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Today, I went to my son's school soccer game. Unfortunately, I couldn't get excited about it because my idiot son kept diving the moment anyone so much as breathed on him. It eventually earned him a penalty shot that won him the game. I was so ashamed, I snuck out to avoid being seen with him. FML

#21358080
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30398) - you deserved it (9061)

On 02/17/2015 at 3:02pm - kids - by Clive81 (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my drinking problem became apparent when my daughter asked for a glass of juice, and I instinctively poured a large glass of scotch instead. FML

#21357563
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14941) - you deserved it (34125)

On 02/16/2015 at 8:04pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my daughter got her first period. Nobody was home but my husband. He didn't know what to do, except give her a sponge to put in her underwear. FML

#21356191
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35683) - you deserved it (3402)

On 02/14/2015 at 7:34pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, my youngest daughter finally started using the toilet on her own. That is, until her older sister showed her the South Park episode where someone gets their intestines sucked out by flushing the toilet. Now she won't go anywhere near the bathroom. FML

#21355782
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31493) - you deserved it (3179)

On 02/14/2015 at 4:46am - kids - by Investing in Toilet Seatbelts - United States (Nevada)

Today, at a paintball match, my boyfriend shot me between the legs and asked, "Still want kids now?" FML

#21354035
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31372) - you deserved it (3317)

On 02/11/2015 at 11:11am - kids - by maybe? (woman) - Germany (Hamburg)

Today, in an attempt to potty train my 2-year-old, I sat her on the toilet and waited for several minutes. I finally gave up and lifted her off the toilet just in time for her to pee on my new shoes. FML

#21353086
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28058) - you deserved it (4989)

On 02/09/2015 at 11:12pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I have spent so much time watching Scooby Doo with my son that I actually used the word "zoinks". FML

#21352876
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25709) - you deserved it (4869)

On 02/09/2015 at 6:07pm - kids - by brazo667 (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, while shopping with my 6-year-old daughter, she said, "Mommy, remember you wanna get duck tape!" A middle-aged guy nearby scoffed and told her: "DUCT, not DUCK. Dumb cunt." I ended up having to drive my bawling daughter home with no shopping. FML

#21352119
289 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43416) - you deserved it (2988)

On 02/08/2015 at 2:16pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I found out that my 4-year-old son is truly convinced that I am a ghost. He also thinks that I died from burning, "because of your face". FML

#21349104
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27700) - you deserved it (1867)

On 02/03/2015 at 3:45pm - kids - by burned -

Today, my daughter put a doll in the microwave "to keep her warm". She's 17. FML

#21348979
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30538) - you deserved it (3991)

On 02/03/2015 at 11:59am - kids - by wtfdaughter - Brazil (Pernambuco)

Today, I went to the mall with some friends. We all kept smelling this god awful B.O. smell and had no idea where it was coming from. On the car ride home, we all figured out it was actually me. FML

#21347237
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24807) - you deserved it (10096)

On 01/31/2015 at 10:13am - kids - by cooploops - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I showed my son the old trick of turning a calculator upside down and spelling "BOOBIES" on it in numbers. He laughed, then spent nearly 20 minutes trying to spell "COCKS", before giving up and hurling the calculator across the room. I wish my sperm had a warranty. FML

#21346989
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23305) - you deserved it (5685)

On 01/30/2015 at 7:51pm - kids - by 3722145 (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my young daughter came up to me, grabbed my face and said, "I'm putting you in the garbage." When I laughed and asked why, she looked me dead in the eye and said, "You are trash." FML

#21346789
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29331) - you deserved it (3332)

On 01/30/2015 at 12:41pm - kids - by Anonymous - Canada



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