Today, I have realised that since I get laid so infrequently,... - FML

By uterus why - 01/02/2019 16:00

Today, I have realised that since I get laid so infrequently, every time I have sex now, it kickstarts my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 123

You deserved it 259

Mother of the year

Taking stock

Mama's boy

By adamclmns - 16/07/2011 22:52 - United States

Today, after a stressful week, I spent my last few dollars on some comfort food. Later, my roommate's girlfriend came over and helped herself to my juice, drinking it straight from the bottle. I'm such a germaphobe, I can't bring myself to even take a sip. It's a full bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 151

You deserved it 15 187

By lol - 05/12/2011 06:13 - United States

Today, I farted in front of my husband for the first time in 26 years. He told our kids over email, and now they won't shut up about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 434

You deserved it 9 231

By awkwardpanda - 27/01/2017 20:00

Today, I performed for the first time at someone's wedding. When the music started, I heard a click. Slowly, I felt my strapless bra drop lower and lower due to my non-existent breasts. The hook on my bra had broken at that very moment on stage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 778

You deserved it 711

By Anonymous - 01/10/2009 14:06 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. I was on their bed having sex with their daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 873

You deserved it 39 316

Get with the times

By Anonymous - 01/11/2009 17:51 - United States

Today, I found out that my daughter is dating my boss's daughter. I found this out because my extremely homophobic boss told me and wants me to 'heal' them or get fired. I didn't even know my daughter was gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 105

You deserved it 3 368

By Anonymous - 16/02/2011 17:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I had my boyfriend come over for dinner for the first time. It was all going well until my dad started explaining to my boyfriend how to use toilet paper. He even demonstrated it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 872

You deserved it 3 233

Report him

By Anonymous - 26/08/2021 06:01

Spicy

Today, I was walking through the woods when a flasher popped out of the woods buck naked, smoking a cigarette. I ran away as fast as I could. I later went to an animal shelter, looking for a dog to go on walks with me. The flasher worked there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 145

You deserved it 71

Gamers rise up

By Anonymous - 30/04/2021 06:01 - Brazil - Joinville

Today, I went over to a guy's house. He had almost no furniture and slept on a mattress on the floor; however, he had the most impressive gaming computer I've ever seen. He's 40. FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 183

Not that handy

By MyChemicalRomantic - 31/03/2020 02:00

Spicy

Today, I found out that I can never go to my local cinema again. Not just because of the current lockdown, no. The guy I gave an embarrassing, drunken hand job at a party to works there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 636

You deserved it 1 801

By thedudeman14 - 05/11/2014 22:21 - United States - Deer Park

Today, my phone died while I was on the phone with my girlfriend. When I finally got a charger, I saw a text message from her. I'm now single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 380

You deserved it 3 161

By ohdearyme - 09/01/2015 12:06 - United Kingdom - Guildford

Today, I found out my boyfriend was on a dating website. He came up as an ideal match for my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 367

You deserved it 3 108

Hott

By disturbedgd - 03/04/2017 20:00 - South Africa - Durban

Spicy

Today, I had my first steamy wet dream. It involved the Power Rangers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 072

You deserved it 1 058

By fuundmental/// - 09/04/2011 05:46 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I was looking in my grandparents' drawers and cupboards to find a blanket, but instead found a stash of sex toys, and a male G-string with a horse on the front. The best bit? When you press the horse's nose, it neighs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 553

You deserved it 9 938

By Anonymous - 02/03/2018 19:00

Today, I was put on academic suspension only to find out my professor entered my grade wrong. I lost my financial aid and have to explain to my parents why I’m not in college anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 469

You deserved it 262

It's not mine, dumbass

By Anonymous - 19/11/2019 01:00

Today, my girlfriend announced to me that she is pregnant and tried to tell me it was mine. I lost both testicles to an infection as a teenager so, no way it’s mine. Somehow, she never made the mental connection that no balls equals no children and no way to convince me I’m the dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 794

You deserved it 173

By Anonymous - 22/07/2013 18:30 - Denmark - Lemvig

Today, I've been bedridden for the past two weeks. My boyfriend casually remarked that he understands now why some people cheat on their seriously-ill partners. Thanks for adding to the stress, sweetie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 067

You deserved it 3 384

By Ese - 12/10/2018 12:00

Today, my sister took me out shopping for my birthday and had been drinking a Monster the whole day. Halfway back home, I took a sip of it and she screamed, but it was too late. I had drunk the phlegm that she spat into the can earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 538

You deserved it 902

By deathstar3548 - 22/09/2014 10:58 - United States - Orlando

Today, I learned that even though a woman has a baby carriage and seems friendly, she won't be afraid to mug you in front of her kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 743

You deserved it 3 446

By UnknownKitten - 03/05/2016 03:07 - United States - Elgin

Today, I returned home after a long day of work. I noticed that my kitten had gotten a hold of my pin cushion, and that there were no needles left in it. My husband and I have only managed to find one, out of 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 162

You deserved it 2 029

By Sunny - 18/09/2013 22:59 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, every time I write the word "analyst," I can't help but giggle because it begins with "anal." I'm 24, and studying to be a conflict analyst. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 484

You deserved it 34 048

By Anonymous - 21/04/2016 20:28 - United States - Fremont

Spicy

Today, I was video chatting with my boyfriend, when his doorbell rang. He said it was his friend and that he'd be back soon. He shut off his video feed but forgot to mute his audio. A few minutes later, I heard him and some orgasm-faking girl getting it on in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 288

You deserved it 1 726

By Mick_The_Disappointment - 11/12/2018 15:30

Today, my mother once again called me to remind me what a disappointment I am despite having two degrees, a house, a professional job and having never been unemployed at 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 099

You deserved it 176

By anthony512 - 24/05/2013 16:08 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, after a sleepless night, I fell asleep at my work desk. When I awoke, I found my co-workers had duct taped me to my chair. I was yelling at them to untape me, when our boss came in, scolded me for fucking about on the job, and left without saying a word to my colleagues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 911

You deserved it 12 722

By burningman - 22/01/2015 10:40 - Germany - Darmstadt

Today, a homeless guy tried to light my hair on fire with a match at the bus stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 917

You deserved it 2 661

Be honest

By Anonymous - 22/11/2021 08:01

Today, I’m gay but I'm currently on a date with a woman, because when we met yesterday, I was slightly tipsy and thought she was a dude when I asked her out. Plus she said her name is Max, but in the sober light of today, I realised she’s a very tomboyish lady with no boobs. Help me somebody. FML

I agree, your life sucks 458

You deserved it 1 515

By mortenp - 22/09/2011 04:44 - United States

Today, the shy girl in my class decided to bring a cake to share with everyone, since it was her birthday. Excited about the cake, I got everybody to sing "happy birthday" for her, only to realize too late that nobody in the class know her name, myself included. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 122

You deserved it 44 821

By augh - 10/12/2010 08:24

Today, I finally worked up the courage to tell my mom that I'm gay. She sympathetically patted my back and told me I don't need to make up excuses for me being so unattractive to women. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 894

You deserved it 5 689

By This sucks - 11/10/2017 04:30

Today, in the toilet at work, I found that the scissors on my multitool are quite good at getting rid of a shit-stained shirttail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 569

You deserved it 597

By poop - 24/03/2016 18:15 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I discovered my cat is bathroom shy when I accidentally walked in on him relieving himself. He jumped about 3 feet in the air and bolted out, launching feces and pee all over the bathroom, hallway, and my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 970

You deserved it 2 540

By bushwhacker - 05/03/2015 23:34 - United States - Wichita

Today, it's been almost two months that I've been taking hair, skin and nails vitamins. The only thing growing noticeably longer, faster, stronger, and healthier are my pubes. I've never sheared a sheep before, but I imagine the maintenance I just did was comparable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 694

You deserved it 3 290

By thats_not_good - 28/05/2009 18:15 - United States

Today, I was getting my first tattoo done. My parents told me it was a bad idea. My friends' parents told me it was a bad idea. I told them that people get tattoos done all the time and nothing goes wrong. 50 min into the tattoo on my back, the artist says "Oh shit, shit, shit. We can fix this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 304

You deserved it 56 125

By Chance115 - 11/09/2018 23:30

Today, my knee was dislocated. At a haunted house. By a midget. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 595

You deserved it 285

By Jedi - 20/02/2009 06:16 - United States

Today, after class, my teacher pulled me aside and said "You know, I never received the e-mail regarding your disabilities that your parents mentioned. Could you have them resend it?" What disabilities? FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 246

You deserved it 2 724

By Elizabeth Ann - 02/05/2019 14:00

Today, I was at work for almost two hours today before realizing I had marinara sauce on my face. My coworkers didn’t say anything because I’m really clumsy and they figured it was blood, and therefore not unusual. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 725

You deserved it 283

Slides are for the beach

By badtoeday - 04/10/2021 05:00

Today, while shopping at a store, my big toe decided that it was deeply infatuated with my shopping cart wheel. So much so, it rammed itself straight into it. It took everything in me not to scream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 707

You deserved it 167

By Z88 - 21/04/2010 20:29 - South Africa

Today, a customer came into the music shop I work in to look at guitars. After calling the customer "Dude," and "Man," numerous times, they stalked off suddenly. When I asked if everything was okay, they responded with, "I'm female, you asshole!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 847

You deserved it 43 135

By Anonymous - 10/05/2014 22:11 - Sweden - Lidk?ping

Today, my boyfriend surprised me by coming home early. He walked in on me sitting on the toilet, singing full volume to my cat as I took a crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 329

You deserved it 13 669

By I wish it was gum - 23/10/2018 12:00

Today, I was in the cinema making out with my girlfriend. I asked her if she could stop trying to pass me her gum because it was kinda gross. She replied, "It's not gum, I just have bronchitis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 949

You deserved it 653

By Blackshadows - 07/09/2015 18:08 - United States - Somerset

Today, I accidentally poured milk into my bowl of chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 876

You deserved it 8 348

By Rachel - 02/02/2009 22:00 - United States

Today, I bit into a cereal bar and thought the inside was oddly damp. I took a look at it and saw a maggot worm wriggling around. Its friend was in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 197

You deserved it 3 232

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Top comments

Gofuckyourself 24

Friday 1 February 2019 17:40

Maybe visit your doctor or gynecologist to see what's going on. Hopefully you can get to the bottom of this!

Send a private message

Friday 1 February 2019 17:46

Sex causes temporary hormonal changes. It can cause premature menstruation. OP should still see her OBGYN, though. For it to happen every time, she's either always having sex close to her period, or something is very wrong.

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Friday 1 February 2019 17:03

Is that physically possible? Maybe your hoo-hah is so neglected and atrophied that it forgot how to take a dick.

Send a private message

Friday 1 February 2019 17:34

It’s not unusual for sex to kickstart periods, especially if it’s rough. 😉

Send a private message

Friday 1 February 2019 17:45

It used to happen to me all the time if I had sex in the week leading up to my monthly.

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Friday 1 February 2019 17:57

Thanks for the info. Those things seem very complicated! I’m glad I only have simple parts to maintain!😂😂😂

Send a private message

Friday 1 February 2019 22:04

No. Your period comes a set amount of days after you ovulate. When you ovulate can change but not your period. Now I have had it more or less “make” it come but that just means it was about to anyway and the sex jostled some blood loose.

alainopotato 20

Send a private message

Saturday 2 February 2019 13:24

If you have sex infrequently then your body can jumpstart ovulation and consequently your period when you do have sex in order to increase odds of pregnancy.

Send a private message

Friday 1 February 2019 17:16

and who is to blame fo dat?!!

bluhbluhbluh 14

Send a private message

Friday 1 February 2019 17:23

do you get laid once every month at aroubd the same time? could that be also in the general period of your menstruation cycle?

Alurius_moon88 4

Send a private message

Saturday 2 February 2019 0:20

that time of the month, (just before your period) you should have gotten pregnant, by now..

raven_of_azarath 34

Send a private message

Saturday 2 February 2019 16:31

It doesn’t have to be the same time of month. OP could be irregular.

Gofuckyourself 24

Friday 1 February 2019 17:40

Maybe visit your doctor or gynecologist to see what's going on. Hopefully you can get to the bottom of this!

ViviMage 38

Saturday 2 February 2019 6:15

Yeah, when this happened to me I had a BV infection. It wasn't a period, it was a bacterial infection from hell getting stirred up. As long as I didn't have sex, a pelvic exam, or a car accident, the infection was quiet. Liveable. Tolerable. Just don't ever think about do anything to stir it up! It took 3-5 days for the infection to wake up and make my life hell and 2 weeks to quiet down again. It was 7 years of hell and avoiding.... things, and I just needed a $4 antibiotic. This was after $4k in the ER couldn't explain why I was bleeding profusely there after a car accident. No? My periods are not super heavy. More like super light.

Gofuckyourself 24

Sunday 3 February 2019 4:07

Holy smokes.. it costs $4000 to go to the ER?! Mine are so irregular because I streas so much in general. I'll have it, it'll be gone for two months and then again. Super messed up. I hope you're feeling better hun!

Steffi 26

Send a private message

Friday 1 February 2019 21:06

Are you certain it's your period? If you don't have sex for a long time your hymen can return to its original state and so when you have sex it could trigger your hymen to bleed

Steffi 26

Send a private message

Wednesday 6 February 2019 12:00

The hymen is very real, you can google it if you don't believe me. It's a myth that it breaks the first time you have sex, but depending on the person, if the hymen is fully intact it wouldn't take a huge amount of friction to make it bleed

Alurius_moon88 4

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Saturday 2 February 2019 0:19

Well.. that's still better than realizing that I've had three periods, SINCE I've had sex. hmm.

TumblrweedPasses 11

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Saturday 2 February 2019 0:50

That's not normal at all, in fact impossible Head to the doctors, it's probably something being damaged inside every time something is inserted

Send a private message

Saturday 2 February 2019 1:05

Oh man I know exactly how you feel.

Send a private message

Saturday 2 February 2019 17:04

This is not likely. Either you are having sex close to your period time, and then yes, it can kick start it. Or something else is going on. I'd suggest tracking your cycles or seeing a doctor.

Send a private message

Monday 4 February 2019 4:35

That's not how it works.

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 17

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 18

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 21

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 653

You deserved it 191