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Telltale signs

By Anonymous - 18/01/2023 04:00

Today, I was told the company didn't want me traveling to other states to audit our stores. I was hired because I'm good at auditing and finding affordable travel options. This means they don't value my skills and are planning on laying me off. I really liked this job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 130

Safety last

By Anonymous - 06/06/2024 06:00 - New Zealand

Today, my foreman complained that I was slowing down productivity and costing the company money, all because I was wearing a harness to protect me from falling over the edge of a three story building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 643

You deserved it 103

By Anonomous - 26/01/2015 15:48 - Canada - Whitby

Today, I got a cute girl's number for the first time. Too bad it was because she rear ended my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 216

You deserved it 2 666

By Anonymous - 29/10/2012 17:59 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, I was at the mall and I noticed this guy staring at me from across the food court. He smiled and waved at me so I walked over there and tried to talk to him. He was looking at his girlfriend the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 544

You deserved it 5 109

By Anonymous - 24/01/2015 07:57 - United States - Houston

Today, at dinner, my downstairs neighbors described how they can hear most of my movements, including the buzz of my phone when I text late at night. I think all of us knew that it's not my phone that's vibrating at that time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 559

You deserved it 5 991

By Anonymous - 27/01/2011 05:19 - United States

Today, as I was walking home, I passed some little girls who threw a bunch of snowballs at me. I dodged every single one, ran away laughing, and gave them the finger. I then ran into a snowman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 611

You deserved it 47 029

Mom of the year

By Darice - 08/08/2020 05:03

Today, after years of not speaking with my birth mother, I took a chance and stopped to talk to her when I saw her outside of her house. Five minutes into it, I knew I needed my hair recolored and that I'm out of shape, this all being said by a totally gray haired fat woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 555

You deserved it 214

It's all downhill from here

By Go Mom...?! - 10/06/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I'm a 20 year-old guy, and my 52 year-old mom has aged really well and looks around the same age as me. Meanwhile, I'm aging poorly and fear that I may soon look as old as she actually is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 125

Glass houses and all that

By mirrorfad - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, my mum got upset with me for having my first hangover ever after being of legal drinking age for over 6 years. She is a closet alcoholic in denial who hides red wine bottles around the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 908

You deserved it 3 350

Hotwife and blues lawyer

By Anonymous - 10/11/2021 23:00 - United States - Shingle Springs

Today, I have a new guitar on its way. I forgot to make up a story, so now my wife won't be happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 170

You deserved it 1 639

Clueless

By Anonymous - 11/06/2024 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, after my dad got frustrated at me last month for not having a job and completely taking over my job searching, claiming it’s not that hard and he’d show me how it’s done. Since then, not one company has called or emailed him back and he doesn’t know why. Welcome to job searching in 2024, Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 586

You deserved it 100

By _Oblivion_ - 27/11/2011 01:51 - United States

Today, I fractured my finger setting up a rat trap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 855

You deserved it 13 619

Bigmouth Strikes Again

By lpilou - 21/11/2008 05:40 - France

Today, I was finally able to get to know a girl at university who I'd been eyeing up for months. We had a nice conversation. We discovered that we live in the same area, and so we talked about that. I told her that the little restaurant under my house was really disgusting. Her parents own it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 818

You deserved it 10 921

By ihatemyparents - 22/01/2011 20:20 - United States

Today, my parents confiscated my iPod, because the parents' group they go to came to the conclusion that music is a gateway to anti-social behavior. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 506

You deserved it 2 740

It's close enough

By Jaymail - 17/08/2020 08:01

Today, after many hours studying a complete course of Spanish, I felt really good. I had accomplished something, something I could really use next week when I fly to Mexico on vacation. Then I found out what I had learned was Spanish as they speak it in Spain, not how they speak it in Latin America. FML

I agree, your life sucks 791

You deserved it 1 188

Never trust your anus

By JacksFarts - 18/06/2024 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was in an elevator going up to the 32nd floor when I felt the urge to let out a fart. Feeling like it was either fart now or have appendicitis, and that it would be quiet, I thought no one would notice. It wasn't silent. It was loud and proud, and the cute girl next to me started laughing uncontrollably. FML

I agree, your life sucks 173

You deserved it 529

By everysingleone - 16/01/2015 03:43 - United States

Today, I found out that every single picture that I have ever sent to my boyfriend, his father has also received. Every. Single. One. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 726

You deserved it 29 312

Method acting

By Anonymous - 26/01/2010 05:25 - United States

Today, I had a completely improvised audition for the school play. The director called me and one of the cutest guys auditioning to improvise an intimate scene. Knowing that I'm a complete klutz, I wasn't all that surprised when I tripped over my feet and landed with my face in his crotch. He was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 119

You deserved it 4 037

By syle - 13/11/2008 06:51 - France

Today, my son forgot to log out of MSN. He had written, "When am I getting out of this place?" and his username was "mother fucker". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 847

You deserved it 7 652

Hyper self-awareness

By Anonymous - 29/01/2023 23:30 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was on a first date and everything was going great, until I realized I had garlic breath from the garlic bread I ate earlier. I tried covering it with a mouthful of wine, but it just made it worse. I ended up trying to avoid any closeness, and now I guess I'll just die alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 571

You deserved it 488

Suit yourself

By AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA - 21/06/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, my coworker, who constantly no-shows, ranted to me about his work hours being reduced. He somehow doesn't realize that he's the problem. We're understaffed as of now, so they can't fire him, and I have to be there constantly to make up for him being a lazy ass. My days off have been few and far between. FML

I agree, your life sucks 468

You deserved it 109

Playgirl

By Abcporn - 25/09/2013 23:22 - United States - Portland

Today, I went to work at my job as a secretary. I had been given the task to file my boss's collection of Playboy magazines alphabetically by name of the centerfold. There was one for every month from the years of 1980 until now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 840

You deserved it 3 560

Amen

By Anonymous - 22/06/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, apparently my bathroom breaks have perfect comedic timing. My very religious parents were praying in the living room. I quietly snuck into the bathroom that's less than ten yards from where they're at. Right as they finished praying and saying "Amen" I let off a massive fart, and my dad burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 429

You deserved it 119

Nostradamus

By johnnyfuckfacer - 18/10/2012 19:40 - Canada - Concord

Today, I walked into work, after having given my boss a weather prediction last week, so he could decide on which day to open a new company division. I was immediately taken aside and written up for "providing false information, adversely impacting morale". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 065

You deserved it 2 291

By Sam - 30/10/2008 14:51 - Canada

Today, I had a barbecue. My boss won't believe me tomorrow when I tell him that the main pages of his 2-months worth of work file helped make the best sausages I've ever cooked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 224

You deserved it 30 816

Saving Money

By FML Videos - 26/09/2018 00:30 - United States - New York

Where did it all go? ?

I agree, your life sucks 324

You deserved it 81

Are you doing OK?

By Anonymous - 10/01/2026 20:00

Today, my son is only two but I'm already plagued by the idea of him one day having a wife or girlfriend. I'm being kept awake at night by the betrayal of something that hasn't even happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 902

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 16:44 - France

Today, during a drunken night out, a really trashed friend said to me, "Jeez, even when I’m drunk, you're really ugly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 575

You deserved it 4 096

Hot headed

By Anonymous - 28/06/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, during an argument with my fiancé, I threw my engagement ring on the ground. The center stone broke off. Now he's couch surfing, and has sworn that he won't marry me unless I can find the stone. One stupid moment might actually ruin my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 1 484

WhatsApp drama

By Anonymous - 08/02/2023 02:00

Today I found out my husband was throwing a 50th surprise party for me, and no one RSVP'd because of my best friend starting arguing with everyone in a group text. This was going to be the first big party or surprise party that I'd ever had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 042

You deserved it 116

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The Top

Today, I had a conference with my dad, my counselor, and my history and English teachers because my dad was "concerned" about my grades in those two classes. We talked for a while and it was going well, then my counselor asked what I wanted to study in college. I said I wanted to be a teacher. He laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 837

You deserved it 4 684

Today, after saving up my money for weeks, I went to see my favorite artist in concert with my friends. Two songs in, I passed out, hit my head, and had to have someone drive me home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 969

You deserved it 7 266

Today, I bought fifteen bags of candy for the trick-or-treaters. I sat outside with a bowl of candy the whole night. Only one person came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 408

You deserved it 7 235

Today, my boyfriend transferred some money to me online. He put a joke reference of "Anal nice 'n cheap". We need to show a month-long bank statement to our mortgage broker tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 235

You deserved it 567

Today, my mother still hasn't figured out that my ex is a manipulative cow who has no interest in a relationship with her, apart from her usefulness as a babysitter, and sympathetic cash machine, but when I try to tell her that, she gets mad at me. The kid isn't even mine, it's from the guy she cheated with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 241

You deserved it 109

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and I noticed the balcony door was open. As I went to go close it, I swear I saw my cat wondering outside and I panicked. Long story short, I locked myself out searching for the cat and the next thing I knew, he was meowing at me from the balcony a few feet above me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 327

You deserved it 205