Today, I realised my period was two weeks late and panicked about being pregnant due to missing a pill a few weeks ago. Then I remembered I haven't had sex in almost a year. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
What have you been up to?
Today, my period was a few days late, so my anxiety kicked in and I told my husband I was worried about being pregnant. He pointedly said that pregnancy requires sex, and I suddenly remembered we haven't had sex in months. I haven't cheated, but good luck convincing his suspicious ass of that. FML
Today, my girlfriend freaked out, thinking she might be pregnant due to her period being late. I found myself reminding her that one actually has to have had sex recently to become pregnant. We've been living together, sexless, for over a year. FML
Today, my wife told me she was pregnant. I don't remember having sex since last year. FML
Good or bad news?
Today, I decided I was gonna take a pregnancy test after being two months late. I bought two because I was sure it would give me a positive. That same night I got my period. FML
Today, my period was officially 2 weeks late. I have a phobia about giving birth, so I had a panic attack, went to Walmart, spend $15 on four pregnancy tests and a drink, came home, and took the tests. All four came back negative. As I went to clean up and throw everything away, I got my period. FML
Noob
Today, my 18-year-old boyfriend freaked out and kept asking me if I was sure I wouldn't get pregnant, because I forgot to take my birth control pill last night. We didn't actually have sex; he apparently thought me simply missing the pill would magically get me pregnant. The hell? FML
Today, I have realised that since I get laid so infrequently, every time I have sex now, it kickstarts my period. FML
Today, I realized my girlfriend has been "on her period" for almost two months. FML
Today, I haven't had sex for so long that my condoms have gone off. FML
Today, I went into a gynecology appointment to find out my IUD had apparently fallen out without me knowing. What tipped me off? My pregnancy test. FML
Top comments
washingtongirl 8
It's time to break that dry spell, friend. Get freaky.
andiiturtle 0
At least your not pregnant ! :)
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Comments (209)
dtr73 3
first
YayFlameWarz 9
You're adopted.
RawrzIIshScareh 0
You know... People like you are super annoying.
KRS_13 0
I'm curious to see what 1 said..
OneNightStander 6
Ya me too
demonmonkey 13
They should let us see 1s comment even though it was moderated....
jannielovesjack 0
It said "ya! Secound"
U_Go_Boom 0
I'm curious as to why she is taking birth control pills if she isn't having sex
asherm 15
Some women take them for painful periods or to regulate them, lol clearly not working in OP's case
NeatNit 33
I don't know much about periods but aren't pills supposed to stop you from getting periods? (as a positive side-effect)
deviable 9
They can regulate your period, but they don't stop them.
choochee77 0
I wonder what #1's comment was.
cyK0tek 0
Hmm? You say something..? *hehe*
washingtongirl 8
It's time to break that dry spell, friend. Get freaky.
gamercanadian 11
Get your freak on, get your freak on.
g_asia 4
I was playing dance central 2 when I read this haha.
osnapitzaris 0
hm yes, because it's better to have an unplanned pregnancy rather than not getting laid in over a year. :/
ladyLALAA 29
106, I don't think anyone actually said that, but definitely dust those cobwebs off! No glove, no love!
Pixxio_O 11
Doesn't matter had se...*awkward silence*
nonamericandolla 6
Omg! I know ur pain! Mission out on having sex with random guy is terrible!
coldashell 23
You need a fwb or a boyfriend.
JeremiahSmith 0
Haha
andiiturtle 0
At least your not pregnant ! :)
griffins33 4
That's what I was thinking!
micahsmommy 13
You're* As in you are not pregnant.
22cute 17
Lol I've done that before!
shanemaximo 7
Sex is not what's important to getting pregnant. Sperm are... Lots and lots of sperm.
geko911 22
Actually you only need one to get pregnant, one very strong and tenacious spermatozoon. The others are just there for the show.
Z0D 0
Wrong, one single sperm would not survive long enough to make it to the uterus.
jizzwold 21
It takes a lot of sperm to weaken the vaginas shields. Continuous concentrated fire can overload shields and then it only takes one sperm cell to kill all of your hopes and dreams.
HaniahAhmad 0
COOKIES!!
jamiealison1 0
#37 what are you like am English teacher and feel the need to correct everything?
laurbear12 3
188 - rude much? You're probably one of those people who can't grasp elementary grammar concepts.
Ibanez3x 5
Boxxy? is that you?
akhockeyusa 2
#188-chill, shes just correcting so people won't read it wrong.
daner10 5
Get er done!
afunnyterdcody 5
Git-R-Done is correct
crimsonprodigy 15
Aliens...
gloopyone 4
I'm not saying it was aliens... but it was aliens.
SarcasticUnicorn 9
LOL
ProjeKtSC2 8
OMG a whole year!! What are you going to do! Honestly, you really would say,"F*** My Life" just because you haven't had sex in a year.. You really need to expand your viewpoints on life.
22cute 17
I think the FML is because she panicked about pregnancy when there was no chance, o judgmental one! Maybe YOU need to expand your viewpoint, hmmmm??
swimmer3141 10
Are you 17 years old?
Justforlolz 14
^ and thus the profile was born, allowing those to post personal information for all to see.
Danny0522 8
^ right, because no one in the world has EVER lied about their age online
khamaria 4
Is Sex really that good?? Lmao!!!
TheOrangeProon 13
At # 10/66, maybe it could be a sign of a medical problem too? In which case FHL. At # 130, wtf?
ladyLALAA 29
132, give Ellen a break, she's a lesbian.
RammerJammer93 0
Depeends on who it is with.
badactor009 0
Sexual orientation would not alter this FML except for the lack of sperm and the pregnancy part. Except for that... it would be exactly the same. I suppose the detail police are going to give me a Rodney King style beat down. Rumor has it that lesbians have sex and like it. Not sure where they get their sperm? I'll check to see if there is an App for that. Lesbian sperm acquisition, one of the great mysteries of the universe.
capslockisgood 19
66 - Thats still no FML
pagullarka 9
Well a friend in need is a friend indeed, so I'm here to offer any kind of help :)
twilightluvr101 4
Someone is lonely.....
Pixxio_O 11
11- I'm guessing you've experienced this kind of situation multiple times in the past then?..
joshbchillin 4
Creep much?
LMA0 5
You've got a friend in me! I'll be happy to share my Woody!
alpaca18 0
you stalker! who said she was your friend?!
TheGothGamerGirl 20
If you haven't had sex…then you should be having to worry about taking the pill at all. That's the real problem here.
TheGothGamerGirl 20
*Shouldn't Dang typos
Enslaved 38
Some women take the birth control pill to regulate their period, among other reasons. (: ***One missed pill shouldn't cause being two weeks late though.
Shenannigoats 16
Exactly. That's why I take it. I mean, I started taking it for contraceptive reasons, but it'd be silly to just stop when you're not having sex.
CursedSilent 1
I may have to take birth control pills to fight abnormal bleeding and I'm fixed. There's more to birth control pills than just contraceptives.
muzy 23
Yes but why take the pill if you're not active for extended periods of time ?
CursedSilent 1
There are many women who use the pills to regulate their hormones cause their bodies can't for extended periods of time. Just because you can't wrap your mind around that fact does not mean that the pills are only for sex.
muzy 23
118- Sorry I realised that I didn't express myself clearly. What I was meant to write was why take them for reasons other than birth control when there are serious adverse effects that accompany the drug?
CursedSilent 1
Okay, really? Google is your friend, hormone imbalances cause more problems than just cramps and can cause health issues to rival any of the negative effects of birth control. Look into it on your own instead of being handfed the info. Secondly in the end, the reason why anyone is on birth control or not doesn't need justifications. Unless it impacts you somehow, their body, their reasons ;)
muzy 23
I don't need to Google it seeing as I know about the drug. You should look up some of the side effects if you think that severe cramps rival bowel or ovarian cancer. I can't really be bothered to argue though so I'll leave it at that.
sonangedemusique 2
Learn not to speak of that which you do not know. Not only are those side effects very rare, but some people take it because they have a condition that gives them unusually long and painful periods, or other awful conditions that can be hazardous to their health.
DoNotEnter 5
At one point, I had cramps that were so painful that I would vomit. Then I went on birth control and voila! The "adverse side effects" are pretty freaking rare, (like single digits of percent's chance or lower of them occurring) and hell if I want to deal with anemia every month if I don't have to.
lukemack 4
Haha I went into the comments just because I knew some idiot would write this there are many reason she would still be on the pill for
Cutieday101 0
No,its always good 2 be prepared. Never know,when the "moment" pops up.
OkitaCockroach 19
We'll tell them that you thought you were pregnant... But it turns out you have crabs.
Awsumuzzie 12
Well, I don't think talking to the pills would solve anything really. Let alone lie to the pills.
OkitaCockroach 19
I was quoting a movie xD