Roll with it

By Anonymous - 21/05/2023 22:00

Spicy
Today, my girlfriend of over a year told me the reason we've only been intimate once in the past 8 months is because she thinks she might be asexual. I love her, but I miss the intimacy we had when we first started dating. FML
I agree, your life sucks 1 093
You deserved it 222
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Top comments

neonpachyderm 13

Dude, I feel you. I say this as a brother, get out now. She might be an amazing friend and a wonderful roommate and companion, but she's not going to be the lover you're after.

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Anderling 32

One of those situations where there are no winners, honestly. Intimacy can be an important part of a relationship for some people, and when your partner wants that less often or more often, or in this case not at all, that can unfortunately cause friction. Some asexuals are willing to indulge in intimacy for their partner’s sake; maybe your girlfriend might be willing to compromise there? If she doesn’t want to, though, you’ll need to consider whether you’re okay with that. Either way, I wish you and your girlfriend the best of luck.

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Comments

Anderling 32

One of those situations where there are no winners, honestly. Intimacy can be an important part of a relationship for some people, and when your partner wants that less often or more often, or in this case not at all, that can unfortunately cause friction. Some asexuals are willing to indulge in intimacy for their partner’s sake; maybe your girlfriend might be willing to compromise there? If she doesn’t want to, though, you’ll need to consider whether you’re okay with that. Either way, I wish you and your girlfriend the best of luck.

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tiptoppc 19

My wife and I struggle with this, me (M) being asexual, my wife (F) is frequently frustrated by the fact that I not only have almost zero sex drive, but pairing my back injury on top, takes a lot of care to navigate, and frequently coming to compromises. Don’t get me wrong, I love my wife. She’s hella cute so there is strong sexual attraction, but my lack of sex drive and sometimes frequent pain, really drives a wedge in between and usually communication with expectations and compromising is how we manage it. Not the healthiest or best way, but it’s worked for the last 6 years of our marriage. A sex therapist might be up OPs alley to help navigate. It might also require a strong intellectual connection and emotional connection to get the spark to be interested, and you only get out what you put into this Edit: and for anyone thinking if asking, my testosterone is just fine. I require periods of strong emotional attachment to want sex with anyone, which has included 1 previous GF, and one ex-wife. The irony is my current wife is who i lost my virginity to, but that’s a soap opera for another time. That said, i did find my swimmers aren’t the best plus some other issues which has made trying for kids problematic.

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Chazzster 28

If it’s OK with you to give up on sex then I suppose there’s no problem… But I think this means that there is a basic incompatibility in OP’s and GF’s needs and expectations. While sex is not the only need most people have it is an important component of most romantic relationships… OP it’s time to have a heart to heart talk with GF. Frankly I suggest breaking up or maybe putting the relationship on pause. She has the right to whatever her desired sexual orientation is (including asexual) and you have the right to your expectations. But incompatible goals and values won’t lead to the kind of relationship you probably need and expect. Sometimes you have to let go of what isn’t working and just trust that you will eventually find a relationship more suitable.

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neonpachyderm 13

Dude, I feel you. I say this as a brother, get out now. She might be an amazing friend and a wonderful roommate and companion, but she's not going to be the lover you're after.

10 0
Nieko 11

That's what mine used to tell me until she found someone she's sexual with.

1 1
RichardPencil 30

You're ******! Figuratively speaking only, unfortunately. So, she's saying she faked being heterosexual to get you into the relationship, but now she's being her authentic asexual self? C'mon, man! That's bullshit. You just need to up your game.

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ODBeefalo 10

it's 2023 my dude, sit down and discuss it. if this is something she doesn't want or care for but you do and there are no other issues, talk about a side piece. if she says no then decide if you can really live without sex or if you are incompatable. she may view it as her having someone to go to the spa with... something you may not care about but she needs. if you are looking at a breakup talking can't really do much more damage.

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