Love, Embarrassing, Food, First Dates and Painful: Impressive, dude

Impressive, dude

By Anonymous - 06/02/2023 15:00

Today, I was on a first date at high-end Indian restaurant. I tried to impress my date by ordering the spiciest dish on the menu, only to find out it was way too hot for me to handle. I ruined the entire meal by coughing, choking, and drinking five gallons of water with tears streaming down my face for at least 40 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 136

You deserved it 1 931

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By halfie - 26/09/2015 05:06 - United States - Pigeon Forge

Today, while on my first ever date, I ordered a really hot curry, hoping to impress my date. "Yeah," I said smoothly, "not everyone can handle spicy food." When I took a bite, my eyes watered, my mouth burned, and I had to plead for water in between moaning like a dying baboon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 516

You deserved it 33 446

No third base for you

By Anonymous - 26/03/2023 14:00 - United Kingdom - Wakefield

Today, I went to a restaurant for a second date. As we were eating, a piece of food got stuck in my teeth. I tried to discreetly remove it, but ended up spitting it across the table and onto my date's glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 713

You deserved it 251

By my bravado's gonna kill me one day - 10/08/2018 13:00

Today, as a big fan of spicy food and a huge challenge seeker, I decided to try the hottest burger I could order. Despite being warned by a waitress, I went for it. After eating a third, I had trouble breathing from the spiciness. The waitress was smirking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 264

You deserved it 3 873

By Anonymous - 07/01/2011 23:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a date for the first time in months. Over dessert, my date told a joke, and I tittered vigorously, causing me to choke and throw up all over my date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 112

You deserved it 6 345

I'm on fire

By Jyocka - 26/04/2011 22:25 - Canada

Today, on a first date, I finished eating my sushi, feeling proud to have managed chopsticks so elegantly and then rubbed my eye, oblivious to the fact I had just touched some wasabi. What followed was a classy exhibition on how to jump around screeching in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 285

You deserved it 27 118

Cook out

By Anonymous - 28/01/2023 12:30

Today, to impress my date with dinner, I spent hours prepping and cooking. Just as I was about to serve her, I realized I'd left the stove on and my kitchen was on fire. As the fire trucks arrived and my date looked on in horror, I couldn't help but think, "My cooking is so hot it literally set the house on fire." FML

I agree, your life sucks 672

You deserved it 432

By Anonymous - 06/06/2009 02:22 - United States

Today, I was on a double date at a restaurant with two friends of mine and a guy I really liked. Things started getting really quiet so I decided to start talking to make things a little bit less awkward even though I was eating. I ended up spitting a piece of chicken across the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 244

You deserved it 45 072

Hi-de-hi

By Droolgirl - 26/05/2009 01:25 - United States

Today, I was at a fancy restaurant. I was drinking some water when I noticed a hot guy eating alone at another table waving at me. I smiled back, but had forgotten to swallow the water so it dribbled out of my mouth all over my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 251

You deserved it 46 552

By Anonymous - 16/12/2018 03:00

Today, I went on a date. I went to the bathroom for five minutes and returned to find my date had not only left, but poured ketchup all over our food to ruin it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 591

You deserved it 195

No tip for you

By Anonymous - 06/01/2011 06:34 - United States

Today, I was feeling sick but went into my waitressing job because I'd already missed 3 days this week. I was dizzy and managed to spill a tray of drinks all over the customers. Then, when their food was done, I tripped and spilled hot chili all over the man's lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 038

You deserved it 11 973

anothergenericuncreativename 13

Monday 6 February 2023 18:37

don't impress with skills you don't have. also "eating spicy food" is a personal preference, not a noteworthy skill. next time, try impressing with something that has a remote chance of being impressive.

RichardPencil 30

Monday 6 February 2023 15:18

There's no doubt you ruined the meal, but the question remains: did you get laid afterwards? Women supposedly like men who aren't afraid to cry and are well-hydrated. Oh, and one word: buttermilk.

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Monday 6 February 2023 15:18

There's no doubt you ruined the meal, but the question remains: did you get laid afterwards? Women supposedly like men who aren't afraid to cry and are well-hydrated. Oh, and one word: buttermilk.

anothergenericuncreativename 13

Monday 6 February 2023 18:37

1known 30

Tuesday 7 February 2023 0:02

Better: don’t try to impress. Just be yourself and be a good person.

Sdog 6

Monday 6 February 2023 19:45

Why do people think it’s impressive to eat ridiculously spicy foods? Such a bizarre thing to try to flaunt, especially when it goes horribly wrong. Try impressing her with your personality.

tiptoppc 19

Thursday 9 February 2023 22:06

I did two challenges in a row (12 each) of wings coated with carolina reaper and trinidad scorpion. It’s impressive, if not stupid, but did it after my wife called me a “gabacho” I was able to remove that title after that. She couldn’t handle 1 (she’s hispanic, I’m creole-descendant white)