Today, I was shaving naked in my cold bathroom before showering. My wife walked up behind me, yelled "Shrinkage!" and flicked the head of my penis as hard as she could. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was taking a shower when my husband suddenly came in naked. I thought we were gonna have some fun, and so tried to be sexy. He took a quick shower and left. FML
Today, I was about to have sex with my wife, so I walked into our room naked, but then whacked myself in the nuts with the door handle as I attempted to close it. She can't stop laughing, and I can't sit down. FML
Today, I walked in on my mother using a razor to shave my dad's cream-covered testicles. FML
Today while I was about to go into the shower, my mom walked in on me while I was naked. She looked down and asked me if I was cold. FML
Today, I showered with my wife for the first time in months, so I was excited. Once we got in, she was adjusting the temperature to something more comfortable. She then turned around and tell me to suck in my gut. After I did so, I slipped and ate shit, smacking my head on the wall. FML
Today, it's been a few months since my wife and I have been intimate due to her health, so I have urges but out of respect I don't act on. However, while I was showering, I was scrubbing my dick and I immediately busted all over the shower curtain. I had a walk of shame to inform my wife. FML
Today, I was naked and the wife tried to flick my bum with a wet towel. Unfortunately I bent over at the wrong moment and the towel cracked right against the underside of my dangling penis. The whole underside is bruised, it hurts to pee, and God help me tomorrow if I get morning wood. FML
Today, during foreplay with my boyfriend, I put my legs around his neck. He pushed them away violently, shouting, "Bloody hell, it's prickling me!" I'd shaved the day before. FML
Today, I was standing by the bed, naked, waiting for my wife to come out of the bathroom. She opened the door and walked over to me, swinging her hips, wearing practically nothing. At about four feet from me, she tripped on the edge of the floor mat, and used my junk to catch herself. FML
Today, I was peeing in the shower when my girlfriend suddenly pulled open the shower curtain in an attempt to scare me. Startled, I quickly spun around and peed all over her dress. FML
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Top comments
btstig 11
Next time she is in the shower. Sneak up on her and kick her in the vag and yell " **** punt".
808Boyo 4
Poke at her love handles or something and yell "Doubled in size!"
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Comments (210)
emvictoria 9
Ouch!
Krajjan 9
That's lawful cause for divorce right there.
reb1995_fml 3
5 - Just stop...
jtthegr8 26
5- getting your penis flicked isn't worth getting divorced over
desireev 18
I'm pretty sure that #5 was just joking. I found it amusing anyway... Lol
kyarush 10
That's called a sense of humor #5. something you DO NOT get a divorce over...
Jiplo 18
last time I checked, sense of humor doesn't cause great dick pains.
acccccccc 1
"I was in the pool!"
cwbsmoker 5
I woulda beaver whacked her. :B
qazaq 1
167- Seinfeld reference ftw
EvilDave 13
@ #11 & #60 So, your husband punching you in the face or the breast or the ****** isn't worth getting divorced over either, yes?
808Boyo 4
Poke at her love handles or something and yell "Doubled in size!"
j_cat187 20
Grab her ass it's over 9000!!!... Pounds.
skullcandifiedDJ 5
Hey, at least you got a free circumcision! Well... Kinda
ThatOneCanadian 0
i often lose skin when i am flicked
22cute 17
If this were a man doing similar to his wife all you trolls would be tucking it up and telling her to grow a sense of humor. So suck it up & grow a sense of humor, Gits!
erkasaurusrexx 0
amen, 126
btstig 11
But it's not 126 so chill and stfu.
kocoman500 2
#2 looks like Scumbag Steve Just sayin'
somebodybj 0
That's not even funny
whycantisignup 24
#126, there's a difference between having a sense of humour and inflicting pain on someone...
btstig 11
Next time she is in the shower. Sneak up on her and kick her in the vag and yell " **** punt".
drunkonduty247 1
Awesome
Haiana04 3
"Game Ovaries"-Tosh.0
br0ccoli 15
3 - later he will be '****-blocked' by his '**** punt' Penis: 1 '****': 2 You won't win.
btstig 11
There are two other service entrances if the main gate is closed.
toalysium 15
After a proper **** punt it's defective anyway, trade in for a new model.
ThatLSUFan 4
Tosh.o FTW!
erkasaurusrexx 0
58, just because the "main gate" is closed doesn't mean she's gonna give him it another way.
btstig 11
That's when you must woo her. Good bit of shots works too.
gipper22 0
Wam Bam right in the Clam.
WOGBRO 6
Nice idea although it could damage her quite a bit.
EvilDave 13
#180 So, you only care about damage to the woman and not the man. Interesting.
scoobyfiend 0
What the actual **** is wrong with that women.
MissMae93 23
It's woman (singular) because not all of us women do stupid shit like that.
aleishaa_jadee 13
If you look close enough #51, I think you'll find they did single out that woman, not women in general they just didn't change the E in women to an A.. :)
MissMae93 23
56 - Well yes, I'm just pointing out the difference between "woman" and "women" for future reference.
scoobyfiend 0
Ur rite I shud b less kareless
enriquepp 4
O god why would you follow a grammar lesson with that? You are right I should have been less careless.
scotty67 3
Obviously he was trying to be funny and ironic.
ankoku 2
That womenses are corrects!
KeyboardWarrior 10
72 don't knot understandz iruny.
KriiFahMoro 9
Whut r 72 trieing 2 sey? It sems fien 2 mea.
NuTrees 9
All yal some dumb bitches.
Aggro4u2c 0
Lol at irony
alexm501 0
Why do people say "actual ****"? It's dumb. Like "the ****" instead of "what the ****".
Razzle_Dazzle_5 11
Should of slapped her in the face with your meat as a counter attack.
Typholsion 4
**** Knocked
Swiftly 0
Give her a mushroom stamp right on the cheek.
erkasaurusrexx 0
fragile egos, men?
mattorama 15
If he had that much shrinkage there wasn't much to smack her with.
trollfaced 2
Husband used **** knock. Super effective!
Swiftly 0
Dick flicked
lobum 12
All 3 inches
perdix 31
Seinfeld fans! You ought to slip some lobster into her eggs, that will make you even!
zombicidal 11
revenge George Castanza style
Mister_Triangle 21
At least she knows about shrinkage
MakaPaka_fml 0
better the pickle than the eggs
Dirty_Minded_FML 2
Punch her in her ******
RussianFox 13
So punching in the ****** is frowned upon but kicking is respected apparently.
DKjazz 20
Not everybody's into fisting. Understandable.
DangerousGirl91 2
U iz a bitchh
goldfishgod 20
Uh, no. If you wanted a comparable experience, you'd flick her clit with your untrimmed fingernails.
kerr888 0
Wow asshole much?
omfgshiz 7
Ouch lol!
mikeymayhem_87 15
Flick her in the nips and yell shrinkage? Or perhaps make "echoed" noises at her ******?
TheDrifter 24
Flicking her nipples and yelling "saggage" would be more correct, but likely to get op in trouble.
vi3tno_romeo 5
I hope u got get back! Being flicked in that area is way too deep.
KeyboardWarrior 10
Err... What?