Today, I realised my period was two weeks late and panicked about being pregnant due to missing a pill a few weeks ago. Then I remembered I haven't had sex in almost a year. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my period was a few days late, so my anxiety kicked in and I told my husband I was worried about being pregnant. He pointedly said that pregnancy requires sex, and I suddenly remembered we haven't had sex in months. I haven't cheated, but good luck convincing his suspicious ass of that. FML
Today, my girlfriend freaked out, thinking she might be pregnant due to her period being late. I found myself reminding her that one actually has to have had sex recently to become pregnant. We've been living together, sexless, for over a year. FML
Today, my wife told me she was pregnant. I don't remember having sex since last year. FML
Today, I decided I was gonna take a pregnancy test after being two months late. I bought two because I was sure it would give me a positive. That same night I got my period. FML
Today, my period was officially 2 weeks late. I have a phobia about giving birth, so I had a panic attack, went to Walmart, spend $15 on four pregnancy tests and a drink, came home, and took the tests. All four came back negative. As I went to clean up and throw everything away, I got my period. FML
Today, my 18-year-old boyfriend freaked out and kept asking me if I was sure I wouldn't get pregnant, because I forgot to take my birth control pill last night. We didn't actually have sex; he apparently thought me simply missing the pill would magically get me pregnant. The hell? FML
Today, I have realised that since I get laid so infrequently, every time I have sex now, it kickstarts my period. FML
Today, I realized my girlfriend has been "on her period" for almost two months. FML
Today, I haven't had sex for so long that my condoms have gone off. FML
Today, I went into a gynecology appointment to find out my IUD had apparently fallen out without me knowing. What tipped me off? My pregnancy test. FML
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Top comments
washingtongirl 8
It's time to break that dry spell, friend. Get freaky.
andiiturtle 0
At least your not pregnant ! :)
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Comments (209)
meggieeee51 9
Haha good! Congrats! You aren't pregnant :)
RabidBunny 10
In almost a year? Shit at least you aren't a virgin or better yet, pregnant. You should read some other FML's and if that is seriously all you care about than yea, FYL.
onlychildFTW 34
Hey, at least you aren't pregnant. Sex isn't all that important. Sure it's fun, but it is better to not be pregnant then having sex and being pregnant, unless you are trying for that.
TPH1979 18
than
Crimsos 4
Purchase the services of a hooker.
OhLohd111 11
*gigalo
OffToTheGayBar 9
*gigolo
Margemander 4
giggity? :D
whyusofat 17
I know im young and all but wht happen to the times when being pregnant was a good thing, its looked at like a curse nowadays.
asherm 15
It's only a good thing if you're ready for it. But these days teens get a show on MTV.
ALpein 0
That's like saying, what happened to the good ol' days when we got something unexpectedly that we aren't ready for.
LouisianaBob 9
Nobody expects the Spanish inquisition!
elpopsw 0
No it hasn't.
abbynoelle 1
What a loser
Snafuusmc 12
Oh! Must've felt like you locked your keys in the car?
Calyx_fml 22
It's the second cumming!
nfjskcbdkdjdjdn 2
Not sure if that is a joke, Or just pure retardedness. Hoping it is a joke. But in that case, that's a horrible joke.
swimmer3141 10
lolwut?
Calyx_fml 22
Pure retarded joke.
valdezadair 0
Biblical Reference. Me gusta -.-
Awsumuzzie 12
I would take a pregnancy test as a precaution. I've never heard of someone that remembers they had sex after drinking one of my special mix drinks.