Today, I was on a first date at high-end Indian restaurant. I tried to impress my date by ordering the spiciest dish on the menu, only to find out it was way too hot for me to handle. I ruined the entire meal by coughing, choking, and drinking five gallons of water with tears streaming down my face for at least 40 minutes. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while on my first ever date, I ordered a really hot curry, hoping to impress my date. "Yeah," I said smoothly, "not everyone can handle spicy food." When I took a bite, my eyes watered, my mouth burned, and I had to plead for water in between moaning like a dying baboon. FML
Today, I confidently told my friends I had a high spice tolerance and took a shot of insanely hot ghost pepper sauce. I immediately hiccuped, tears started streaming down my cheeks, and I coughed so hard I fell off my chair and knocked stuff off of the table. We were in a restaurant. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy I met online. He took me to a restaurant where I was allergic to practically everything on the menu. I sneezed five or six times within the first 15 minutes and spent the rest of the lunch awkwardly trying to explain I wasn't allergic to him, just the food and spices floating around us. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant for a second date. As we were eating, a piece of food got stuck in my teeth. I tried to discreetly remove it, but ended up spitting it across the table and onto my date's glasses. FML
Today, as a big fan of spicy food and a huge challenge seeker, I decided to try the hottest burger I could order. Despite being warned by a waitress, I went for it. After eating a third, I had trouble breathing from the spiciness. The waitress was smirking. FML
Today, on a first date, I finished eating my sushi, feeling proud to have managed chopsticks so elegantly and then rubbed my eye, oblivious to the fact I had just touched some wasabi. What followed was a classy exhibition on how to jump around screeching in pain. FML
Today, I went on a date for the first time in months. Over dessert, my date told a joke, and I tittered vigorously, causing me to choke and throw up all over him. FML
Today, to impress my date with dinner, I spent hours prepping and cooking. Just as I was about to serve her, I realized I'd left the stove on and my kitchen was on fire. As the fire trucks arrived and my date looked on in horror, I couldn't help but think, "My cooking is so hot it literally set the house on fire." FML
Today, I went on a blind date. Everything was going great until I laughed so hard at one of his jokes that I snorted, choked on my drink, and accidentally slapped his face while trying to cover my mouth. We didn't order dessert. FML
Today, I was on a first date and tried to playfully flick a fry at him. It missed, hit a waiter in the face, and he dropped an entire tray of drinks onto an elderly couple. My date laughed, then excused himself to the bathroom… and never came back. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
There's no doubt you ruined the meal, but the question remains: did you get laid afterwards? Women supposedly like men who aren't afraid to cry and are well-hydrated. Oh, and one word: buttermilk.
Sdog 6
Why do people think it’s impressive to eat ridiculously spicy foods? Such a bizarre thing to try to flaunt, especially when it goes horribly wrong. Try impressing her with your personality.
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Comments (6)
RichardPencil 32
There's no doubt you ruined the meal, but the question remains: did you get laid afterwards? Women supposedly like men who aren't afraid to cry and are well-hydrated. Oh, and one word: buttermilk.
Sdog 6
Why do people think it’s impressive to eat ridiculously spicy foods? Such a bizarre thing to try to flaunt, especially when it goes horribly wrong. Try impressing her with your personality.
tiptoppc 21
I did two challenges in a row (12 each) of wings coated with carolina reaper and trinidad scorpion. It’s impressive, if not stupid, but did it after my wife called me a “gabacho” I was able to remove that title after that. She couldn’t handle 1 (she’s hispanic, I’m creole-descendant white)
1known 34
Better: don’t try to impress. Just be yourself and be a good person.
VnD 12
Why did you think your date would be impressed by you showing her you can "eat" spicy food! I mean, come on dude!! FYL indeed or rather, YDI
Shzusuziq11 12
why would ordering the spiciest dish impress anyone? (Even if you could tolerate it). I would think this man's a goofy show off
Iamthebanzai22 21
You, sir, are an idiot.