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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my dad got over his aversion to tight pants, giving everyone at the DMV a good look at his package in skin-tight blue jeans. FML

#21402857
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24603) - you deserved it (2040)

On 05/01/2015 at 11:25am - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, I was supposed to light candles at my aunt's wedding. I accidentally lit the groom on fire. FML

#21402824
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29887) - you deserved it (5554)

On 05/01/2015 at 9:41am - misc - by why? - United States

Today, my roommate was making a waterproof iPhone case and decided to use my phone to test it out. It didn't work. FML

#21402720
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29730) - you deserved it (3427)

On 05/01/2015 at 1:30am - misc - by Crombinator - United States (Oregon)

Today, a guy asked me for my number. Now I deeply regret giving it to him, because he won't stop sending me Bible quotes and pictures of Jesus. FML

Today, I realized that my new haircut makes me look like a movie star. Not Scarlett Johansson, no. I look like Lord Farquaad. FML

Today, I kept hearing a child creepily giggling in my living room. I couldn't sleep and got so scared that I started considering hiring an exorcist. Long story short: be careful if you have Bluetooth speakers, because your dickhead neighbor might hack them and start fucking with you. FML

#21401745
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33858) - you deserved it (4527)

On 04/29/2015 at 1:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, after recently getting my car fully serviced and fixed, the horn has decided to spontaneously beep. To stop the beeping I have to press the horn hard, making it look like I'm purposely doing it to piss people off. FML

Today, I was sitting in McDonald's. A lady came up to me and started complaining about the bad service, and asked for the manager. I told her that I didn't work there. "But you must, someone that fat has to work here!" FML

#21401411
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30967) - you deserved it (4547)

On 04/28/2015 at 9:36pm - misc - by fatty - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML

#21401116
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29350) - you deserved it (2857)

On 04/28/2015 at 11:05am - misc - by PPP - United States

Today, my mom told me that if I wanted to commit suicide, I should make it seem like a car accident, and not do it in the house, because she would be too embarrassed if people thought she was a bad parent. FML

#21401085
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36319) - you deserved it (2628)

On 04/28/2015 at 9:26am - misc - by WasNotAdopted (man) - United States (California)

Today, due to awkward circumstances, I am living with my ex-girlfriend and her new girlfriend. FML

Today, I went to a wine tasting for the first time. I copied the experienced people around me by swishing the wine around in my mouth, which I then choked on and spit out all over my white blouse. FML

#21400331
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26162) - you deserved it (9006)

On 04/26/2015 at 11:12pm - misc - by rookiemistake (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while with a large group of friends, my best friend started talking about my struggles with dating and intimacy. I quietly asked her to stop talking about it, as it was personal and I wasn't comfortable with everyone else knowing. Her response? "Um, it's really none of your business." FML



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