Today, I realised my period was two weeks late and panicked about being pregnant due to missing a pill a few weeks ago. Then I remembered I haven't had sex in almost a year. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my period was a few days late, so my anxiety kicked in and I told my husband I was worried about being pregnant. He pointedly said that pregnancy requires sex, and I suddenly remembered we haven't had sex in months. I haven't cheated, but good luck convincing his suspicious ass of that. FML
Today, my girlfriend freaked out, thinking she might be pregnant due to her period being late. I found myself reminding her that one actually has to have had sex recently to become pregnant. We've been living together, sexless, for over a year. FML
Today, my wife told me she was pregnant. I don't remember having sex since last year. FML
Today, I decided I was gonna take a pregnancy test after being two months late. I bought two because I was sure it would give me a positive. That same night I got my period. FML
Today, my period was officially 2 weeks late. I have a phobia about giving birth, so I had a panic attack, went to Walmart, spend $15 on four pregnancy tests and a drink, came home, and took the tests. All four came back negative. As I went to clean up and throw everything away, I got my period. FML
Today, my 18-year-old boyfriend freaked out and kept asking me if I was sure I wouldn't get pregnant, because I forgot to take my birth control pill last night. We didn't actually have sex; he apparently thought me simply missing the pill would magically get me pregnant. The hell? FML
Today, I have realised that since I get laid so infrequently, every time I have sex now, it kickstarts my period. FML
Today, I realized my girlfriend has been "on her period" for almost two months. FML
Today, I haven't had sex for so long that my condoms have gone off. FML
Today, I went into a gynecology appointment to find out my IUD had apparently fallen out without me knowing. What tipped me off? My pregnancy test. FML
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Top comments
washingtongirl 8
It's time to break that dry spell, friend. Get freaky.
andiiturtle 0
At least your not pregnant ! :)
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Comments (209)
kkjkidonthate 4
Forever alone?
kuges 0
Maybe there's a reason why no one wants 2 have SEX WITH YOU!!
savagee133 13
maybe she chooses not to have sex?
Dracoboxer357 36
^ That'd be a good reason. Not everyone needs to be pounding their private parts together periodically to feel complete in this world. I just can't say I'm whole enough to be one of them. ;P
Llama_Face89 34
113- I didn't see anyone poking fun at anyone's beliefs.
sesamehood 0
forever unboned
pdp_fml 21
The fact that you haven't had sex in a year is not a problem. You should try a sex toy. Check the Internet and you will be able to find something cheap to help you out and you might not have to worry about becoming pregnant.
mikeawesome 0
Your a girl go open your legs for some one
shizzathon 5
Haha, I can empathise with this. Free-floating anxiety is a bitch.
imperialtl 12
Why are you taking the pill if your not having sex? Just in case? Hahaha that seems a bit optimistic, don't you think?
pnutbutternjelly 15
For one, you should be happy you aren't prego. For two, It's better that you haven't had sex rather than have had sex with many different people and risked getting an std.
badactor009 0
In my part of shitholeistan, you are far more likely to be killed by US Navy SEALs or a UAV operated by the CIA than by the mandated government issued pills we force feed all our women. ****, I miss the Cold War.