Your everyday life stories

MissMSE - 18/09/2009 08:41 - Canada

Today, my friends took my phone and changed all the contact's names to characters from Harry Potter. I have over a hundred contacts and no idea who I'm talking to. I've been texting Draco Malfoy for 4 hours now. FML

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Dear John

Homegrown 2024 - 30/07/2024 20:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, my girlfriend asked me to act more like Homelander in bed. FML

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With all due respect

Anonymous - 23/02/2026 00:00

Today, at work, an obese woman insisted she took a size 5 shoe, despite me measuring her at a size 11. Then when the 5 I politely fetched for her didn’t come close to fitting, she told the manager I was fatshaming her. Her feet were ham joints below cankles as thick as my thigh. She stank too. FML

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Delivered

fedexed - 27/07/2009 19:12 - United States

Today, I brought my lunch to work in the only box I had lying around my apartment - a small one from FedEx. When I went to the bathroom before lunch, I returned to my desk to find that one of my coworkers had mailed my lunch back to my apartment. FML

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Cynically poisoned

Anonymous - 24/02/2026 09:00

Today, I rejected my crush's prom proposal because I didn't think he was being serious and wanted to prank me or something. Turns out he was serious but now he's going with another girl. FML

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New creepypasta just dropped

Anonymous - 25/06/2009 08:34 - United States

Today, I was getting a pedicure when the woman sitting next to me asked the lady if she could take the skin she had scraped off my feet home to her birds, because "they love skin." She then described for 20 minutes how her birds love to sit on her when her sunburn is peeling and eat her skin. FML

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Goodbye horses

Owned - 25/03/2009 23:43 - United States

Today, my parents came to visit me at the ranch I work at. They're scared to death of horses, but I was explaining how they are almost completely harmless. I was showing them how to work around the horse without getting kicked. As they relaxed, the horse kicked me. I now have a broken leg. FML

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Incompetence

Anonymous - 13/08/2024 09:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to spend a quite considerable chunk of my Saturday on the phone to my boss explaining that no, it is not reasonable or convenient for him to try and cancel my honeymoon leave, all because he messed up the schedules, and doesn’t want to upset the other girl in the office he fancies like mad. FML

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This is fine

Anonymous - 23/03/2023 00:00

Today, I hopped on a tram without a ticket to travel one stop in order to save 5 minutes off my walk. Instead, I got a $230 fine and ended up 15 minutes further away from my destination. FML

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Interference

Anonymous - 18/08/2024 00:00 - Canada - L'Assomption

Today, I found out that my "I don't care about boy problems" friend decided it would be a great idea to talk to my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend about me. My ex was the one who told me. He thought I'd asked my friend to do it. FML

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Do you deserve it, though?

Anonymous - 14/03/2026 00:00

Today, I tried to reconcile with my estranged father after learning that all the things my mom said were lies to turn me against him. He refused and told me that he has a new daughter and that I'm not part of the picture. I know I deserve it but… FML

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Life Goals

FML Videos - 12/11/2018 00:00

Don't stop believing!

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No thanks

Anonymous - 20/08/2024 09:00 - United States - Yorktown

Today, after being repeatedly talked into meeting my mother and grandmother for lunch, when they were done they tried to convince me to let my grandmother move into my house, for the second time in a year. FML

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New BFF unlocked

Anna - 16/03/2026 12:00

Today, it's been three years that I've worked as a waitress at a fine local restaurant. I like the work and it felt special when a regular customer, with my permission, hugged and complimented me, and said, "I appreciate you, 'Anna the Cool'. Thanks for helping to make this my fave restaurant." If only my friends were this nice. FML

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King of the Jungle

FML Videos - 16/11/2018 18:30 - United States - New York

What would Mufasa think?!

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Experimenting

anon - 24/08/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, I found a recipe online that looked delicious and not too complicated. Halfway through cooking, I realized I was reading the instructions for two different recipes and had combined them into one horrific dish. The resulting meal tasted like burnt cardboard mixed with regret. My girlfriend ended up ordering takeout. FML

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Social Life

FML Videos - 22/11/2018 18:30

Nononononono...

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The cat's out of the bag

Anonymous - 02/04/2023 04:00 - Australia - Taren Point

Today, my partner's mother and I had been planning a little surprise get-together for his birthday. A surprise weeks in the making was ruined by my dad asking, "Aren't you supposed to be going to (his parent's town name) this afternoon?" in front of him. Thanks dad. FML

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How do you eat a hamburger?

Always my fault - 28/03/2026 12:00

Today, my son won't go to his team dinner because the other kids made fun of him for "eating like a monkey." My wife says this is my fault. Funny, when I tried to teach him not to eat with his fingers, she got mad and ranted that "people ALL OVER THE WORLD eat with their fingers, it's normal, stop criticizing him!" FML

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It's lit

Anonymous - 07/02/2022 00:01

Today, after spending 2 years growing out my hair, rubbing in oils to make it strong and healthy so I could shave it off and donate to a cancer charity to make wigs, I had a mishap at work with a car's cracked petrol tank. I now have 2nd degree facial burns and like 90% of the hair is burned away. FML

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Good vibes

Anonymous - 04/09/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, I was in a quiet library when I noticed a buzzing sound. I ignored it, but it kept going. I looked around, but nobody else seemed to notice. After 5 minutes of searching, I realized the buzzing was coming from my backpack. My electric toothbrush had turned itself on and was rattling around. Everyone watched me pull out a vibrating bag. FML

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Best teeth in the game

jj. - 08/09/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, as always, my mom loudly asked me if I'd brushed my teeth, then replied to my yes with, “I don’t believe you.” All because I forgot to brush my teeth once when I was 5. I’m 17 now. FML

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Transvestigation brain rot casualty

Anonymous - 10/09/2024 09:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I’m doing my clinicals at a teaching hospital. An irate patient began hurling slurs and demanded I leave the room during her exam. She didn’t care that I was a student; she thought I was a man. I’m not now nor have I ever been male. FML

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The Curse

Anonymous - 11/04/2026 03:00 - United States

Today, it was the third time I've seen an ambulance in front of the grocery store that I like to shop at. The first time someone collapsed at the entrance; the second time an elderly lady had to be wheeled out on a gurney. I'm wondering if the place is cursed. FML

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The great escape

danny - 12/09/2024 09:00 - Australia

Today, I had to pretend my phone was broken because my mom kept calling to ask if she could join my friends and me for karaoke night. FML

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Cooked

Anonymous - 21/04/2023 03:00

Today, I tried to make mashed potatoes but then went into another room to wait on them, then forgot about them, ruining my only big pot and a full bag of potatoes. FML

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We're here for you 24/7

- 20/04/2026 09:00 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, I am once again dealing with severe depression and anxiety. I go through this cycle every three months. I’ve tried almost every antidepressant available and nothing helps. I’m sick of it and sick of life. FML

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Supermarket sweep

Anonymous - 20/09/2024 09:00 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was using self-checkout at the grocery store, and the machine flipped out and started randomly announcing, "Please wait for assistance." No one came to help, but the machine just kept loudly repeating it until everyone stared at me like I was trying to steal grapes. FML

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Slapstick

- 24/04/2026 22:00 - United States - Fontana

Today, I feel like I’m living in some horrible campy horror comedy. I was walking to the kitchen when my cat ran under my feet, causing me to trip and fall backward through my glass table. FML

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Tricked

Puck - 26/09/2024 09:00 - Netherlands - 's-Hertogenbosch

Today, I did the "suck your finger" trick in the car to prevent my lipstick from getting on my teeth and halfway locked eyes with a random dude outside. FML

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Today, I found out my husband has a fake Facebook account that he uses to add guys and live a double life as some kind of "gamer chick". This would be disturbing enough, even if he hadn't used pictures of me to give a face to his alter ego. FML

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Today, I was taken to the hospital after I fell down the stairs. The physician who saw me bit his lip and said he would have to amputate my foot, and I fainted in terror. One of the nurses later told me to "learn to take a damn joke." FML

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Today, I had to make a deal with my 22 year old fiancé. What was the deal? If he put deodorant on, he could squeeze my boob for as long as he liked. FML

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Today, after racing home with a jumbo package of toilet paper, I ran into my house to go to the bathroom. I then realized I'd left the toilet paper in the car. FML

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Today, I went outside to enjoy the cool air without my glasses. I saw my neighbor doing the same, so I waved and said hi. When she didn't respond, I yelled and went back inside. It was only later when I went back out with my glasses on that I realized I was being ignored by a Halloween decoration. FML

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Today, I called my mom from Australia. I have been abroad for two months and hadn't talked to her in a long time. A few minutes into the conversation my moms stops me and says this call must cost a fortune and hangs up on me. A few bucks in more important to her then me. FML

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