By Anonymous Today, while I was eating spicy wings, I suddenly sneezed. I was sitting in front of a fan and effectively maced myself when my spicy sneeze blew back into my face and eyes. FML I agree, your life sucks 2857 You deserved it 703 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Cookie - South Africa Today, my parents were coming to visit me at my brand new apartment. I made dinner and served them the cake my roomate had left for me in the fridge. Thirty minutes after they left, I was so baked that I couldn't think straight. I still don't know if my parents made it home. FML I agree, your life sucks 35631 You deserved it 8472 295 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada - Red Deer Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time. She's a screamer. Her dog must have thought I was attacking her, because he immediately came over and started savaging me. FML I agree, your life sucks 54722 You deserved it 6172 86 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By beya - Canada Today, I woke up to my five year old son picking off the scabs from his chicken pox and dropping them into my open mouth as I slept. FML I agree, your life sucks 93829 You deserved it 5841 237 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom TODAY, I PRESSED CAPS LOCK ON MY LAPTOP AND THE KEY GOT STUCK. NOW ALL OF MY LETTERS ARE IN CAPITAL LETTERS. I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING. FML I agree, your life sucks 43542 You deserved it 34157 395 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bdjsbskl - Canada Today, I was at work as a cashier. An old lady unbagged everything I had, and angrily "taught" me how to bag. She put potatoes on her eggs and broke them. She then screamed that I was useless and retarded in front of all my other customers and manager. FML I agree, your life sucks 38502 You deserved it 2363 165 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Kennewick Today, I told my friend I was considering adopting a dog. She looked at me like I was Satan and went on a rant about how dogs are "born evil" and will always maul someone given the chance. I still have the marks from when one of her psycho cats sliced open my arm last month. FML I agree, your life sucks 21711 You deserved it 1720 88 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By littl3storm Today, I was trying on bras in a shop when a little kid stuck their head under my stall. I was completely topless and completely surprised when they asked if I was their mommy. I'm 16. FML I agree, your life sucks 2192 You deserved it 157 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ZAnon - United States - Houston Today, my 97-pound pitbull wagged and chased his tail while I was being mugged. FML I agree, your life sucks 37589 You deserved it 3793 105 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By yaa - 17/4/2020 17:00 Everyone's an expert Today, my sister's husband, who's never even been to college let alone medical school, told me that my cancer is not hereditary, despite a deep family history. He instead swears it's due to my "poor lifestyle and eating habits." Mind you, he's a 300 lbs, fall-down drunk with multiple DUIs. FML I agree, your life sucks 1920 You deserved it 143 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Ridgefield Today, I went out to get groceries and ice-cream. When I got home, I couldn't find my house keys. I retraced my steps, but with no luck, so I returned home and had to break in. While unpacking, I found my keys in the bag, right next to the completely melted ice cream. FML I agree, your life sucks 20460 You deserved it 9692 116 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada Today, I was putting my horse away into her pasture, when I slipped in the mud. In a haisty attempt to support myself, I grabbed the electric fence in on hand, and my horse with the other. The shock from the fence traveled through me to her, sending her running and leaving me with 2 broken teeth. FML I agree, your life sucks 45055 You deserved it 6759 161 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Broke - Australia - Melbourne Today, while I was waiting to pull out of a parking space, my boyfriend decided it would be funny to put the car into reverse instead of drive while I was waiting for traffic to clear. I don't think the people who own the car behind me were laughing. Nor is my now ex-boyfriend. FML I agree, your life sucks 29960 You deserved it 3378 184 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ben - United States - Louisville Today, I found out that if someone flushes a toilet the same time I'm starting the washing machine, my house will flood. FML I agree, your life sucks 45145 You deserved it 2841 57 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By failure - Australia Today, I rang my girlfriend to make sure she made it home alright. She told me to check my facebook. Nothing was different so I hit refresh. We were no longer in a relationship. I got dumped via facebook whilst on the phone to her. FML I agree, your life sucks 37895 You deserved it 3050 167 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Stargirl - United States - Modesto Today, in an attempt to support and encourage my efforts in getting a new job, my boyfriend said, "Imagine having triple what's in your bank account right now!" Triple what's in my bank account right now would be exactly $38.94. FML I agree, your life sucks 5938 You deserved it 727 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By SweetDreamsTibi Today, I was feeling frisky and my boyfriend was playing a video game in the living room. I started dancing in front of the T.V. with only my panties on, to which he responded, "You're every gamer's nightmare." FML I agree, your life sucks 2133 You deserved it 1213 35 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By eyes wide SHIT - Australia Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML I agree, your life sucks 45911 You deserved it 5924 130 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By abrooks88 - United States Today, I got denied a job. They told me I was unreliable because I didn't show up for my third interview. This is the same interview they called and cancelled this morning. FML I agree, your life sucks 29846 You deserved it 2037 76 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Denmark - N?rresundby Today, I sharted during my wedding vows. FML I agree, your life sucks 41579 You deserved it 5098 121 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I found out that when they put "Take with food" on the side of antibiotics, what they really mean is "Take with food because this stuff is gonna liquefy everything in your G.I. tract, and make you have to run out of the middle of calculus for the worst diarrhea ever." FML I agree, your life sucks 30118 You deserved it 10834 78 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By BornInTheWrongEra - United States Today, my neighbours came to yell at me as they could hear my "shit music" through my window during the afternoon, so I turned it off. They then began to play their definition of "quality music" into the late hours of the night. I was listening to the Beatles. They blasted Nicki Minaj. FML I agree, your life sucks 58108 You deserved it 5520 235 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By qwertyasdfghzxcv - Canada Today, I took my dog to the vet and she was diagnosed with obesity. The vet then told me that dogs usually imitate their owners eating and behavior habits. FML I agree, your life sucks 20581 You deserved it 27188 24 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By LukeSkywalker - United States Today, after pouring my heart out to my girlfriend of 4 years through a speech that took me 3 weeks to write, and then proposing, she responded, "Eh, why not." FML I agree, your life sucks 38196 You deserved it 4623 230 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonim23 Today, the spiders in my house are so big that they catch wasps in their webs. FML I agree, your life sucks 1500 You deserved it 212 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mydadsgonnakillme - United States - Santa Barbara Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my overprotective father. My boyfriend started out with, "Sir, it is an honor to be your daughter's sexual partner." FML I agree, your life sucks 64336 You deserved it 12371 96 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Teeny gross Today, my creepy co-worker informed me that he was going to stick his "peeny-weeny" in my "teeny-vageeny". FML I agree, your life sucks 5841 You deserved it 376 41 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By darkman28 - United States Today, I was looking at the page of a girl I've had this big crush on for a long time. After getting a date with her and taking her horse back riding and having a picture taken of the two of us I find that she paint shopped me out of the picture before posting it. FML I agree, your life sucks 63358 You deserved it 4524 97 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Puppy Loverr - Australia Today, I was getting a bit intimate with my boyfriend. Just when things were getting interesting, my dog managed to get into my room. He jumped on the bed and my boyfriend spent the next 20 minutes playing with the dog, while I sat next to him, half naked. FML I agree, your life sucks 33302 You deserved it 4801 162 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonya - United States - Madera Today, I made the mistake of telling my dentist that my dog died. She spent the next half-hour talking about her pets and how they died. I ended up crying in her dentist's chair. FML I agree, your life sucks 23784 You deserved it 3072 63 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By cherry - Australia Today, I was fooling around with someone I had met at a club, in my room. It got really heated, and I was really getting into this guy, until he lifts up my leg and asks "Can I lick your leg?" FML I agree, your life sucks 59619 You deserved it 23819 211 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my roommate confronted me about my eating disorder. She described in length how emaciated my chest has become and how she wants to help. Except I don't have an eating disorder. My sternum is deformed and I have only recently become confident enough to wear low-cut tops. FML I agree, your life sucks 39498 You deserved it 2619 194 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By manutdlol - Malaysia Today, I found out that my girlfriend has more armpit hair than me. FML I agree, your life sucks 36420 You deserved it 6448 101 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Forgotten Birthday Girl Today, it's my birthday. I am a triplet. In my first class, everyone sang happy birthday to my sister. Her friends got her balloons too. My other sister's friends got her flowers. Everyone forgot I was their sister and all of my own friends forgot that it was my birthday. FML I agree, your life sucks 4844 You deserved it 263 25 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By singlesailor - United States Today, I'm in my fourth month of training in the US Navy. I'm 3000 miles from home. I joined to give my wife a better life. Since I've been gone, she decided that she liked being single. FML I agree, your life sucks 48082 You deserved it 4377 176 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I accidentally clamped my hair straightener down on my ear. Eleven hours later, it still feels like I have a burning, swollen fireball hanging off the side of my head. FML I agree, your life sucks 30556 You deserved it 12175 254 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By neednewshoes Today, like every day, I flushed a public toilet with my foot. Today, unlike every day, my foot missed the handle and landed in the unflushed water. FML I agree, your life sucks 2396 You deserved it 4881 37 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By NoSexForMe - United States - Rancho Cucamonga Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML I agree, your life sucks 67523 You deserved it 8607 296 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By freshman - Canada Today, to make my dorm neighbours think I'm popular, I blasted music and screamed at the top of my lungs so it sounded like I was having a party. My residence manager slapped me with a noise violation, and demanded to come in to make sure we weren't drinking. I had to explain why I was by myself. FML I agree, your life sucks 10140 You deserved it 59967 138 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Heavy Today, a 100-foot maple tree fell on my house. I was inside. I was sleeping. FML I agree, your life sucks 1648 You deserved it 84 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Veroswen | 3 #7722004 - Monday 12 November 2018 3:02 All I can think is "I hope his/her spine is okay". Send a private message 0 0 Reply
By Veroswen | 3 #7722004 - Monday 12 November 2018 3:02 All I can think is "I hope his/her spine is okay". Send a private message 0 0 Reply
Today, I found out that my cross-dressing father and my recently deceased mother were having a much more "open" relationship then they'd let on, when the... I agree, your life sucks 2 You deserved it 0 0 Comments
Today, I caught up with a good friend and he let me rant about my sexless marriage. He was really understanding and supportive. I got home and he sent... I agree, your life sucks 638 You deserved it 137 4 Comments