By Anonymous - United States - Manchester

A likely story...

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years wanted to break up because I was "kissing" another guy. That guy was 73 years old and dying of a heart-attack. I work as an Ambulance Technician and was performing CPR. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7929

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Work

Intimacy

Understandable

Walk on the wild side

Race against the clock

By firedupasshole - 27/7/2020 05:01

Make your mind up

Today, while taking to-go orders at my restaurant, a customer called saying he wanted his food well done. He even said, “Burn it to a crisp.” Which is what I told the kitchen. When he came to pick it up, he opened his food, inspected it and screamed, “Not this burned, you damn retard!” and threw it at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1447

You deserved it

123

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By Failure2017 - United States

Today, my husband referred to me as his “favorite meat sock” in front of our son. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4321

You deserved it

462

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By Sua - Canada - Calgary

Today, my English teacher handed back my creative story assignment with a 74% on it. Apparently, she docked 10% because I had an unrealistic, overly dramatic plot line. That plot line was based on my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48227

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By Tey - United States

Today, on my first day of work, I got fired after 45 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28823

You deserved it

17802

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By hisgirl4life - United States

Today, I laughed so hard my milk went out my nose in front of the boy I liked. Then, since I was laughing so hard about that, I accidentally farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39097

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8704

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By sochunky - United Kingdom - Bromham

Today, someone had thrown up onto the last remaining seat on the train. Guess who accidentally sat in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20943

You deserved it

3370

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By FoodNeeded - Russian Federation - Moscow

Today, for breakfast, I made a butter sandwich. I'm that broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13480

You deserved it

2031

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By Tom - United States

Today, I'm flying out of the country in a few hours. A plane from the same airline just crashed into the Hudson River and is now floating in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26049

You deserved it

2665

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By jailbirdlove - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were making love. Her phone rang, and she stopped to answer it. It was her ex-boyfriend, calling her from jail. She talked to him for 15 minutes. To top it all off, before she hung up, I heard her tell him she loved him, and couldn't wait for him to get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42565

You deserved it

4254

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By Anonymous - 1/2/2021 02:00

Not having a good time, really

Today, I not only woke up with yet another splitting headache, but I stubbed my toe and my desktop kept crashing. That wouldn't be too terrible if it wasn't the second day in a row of bad luck, which previously involved someone stealing my card info and buying gamer keys with it the day after I got paid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

706

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By alsayslegit - United States

Today, I was at a party, and I sat down on a chair. While conversing with friends, I shifted places on the chair, and broke it. Embarrassed, I then stood up and change chairs. After moving to the next chair, I broke that one too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58117

You deserved it

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By FMLer - United States

Today, I found out that since I stopped shaving my legs, my boyfriend and his friends have started referring to me as a Wookiee. FML

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15345

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62750

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By satanworshipper - United States - Hollywood

Today, I received another death threat for teaching evolution in college. I'm a geology teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30072

You deserved it

2722

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By keifer13 - United States

Today, it was my high school graduation. I brought my camera to capture these last memories, only to discover that the batteries were dead. When I got home and went to change them, I realized they were not dead, they were just put in the wrong way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15591

You deserved it

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By Al - Australia - Turramurra

Today, I walked into pawn shop and found a nice laptop which I inspected after I thought I lost mine months ago. Turns out my ex pawned it after having it at her place all this time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13235

You deserved it

1234

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By StillAVirgin - Denmark

Today, my boyfriend said, "One day I'll tell my children how I met you. I mean, our children." It's pretty cute, except for the fact that we're 17 and have been dating for only two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11633

You deserved it

1217

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By thatgirl - United States

Today, I went on a date with a respectable, successful, polite, and attractive guy. Ten minutes into the conversation, I find out he's a neo-Nazi and earned a swastika tattoo in prison for "something shady." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33983

You deserved it

3534

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By Starving Student - United States - Tacoma

Today, I got a ticket for panhandling to get gas money so that I could both drive out to a job interview AND still have enough gas to pick up my dad. Apparently, these particular cops had nothing better to do than harass me for standing quietly next to a freeway entrance with a silly sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10057

You deserved it

28810

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By Anon. - United States

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

20536

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 22/2/2021 23:01

Between a rock and a not-so-hard place

Today, I found out that the pills my doctor prescribed for my ED cause severe side effects and I have to stop taking them. So much for my sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

704

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By ants9omarching - United States

Today, the seat in my car broke and wouldn't move forward. I had to walk to school in the rain because I was too short to reach the pedals. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35479

You deserved it

5924

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By fallen - United States - Merion Station

Today, I came into work feeling good about myself and my upcoming plans. I left before noon with a box of my belongings and uncertainty about my future, having been suddenly laid off. FML

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4841

You deserved it

279

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By longlostkid556 - United States

Today, the girl I have a crush on came over to work on a project. My dad rushed into the room we were in, farted, and then ran out giggling. FML

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56104

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By butterfingers - United States - New Wilmington

Today, I dropped a $400 bottle of wine while trying to get the cork out. FML

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47191

You deserved it

17945

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By Lulu - United States - Imperial

Today, I came home to a noise complaint letter taped to my apartment door. I haven't been home in over a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41150

You deserved it

2365

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By sewdevastated - United States - Fremont

Today, I found out that my mother intentionally donated the quilt that I had made for her, because, "It didn't match anything". That was $70 worth of fabric and 7 and a half weeks spent on that handiwork of mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13983

You deserved it

955

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By stoprubbingitinmyface - United States - Tacoma

Today, it's been a week since I was dumped. I planned to stay at my apartment, cry and eat chocolate in peace. My roommate decided to have loud sex with her boyfriend in the apartment. She refused to quiet down, saying "My body, my rules." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34388

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4712

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By khaelian - United States

Today, the highlight of my day was that the gas station I work at finally got a new mop head. FML

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27875

You deserved it

4068

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By Anonymous - 19/4/2020 14:00

Littered

Today, I'm on crutches and wearing an orthopedic boot because a 22.5 pound box of cat litter fell out of my back hatch onto my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1291

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230

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By Anonymous - 22/8/2020 17:02

Mind your own beeswax

Today, I saw an employee showing off a picture on his phone. I couldn't quite see what it was and tried to inject myself in to the conversation. "Whatcha got there, a cow?" It wasn't. It was a photo of his wife, posing in her wedding dress for the first time since their wedding day several years and children ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

443

You deserved it

2179

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By anonymous - Canada

Today, I sold my Xbox and Kinect to a guy. I forgot that sometimes I'd play Dance Central naked, and the Kinect would make videos. This guy now has videos of me, naked, badly dancing. FML

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15265

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By Aric - 8/10/2020 05:01

Thanks Felicia

Today, I arrived at the airport two and a half hours early because I was expecting it to be busy. The line was long but I had plenty of time, until a woman complained about a fee for checked bags. I was next in line, and still managed to miss my flight because the woman caused such a big scene. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1382

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By Torbey - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my younger brother complained yet again of soreness in his wrist. Frustrated with his constant whining, my mother turned to him and snapped, 'Well, what have you been using it for all this time then!?' The awkward silence of realisation for them both won't go away anytime soon. FML

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14452

You deserved it

1260

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By katurday - United States

Today, my landlord came over while I wasn't home. My friend and her pets were thrown out by her husband. I'm the only person she knows in this state and she begged me to stay. I reluctantly told her fine; just don't answer the door. She did, with the animals, and told him she was living here. FML

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34150

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6355

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By SphereMaiden

Today, after ignoring me for about a week, my boyfriend finally broke up with me. Why? He discovered that I use prescription deodorant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4649

You deserved it

370

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I propositioned my boyfriend of two years to have sex with me in the shower to spice up our love life. He said that he was really busy. He was playing Call of Duty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23827

You deserved it

6015

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By Eh... - Ukraine

Today, my boss asked me if I know anything about those tattoos that girl put on their lower backs. "You mean Tramp Stamps?" I responded. He looked at me with hatred in his eyes and said that his 18 year old daughter just got one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53283

You deserved it

8015

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By Helena

Today, I was on my Wheel of Time fanfiction roleplay chatting seductively with my virtual lover while taking a break from doing some work, only to realize that I had accidentally sent the revenue report to my fellow fanfiction lover and used magic to undress my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1447

You deserved it

4455

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By mark807 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I fell and hit my head on hard concrete. When I went to the emergency room for a CT Scan, the nurse hit me in the head with an IV pole. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30408

You deserved it

2154

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By roselysunset - United States - Cypress

Today, I came home to find my mom drunk. She asked me for a hug and then started crying, "Where's my daughter?" I'm her daughter. And her only child, as far as I know. FML

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23668

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Top comments

By Tarlachia | 33

#7492967 - Saturday 15 July 2017 18:57

Is that really a relationship you want to resuscitate? Maybe you ought to hit him with the paddles. It might shock him.

By Crewsin | 1

#7493002 - Saturday 15 July 2017 19:30

I feel sorry for such a narrow minded little boy like that. Keep up the good work, my sister is a first responder and I just can't imagine this.

COMMENTS

By joeyl2008 | 29

#7492932 - Saturday 15 July 2017 18:24

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

joeyl2008 | 29

#7493370 - Sunday 16 July 2017 1:55

I love how people on FML can never take a joke.

onceuponatime456 | 16

#7494684 - Sunday 16 July 2017 23:34

Maybe because your so-called joke was fucking stupid!

By Tarlachia | 33

#7492967 - Saturday 15 July 2017 18:57

Is that really a relationship you want to resuscitate? Maybe you ought to hit him with the paddles. It might shock him.

By Crewsin | 1

#7493002 - Saturday 15 July 2017 19:30

I feel sorry for such a narrow minded little boy like that. Keep up the good work, my sister is a first responder and I just can't imagine this.

By kirby1964 | 20

#7493030 - Saturday 15 July 2017 19:55

Sounds to me like he was seeking any reason to leave, but did not to look like a jerk and wanted the reason to be about something you did wrong.

By rivenrock | 14

#7493038 - Saturday 15 July 2017 20:02

Probably best not to mention that sometimes you guys have to cut the clothes off people...

By RichardPencil | 29

#7493050 - Saturday 15 July 2017 20:08

Yeah, but did you have to slip him tongue?

By Jaeger Keller | 6

#7493092 - Saturday 15 July 2017 20:45

How about "unlikely story".... first responders don't give mouth to mouth and haven't for many years. Infectious disease brought respirators to the ambulance.

phaelnb | 26

#7493410 - Sunday 16 July 2017 2:43

Exactly my question. Why would she be giving mouth to mouth? Even non-professionals are trained to use chest compression only if they don't have a mask to use.

yeongji | 31

#7494908 - Monday 17 July 2017 5:46

OP did not specify when the incident happened, so there is a possibility that it happened when she was off duty. Chest compressions were initiated, but sometimes it isn't enough to get someone back.