By tasian14 - 1/1/2021 17:01

Here's to a better year

Today, my boyfriend of 6 years decided on New Year's Eve to get on his knees and tell me that he cheated on me with his ex, and they're getting back together. Yay last day of 2020! FML

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1160

Mind control

Zoomers zooming

Explain that one

By Anonymous - United States

Today, the unhealthiest person I know, weighing in at around 350 pounds told me she was now a vegan. I then told her the Cheese-Itz, as well as the leather boots she was wearing wasn't vegan. She said I was wrong. I'm a nutritionist. FML

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By emselin - Denmark - Niv

Today, someone brought cake to class. Trying to get some attention from the guy I have a crush on, I asked if he wanted my piece of cake. He accepted it, and then offered it to another girl. FML

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By Pusillanimous - United States

Today, I was waiting in line with a friend, and she poked my stomach and said, "I wish I had your stomach." I asked her why. She said, "Boys wouldn't flirt with me." FML

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By 5p4571k - Canada - Chilliwack

Today, I was cooking dinner for my children, managing for once not to screw up and hurt myself. Then, while chopping vegetables, I accidentally sliced my finger open. The same finger that was still covered in juice from a lemon I'd just squeezed. FML

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By MusicLover18 - Canada - Leduc

Today, I caught my little sister taking a selfie in the mirror with a fake nose piercing, peace sign, and a duck face. She's 12. FML

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By neednewdeoderant - United States

Today, I walked into my bathroom to find my girlfriend applying my deodorant. This would have been fine, if she wasn't applying it to her mouth. I don't think deodorant helps with bad breath, but a quick Google search shows that it does help with herpes. FML

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By wekasdjkasldasdkasdzcawqe - Sweden

Today, my mother yelled and yelled at me until I apologized to our cat for not petting him when he sat on my lap. FML

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By fmcsl

Today, a customer bought a luggage tag and asked what it was for. I explained and she asked if she had to hang it around her neck. I explained again and she said she didn’t have her luggage with her so did she have to hang it around her neck? FML

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By Brad

Today, I was on a 3-way call with my wife and the bank. The bank said we didn't qualify for school loans, which means I have to drop out. As soon as the bank hung up, my wife stayed on the line to tell me she wants a divorce and that she regrets our marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By harrassment101 - United States

Today, at work a female co-worker was struggling with a stack of boxes in her hands. Her pantyhose was falling down and she asked me to help her. So I pulled up her pantyhose. When I looked up, she had a horrified look on her face. She was asking me to help her hold the boxes. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that he can't remember the last time he took a shower. He then told me he doesn't see the "need" of taking showers. FML

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By coward - United Kingdom

Today, after 4 days of avoiding me and screening his calls, my 24-year-old boyfriend sent his mother to break up with me on his behalf. FML

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You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 1/12/2020 22:02 - United Kingdom - Isleworth

Hello, Goodbye

Today, I left my job, fulfilling my one month's notice after receiving a job offer from a much better-paying role. After saying goodbye to everyone, I left the building. Not 2 minutes later, the company who was offering the new job called to say they'd changed their minds, and there was now no longer a job on offer. FML

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By hakura madada - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I mistook my dog's head for the gear shift while tearing down the highway. FML

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By thefifthdoctor - United States - Seattle

Today, I had to listen to fellow classmates whine about selling one of their many houses, while I can barely afford to pay for a $100 textbook. FML

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By El Camino - United States

Territorial Pissings

Today, I parked in a different lot because the one I usually park in was full. When I came back later, a bumper sticker was stuck to the windshield that said, "INCONSIDERATE F***, DON'T PARK HERE AGAIN!" To make matters worse, it was stuck on with a special type of glue, so it can't be removed. FML

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By anon - United Kingdom

Today, a guy lost control of his umbrella in the wind, which then hit me in the eye, making me bleed. He screamed at me for trying to steal his umbrella. People laughed. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Gainesville

Today, a student's mother sent me an e-mail complaining that I was requiring her child to read a book containing mild profanity. She then demanded me to let him read an easier book. This would've been somewhat acceptable if the student wasn't in the 12th grade. FML

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By Rari - United States - Phoenix

Today, I broke up with my fiancé after he cheated on me, and he now refuses to move out of the apartment. I'm even contemplating just offering him my Xbox One as a bribe so I can get him out of my life for good. FML

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By Bad Dancer - United States - Rock Hill

Today, my friend and I went to a club. She said I look hilarious when I dance drunk. I was completely sober. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was putting the cat outside. He wouldn't go, so I kicked him. Then I woke up to my husband screaming. I’d been dreaming, and the "cat" I kicked was his family jewels. FML

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By K3you - United States

Today, my fiancé broke off our engagement after he saw one of my baby pictures. He said our future kids just wouldn't look right. FML

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By Tired

Today, I got in trouble with my boss for doing what she wanted me to do. I guess she didn't think I would do it and did it herself. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I noticed I give myself pep-talks when I'm lonely. FML

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By bummed - United States

Today, I found out a 6-month pregnant woman is claiming my boyfriend to be the father. Even though this would have been previous to our relationship, he already has two kids from getting girls pregnant in high school. I guess he didn't learn his lesson the first two times. FML

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By rog3rli - United States

Today, I realized that even though I've taken three years of Spanish, the only words and phrases I can remember are from Dora the Explorer. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Darwin

Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Pompton Plains

Today, I got home from work and found my girlfriend waiting for me in some skimpy lingerie. She ended up pushing me onto the bed, and as I lay there, expecting to be pleasured, she pulled out a pair of adult-sized footsie pajamas and dressed me in them. FML

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By yeah - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend and I were role playing when her mum walked past the slightly open door, saw me, and chased me out of the house for stealing her baby's innocence. I was only wearing a red speedo. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/6/2020 17:02

Corporate ass

Today, I found out that my boss would rather give grant money back than give it to any of his employees as any sort of bonus for working through the pandemic. Two of us have worked for him for over 20 years. So much for loyalty I guess. FML

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By Disgusted - United States

Today, I learned that my house's fly infestation is worse than I thought. I now have maggots crawling and dropping from my ceiling. I have to sleep under them. FML

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By kennarama - United States

Today, I sat a client down for his haircut. He pulled off his hat and his hair was dripping wet. I asked him if he had just washed it. He responded, "No, but isn't it a hot day out?" No, it's twenty degrees and overcast today. FML

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By Beth - Australia - Perth

Today, my fiancé's mother tried to arrange a marriage for him to a nice Indian girl, again. We've been engaged for a year, and the wedding is in a month. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the pet store to get mice for my mom's snakes. While checking out, the guy working behind the register asked what kind of snakes I had. I told him they were my mom's and he mentioned this crazy woman that talks to her snakes. That's my mom. FML

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By toryzhere - Canada

Today, I had a job interview. I have major OCD, and I had to sit in a room with a man covered in cat hair, struggling to even survive for an hour and a half. FML

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By wallamanut - United States - Portland

Today, my parents decided to finally kick me out of the house because they've gotten tired of seeing me "sleep around all day and being so lazy" whenever I'm home. I'm currently triple-shifting for 6 days a week. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I bought some new led under glow lights for underneath my car. I was putting them on when my dad came out, insisted on taking over, and then proceeded to break them. FML

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By VeryLoved - 28/4/2021 19:01 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Great parenting

Today, after a year of staying at home, I finally went out. I had a panic attack and couldn't breathe, so my mum decided to scream at me and slap me so I'd become "normal". FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was with my boyfriend and we were talking about childhood memories. He told me about a girl he made fun of in middle school. That was me. FML

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By still sore

Relax!

Today, after months of asking my massage therapist boyfriend to work on me, and him always saying he’s too tired to do so, I called my local spa to make an appointment. He then screamed at me for wasting money and for going to the competition when he could just do the job himself. I'm confused too. FML

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Top comments

By Chazzster | 20

#7961485 - Friday 1 January 2021 19:59

I am sorry, there is no good time to get news like that. OP, think of it as an opportunity to start a new year in a different direction. The only good thing is that now you finally know the truth about your now ex. And don’t later wind up letting him string you along like he did his former ex.

By xxlk4xx | 5

#7961505 - Friday 1 January 2021 21:45

sorry that happened! now throw him away with 2020!

COMMENTS

By Chazzster | 20

#7961485 - Friday 1 January 2021 19:59

By xxlk4xx | 5

#7961505 - Friday 1 January 2021 21:45

sorry that happened! now throw him away with 2020!

By RichardPencil | 30

#7961547 - Saturday 2 January 2021 1:50

Sounds like par for the course for 2020!

If it's any consolation, he probably cheated on her with you, and he'll certainly cheat on her again.

By spinspinsugar | 12

#7962635 - Wednesday 6 January 2021 20:46

damn, and I thought I had it bad when my ex dumped me via AIM on new years eve.