Today, I had dinner with my family for the first time in a couple of days. My mum and dad spent the majority of the time arguing whether salt or pepper weighed more. This is why I'm not home often. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I spent my first day with my parents for the first time in a year as I've been away at university. My dad went to work, and my mum spent the whole day playing mahjong with her friends as they all told me "how fat I've gotten" and how "boys won't like it". FML
Today, my dad and mom and I were going out to eat dinner. My dad wanted a romantic dinner just with my mom so he told me to make an excuse not to go. I did, which ended up as a huge fight, grounded and phone taken away. My dad just stood there in the background putting thumbs up. FML
Today, I made a nice meal for myself and sat down to eat. Suddenly, my dad burst into my room saying, “We have to go.” This isn’t the first time it’s happened, nor was it an emergency. My family just doesn’t tell me when we have plans. FML
Today, my mom tried to ground me. In the apartment that I own. Because I didn't eat enough of the dinner that I'd made. FML
Today, I went to visit my parents. Dad went on a religious tirade, and Mum got sick of him and pelted a Brazil nut at his head. Dad then lost his shit, and told Mum to go to her room and pray. I now remember why I moved out of home in the first place. FML
Today, after spending over $1000 on plane tickets, I'm visiting my family for the first time in five years. Two hours after I arrived, everyone is screaming at each other and taking their rage out on me. They still ask why I never visit. FML
Today, I spent hours cooking an amazing dinner for my family, who had just gotten home from a trip, so we could spend some time together because I'd started to miss everyone. When they got home, they saw it all laid out and just took plates to their room, without even telling me they were home. FML
Today, I asked my parents why we hadn't been out to eat as a family for so long. Both mom and dad agreed, so we made plans to go have breakfast at the Waffle House. Upon arriving, Dad threw a tantrum in the restaurant over nothing, and insisted on yelling at us the entire time. Guess I got my answer. FML
Today, my mother-in-law came over for dinner. She decided to salt the food I was preparing without even tasting it first, then complained at dinner that I'd used too much salt. She then lectured me on the proper seasoning of food for the rest of the evening. FML
Today, I've been staying with my parents while I have time off from school. They got drunk and started an entire family fight because my dad made pizza and my mom is lactose intolerant. She insists my dad did it on purpose because, "he's an asshole and knows I can't eat cheese." FML
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Top comments
Aspen_Grace33 27
Welcome home!!!! My parents do the same crap and what's funny is even when we google the answer or whatever they keep arguing. Lol
DocBastard 40
My father would have beaten the shit out of me had I dared to tell him to shut the **** up. Fortunately I have this thing called "respect" for my parents.
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Comments (130)
buckeyes127 1
Mum? What the heck is that?
_MidnightLuna_ 17
...Are you really that stupid? Or are you trolling? Hmm, well, even if you were trying to troll.. you'd still be stupid for thinking it'd work...
Ge0rger0kz 5
If I have a pound of salt and a pound of pepper, which weighs more?
mgndolan26 0
It's definitely salt..
11mandy80 6
Pepper, Pepper defiantly weighs more! Lol
tawer 5
Salt weighs more its a mineral
Holydiving 3
If you have a ton of gold and a ton of feathers which weighs more? Easy one
TwiztedYuri 9
so I have lined up all the spices I have and I gotta say cocaine wins.
texas_cowboi316 1
Sounds like you are George Costanza..
Sugah_Shane1 2
It's obviously salt. The crystals pack together tighter allowing you to fit more mass in the same volume container. Pepper is too unorganized it can't get as close together
RogueJedi14 1
A dinner with schmucks lol