Love: Today, I looked at my house in Google Street View for the first... - FML

By cheaters_should_die - United States

Today, I looked at my house in Google Street View for the first time and noticed an unfamiliar vehicle in the driveway. When I asked my wife about it, she admitted to have an ongoing affair. Apparently the entire world knew my wife was having an affair before I did. FML

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Proactive

Mother of the year

Coherence dude, do you have it?

By Anonymous - 5/11/2020 20:01

Check this

Today, I went in for a routine check up. I also found out I have an incurable STD and that I’m pregnant. I’ve been married to my husband for 7 years and have never had sex with anyone else in my entire life. FML

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By Chelsea - United States

Today, my mom made me clean. I was dusting in the living room and heard gunshots outside the apartment. I dove on the floor and started crying and screaming. My mom walked in and informed me that the sound was her making popcorn. FML

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By fuckface moron - 20/6/2020 02:17

Face value

Today, it was was my first day back at work as an esthetician. My first client refused to remove her face mask so I could perform the service. She demanded I just do her forehead, and that she’d only pay a third of the price since she’s only getting that part done. I refused and was written up by management. FML

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By FMLimsomad - United States

Today, I looked outside and I saw that my new car had been snowed on. Sadly the snow had frozen onto the car, so I spent the entire day getting it off. I came inside. By 8pm, my car had snow all over it again, and this time I left the window open. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/7/2020 23:04

I need some me time

Today, my fiancée decided to go on a 3-hour trip because she needed a break from the baby and me. I forgot to mention who she went with: her ex. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Hobart

Today, while mowing the lawn, I was attacked by an underground hornet nest. I now have many stings, two scared dogs, and a mower still running outside. The hornets are swarming it and some are sitting on the lever, as if to turn it off. It's like they know. FML

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By Bahhumbug - Australia - Perth

Today, I found out I was the top ranking sales person for 2014. What did last year's winner receive? An all-expenses paid weekend holiday. What did I receive? A ham. I'm vegetarian. FML

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By htx91 - United States - San Antonio

Today, after opening a letter from the VA, I found out that I have to pay back all the money I earned last year in the Army. I just spent $500 on Christmas presents. Payments start in January. FML

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By ThreeHoursEarly

What's the time, please?

Today, I was told to be present for a meeting that started at 5pm. I arrived 15 minutes early, and I was late for the meeting. This happens regularly. FML

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By mhmohyeah - United States

Today, I was jumping on every crunchy leaf on the sidewalk. I went especially far out of my way to step on one only to notice it didn't crunch right. I looked closer, it was a dead bird. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Calexico

Today, I decided to turn my life around and start exercising more. I didn't even make it out the door before I tripped and fractured my ankle. FML

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By raven_of_azarath

Today, I found a spider in my car the size of my hand. Help. FML

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By FML - United States

Today, I blushed when a fortune cookie said "You have the attitude of a winner." My self esteem is so low. FML

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By facepalm - United States - Sayreville

Today, working as a nurse, I saw a patient in for follow-up after a partial leg amputation. I checked her blood pressure and gave her the reading, which prompted her husband to ask what it meant. She replied, "I'm alive." Before I could stop myself, "And kicking" spilled out of my mouth. FML

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By Seriously_Scaredy_Cat - United States

Today, I was taking some clean bedsheets down from the top of the wardrobe. As I pulled the top sheet down, a cat jumped onto my face, claws and all, before falling to the floor and running away. Thing is, I don't own a cat and I have no idea where in the house it has hidden now. FML

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By inpain - United States

Today, I learned that my hairdo must resemble a rat. I found out when a hawk swooped down and dug its claws into my head while I was sunbathing. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went on a camping trip. I already had a bad back, and then the guy in charge took us on a hike. My shoes were too small, and now I'm hobbling around with a bad back and foot. Every time I limp, it hurts my back, but if I walk normally, it hurts my foot. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my new coworker asked if I knew her daughter. I responded yes and asked how her pregnancy was going. She didn't know her daughter was pregnant. FML

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By dearbailee - United States

Today, I was on a train. An elderly woman and her daughter got on, looking for a seat. The daughter suggested the one next to mine. The elderly woman looked at me and said something in Russian. I speak some Russian. She said she didn't want to "sit by the hooker." FML

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By Mandoune - Finland

Today, I dropped my keys in the drain. Thankfully, my new flat mate generously offered his help to reach the keys via flower pot. FML

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By SpiderMan - United States

Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor... and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML

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By Baldy

Polly Want a Wax

Today, I was using pre-waxed strips to wax my eyebrows when my parrot investigated by walking through them. He then screamed, flew into my hair, thrashed around, and got stuck. I now have two bald spots and two parrot bites. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, while I was cleaning, listening to music and sometimes singing along, I heard a knock on my front door. I turned off the music and opened the door to the police, who stated they had to investigate reports of "repeated female screams" coming from my apartment. I'm a 23 year old man. FML

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By an anon - United States - San Francisco

Today, some well-meaning soul told me to just pray my depression away, which would be about as effective as praying away a knife in my shin. FML

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By ahhnotoy - United States

Today, I bought a box of Fruit Loops. When I got home, I noticed a free prize would be in the box. I sifted through the box, looking for the small toy. It wasn't in there. I don't know what is more sad, the fact that I got ripped off by a children's cereal or that I'm 21 and upset by it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while sitting on the bus a stranger sat next to me, farted, put his hand under his butt to smell what it was like, and then sniffed it throughout the whole ride while glancing at me. FML

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By Anonymous - Sweden - Storfors

Today, my brother tried to convince me to get a clitoris piercing at his recently opened piercing studio. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/2/2021 14:00

Silver linings

Today, I was driving into work in my hubby’s truck. It’s his pride and joy. I managed to both get a flat tire and lock my keys inside the truck at a gas station, with my face mask also inside. Oh, and it’s 19 degrees. At least it’s sunny. FML

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By None - United States

Today, I auditioned for the musical at my school. Before I sang my song, I gave my music to the director. She said "Oh, I love this song!". After I sang it, she told me, "Its okay, I still like the song." FML

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By Kelly - United States

Today, I heard a girl telling her friend all about her boyfriend, John. They talked about the grocery store that he works at, and that he drives a nice yellow mustang. My boyfriend's name is John, works at that same grocery store, and drives a nice yellow mustang. FML

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By - France

Today, I'm still in love with my ex boyfriend who is going out with someone else. But at least I now know that he's gay. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Not now!

Today, I was in a department store with my three year old daughter to buy some new jeans. I took her into the dressing room with me and as I began to take off my pants she yells, "Mommy, you can't go peepee in here!!" I am no longer welcome in that particular store. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in a hurry to get to work. I pulled impatiently behind a long line of cars to make a right hand turn. I sat there for 5 minutes. Turns out there wasn't a line to make a right hand turn. I had been waiting behind a line of parked cars. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Tucson

Today, I have a final for my precalculus class. After hours of studying this week, I felt pretty optimistic. Until I got to class and realized that I'd forgotten my calculator. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, while shopping with my 6-year-old daughter, she said, "Mommy, remember you wanna get duck tape!" A middle-aged guy nearby scoffed and told her: "DUCT, not DUCK. Dumb cunt." I ended up having to drive my bawling daughter home with no shopping. FML

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By oh why... - United States

Today, I got a ransom note saying, "We have kidnapped your husband and won't release him unless you postpone the wedding." The wedding is tomorrow and it was in his handwriting. FML

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By Robert - United States - Anchorage

Today, I had another lucid dream. Like every time I lucid dream, I immediately started having tons of dream sex. That would've been fine if I hadn't been taking a nap on the living room couch in the middle of the day. The entire family heard my squirming and moaning and saw me nut my pants. FML

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By anon. - United States

Today, I found out if I refuse my boyfriend anything in public, he will continually yell out, "Penis!" until he gets his way. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I introduced my dad, who is a surgeon, to the TV show House. I thought it'd be a good bonding experience. How wrong I was. He spent the whole time yelling about the "insane" medical inaccuracies, then lectured me about my crappy taste in TV. FML

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By Carrie_Chaos - United States - Fresno

Today, I started dating my best friend, who is Hispanic. I told my family the good news and all my father had to say to me was, "I will allow you to date him, but you should really think about settling with someone your own kind." FML

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Top comments

By blalien | 0

#725988 - Friday 18 December 2009 19:44

Your wife's a slut and an idiot. There were a million excuses she could have made for why that car was there.

By mleblanc | 0

#725969 - Friday 18 December 2009 19:32

Lol, what a terrible way to figure out. FYL.

COMMENTS

By leoofbodom | 0

#725965 - Friday 18 December 2009 19:31

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

zenti | 2

#725989 - Friday 18 December 2009 19:44

You could say the same thing about just about every fml that gets posted here.

Reply

voodootrucker | 0

#726119 - Friday 18 December 2009 22:12

damn leo was it your car at his house

Reply

YDI_King | 0

#726131 - Friday 18 December 2009 22:25

YD better

Reply

girlygirl666 | 0

#726137 - Friday 18 December 2009 22:28

Haha yep, I agree with you Voodoo.

Reply

schwinn11 | 0

#726147 - Friday 18 December 2009 22:37

Leo had the same thing happen to him, except instead of google maps, he seen his wife in a girls gone wild video. So try not to be to hard on him

Reply

The_Pleb | 0

#726159 - Friday 18 December 2009 22:48

And i was in the video drinking champagne whilst the girls and his wife kissed my feet

Reply

randomdude1234 | 0

#726404 - Saturday 19 December 2009 1:30

Fail logic is fail. Just cause there's a car in the driveway doesn't mean the whole world knows about the affair. How the F are they supposed to recognize the car?

Reply

BritishHobo | 0

#726651 - Saturday 19 December 2009 5:50

It was a joke line to end the FML. Don't think he was imagining some Eskimos huddled round a little computer going 'ha! that guy's wife is cheating on him and he doesn't even know!'
Though that would be awesome.

Reply

sillypiper | 0

#840486 - Wednesday 10 February 2010 8:01

fuck I'd be proud! not easy getting on that show'

Reply

Secret_Fire_King | 0

#865276 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 12:35

What does OP mean "the whole world knew".. I really don't remember googling your street, OP.. but, if I did, I'm sure I'd remember.. 'Cause your problems are my top priority..

Reply

courtney680 | 17

#1968638 - Saturday 15 January 2011 6:16

probably lol

By mleblanc | 0

#725969 - Friday 18 December 2009 19:32

Lol, what a terrible way to figure out. FYL.

Reply

tam_tiger | 0

#726106 - Friday 18 December 2009 21:48

I thought you couldn't see cars on google I looked at my house and there were no cars around it. Nor any part of my town =/ so yahhh

Reply

Boddmon | 0

#726116 - Friday 18 December 2009 22:10

plate numbers are blurred but the actual car still appears.
perhaps no1 was home when the google car came by your house.
I see my car in my driveway.

By phuckface | 0

#725970 - Friday 18 December 2009 19:33

hahah i think leoofbodom is upset because so many people are getting caught cheating this way

By lexi_cacao | 0

#725972 - Friday 18 December 2009 19:34

that's terrible... I'm so sorry

By diet_otaku | 0

#725975 - Friday 18 December 2009 19:36

no they didn't, because the entire world doesn't know what your car actually looks like.

Reply

ZombieKnickers_fml | 8

#726011 - Friday 18 December 2009 20:00

You take things too literally. It's worded like this to make us laugh as well as pity him. He obviously didn't actually think the entire world knew.

By CallMeHush | 0

#725979 - Friday 18 December 2009 19:39

I bet at first you thought that she bought a hot new car to surprise you on you anniversary huh?

By allstate68rt | 0

#725981 - Friday 18 December 2009 19:39

Fuck that bitch.

Reply

xer096 | 7

#6265308 - Friday 17 April 2015 18:29

Someone's got that covered it looks like

By fmycheese | 0

#725983 - Friday 18 December 2009 19:41

Crap, never thought I'd be caught.

By i_luv_cheese | 0

#725987 - Friday 18 December 2009 19:43

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

wolfpackchick10 | 0

#726022 - Friday 18 December 2009 20:12

I know I do

Reply

synix | 0

#726048 - Friday 18 December 2009 20:45

ditto

Reply

girlygirl666 | 0

#726141 - Friday 18 December 2009 22:31

Me, too.

Reply

newsgit | 0

#726600 - Saturday 19 December 2009 4:43

I knew. I knew the he house OP grew up in, too.

Reply

jojocircus19 | 16

#6520056 - Tuesday 26 January 2016 7:20

Wait so that's not normal?

By blalien | 0

#725988 - Friday 18 December 2009 19:44

Your wife's a slut and an idiot. There were a million excuses she could have made for why that car was there.

Reply

Six_and_the_Moon | 3

#728713 - Sunday 20 December 2009 19:08

It's likely that she wanted to come clean and it gave her the opportunity to do so. I'm sure she could have lied about it, but figured it was time. That still makes her a selfish whore, but not necessarily an idiot.

And OP, ♥ your name.

Reply

Hoopachi | 19

#6277547 - Thursday 30 April 2015 2:58

At least she was honest.