Today, I decided to shave my balls. When I was finished, I vacuumed up the mess on the carpet, and then the fragments of hair still on my balls. Very bad idea. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after carefully, and might I say, expertly removing all the hair from my girlfriend's genitals, she decided to try and "Nair" my balls. 24 hours later and I still can't walk properly and my balls look like they were involved in a severe kitchen incident. FML
Today, due to a combination of boredom and a faulty hair dryer, I now have singed pubes and burned balls. FML
Today, while brushing my teeth I noticed a hair in the sink. Running the scenario over in my mind, I was going to simultaneously spit into the sink and throw the hair on the floor. Creating a big ball of phlegm, I threw the hair back into the sink and launched a huge mouthful onto the floor. FML
Today, while I was shaving my nether regions, my trimmer slipped and ate a chunk out of my balls, right beside a vein. I've been bleeding on and off for an hour, and the New Skin I tried isn't able to dry quickly enough. FML
Today, I decided to clean my entire apartment. While vacuuming, I sucked up something big. I didn’t realize what it was until later when I couldn’t find my engagement ring. I digged through a vacuum bag full of dust, crumbs, and mystery hair, only to realize it was on my finger the whole time. FML
Today, with words of encouragement from my mom, I vacuumed my room. After finishing and admiring my job well done, I went to put the vacuum away. It caught on the plug for my electric razor which was dangling below the dresser and yanked that and everything else that was on top of it off. FML
Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob, only to end up slipping and head-butting him in the balls. FML
Today, at some point, and for some reason I'll probably never fully understand, it seemed like a good idea to get completely shitfaced on tequila and try to shave my ballsack with a straight razor. I'm not sure if these wounds will ever heal. FML
Today, I was shaving my underarms, when I heard a noise. I quickly turned my head to see what it was and got the razor caught in my hair. I'm now sporting a very attractive bald patch. FML
Today, as I was bent over drying my legs after a shower, my girlfriend snuck behind me and pulled a hair off my ballsack for absolutely no good reason. FML
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Top comments
jsprackman 11
Genius
BunnySlippers 6
Lol. Why would you put a vaccum even CLOSE to your balls?
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Comments (252)
jsprackman 11
Genius
_Oblivion_ 12
self-castration?
unitedfan11 0
What a peculiar way to get a vasectomy...
drsovereign 2
I mean he is French....
MuziKMajoR 5
ULTIMATE *******!!!!!! YA
doctorwhogirl 0
I'm dumbfounded as to why you would do that, just brush the stray hair of with your hand. That's like saying I trimmed my hedges with a chainsaw and then I thought I might trim my pubes with the chainsaw too.
skata 4
this is probably the stupidest idea I've heard of on this site and that's saying a lot. actually, this is the stupidest idea I've heard of anywhere
gojira666 7
You trimmed your pubes over the carpet?
israelnotjacob 20
lol I was going to say the exact same thing 58 but you beat me to it. I can't fathom how someone would even think to do that. I hope his testicles got sucked up in there so he can't reproduce.
llamafish 25
That must really suck
DeviousAngel 13
56, I don't think your comparison is very similar to the FML...
BTSfanatic 0
56- no, I think you're just dumb.
at_1sexymofo 3
#52 Done right, it could be the best feeling ever haha
SesameSpeed 7
I agree 99
lilpowers 3
Smart one
StoryOfTheYear 15
How terrible! Now you can't pass down that high I.Q. of yours down to your would-be children :(
goldfishgod 20
This FML legitimately turned me on.
danv79_fml 0
this FmL was just too hilarious. why would you shave over a carpet? i wonder if he panicked and forgot how to turn the vacuum off. lmao That wouldve been priceless!
Daederoth 10
Guys! I don't know how many time I need to say this, just trim the bushes. You don't have to take a razor to your junk.
Incogneterpeter 1
56 when you shave your hands won't get the hair off the best way to do it is a towel wet usually works the best....
doctorwhogirl 0
whaaaaa????
SneezyC 15
I see what you did there .... Clever.
BunnySlippers 6
Lol. Why would you put a vaccum even CLOSE to your balls?
tygerarmy 35
He was cleaning his room, at the least that's the reason Dewey from Scary Movie used for getting the vacuum to suck his balls.
jtthegr8 26
Why is he shaving his balls over carpet, isn't that like something you should do in the shower?
HaykamNation 8
Masturbation.
nublets 12
Free ********?
thiscrazything 1
Suck it up!
Serythvalker 7
Never done it, but holy f- I felt that.
gamercanadian 11
Ultimate ********
ankoku 2
Yes, and with an electric razor!
cja101 8
maybe he missed the meaning of dyson ball cleaner
Stiggy626 25
I see all these people saying free *******, but it doesn't involve the penis and has enough force to suck your ball into the tube
Boston_4_Life 3
Ydi... Dumbass
JustDerpin 11
No, its Dumas.
DBZEXPERT1 0
What are you some kind of dumas? 36
FlamingTacos 7
Doesn't matter... Had sex
Krysk_fml 0
The word sex hasn't been mentioned at all in the fml, the comment, or in any other nearby comment nor has there been a sexual reference made so please explain your comment to me.
charlotte69er 7
Why don't u plz explain the tiny dick hanging from ur sacs, nazi
serena_10 11
what did you think would happen?
muzy 23
apparently that the Hoover, would suck in the remaining pubic hair that was trimmed without... well, you get my drift.
punisher1385 2
He wanted a free ******** ;)
ImInYourFACEbook 8
Free? Please! Those vacuums ain't cheap!
sharod101 5
Makes me wonder what goes through their minds before they do that stuff.
FYLminerocks 7
Yeah but a vacuum can't say no...
crimsonprodigy 15
Sucks for the vacuum, we as humans need to make the ethical choice and seek a vacuum's consent before raping it.
Yodaevil 4
I've never personally had my sack sucked by a vacuum. But I have done stuff where I realized after, moron. Haven't we all?!
CookieGirl4ever 13
67 I love your picture! lol
kiran_fml 5
You are so incredibly stupid, but I laughed at you anyways.
loller27 6
this is just hilarious
GoW_Chick 15
You know showers work at cleaning you off even better, but to each his own.
I_heart_sex 1
Vacuum cleaners and genitals...a great combination.
Meowingtons500 18
It's "show me your genitals," not "vacuum your genitals." Silly OP.
IAdminIFlow 0
gow chick fyi showers dont shave balls
muzy 23
177- you are literally too dumb to insult.
StoryOfTheYear 15
177- You are literally ******* stupid, and because you are too stupid to use protection the babies you will have with stupid will be so astronomically stupid that even your stupidly stupid stupidity will look genius. Thank you and good day.
monnanon 14
^^ Blackadder? Is that you?
isis_morrigan 18
177- Pretty sure she's aware of this, I believe she was referring to using the shower after shaving to remove the loose hairs stuck as opposed to using the vacuum.
The_Troller 14
That sucks... Balls. I had to say it.
The_Troller 14
Lucky bastard. I've never even been to a concert.
Heinousness 0
Actually, you didn't have to say it sucks balls. But It was very funny () () [• •] V ( it's a bunny)
ydi_4_suking 20
I didn't like them too much live. I saw them in the kroq weenie roast back in 2007
jeob1992 8
Since we are on the subject... Favorite song by them?... Mine is savior
jacquay09 3
Forgotten sons! Awesome song by Rise Against
CTVrhythmguitari 8
24- I'm very sorry. Concerts are like the best things in the world. My last concert was actually in norfolk, va on 1/24/12, it was a day to remember and rise against. rise against played 20 ******* songs, and I currently have a water bottle drank by Tim McIlrath chillin in my room. ****** awesome day.
Cyrren 22
LMAO!
2ndSucks 15
I saw them with ADTR too! Two of my favorite bands performing and I got to watch Rise Against from the stage. Amazing experience if you can get your hands on all access passes.
Xephyr 1
So I found this band called Nickelback...
MoonPhase123 4
I love Rise Against, especially Savior since it's the song that got me to love them in the first place.
CTVrhythmguitari 8
121- That's ****** awesome dude, they both put on a hell of a show haha I've never been on a stage while a bands performing but I've met a few people, like brandon saller and all of five finger death punch. but I didn't really know adtr well before I saw them live, but after I saw them I got all their music and love if
JVVL 6
Ok, I got surprised when I noticed that all of the comments have to do with music. Nice derail. Oh yea, btw, C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER! Had to.
aperfectxdeath 3
Prayer of the refugee was the first song I heard by them years ago before they were known. :p I would have to say savior is probably my favorite too.
marinus_fml 20
Why would you not shave your balls on tiles? Like maybe in the bathroom?
MCTime 12
I can't imagine a vacuum picking up every hair, so gross.
kBRETTE 6
Last time I checked he said carpet..
marinus_fml 20
Yeah, but last time I checked hair gets caught a lot more in carpet than tiles. If he did it on tiles he could just sweep it up. Or even better, do it in the shower so it just washes down the drain. Why do you think kitchens have tiles? Because they're a lot easier to clean. You could have carpet in the kitchen but it's impractical. EDIT: mctime changed his comment, now I look like a fool
MCTime 12
Lol sorry guys. I realized it the second I did it. I should probably just delete my account now.
harrypotter955 19
Thats a good idea. Smartest I've heard all day.
br0ccoli 15
Ha! Wait till you get 3 day growth!!! Get the calamine lotion ready. You're going to itch like a mofo! ( so I've heard) Wax/laser it off next time.
Pyro_Wolf 17
Waxing or lasering pubic hairs sounds painful....
br0ccoli 15
You should YouTube male Brazilian wax. It's Hilarious!
william21912 2
Lmao that shit does ******* itch like a bitch, plus it will also be like needles on your balls too for like 2 weeks
Ebola_fml 20
You can't seriously suggest op wax their balls. That's probably worse than the vacuum.