The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By Anonymous - 01/03/2010 01:53 - United States

Today, I was loading a very large box into my hatchback. I was really struggling, and a few people walked by and laughed. Then a car pulled up and waited for the spot. There isn't a spring to hold my trunk open, so it slammed onto my head. Twice. The car honked for me to hurry up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 754

You deserved it 2 455

LOL

By Anonymous - 13/11/2022 02:00

Today, I was told that my laugh sounds like Krusty the Clown. It really does. Now I can't unhear it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 749

You deserved it 154

Get me out of here

By LemmeEscape - 15/11/2022 11:00 - United States - Kula

Today, I found the perfect job, which would help me escape my super toxic in-laws and marriage. I have all the educational and other qualifications for it, and it is a permanent well paying job with the government. Too bad the recruitment process takes years to complete, by which time I might've offed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 947

You deserved it 191

Road safety

By Scared - 24/03/2024 18:00 - United States

Today, I have two decades of existing under my belt, yet I still can't drive. The idea of trusting yourself and others to not be dumbasses when you're moving at high speeds is not at all appealing to my anxiety-ridden brain. I can't even ride a bike properly. How the hell am I ever going to live independently? FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 368

Not feeling it

By BuyersRemorse - 01/10/2025 20:00

Today, I bought a dragon dildo after many years of curiosity and recently, one too many glasses of wine. As I lined it up next to my forearm, the reality that it would go INTO me set in. I can't return it as it is not the seller's fault. I'm throwing it away tomorrow before someone I know finds it. Curiosity killed the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 346

Honestly?

By a_boring_snuffkin - 16/05/2020 02:00

Today, my friend needed to talk out bad feelings. Then she urged me to open up as well. I hate doing it, but it only seemed fair, so I confessed my deep insecurities. Not only did she agree with everything, but she also helpfully added that I'm boring, have no life, and all my dreams are unattainable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 850

You deserved it 215

Always assume you're being watched

By Wilmot - 04/10/2025 00:00

Today, I was alone in the work elevator, so I practiced my “serious professional face” in the mirror. I made finger guns at myself right as the doors opened to reveal three executives from my company. They got in. Nobody said a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 373

Jaws

By Anonymous - 31/03/2024 07:00 - Philippines - Cebu City

Today, I went to the dentist. She put a spongy thing on my teeth and told me to bite. Her finger was there, so I was confused and… I accidentally bit her finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 412

You deserved it 110

By GrossedOut - 11/01/2012 07:47 - United States

Today, my roommate finally cleaned her cat's very full litter box. I later found our only good spatula crusted with kitty feces, which she'd left on the kitchen counter for me to find. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 957

You deserved it 2 427

Spendthrift

By Anonymous - 20/11/2022 01:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I found out my significant other has been secretly spending our savings. Inflation was bad enough, but goodbye safety net. FML

I agree, your life sucks 982

You deserved it 106

Romance is dead

By Anonymous - 01/04/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I have tried so many times to do romantic gestures for my girlfriend, but each time she tells me to stop being silly or to just act normal or to stop annoying her. I guess we’ll just sit on the sofa on our phones ignoring each other then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 498

You deserved it 124

Tipped off

By MicachuPikachu - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Independence

Today, to make it seem like customers actually liked me, I told my coworkers I got tipped $12. Sadly, that "$12 tip" came out of my own pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 372

You deserved it 14 038

By Anonymous - 10/01/2012 06:04 - United States

Today, I found out that when my mom says she's going to kick me in the head to wake me up for an important interview, she actually means it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 134

You deserved it 21 545

9 to 5, what a way to not make a living

By Anonymous - 28/08/2021 18:01 - Canada - Burlington

Today, I excitedly went to check this week's paycheck, only to see that I only received $9.00. This isn't a mistake, this is really what I make. FML

I agree, your life sucks 957

You deserved it 172

Hangry

By Bitch shut up they ain't paying you to snitch - 10/10/2025 03:00

Today, I was hungry. Lacking money, I went into a Wawa and snagged a few tasty snacks, then walked out. Some damn do-gooder followed me out, shouting, "HE DIDN'T PAY!! THAT MAN DID NOT PAY!" I got my snacks confiscated and myself banned for life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 1 192

Punk rock

By Shitfaced - 22/11/2022 12:00

Today, some punk tried the "flaming bag of dog poop" trick on me. I caught him in the act and smashed the unlit bag across his face. Now he's "traumatized" and wants to press charges. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 675

You deserved it 209

By Anonymous - 04/03/2011 00:45 - United States

Today, I learned that if I don't clean out the litter box everyday, my cat will resort to shitting in the laundry basket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 893

You deserved it 34 999

Stomy weather

By OnTheReceivingEnd - 07/04/2024 07:00 - United States - Mesa

Today, I looked back on my romantic history: a marriage that ended when my wife cheated on men, four girlfriends who took advantage of me, and my first girlfriend showed up for my first date after putting on stage makeup that made it look like I beat her up just before our date. "Better to have loved and lost," my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 487

You deserved it 145

Dressed for success

By bitchsawmebuyit - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Yorktown Heights

Today, I realized the dress I bought yesterday still had the security tag on. I returned to the store to get it removed, only to realize I'd lost my receipt. The lady at the counter thought I stole it, called security, and had me escorted out, dress-less. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 749

You deserved it 4 788

By Anonymous - 02/03/2011 21:26 - United States

Today, I was out skating with a guy I really like. I put on my best moves, to impress him. I ended up slicing his lip open with my skate mid-jump. His lip is now wired shut by twelve stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 905

You deserved it 36 429

Skincare

By Anonymous - 08/09/2021 05:00 - Germany - Dresden

Today, I have a new scar on my chin, which is still very sensitive to pressure. So, naturally, my body considers this the perfect spot for growing what feels like the world’s biggest pimple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 108

By Anonymous - 21/02/2010 12:56 - United States

Today, I was at the beach with my boyfriend in Key West. I had gotten a bikini wax and new swimsuit for the occasion. My boyfriend was being romantic until he pulled a long hair from a mole on my leg. It's all fun and games until the mole starts bleeding, profusely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 448

You deserved it 4 480

Introversion pains

By Anonymous - 01/09/2021 09:01 - United States - Steele

Today, I was trying to give my friend a present for his birthday. Unfortunately, he and most of my friends are loud extroverts. After what seemed like an hour of waiting for them to shut their pie holes so I could give my present to him, I just left it on the table and walked out. No one even noticed I was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 999

You deserved it 356

By Anonymous - 05/12/2012 20:05 - United States

Today, I gave a homeless man my last bit of spare change so he could get on the bus. Just as I was about to get on too, I realized I'd lost my bus card. I had to get off the bus and watch as the man waved at me through the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 300

You deserved it 3 142

Rookie mistake

By Anonymous - 11/09/2021 19:00 - United States - Steele

Today, after almost a week of my cursor randomly freezing, I'd had enough and was about ready to go out and get a new computer mouse. It wasn't until just now that I realized nothing was wrong with my mouse. It was running on fumes because I forgot to replace the battery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 221

You deserved it 1 053

It wasn't me

By Banana - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Puerto Rico

Today, I was riding the train and someone farted. Everyone looked at me. People always blame farts on the fat guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 345

You deserved it 6 998

By underachiever - 20/02/2010 07:29 - Australia

Today, while on my graveyard shift at an inner-city backpackers lodge, a drunk pissed in a dorm at 4am. I had to clean up after him, wash all the luggage that got dowsed, clean up 2 separate piles of puke, and help 3 drunken Brits back to their room while they abused me. I have a science degree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 039

You deserved it 3 950

By Anonymous - 05/08/2009 11:04 - India

Today, I left my brand new iPhone on the counter, and went to get its cleaning cloth. My grandmother saw a mosquito, and used my iPhone as a fly swatter. I now have a broken iPhone. Good news though: no more mosquito. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 850

You deserved it 5 783

By Stupendous_ - 03/12/2012 07:17 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, while visiting my widowed great aunt, she took out her wedding rings and talked about the love she and my uncle had. Smiling, I told her that one day I hope to have as happy a marriage as theirs. Her response? "Knowing you, I wouldn't count on it." My mother sat there agreeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 468

You deserved it 2 558

Genius

By Anonymous - 17/04/2024 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered my boyfriend's spider-infested shed where I refused to set foot, where he is constantly fixing the mower, bikes, or his car, is actually just a sound recording of power tools he plays so I won’t go down and disturb him. He has a TV, an Xbox, and a fridge in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 342

You deserved it 623

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I was at my uncle’s farm and his pig had piglets. They looked super adorable, so I picked one up. The poor thing started shrieking bloody murder. Mama pig wasn’t too happy. I have the stitches to prove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 303

You deserved it 1 311

Today, my wife packed the kids up and left for Idaho. I found a letter saying that she misses her paranoid schizo dad and brother, and that she misses me when I'm at work, but can't stand me when I'm home. She is now 1700 miles away, and I'm here alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 039

You deserved it 147

Today, I got a tattoo with my boyfriend's name on it. As we're coworkers, I showed it to him thinking he’d love it. He told me he couldn’t continue the relationship anymore since he realized he wants to fix things with his wife. Three hours of pain and 2 years down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 135

You deserved it 2 047

Today, at my job as a cocktail server in a bar, a group of good looking ladies sat in my section. As I was finishing up with the table next to them I overheard one of them saying, "I hope we don't get that guy, I want a sexy waiter tonight." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 814

You deserved it 3 088

Today, my friends and I were kicked out of a Red Robin after the manager told us that our server accused us of making "sexually suggestive gestures" towards her. The gesture in question was the circle game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 128

You deserved it 1 505

Today, I ended up talking to a homeless man and bought him a meal. In return, he hugged me and groped my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 831

You deserved it 6 815