Today, I had dinner with my family for the first time in a couple of days. My mum and dad spent the majority of the time arguing whether salt or pepper weighed more. This is why I'm not home often. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I spent my first day with my parents for the first time in a year as I've been away at university. My dad went to work, and my mum spent the whole day playing mahjong with her friends as they all told me "how fat I've gotten" and how "boys won't like it". FML
Today, my dad and mom and I were going out to eat dinner. My dad wanted a romantic dinner just with my mom so he told me to make an excuse not to go. I did, which ended up as a huge fight, grounded and phone taken away. My dad just stood there in the background putting thumbs up. FML
Today, I made a nice meal for myself and sat down to eat. Suddenly, my dad burst into my room saying, “We have to go.” This isn’t the first time it’s happened, nor was it an emergency. My family just doesn’t tell me when we have plans. FML
Today, my mom tried to ground me. In the apartment that I own. Because I didn't eat enough of the dinner that I'd made. FML
Today, I went to visit my parents. Dad went on a religious tirade, and Mum got sick of him and pelted a Brazil nut at his head. Dad then lost his shit, and told Mum to go to her room and pray. I now remember why I moved out of home in the first place. FML
Today, after spending over $1000 on plane tickets, I'm visiting my family for the first time in five years. Two hours after I arrived, everyone is screaming at each other and taking their rage out on me. They still ask why I never visit. FML
Today, I spent hours cooking an amazing dinner for my family, who had just gotten home from a trip, so we could spend some time together because I'd started to miss everyone. When they got home, they saw it all laid out and just took plates to their room, without even telling me they were home. FML
Today, I asked my parents why we hadn't been out to eat as a family for so long. Both mom and dad agreed, so we made plans to go have breakfast at the Waffle House. Upon arriving, Dad threw a tantrum in the restaurant over nothing, and insisted on yelling at us the entire time. Guess I got my answer. FML
Today, my mother-in-law came over for dinner. She decided to salt the food I was preparing without even tasting it first, then complained at dinner that I'd used too much salt. She then lectured me on the proper seasoning of food for the rest of the evening. FML
Today, I've been staying with my parents while I have time off from school. They got drunk and started an entire family fight because my dad made pizza and my mom is lactose intolerant. She insists my dad did it on purpose because, "he's an asshole and knows I can't eat cheese." FML
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Top comments
Aspen_Grace33 27
Welcome home!!!! My parents do the same crap and what's funny is even when we google the answer or whatever they keep arguing. Lol
DocBastard 40
My father would have beaten the shit out of me had I dared to tell him to shut the **** up. Fortunately I have this thing called "respect" for my parents.
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Comments (130)
lifeisaterriblem 6
Join the argument
rummzy 6
If you can't beat em join em
SqueakyChipmunk 22
"Mom, Dad. You're both wrong. Now eat your goddamned food."
auzz1_pride 9
I know how you feel OP, my parents spend a large amount of their time arguing about who gets the most cake when they have desert.
Wolvander88 19
I think salt weighs more.
CaptTeemo 10
No it's definitely pepper
ZX6Rninja 0
Its obviously salt YOU CHEATING SON OF A BITCH. Hows your pot roast sweetie?
kyarush 10
Whoever said salt is the victor of this argument
WeAreAHurricane 14
Keeping their marriage strong? a
zooey08 1
Salt does weigh more.
Aspen_Grace33 27
Welcome home!!!! My parents do the same crap and what's funny is even when we google the answer or whatever they keep arguing. Lol
rubberduckie94 13
It's what us people that have been married a long time do. We fight or try to match wits over stupid things. It is usually a sign of a good marriage.
CaptTeemo 10
Communication is key. Can't argue over something serious? Then something must be wrong with this salt
RobinKCS 9
So how did this topic come to be? Tell them it doesn't ******* matter and to stfu. Problem solved.
immaMonsta 8
That's a pretty rude and disrespectful way to speak to your parents...even if their argument is stupid.
DocBastard 40
My father would have beaten the shit out of me had I dared to tell him to shut the **** up. Fortunately I have this thing called "respect" for my parents.
ICastillo 25
Are you crazy #4 if I told my mom that she would beat my ass. No matter what age I was. I don't know how OPs parents would react, but that's what usually will happen.
emba_fml 13
wow. do you speak to your parents that way?
SqueakyChipmunk 22
21: My mom threw me face first into a grate. Another time she almost drowned me. Sometimes, she take me across the street for a beating from a woman who looked like she was on steroids. That's when I learned not to **** with her. Is it bad that my mother is Casey Anthony? Lol bullshit aside, don't **** with the parents, unless they REALLY deserve it. Sometimes, not even then.
Roevera 14
Yep.. tell them to just "stfu" in their own house. Sounds smart. I would be kicked to the curb with a sore ass..
Roflsauruz 12
If I told my mom to STFU, she'd be all, "NO, U."..... If I told my dad to STFU, he'd be all, "*slap upside the head*"..... .....So it just -depends-! :D
capper44 18
#4: no offense, but if you don't respect your parents. That doesn't mean others should not do too ... LoL
Megan98 18
If I would have said that to my parents, I wouldn't be able to sit down at the dinner table.
Ruffclue 9
I think Ops parents are Bob and migde Pinciotti.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
29: that explains why you're so ****** up.
teague95 16
29- Casey Anthony jokes are never funny
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Yeah, that was kinda bad in taste. Quick! Erase it, Mods!
mollysticks 10
this is a bitter lady... Telling her to tell her parents to "STFU" and not having a sense of humor..
likeAwesome 3
Fisty o.O
Stardew 19
So, #4, how would YOU react if your child told you to shut the **** up?
11mandy80 6
Families sometimes argue for nothing! What's wrong with this! My family can have silly arguments about nothing for no reason! We love each other still
TheEpicMilkMan 13
#4 you sound like a disrespectful brat...
zooey08 1
If I told my parents to shut the **** up I'd probably be homeless.
philaahmed 2
Which weighs more?
danishbagel 3
Don't use Google. That would only be logical.
chemchic 7
Salt is heavier. Yes my name saves me on this one.
capper44 18
LoL look at the irony hah... And yea salt is heavier tho :p
CrazyManNo9 29
Okay, voting salt doesn't make you look smart. Quite the opposite. Did I say that nicely enough?
ConesOfDeath 0
Salt obviously. There is a lot more air in pepper too.
immaMonsta 8
Hey, at least there's always something to talk about at the dinner table.
gcohen4 12
At my family dinners we talk about prepping for colonascopes and that I need to marry a lawyer and that my brother need to get details about his date
AkshaySauce 5
Am I the only one who is extremely curious of who won this argument?
blake1072 0
No, you're not
maxmex13 7
Whether us men like it or not, the woman always ends up winning the argument
the_smart_way 10
You didn't mention what kind of salt/pepper... Is it sea/rock ground/corn, this will be plaguing me for weeks to come!
MrSassypants 34
Nope, paprika. It's a proven fact or something.
toelie 26
So, OP, which is heavier: a pound of pepper or a pound of salt?
coldashell 23
A pound of feathers or a pound of lead?
bfsd42 20
I'd say 16 oz of pixie dust would be the heaviest.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
I'm not op, but... Neither. A pound of each. You gotta do better than that to trick me >:D
KiddNYC1O 22
If I drop a rock and a pen at the same time, which one will hit the ground first? Objects fall 32ft/sec/sec.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Depends on the height at which one was dropped.
KiddNYC1O 22
Ah, you got me there, Sneaky.
wlddog 14
In open space they both are pulled by gravity at the same rate. In our atmosphere it depends on aerodynamics. It changes the "Terminal Velocity" and that can be effected by the shape of the object. Example. Grab a piece of paper out of the printer and throw it as hard as you can . How far did it travel? Grab another piece of paper from the printer and ball it up. Throw it as hard as you can. How far did that travel? I hope this little presentation did not bore you.
HeyMondayAddict 4
I learn more on FML than in regular school. Go physics!
wlddog 14
I missed my calling. I should have been a science teacher.
DocBastard 40
For ****'s sake, what's the matter with them? Haven't they seen pictures? Pepa is much taller than Salt, though Salt did put a lot of weight on recently. Push it real good.
skyeyez9 25
Your comment reminded me of an incident in an elevator. Above the emergency stop button said "push" and someone wrote in a black Marker right next to it "push it real good."