Today, I was performing an experiment in science class. The prac... - FML

By Anonymous - 7/11/2009 01:02 - Australia

Today, I was performing an experiment in science class. The prac required me to shake up a test tube filled with different materials. Taking the test tube in one hand, I shook it up and down. My teacher then stood next to me and said, "It's disturbing how good you are at that." FML

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KoBabe

Incognito browsing

The end of the road

By saintmichi - 1/2/2010 00:21 - Poland

Today, after a 9 hour train journey through the Polish mountains, I mistook a small black and white cat for a penguin. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/8/2009 13:06 - United States

Today, my Dad sent me an e-mail wishing me a "Happy 21st Birthday, sweetheart!" The message went on and on about how much he loves and misses me and wishes we were closer, and can't believe how fast I'm growing up. I'm 23 and my birthday is in December. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/12/2012 04:58 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my car was broken into. What was stolen? My daughter's $11 One Direction poster. What will it cost to fix my car? $1,000. FML

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By foreveralone - 13/1/2014 01:00 - United States - Franklin Park

Today, I went to the doctor, only to find out I can no longer eat chocolate, my favorite food. When I got home, my boyfriend took the chocolate cake I'd been eating from the fridge, sat down in front of me, and ate the whole thing without breaking eye contact. FML

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By cls_x - 24/2/2013 07:53 - United States - Riverview

Today, I was holding the door open for a friend. She told me to wait a second because she had to finish a text. Nearly a minute passed before I asked why she wouldn't come inside to finish typing. We were at a Chinese restaurant. She thought the "No MSG" sign meant you couldn't text inside. FML

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By Mika_Ookami - 21/2/2010 17:54 - United States

Today, I went to the movies with my friends. A pretty redhead came on the screen. One of my guy friends leaned over to me and said, "Have you noticed there aren't any pretty redheads in real life?" I guess he forgot what color my hair is. FML

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By hannah - 26/6/2019 18:05

Today, I discovered that every time my period ends, I queef loudly and uncontrollably. I’m literally too embarrassed to see a doctor about this. FML

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By tech_support - 4/11/2011 16:05 - Sweden

Today, at work, my mouse cursor kept randomly moving all over the screen, and messed up an entire day's attempted work. As I was leaving, I overheard one of my co-workers saying he'd plugged a wireless mouse adapter into my computer, and had been trolling me all day. FML

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By mintypoison - 14/11/2011 04:46 - United States

Today, and all day, I was forced to listen to one of the kids in my apartment building play their recorder loudly and horribly. She started over whenever she missed a note. I was sick, was getting a migraine from it, and couldn't ask her to stop without her mom yelling at me. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/8/2012 06:16 - United States

Today, I went to a BBQ. The night was going well until I had to wrestle car keys away from my intoxicated mother in front of all my friends. FML

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By moonstone15 - 6/8/2011 00:24 - United States

Today, I took my new boyfriend to a family dinner. Despite having made everyone agree to be on their best behavior, my grandma spewed obscenities such as "fuck me sideways, aren't you a catch?" and "you just can't pull ass like that at my age" throughout. FML

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By HellaBomber91 - 11/2/2010 20:15 - United States

Today, I went in to a job interview with 6 other girls my age. I tried to sit down on a chair exactly like the ones every other girl was sitting on. Then, one of the interviewers offered to get me a more "sturdy" chair. For the entire interview, I got to sit in the "fat girl chair". FML

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By firefighter - 8/9/2009 22:10 - United States

Today, in Chem, I was chosen to hold the fire extinguisher just in case something happened while showing how to blow up a dangerous chemical. My teacher told me to spray if anything got out of control. He lit the fire and I freaked out and sprayed it. The entire wing of my school was evacuted. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/7/2015 02:04 - United States - Lees Summit

Today, I sent the girl I like flowers, only to have her later post a picture of them online, saying, "ha when losers send you flowers". FML

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By Username - 1/5/2011 03:16 - United States

Today, the lease on my house ended and I finished moving in with my girlfriend. After everything was moved in, she broke up with me. Hello homelessness. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/5/2016 21:42 - United States - Danville

Today, working night shift at a nursing home, I can tell the difference between the smell of different people's urine. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/3/2013 07:02 - Canada

Today, one of my elderly swimming students ran into me at Walmart. Being a polite teenager, I said hi to him. He looked at me surprised and said, "Oh dear! I didn't recognize you with your clothes on!" I'll never forget the look on his wife's face. FML

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By and he wonders why I'm anxious - 25/2/2016 22:41 - Netherlands

Today, after years of torment by my anxiety disorders and therapy and medication not helping, I've made the decision to try hypnosis. After doing a Google search and finding out my therapist is a man, my overly jealous fiancé insisted on joining, "because he might hypnotise you into cheating." FML

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By icanteven - 12/9/2013 01:12 - United States - Florence

Today, one of my employees called in after his 8-hour shift, explaining that he had bed bugs at home, found one on his shirt, and thinks they are in the store. I own a mattress shop. They'd spread. FML

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By n_london - 12/10/2009 20:19 - United States

Today, I was carrying several bags of groceries up the stairs to my 3rd story apartment when I saw a giant rat climbing down the wall towards me. I screamed and dropped my groceries, which went over the rail and landed on the bottom floor, destroying them all. The rat? Just a big leaf. FML

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By ginkobiloba - 29/11/2016 11:01

Today, a door-to-door salesman came to my apartment. I was too lazy to change from my teddy bear print pajamas, fuzzy socks and pink slippers when opening the door to him. He took one look at me and asked, "Hello darling, are your mommy and daddy home?" I'm 22 and live here on my own. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/5/2017 04:00

Today, my mom came in to hug me while I was sleeping, or so I thought. I woke up and tried to hug her back, only to find she had wrapped a tape measure around me. She was trying to measure my bust size to win a bet. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/3/2015 04:23 - United States - Statesboro

Today, I went to the grocery store with my four-year-old. She has some issues with wetting the bed, so I told her that if she wasn't sure if she was dreaming about "going", she should pinch herself to make sure she's awake. In the produce section, she pinched herself, smiled proudly, and peed. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/10/2017 23:15

Clever girl.

Today, I made a cup of coffee for a lovely old lady on the dementia ward. She asked for quite a lot of sugar in her drink, but I didn't question it. The moment I gave her the coffee, she threw it all over me. While scalding my skin, it also stuck to me. FML

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By sickness_sucks - 15/6/2012 06:19 - Canada - Abbotsford

Today, I learned that if you're going to use vicks vapor rub for a cold, you should remember to wash your hands before changing your tampon. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/5/2019 18:00

Noise annoys

Today, my little brother got a violin. FML

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By ForgottenSarahMarshall - 22/5/2014 05:51 - United States - Aubrey

Today, I was creeping on an old coworker's Facebook and noticed they'd tagged my face in an old group photo as another girl. According to the comments, the girl they'd tagged me as thought it was her too. I worked there for two years and nobody mentioned the mistake. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/4/2009 18:11 - United States

Today, I woke up to find The Sims 2 running on pause on my laptop. I unpaused to find my character and my boyfriend's were no longer together. Slightly confused, I went on to find the note my boyfriend left. It said, "I hope you can take a hint." I got dumped through a computer game. FML

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By UnknownOperation - 4/9/2012 13:51 - United States - Washington

Today, I finally decided to introduce my boyfriend to my parents. Surprisingly, he and my father already knew each other, so I asked him how they met. Now I know where my boyfriend gets all his weed. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/7/2013 16:13 - Lithuania - Vilnius

Today, I poured my heart out to my now ex-girlfriend over the recent passing away of my grandmother. Her eyes glazed over multiple times, and when I said that I don't know how to cope with everything, her advice was simply, "Shotgun. Mouth. Blam." FML

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By redmethod87 - 8/4/2009 16:08 - United States

Today, I took my dog to the puppy park to meet girls. I met one very attractive girl, she loved my puppy, and she asked for my number. As she took out her phone, my dog defecated on her feet. She was wearing sandals. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/10/2013 16:04 - Canada - Richmond

Today, I witnessed my boyfriend taking a dump in the litter box. He said he wanted to know what it felt like for the cat. FML

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By awkwardmandy - 11/3/2016 18:28 - United States - Okeene

Today, my ex-boyfriend decided to humiliate me by confessing to my dad in detail what he and I had done together and "apologizing" for taking my virginity. FML

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By Holly Jolly - 26/12/2011 06:33 - United States

Today, I spent the day crying, and ate McDonald's for my Christmas dinner. FML

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By streeted - 18/9/2010 14:27 - United States

Today, after selling some furniture and jewelry to make the rent this month, I woke up to find a foreclosure notice. The landlord hasn't paid the mortgage in 6 months, so I'm evicted anyway. FML

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By s - 9/12/2016 02:38

Today, I parked in a "Disabled" space. A woman and her kids comes yelling at me about how I don't look disabled and I was just being selfish. I roll my pants up to reveal two prosthetic legs. She then yells at me that I should have warned her before showing my legs since it could scare her kids. FML

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By News-print Face Kate - 18/7/2012 16:37 - United Kingdom

Today, a man slapped me in the face with his newspaper because I didn't get out of his way fast enough at the train station. I guess he didn't notice I was on crutches. FML

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By lonely - 24/10/2011 14:55 - United States

Today, without telling me, my mom dropped me off at my grandmother's house, and drove off. Now I'm supposed to spend the next month with her. Guess she forgot my grandma died six weeks ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/2/2016 20:08 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I worked up the confidence to go to the mall alone for the first time since being confined to a wheelchair. It didn't even take 20 minutes before some teenager grabbed my wheelchair and tried to race me around, all while his friends watched and laughed. FML

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By omgwtfsam - 27/7/2009 00:53 - United States

Today, my dad somehow found some pictures of my boyfriend having sex with some girl and went on a rampage about how pissed he was that he was cheating on me. I had to explain to my parents that I was the girl in the pictures. FML

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Top comments

By kingkash | 0

#658785 - Saturday 7 November 2009 8:23

if it's a he,

then by disturbing he means that you should see him after class

If it's a she,

then she's just jealous.

By kravitzz1990 | 0

#658838 - Saturday 7 November 2009 8:55

ROFL!!!! ur teacher is awsome!!!!!! hahaa

COMMENTS

By XxCoolPersonxX | 0

#658780 - Saturday 7 November 2009 8:23

oh and first :)

Reply

White667 | 0

#659092 - Saturday 7 November 2009 14:56

It really took you a while?

Also, that's just kinda gross, depending on how old you are a little inappropriate.

Reply

Youdumbidiot | 0

#1009980 - Friday 28 May 2010 5:47

Well if you have hade pratice then it's not that much of an fml

Reply

mydgmax | 0

#2295879 - Tuesday 5 April 2011 1:50

haha your teacher is a pedo. that's sad

Reply

hurtandabused | 7

#3777247 - Friday 23 December 2011 18:42

It's funny how your name is you dumb idiot when you cannot spell XD

By kingkash | 0

#658785 - Saturday 7 November 2009 8:23

if it's a he,

then by disturbing he means that you should see him after class

If it's a she,

then she's just jealous.

Reply

SadinSherman | 16

#1596486 - Sunday 24 October 2010 20:36

Maybe the teacher thinks OP will be a good bartender.

Reply

lurveu_mysweet_t | 0

#2832067 - Wednesday 6 July 2011 19:22

or good at hand jobs! duh. hehe

Reply

SpicyDuck | 22

#5238007 - Tuesday 11 December 2012 18:35

Maybe that little symbol in the corner means OP is a dude...

Reply

mikeman1744 | 18

#6332754 - Friday 26 June 2015 12:19

I'm pretty sure he's referring to the gender of the teacher

By XxCoolPersonxX | 0

#658802 - Saturday 7 November 2009 8:30

aww my other comment didn't show "/
i said "bahahahaha that's hella funny it took me a while to get but wow that's funny lol =D

Reply

StaticDown | 0

#658861 - Saturday 7 November 2009 9:15

Your comment shows. And to OP Damn... LMAO

Reply

mackischillin | 5

#5300369 - Monday 31 December 2013 23:50

You're a dumbass

By Wankster | 0

#658812 - Saturday 7 November 2009 8:43

FIRST!!!

By kravitzz1990 | 0

#658838 - Saturday 7 November 2009 8:55

ROFL!!!! ur teacher is awsome!!!!!! hahaa

Reply

AssassinsCRB | 0

#3974902 - Wednesday 1 February 2012 6:40

Lol once a kid in my math class said "my compass isnt big enough, oh never mind" and my teacher said "thats what she said" lmao i laughed so hard

By portlandrima | 0

#658852 - Saturday 7 November 2009 9:09

lmao if you are in college, give him a blowjob for extra credit!

Reply

highfiveee | 0

#2948711 - Friday 22 July 2011 5:06

ewww...

Reply

alexm501 | 0

#4463508 - Monday 21 May 2012 17:47

Wtf is wrong with you.

By kravitzz1990 | 0

#658857 - Saturday 7 November 2009 9:11

its funnier if ur teacher was right.. LMAO

Reply

Gennnnnn | 0

#1211338 - Monday 9 August 2010 12:12

Is Yourr Teacher Righttt Ahhha

By M13LO | 0

#658862 - Saturday 7 November 2009 9:16

it's only on FML because you know it's true :p

By nyuu1234 | 0

#658867 - Saturday 7 November 2009 9:24

so YDI

By Mx_Rider | 6

#658888 - Saturday 7 November 2009 9:57

:D hj noicccceeeee