Today, I woke up to the sound of my neighbor pleasuring himself. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Today, I realized the moans I make when masturbating sound like I'm crying. I realized this when my neighbor pounded on the door asking if I was okay. FML
MY EARS! MY EARS!
Today, I can hear my flatmate masturbating loudly and asking himself if he likes it. And replying. FML
Today, my neighbor turned down his loud music that he's been playing for months, only to turn on a porn movie at maximum volume. FML
Today, I found out that my neighbor gets more pleasure out of me and my husband having it off then I do. FML
Today, as I sat on the toilet, I heard a noise outside. I peered through the window and found myself staring directly at my neighbor. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend, when my upstairs neighbor decided to take the longest piss known to man. He moaned the entire time. FML
Today, I found out the "sex noises" I heard from next door last night, which I'd angrily yelled at my neighbor for, were actually from him having an uncontrollable seizure. FML
Frustrated
Today, I listened to my roommate having sex from 3 a.m. until 6 a.m. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML
Handjob
Today, I heard my boyfriend masturbate next to me and then relieves himself on my bed sheets. FML
Today, I heard my roommate moaning my name in the shower. FML
Top comments
EvilPotato 15
That sounds faptastic.
perdix 31
****-a-doodle-do!
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Comments (88)
EvilPotato 15
That sounds faptastic.
BeachBoi_Alex 7
Should've gone over and 'given him a hand'..
EvilPotato 15
No. Thats ******* nasty, you sick pervert.
BeachBoi_Alex 7
Ever heard of a joke? Its where you say something thats not meant to be taken serious to hopefully evoke a humorous reaction. You ******* retard. You're probably one of the idiots on the internet who doesnt even get what trolling is.
Psych101 9
19- There is a fine line between funny and nasty. Many times, people walk right along the edge and it works out for them. You, however, set fire to the line and then ran across it screaming.
gc327072 31
46- cause he set fire, to the line, Watched it burn as we thumbed him down..
gc327072 31
42- I think only Perdix can get away with those type comments.
IQWasJustLowered 0
Did he yell scalpel?
BabySparkle1 15
How thin are the walls?
your_ma 27
Or how noisy is the neighbour? He must be very enthusiastic! :/
Pleonasm 36
Yea, what a jerk! But cum to think of it, i gotta hand it to him; it's quite a ballsy move he did there, and i'd hate to act prematurely and turn this into a sticky situation!
Feared 9
36- **** you go on? Or is your mind sucked dry of puns?
Pleonasm 36
I gotta admit I'm having a hard time keeping up with your rhythym, but let's not blow this out of proportion, especially since I've already given you a lot of meat to chew on. And I'd hate to slip up and spit out any phallicies of any sort, so I'll pull out before this gets to big for me to handle.
gc327072 31
...and I thought somebody was mastuhbaitin.. Ain't nobody got time to fap! Ain't nobody got time to fap! Ain't nobody got time Ain't nobody got time, Ain't nobody got time to fap!
PinkieKeen 20
I still think you can go on. Don't pull out yet! You've just gotten to the climax and it's getting pretty hot and sticky.
omgalice 5
It may be time to move out.
EvilPotato 15
3 why would OP move out after just listening to him pleasuring himself once? Don't you think that's a slight overreaction?
omgalice 5
O If my walls were that thin and the guy was loud enough to WAKE ME UP, then I would definitely consider it. The walls and the place OP is living in obviously isn't very good if you're able to hear it. Also, if you can hear him wank I'm quite sure you'd be able to hear a delightful array of other things, many of which are probably not pleasant. I didn't say he had to, but that he should consider it, especially if it's happened before or he thinks it'll happen in the future.
EvilPotato 15
11 please re read the FML, because if you look hard enough you'll realize that the FML states that he WOKE UP TO HEARING his neighbor. OP never once mentioned getting WOKEN UP from his neighbor. So he's fine. He must be a heavy sleeper :P.
omgalice 5
Where does it say he is a heavy sleeper? So you're saying he woke up before, and then immediately noticed his neighbour wanking? Not sure if that's much better lol Either way, thin walls is never good and imagine all kinds other shit he would be able to hear, wanking may be the least of his worries.
EvilPotato 15
30 I meant I thought it was implied that he was a heavy sleeper if he wasn't woken up by the neighbor.
xXUND3ADcityXx 0
You shouldn't hear your neighbor jerking off weather you're a heavy sleeper or not
laden_swallow09 35
Why move out? Just pound on the wall and yell, "KEEP IT DOWN OVER THERE!" Just take extra caution not to pound so hard as to put a hole in the wall. If they're THAT thin, it's likely.
larouche362 10
Yeah it would be over reacting if Op moved out. It would waste money too.
OhDearBetrayal 25
Having a moving out option would be nice, but I feel bad for OP if he's a college student.
Thizzkidsgotgame 7
Not as awkward as waking up to it again tomorrow.
alexhaz64 4
At least you didn't have morning wood as well. ...right?
MichellinMan 20
What does that have to do with anything?
KiddNYC1O 22
As almost most guys do, I bet you he did!
perdix 31
****-a-doodle-do!
dressedskeleton 10
Haters gonna hate Masters gonna bate ;)
cnorris31 2
He must be a fan of the Yankees
gallopinghorses 3
27- that joke/pun was pathetic...
gc327072 31
You would think Chuck Norris would have better puns...
JAB2010 1
****-a-DIDDLE-do, you mean.
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
17 I love you !
Greendaycheese 12
..could be worse?
darwinism 30
A happy neighbour is a good neighbour OP.
eternal7 6
Yeah. Wouldn't want some jagoff next door.
ThatGuyWhoWalks 7
I feel for you OP.
DjeePee 25
At least someone's having fun.
drunkandfml 11
Giggity, if you're gay