohnson - 29/08/2022 02:00

Today, my wife packed the kids up and left for Idaho. I found a letter saying that she misses her paranoid schizo dad and brother, and that she misses me when I'm at work, but can't stand me when I'm home. She is now 1700 miles away, and I'm here alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 045

You deserved it 148

Freaky

By death bed - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Schaumburg

Today, I finished my shift at the nursing home. There was too much snow on the roads, so most of us had to stay overnight. Not only did I not get to go home, I also got stuck sleeping in the same bed that a resident had died in the night before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 746

You deserved it 2 559

By Anonymous - 07/03/2012 06:29 - United States

Today, I was cooking and I burned my thumb. I had some first-aid burn spray, so I sprayed it on. I went outside to smoke a cigarette, and when I flicked my lighter, my thumb went up in flames. Turns out that first-aid burn spray is flammable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 327

You deserved it 46 114

By cheekymac - 09/06/2010 15:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at the airport baggage collection when I saw an old man struggling to get his very old and heavy suitcase off the belt before giving up. I had already collected my bag, but wanting to be helpful, the old man watched me as I grabbed his handle, yanked and snapped it clean off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 094

You deserved it 5 788

Sketchy

By Jen - 07/09/2022 21:30

Today, my fiancé broke up with me, because he was mad I was worried about him due to him not answering me for ten hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 293

Febreze time

By catpeecathy - 14/09/2009 04:20 - United States

Today, I was looking in my laundry basket for a clean tank top to wear. As I felt around, I realized that most of my clothes were still wet after two days. After asking my mom what was wrong with the dryer, I found out that for two days my cat had been using my laundry basket as a litter box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 686

You deserved it 5 441

By Greg - 11/02/2013 04:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I got left in the middle of slow dancing with a girl I liked. She came back and said, "Sorry, I had to make sure the guy I really like knows that I don't like you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 624

You deserved it 2 558

What's that?

By breebree-0 - 04/03/2012 19:36 - United States

Today, I sneezed while at the office. I felt snot shoot out, but I couldn't see anything on the tissue. I ignored it and went on with my day. When I went to the bathroom hours later, I noticed a huge wad of snot had dried onto the front of my shirt. No one told me about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 200

You deserved it 4 411

By MrFerret - 06/05/2011 03:41

Today, it's my birthday, and my present is that my mom is coming over to see me so that she can borrow three hundred dollars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 726

You deserved it 3 405

By firecrotch - 04/06/2010 05:36 - United States

Today, I work at a pizza place and one of my jobs is to spoon crushed red pepper into bags. After I finished this, without thinking to wash my hands first, I used the bathroom. It still burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 817

You deserved it 35 464

By Madi Jenna - 04/05/2011 17:31 - United States

Today, it's the third day my ring won't come off. I used soap, vegetable oil, lotion, soaked my hand in ice to make the swelling of my finger to come down, and even my mom pulled so hard she dislocated my finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 269

You deserved it 5 871

Thanks for coming to my Nerd Talk

By Anonymous - 03/07/2025 09:00 - Israel - Tel Aviv

Today, I proudly added a new test to our repository to improve code quality. The test ran as part of the pull request checks… and failed. Now I can’t merge my own pull requests because my own test says I suck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 205

You deserved it 256

Anti Joke

By Anonymous - 14/02/2014 21:39 - United States - Daytona Beach

Today, a guy called customer support, claiming his internet wasn't working. I asked for his customer details, and he gave his name as Mike Hunt. I recognized the old joke, called him an idiot, and hung up on him. It turned out that was his real name. I'm now on suspension. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 819

You deserved it 36 383

By djxerxes9000 - 08/02/2013 02:56 - Canada

Today, I had an in-depth conversation at work about how technically Luke Skywalker was never a Jedi Master. Highlight of my working day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 543

You deserved it 5 813

Good deeds

By Oof - 05/09/2022 05:30 - United States

Today, a wheelchair-bound kid in my study hall dropped one of his textbooks on the ground and he couldn't reach it. When I noticed, I stopped what I was doing to go pick it up for him. The problem is, he sits right in front of the door, so I got yelled at for "trying to leave class without permission." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 276

You deserved it 128

By anon - 02/05/2011 10:58 - United States

Today, I found out that the weird lump on my eye is benign. That would be great news but they aren't going to treat it at all. Now I look like I'm high all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 657

You deserved it 2 904

That one friend

By Anonymous - 08/09/2022 02:30

Today, after 8 years of friendship, I've realized my best friend is a narcissist and I just couldn't see it. I've supported him for years, even though my life was a mess, and the one time I asked for help he ignored me completely. I'm either at his beck and call, or I don't matter at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 149

You deserved it 196

Ch-ch-ch-changes!

By Miren - 09/09/2022 08:59

Today, I thought I was suddenly having insulin problems due to my medical conditions. Turns out, every 4 weeks, your ovaries can just decide to make your blood sugar drop, even if you're transitioning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 526

You deserved it 1 274

IHaveThePower tells us more.

IHaveThePower 16

Friday 9 September 2022 0:46

So since this was mine, quick question: I'm hormonally intersex. So was I born male or female? (Let us all mock the misogynist for not knowing about intersex people, sexual variation in nature, or biology)

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The Top

The Top

Today, I put on a pair of sneakers that I'd left outside, and went jogging. After several minutes of pain, I pulled off one of the sneakers, only to find dozens of baby spiders had moved in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 509

You deserved it 11 782

Today, my step dad stole over $400 worth of savings from me. He spent it on alcohol, fireworks, and a very large sombrero. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 600

You deserved it 4 142

Today, I woke up really out of it, and as I was walking into the kitchen, I stubbed my toe on a tile. I sat down, then got up and stubbed the same toe against the table, went over to the kitchen and stubbed the same toe on the same tile again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 088

You deserved it 1 230

Today, I'm going through a long dry spell, so I asked my ex-wife and the last woman I was intimate with how they were physically attracted to me. They started listing things like financial stability, trustworthy, safe and nice to talk to. I just wanted to be called handsome. FML

I agree, your life sucks 710

You deserved it 731

Today, I've been trying to adopt a cat with little success since my last one died. My other cat, who had grown attached to him when she realized he was dying, has been lazier and more prone to seeking attention than before since he passed away. I now know cats can suffer from depression. I feel bad now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 141

Today, my friends threw me a surprise birthday party. I was genuinely surprised—and also genuinely hungover from celebrating my birthday alone the night before because they'd all told me they were busy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 527

You deserved it 133