Intimacy: Today, I was performing an experiment in science class. The prac...

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 97

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 437

You deserved it 69

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 482

You deserved it 37

07/11/2009 01:02

Today, I was performing an experiment in science class. The prac required me to shake up a test tube filled with different materials. Taking the test tube in one hand, I shook it up and down. My teacher then stood next to me and said, "It's disturbing how good you are at that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 386

You deserved it 5 454

Intimacy

Own it

Late term

Alexa, play "Leave Me Alone" by New Order

Bad timing

By pizzaface - 05/06/2021 10:59

Today, I learned that the one face cleaner that actually works for me is no longer being made. I just ran out of the last of my supply last night, and I woke up to find my face completely covered in zits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 824

You deserved it 90

07/12/2012 12:39

Today, after a romantic dinner, movie, and stroll in the park, we had our first kiss. It would have been perfect, had a passerby not thrown rubbish at us for "unnecessary public display of affection." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 977

You deserved it 3 490

17/09/2015 02:36

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about what we want to be when we grow up. He said he wanted to be a bartender, and single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 168

You deserved it 2 065

07/02/2011 19:57

Today, scarcely having time to look at myself, I quickly got dressed and went to work. Only when I got there and saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror did I notice that the colour and detail of my black lacy bra could easily be seen. I work for a construction company. Full of men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 003

You deserved it 32 623

20/04/2017 20:00

Today, my parents gave me a letter they'd forgotten about since late last year. In it was a $30,000 scholarship to a local master's program with an application due date of two weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 468

You deserved it 285

10/10/2010 06:54

Today, I returned a friends jacket after borrowing it. I made sure to wash it and keep it clean. When he went to put it on, a pair of my granny panties fell out of the sleeve. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 938

You deserved it 7 635

01/01/2014 05:04

Today, my wife got so drunk she kissed another guy when the ball dropped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 045

You deserved it 5 299

07/11/2012 07:31

Today, my best friend told me that I wasn't invited to her wedding, saying that I was too pretty and that I would outshine her at the ceremony. I laughed and said that she was being ridiculous. She eventually confessed the real reason why I wasn't invited: apparently I'm an annoying bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 749

You deserved it 25 862

A load of hot air

By SkipBeatOtaku - 16/05/2020 20:00

Today, I was having hot sex with my boyfriend. Then, I felt a puff of air hit my face and a rancid smell. My dog had farted in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 542

You deserved it 634

The asshats always win

By Iabnysmwytm - 27/03/2021 16:30

Today, I finally had enough of my coworker mocking and misgendering my transgender daughter, so I screamed at him. I got written up and suspended without pay for 2 weeks. He got praise from our boss for handling the situation with class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 372

You deserved it 1 054

23/04/2009 02:22

Today, I spotted one of my friends using the ATM outside our school's university center. I crept up behind him, grabbed his shoulders abruptly, and shouted in my best deep man-voice, "Give me all your money!" Turned out to be a poor, unsuspecting freshman. He gave me his money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 894

You deserved it 74 107

14/07/2011 08:40

Today, the whole family came together to celebrate my grandmother's 80th birthday. My grandfather read a poem he'd written about how he had taken my grandmother's virginity 60 years ago. It went on for about 30 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 882

You deserved it 2 839

08/09/2011 01:22

Today, my dad met my fiancé's dad for the first time. My fiancé's dad is a cop. He had arrested my dad for indecent exposure in the past. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 412

You deserved it 3 043

13/10/2012 00:18

Today, I was grocery shopping, when an elderly lady walked up to me and tripped over her own feet. I caught her by the arm, at which point she shrieked at me for "groping" her. She ended up smirking as security threw me out of the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 879

You deserved it 1 781

13/12/2018 13:30

Today my husband blew a tire in a hidden pothole on the way to work. I picked him up in my car later that day, only to hit an entirely different pothole, bending my rim and catapulting my hubcap into the woods. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 575

You deserved it 173

19/02/2010 05:31

Today, I was complaining to my roommate that I never get asked out. Then, at work, a mentally challenged man left me his phone number on his pay ticket. Well, I guess I can't complain about never getting asked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 406

You deserved it 7 315

05/12/2016 22:35

Today, I went to see a movie with my parents. During a sex scene, my dad covered my eyes. I'm married and have 2 kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 898

You deserved it 955

20/07/2009 22:39

Today, I was testing out my new webcam on an msn Video Call with a friend I hadn't seen in a while. In an attempt to look cool, I pretended to have a very interesting phone conversation. Later I found out my webcam has a mic. She "heard" the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 365

You deserved it 69 208

31/12/2012 22:09

Today, as I have been for 10 years, I'm allergic to fruit. After an argument with my mother, she yelled, "Here, have a banana and go kill yourself!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 250

You deserved it 7 518

All in the family

By jerry Jerry Jerry - 15/05/2020 17:00

Today, I found out the truth about my parents’ divorce and why our family is so distant. Turns out my dad had an affair with not one, but two of my mom’s sisters. And that my youngest cousin is also my half-sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 168

You deserved it 118

06/01/2011 22:57

Today, in gym class, we were forced to learn the "Hoedown Throwdown" dance, by Miley Cyrus. This will actually be counted toward my grade. I'm in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 089

You deserved it 4 392

The Cheek!

By Anonymous - 14/10/2021 15:30

Today, on my Facebook, the stripper my ex-husband cheated on me with showed up in the "People You May Know" box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 242

You deserved it 4 355

04/01/2011 10:56

Today, my dad told me he had been seeing someone for a while and has decided to marry her. When I met her, her son looked familiar. I lost my virginity to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 981

You deserved it 5 893

17/08/2011 07:14

Today, my Dad and I went to McDonald's, only to have him shove two handfuls of sugar packets into the bag. He said, "If it's for free, why only take one?" To make it worse, my crush was at the till, watching what was happening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 467

You deserved it 3 752

15/03/2013 22:43

Today, at college, I finally talked myself into confessing my feelings to a girl I really like. Her response was to threaten to sue me. For what, exactly? I have no goddamned idea. I just don't understand people anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 670

You deserved it 3 410

18/02/2009 14:29

Today, my friend had a Coke can on his desk in class. It was empty but I was thirsty so I picked it up thinking I could try to get that little bit of Coke always left at the bottom. When I took a sip I found out he had been picking his fingernails and putting them in the can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 672

You deserved it 56 451

10/06/2019 14:00

Today, my daughter is 16 hours-old and cries every time I pick her up, and refuses to be breast fed. She loves sleeping peacefully in her dad’s arms, and being bottle-fed by him. My 16 hour-old baby hates me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 086

You deserved it 297

Banana bread?

By Sarah - 11/09/2021 05:01

Today, I ordered 3 bananas on Instacart, but actually received 3 overripe bunches of bananas. I don’t know what to do with 18 bananas before they all rot by tomorrow night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 668

You deserved it 176

16/07/2009 20:32

Today, I found out my class was attempting to raise money for me through a bake sale because some girl spread a false rumor that I was raped and that my father was going to disown me. The whole school believes it and my biology teacher took me aside and asked if I needed someone to confide in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 011

You deserved it 3 096

11/11/2014 15:37

Today, my wife slapped me for touching her boobs during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 185

You deserved it 6 248

Pants on fire

By Anonymous - 29/09/2013 04:12

Today, I texted a cute picture of my boyfriend and me to my mom, who lives very far away. She replied saying that my Photoshop skills are great, but that I don't need to go so far to pretend that anyone would date me, and that there's no shame in being single at 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 131

You deserved it 3 263

07/06/2009 12:28

Today, I was sitting in class when the most popular girl in my grade came up to me holding birthday invitation cards. I've never been invited to a birthday party, so I was so excited when she handed me a card only to hear her say, "Mary is on your bus, will you give this to her?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 254

You deserved it 4 693

22/07/2012 05:04

Today, after being upset at the fact that my phone was stolen at work, I received a note on my locker saying, "100 bucks and you get the phone back." My phone is being held for ransom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 198

You deserved it 1 893

New deal

By Anonymous - 05/01/2020 18:00

Today, my girlfriend's dad offered me $100 to break up with his daughter. I eagerly replied "No", but my girlfriend grabbed the money and said, "Deal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 610

You deserved it 265

21/07/2009 14:55

Today, I set up a camera in my kitchen to see who was stealing my cookies. Turns out my mom had her boyfriend over. Good news, the cookies are safe. Bad news, I now have something recorded that I never wanted to see in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 370

You deserved it 14 114

29/03/2009 13:38

Today, I got a chance to have dinner and a movie with a girl I've liked for a while. I ran late, so in a hurry to make the movie, and trying to be smooth for her, I told the waiter I'd "take care of him" if he made it fast. He did. When he brought the check, I realized I had forgotten my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 274

You deserved it 64 162

Hi, how are you?

By black_pheonix77 - 03/07/2020 02:02

Today, even though I’m not allowed to be on my phone while on the line at work, I texted an unknown number. My manager looked at her Apple Watch. I'd texted my manager while on the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 401

You deserved it 2 145

13/06/2011 16:37

Today, I ruined my computer screen trying to kill a fly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 546

You deserved it 41 848

25/03/2019 21:00

Today, is my first day as an expat. Hoping to arrive early for work, I hailed a cab. The driver took it upon himself to take the scenic route and play tour guide, no matter how much I refuse. Not only I was late, he turned violent when I refused to pay over $100 of fare, plus a "talent fee". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 523

You deserved it 180

25/05/2019 16:15

Today, my boyfriend bought me an engagement ring. It turned out to be the wrong size and we had to return it, since the store said it couldn't be re-sized. As we headed home, I felt guilty, so I turned to him and apologized. His response? "It's OK honey, I didn't really want to marry you that much anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 517

You deserved it 168

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Top comments

kingkash 0

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Saturday 7 November 2009 8:23

if it's a he, then by disturbing he means that you should see him after class If it's a she, then she's just jealous.

kravitzz1990 0

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Saturday 7 November 2009 8:55

ROFL!!!! ur teacher is awsome!!!!!! hahaa

Comments

XxCoolPersonxX 0

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Saturday 7 November 2009 8:23

oh and first :)

White667 0

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Saturday 7 November 2009 14:56

It really took you a while? Also, that's just kinda gross, depending on how old you are a little inappropriate.

Youdumbidiot 0

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Friday 28 May 2010 5:47

Well if you have hade pratice then it's not that much of an fml

mydgmax 0

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Tuesday 5 April 2011 1:50

haha your teacher is a pedo. that's sad

hurtandabused 7

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Friday 23 December 2011 18:42

It's funny how your name is you dumb idiot when you cannot spell XD

kingkash 0

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Saturday 7 November 2009 8:23

if it's a he, then by disturbing he means that you should see him after class If it's a she, then she's just jealous.

SadinSherman 16

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Sunday 24 October 2010 20:36

Maybe the teacher thinks OP will be a good bartender.

lurveu_mysweet_t 0

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Wednesday 6 July 2011 19:22

or good at hand jobs! duh. hehe

SpicyDuck 22

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Tuesday 11 December 2012 18:35

Maybe that little symbol in the corner means OP is a dude...

mikeman1744 18

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Friday 26 June 2015 12:19

I'm pretty sure he's referring to the gender of the teacher

XxCoolPersonxX 0

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Saturday 7 November 2009 8:30

aww my other comment didn't show "/ i said "bahahahaha that's hella funny it took me a while to get but wow that's funny lol =D

StaticDown 0

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Saturday 7 November 2009 9:15

Your comment shows. And to OP Damn... LMAO

mackischillin 5

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Monday 31 December 2012 23:50

You're a dumbass

Wankster 0

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Saturday 7 November 2009 8:43

FIRST!!!

kravitzz1990 0

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Saturday 7 November 2009 8:55

ROFL!!!! ur teacher is awsome!!!!!! hahaa

AssassinsCRB 0

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 6:40

Lol once a kid in my math class said "my compass isnt big enough, oh never mind" and my teacher said "thats what she said" lmao i laughed so hard

portlandrima 0

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Saturday 7 November 2009 9:09

lmao if you are in college, give him a blowjob for extra credit!

highfiveee 0

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Friday 22 July 2011 5:06

ewww...

alexm501 0

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Monday 21 May 2012 17:47

Wtf is wrong with you.

kravitzz1990 0

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Saturday 7 November 2009 9:11

its funnier if ur teacher was right.. LMAO

Gennnnnn 0

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Monday 9 August 2010 12:12

Is Yourr Teacher Righttt Ahhha

M13LO 0

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Saturday 7 November 2009 9:16

it's only on FML because you know it's true :p

nyuu1234 0

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Saturday 7 November 2009 9:24

so YDI

Mx_Rider 6

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Saturday 7 November 2009 9:57

:D hj noicccceeeee