Miscellaneous: Today, it appears that my upstairs neighbour has decided to learn... - FML

By Anonymous - 23/02/2010 15:45 - United States

Today, it appears that my upstairs neighbour has decided to learn how to play the trombone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 686

You deserved it 2 876

This Charming Man

Hiding from the drama

How d'you like them apples?

By Girl-of-very-little-brain - 29/12/2011 12:01 - Canada

Today, I woke up at midnight crying, stood up to turn on the lights and face-planted into my wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 187

You deserved it 4 955

By thatwasmiz - 08/04/2009 06:38 - United States

Today, I was at a gay bar and asking a really convincing drag queen about her daily routine. I asked how she tucked her penis in. She responded, "Um, I'm a woman." I said, "Oh I'm sorry, are you pre-op or post-op?" She said, "No, I always have been and always will be a woman, asshole." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 520

You deserved it 78 793

By Shoeless - 20/01/2010 20:16 - United States

Today, after I drank way too much, my friend pulled the car over so I could throw up. Next to my pile of puke was a discarded shoe that looked remarkably like one from my favorite pair. When I got home, I realized that my left shoe was missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 347

You deserved it 35 267

By Anonymous - 01/10/2009 05:38 - United States

Today, I invited over 30 people to come to the park with me since the day was nice and cool. I sat there for three hours by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 320

You deserved it 5 082

By ashamedklutz - 22/02/2014 00:20 - United Kingdom - Dunfermline

Today, with a single misstep, I managed to send myself and several others tumbling down a stairwell at work. An ambulance ended up having to be called for one lady. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 520

You deserved it 5 040

By Braxam - 15/06/2011 16:42 - United States

Today, I was walking to class, when a kid came up behind me and smacked me in the face a few times until I fell to the ground. I rolled over and he said, "Oh shit! Wrong person, my bad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 510

You deserved it 3 612

By Anonymous - 03/10/2010 18:52 - United States

Today, I found out that instead of having four wisdom teeth, I have eight. They all have to be removed as soon as possible, which happens to be over the Christmas break. I get to spend my whole vacation in excruciating pain and a swollen face to boot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 749

You deserved it 3 258

By Hornymuch - 02/11/2012 11:35 - Germany

Today, I realized why it's a bad idea to store your business cards and your "emergency condom" in the same handbag compartment. I realized this after a client watched me miss the cards and pull out the condom after our lunch meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 088

You deserved it 28 755

By Anonymous - 17/08/2009 22:11 - Canada

Today, I asked my aunt to pluck my eyebrows since hers are perfectly done. What I didn't know is she gets hers professionally shaped and she doesn't know how to shape eyebrows. I now look like a surprised Vulcan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 741

You deserved it 22 625

EMERGENCY

By jena - 22/08/2018 22:00

Today, my daughter called 911. Why? Because she couldn't get the images to show up on her phone. She's 12. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 531

You deserved it 473

By branwen5 - 09/10/2009 02:26 - United States

Today, I had my final divorce proceeding. The judge denied my divorce because my husband is unemployed. I can't get a divorce until he gets a job to pay child support. He hasn't had a job for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 656

You deserved it 3 821

By Crumpet - 25/06/2010 07:08 - Canada

Today, I realized that when my boyfriend said, "I'll love you forever" what he really meant was, "I'll love you until I meet your significantly more attractive sister." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 935

You deserved it 5 274

Can't catch a break

By not a whore! - 30/08/2020 07:05 - United States - Madison

Today my sister was complaining about all the inaccuracies in Grey's Anatomy and how it negatively portrayed nurses. I’m a massage therapist. Almost everything portrays us as cheap whores. I’ve even been propositioned several times. When I pointed this out, she and the rest of my family laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 766

You deserved it 208

Ask first, snoop later

By Jenna Berreth - 07/10/2019 16:00

Spicy

Today, I was trying to find my missing purple pen in the house I share with my boyfriend and his 57 year-old mother. I checked her room just in case, only to open a drawer and be greeted by a dildo. I’m never going to unsee that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 624

You deserved it 2 932

By DocFUCKINGHATESSTUPIDPEOPLE - 22/11/2012 21:03 - United States - Schertz

Today, I've been on duty at the hospital for just three hours so far, and I've already pulled five carving forks out of four different people. Good job, everybody. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 712

You deserved it 1 951

By lilben - 10/06/2011 08:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was given a new nickname at work due to my boss always confusing me with one of my co-workers who is taller than me. Someone suggested he just call us the same name to make it simpler, and the tall one would be big and the short one little. Everyone at my job now calls me Little Dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 464

You deserved it 4 767

Reported!

By thatcreepyteacher - 17/02/2016 04:27 - United States - Mchenry

Today, someone called the police on me because one of my students was going home with me every day. The student is my son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 731

You deserved it 1 415

Rationalization

By Anonymous - 28/04/2021 02:00

Today, I'm getting divorced because I found out that my husband of 17 years cheated on me when I was pregnant, all 3 times. He also had a year-long relationship with another woman, but, "it doesn't count because she knew I wasn't going to leave you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 209

You deserved it 89

By anonymous - 01/06/2009 07:05 - Korea Republic of

Today, I asked my mom if I could join my friends in getting lessons in self defense. My mom told me that I didn't need them because my face was a better weapon to repel anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 129

You deserved it 5 279

By El Stupido - 12/06/2011 13:51 - Australia

Today, I was stuck in stand-still traffic for 5 minutes, before realizing I had stopped behind a parked car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 165

You deserved it 58 349

By Rowan Curry - 15/09/2012 15:37 - United States - San Jose

Today, I got mad at my parents and threatened to run away. Things got so bad that I packed a bag and left, planning to hide in my front yard to teach them a lesson. It's been two hours, and I'm still standing behind a bush in front of my house while they make no effort to look for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 643

You deserved it 49 149

By pleasekillme - 19/04/2013 11:44 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, it has been over 3 months since my housemates ended their 1 month long relationship. He's still creepily obsessed with her. He picked the bathroom lock when I was in the shower and tried to get in, and then called me a "fucking c*nt" when he realised it was me in there, not her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 024

You deserved it 4 440

By Anonymous - 04/09/2013 17:28 - United States - Dell Rapids

Today, my entire gym class had to run the 1600 with our coach calling out finishing times. My finishing time was reported as "3 days short of a year." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 080

You deserved it 7 240

Criminal Minds

By Anonymous - 18/09/2019 00:01 - United States

Today, I had to go to the ER because of a terrible allergic reaction I had to the cookies my "friend" made for me. She assured me several times that there were no nuts in them. Turns out, she put nuts in them on purpose, to see whether or not I was really allergic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 555

You deserved it 113

Internet doctor

By ThatYourDoctor - 25/08/2021 00:01

Today, a patient came to the ER at 4 a.m., but left complaining I wasn't treating him properly. I treated his toothache with painkillers that would get him through the night so he could contact a dentist the next day. He showed me a TikTok video of the tooth surgery that he supposedly needed instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 49

By MikeyPeters - 13/03/2009 04:26 - United States

Today, I was using the elliptical when I got a bad wedgie. All the ellipticals are up against a wall so after trying to pick it I finally decided to just pull down the back of my pants and underwear. I then remembered there was a window to a yoga class behind me. I mooned them all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 391

You deserved it 57 371

Home Improvement

By Anonymous - 12/12/2020 23:01 - United States - Wilmington

Today, I heard what sounded like an explosion from the basement of my house. Turns out my foundation cracked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 903

You deserved it 38

By kstaa - 10/02/2010 11:47 - Australia

Today, I was sitting on the train wondering what that putrid smell was. As I got off the train I realized there was vomit all over the back of my seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 110

You deserved it 4 510

By Anonymous - 19/01/2011 01:51 - Australia

Today, I found out that since no other procedures are working, I was required to stop eating, and drink a bunch of foul tasting 'goo', which will in turn give me constant diarrhea. This will then prepare me nicely for the long tube with a camera on the end of which will be shoved up my rectum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 361

You deserved it 3 789

By AverageDeskJoe - 03/05/2016 20:43 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, I met with my boss hoping to hear about a possible raise that had been promised many months ago. He then told me that the only way I would get a raise was if I found a better paying job and took it, and that the company was in no position to offer anyone a raise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 333

You deserved it 1 193

Baby don't hurt me...

By whatislife1969 - 08/09/2017 10:00

Today, my friends got me a cake for my birthday. As I blew out the candles, they shoved my head into it and I was knocked out for 3 minutes before an ambulance took me to the hospital. I got a concussion from a cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 535

You deserved it 241

By Danielle - 22/08/2011 07:38 - United States

Today, I was upset after a fight with my husband, so I cried alone in the bedroom. My 4-year-old son then comes in and hugs me. I thought he was trying to comfort me, but he then told me he had to go get his quarter my husband had promised to pay him if he made me shut up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 098

You deserved it 4 360

By potpurri_needed - 10/06/2009 17:37 - United States

Today, I was doing the laundry, but couldn't tell if one basket contained dirty clothes or clean clothes. I put my head down into the basket and took a whiff to check, and smelled something strong. I looked down and noticed I had shoved my nose into my mother's dirty panties and inhaled deeply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 165

You deserved it 60 856

By arace15336 - 22/08/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is only staying with me for the present I promised him for his birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 727

You deserved it 5 108

By boyBYE - 16/11/2016 23:30 - United States - Pleasant Grove

Today, when my ex said he wanted to be friends, what he meant was that he wanted me to help him hook up with 18-year-olds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 319

You deserved it 947

By sadchick - 09/09/2009 22:53 - United States

Today, my mom found a new favorite game. I recently broke up with my boyfriend of a year and still have not been able to find a job (months after graduating college). Due to this stress I cry easily, her game? Seeing how many times a day she can make me boo-hoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 603

You deserved it 8 773

By shia - 11/03/2011 00:51

Today, I got a super short pixie cut. All my boyfriend could do was stare at me, speechless. I thought he was taken aback by how cute it was until he told me that I look exactly like my fifteen year old brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 580

You deserved it 21 821

Rash beard

By Rashbeard - 05/01/2020 01:00

Today, I was eating out with my partner, and we decided to use the new lube we bought. Things went great until I later realized I was allergic to it and a large red rash spread all across my mouth and chin. It won't go away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 737

You deserved it 418

By niccy - 09/09/2010 04:33 - United States

Today, my neighbor came up to me, lowered her voice and said, "I suggest you buy some drapes for your bedroom dear..." When she started to walk away, she added, "...and a gym membership." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 475

You deserved it 10 439

By PoorMe - 22/02/2013 13:06 - United States

Spicy

Today, I muted the TV just in time to hear my mom yell at my dad about how their sex life is "non-existent". FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 533

You deserved it 4 702

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Tuesday 23 February 2010 20:08

Maybe you should learn how to play the 'hit the broom on the ceiling to make your neighbor shut up' ?

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Tuesday 23 February 2010 20:04

I had a neighbor like that. FYL

Comments

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Tuesday 23 February 2010 20:04

I had a neighbor like that. FYL

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Tuesday 23 February 2010 20:08

you should pay for some lessons so he gets good

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Tuesday 23 February 2010 21:41

Break in and throw it out a window.

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Tuesday 23 February 2010 21:42

YDI for not going up there and telling him to shut up instaead of writing an FML about it.

LMA0 5

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Tuesday 23 February 2010 21:56

That's how it starts.. then the next thing you know he's creeping downstairs to blow on your boner. ;)

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Tuesday 23 February 2010 22:36

And then it leads to a rusty trombone!! watch out

iSwag 0

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Tuesday 23 February 2010 22:46

introduce him to Michelle and they'll go to band camp together

Ouroboros_fml 0

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Wednesday 24 February 2010 1:16

you should decide to start learning deathmetal, but only when he practices trombone. find an electric guitar and an amp at a garage sale, you can't go wrong...

samantha_durano 6

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Wednesday 24 February 2010 1:51

what's a trombone?

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Wednesday 24 February 2010 5:47

61...seriously?

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Wednesday 24 February 2010 6:17

I know ppl who are mentally ill and know what a trombone is. and for you. he / she is getting better at blowing. it's a win lose situation

samantha_durano 6

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Wednesday 24 February 2010 7:34

72: yes seriously lol, what is it!

samantha_durano 6

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Wednesday 24 February 2010 7:52

74: woah woah woah. I am not a he/ she lol. or is it really that hard to tell the difference D:

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Friday 26 February 2010 16:47

my neighbor gets pissed when I play electronic drums, u can barely hear anything

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Sunday 2 May 2010 8:12

oops... that's my brother.... :P no really he plays trombonr

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Tuesday 23 February 2010 20:04

better than the drums!

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Tuesday 23 February 2010 20:16

Drums are awseome..

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Tuesday 23 February 2010 20:26

I second this. Drums are effing awful to have to live with. OP, tell your neighbour not to practice at certain hours or something. It usually works if the person isn't a total douche.

samantha_durano 6

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Wednesday 24 February 2010 7:48

well, not if your good :)

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Tuesday 23 February 2010 20:08

Maybe you should learn how to play the 'hit the broom on the ceiling to make your neighbor shut up' ?

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Tuesday 23 February 2010 20:14

^ My thoughts exactly! or learn how to play your stereo louder. :)

nickforthewin 0

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Tuesday 23 February 2010 22:02

or OP could learn how to play 'man up and go talk to him'?

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Tuesday 23 February 2010 23:53

SuCkS!

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Tuesday 23 February 2010 20:08

lol does he suck

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Tuesday 23 February 2010 20:10

Take drum lessons.....

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Tuesday 23 February 2010 23:01

drums are very annoying... op at least it isn't acoustic guitar... those douches think they can play and they get really loud.. and sometimes they try to sing *shiver*

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Tuesday 23 February 2010 20:13

#6FTW!

Apotheosis5267 0

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Tuesday 23 February 2010 20:13

Wow, your life does suck :S Could be worse if he were an insomniac

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Wednesday 24 February 2010 8:43

#8 LOL

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Tuesday 23 February 2010 20:18

waaa, waa, wa ~ trombone noise~

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Tuesday 23 February 2010 20:41

you should learn to play the gong every hour on the hour..

eat_this_buddie 5

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Tuesday 23 February 2010 20:43

^^this is a win

perdix 29

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Tuesday 23 February 2010 20:42

You're totally 'boned! It takes a couple of years of dedicated practice before you don't just completely suck at it. You may want to get a box of industrial earplugs and bill your neighbor for them.

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Tuesday 23 February 2010 21:52

if a person who plays drums is a drummer, then what is a person who plays trombone?

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Sunday 9 September 2012 15:45

A trombonist..

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 8

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 9

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 513

You deserved it 122

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 685

You deserved it 84