Today, I decided to shave my balls. When I was finished, I vacuumed up the mess on the carpet, and then the fragments of hair still on my balls. Very bad idea. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, after carefully, and might I say, expertly removing all the hair from my girlfriend's genitals, she decided to try and "Nair" my balls. 24 hours later and I still can't walk properly and my balls look like they were involved in a severe kitchen incident. FML
Today, due to a combination of boredom and a faulty hair dryer, I now have singed pubes and burned balls. FML
Today, while brushing my teeth I noticed a hair in the sink. Running the scenario over in my mind, I was going to simultaneously spit into the sink and throw the hair on the floor. Creating a big ball of phlegm, I threw the hair back into the sink and launched a huge mouthful onto the floor. FML
Today, while I was shaving my nether regions, my trimmer slipped and ate a chunk out of my balls, right beside a vein. I've been bleeding on and off for an hour, and the New Skin I tried isn't able to dry quickly enough. FML
Today, I decided to clean my entire apartment. While vacuuming, I sucked up something big. I didn’t realize what it was until later when I couldn’t find my engagement ring. I digged through a vacuum bag full of dust, crumbs, and mystery hair, only to realize it was on my finger the whole time. FML
Today, with words of encouragement from my mom, I vacuumed my room. After finishing and admiring my job well done, I went to put the vacuum away. It caught on the plug for my electric razor which was dangling below the dresser and yanked that and everything else that was on top of it off. FML
Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob, only to end up slipping and head-butting him in the balls. FML
Today, at some point, and for some reason I'll probably never fully understand, it seemed like a good idea to get completely shitfaced on tequila and try to shave my ballsack with a straight razor. I'm not sure if these wounds will ever heal. FML
Today, I was shaving my underarms, when I heard a noise. I quickly turned my head to see what it was and got the razor caught in my hair. I'm now sporting a very attractive bald patch. FML
Today, as I was bent over drying my legs after a shower, my girlfriend snuck behind me and pulled a hair off my ballsack for absolutely no good reason. FML
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Top comments
jsprackman 11
Genius
BunnySlippers 6
Lol. Why would you put a vaccum even CLOSE to your balls?
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Comments (252)
kkillaj 5
Dude ydi when u shave ur nuts u brush the extra hair off next time take this valuable piece of common sense and don't get ur balls sucked up in a vacume
nvo 6
Darwin Award goes to the guy with the mangled balls. Ever considered a shower to clean up?
pompousjackass 10
He'd probably have showered with bleach.
Dracoboxer357 36
^ Actually I would, assuming it's this horrid visual of a naked, flailing man, screaming obscenities while indecisively caught between trying to pull the hose off his genitals but not wanting to increase the painful sensation of tearing his balls off. ;P Bet that felt like an eternity, poor bastard. :p
santel_fml 8
How disgusting. Could you not even go to bathroom?
greenmen 12
It ain't funny. No one wanna hear about what happen to ur balls
SeemsToFail 0
Its callec a shower your so funny but sorry 4 you
kookysoc 11
LMFAO!!! That was a genius move! Itll go down in the books "lonely man gets t-baged by vacuum, only results arent as expected".
Glidefedt 6
Why did you shave on your carpet?
mikeawesome 0
Dumbass
Adula 14
Wtf. Shave in the shower. Now you have aching balls and pubes in your carpet.