Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke,... - FML

Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML

By FML Team - 19/2/2011 22:29

FML under the sheets

PETA we are sorry about today's comic. Yes it involves cats being farted on but it's not what it's really about. What it's all about...

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous / Sunday 7 June 2009 15:53 / United States

Breaking Badly

Boom, headshot

Grow up

By "refines" - 23/9/2017 16:00

Today, I woke up to my living room covered in 8 cm of water. My $2k computer was on that floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3681

You deserved it

784

Tweet

Share

By sexyswollen - 24/10/2009 17:14 - Netherlands

Today, I woke up to find my face all red and swollen. Turns out it is caused by the medication I’ve been taking for over a week now. Only in very rare cases it will cause redness on your skin. I’m glad to know I’m special. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30870

You deserved it

3118

Tweet

Share

By TukTuk - 27/10/2014 21:18 - Germany - Weinb?hla

Today, I spent an hour painstakingly disassembling my antique mirror after discovering a stack of papers behind the back board. I finally got hold of one corner, and pulled out - a newspaper from 2007 and instructions for an IKEA bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30098

You deserved it

4996

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/9/2018 13:00

Today, I was sitting a full bus when a man seated himself next to me. After a few moments, he looked at me and said, "I can smell your vagina, you must be ovulating." I don't know if he was hitting on me or what but I couldn't race out of there fast enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3654

You deserved it

256

Tweet

Share

By isaacBENNETT - 17/3/2009 07:25 - United States

Today, I decided to introduce my girlfriend to my parents by telling them that we were gonna have a very special guest for dinner. While my mom was preparing the meal she asked, "What does he like?" I'm straight. My parents thought different. FML

I agree, your life sucks

89236

You deserved it

7408

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/6/2019 00:02

Today, I got dressed, did my hair, carefully applied my makeup, sprayed myself with perfume, grabbed my bag and put on my coat. I got to the door, and then realised that I had nowhere to go, nothing to do and none of my friends were answering my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1384

You deserved it

477

Tweet

Share

By awkwardpineapples - 8/1/2015 03:13 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I found my sister licking all of the silverware and putting it back in the drawer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32761

You deserved it

2554

Tweet

Share

By I was just following orders! - 4/10/2018 12:00

Today, I visited my girlfriend in the preschool she's interning at. She asked me to continue reading The Little Mermaid to her class, handing me the book. After the story, the whole class started to cry. She never told me to sugarcoat the ending and lie, Disney-style. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3167

You deserved it

566

Tweet

Share

By itwasmyfavoriteshirt - 16/8/2012 19:28 - United States - Bentonville

Today, my aunt borrowed my favorite shirt. Don't worry, she returned it. Complete with jizz stains. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38928

You deserved it

3660

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/3/2017 07:00 - United States - Westerville

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a blowjob. All of a sudden she stopped and said, "What's that thing at the back of your throat called?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

6426

You deserved it

1114

Tweet

Share

By Tottie - 24/6/2009 14:34 - United States

Today, by request from my new boss, I came into work over an hour early to finish some backed-up filing. This seemed like a great opportunity to earn some extra overtime pay. After spending an hour and half filing, I realized I hadn't clocked in for the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19367

You deserved it

41170

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/6/2014 19:52 - United States

Today, I found out that the loving nickname my Chinese mother has been calling me my entire life essentially translates to "little retard". FML

I agree, your life sucks

54571

You deserved it

6013

Tweet

Share

By HenryRollinsForPresident - 25/9/2012 11:54 - United States - Edmond

Today, I was waiting for my wife in a mall when some kids came and sat near me, wearing band t-shirts. I recognized some, as I was into The Smiths and Black Flag in my youth. I tried to strike up a music-fan chat with them. "Fuck off, grandad" and "Ew, pedo" is all I got in return. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28417

You deserved it

4800

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/11/2014 00:43 - United States

Today, I dropped my trash into what I thought was a garbage can. My co-workers stared at me like I had just pissed myself. It was a toy collection box for children in foster care. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32841

You deserved it

10820

Tweet

Share

By Irritated - 12/9/2016 15:29 - United States - Muncie

Today, I was sitting in a drive-thru with my girlfriend waiting for our food and the idiot behind me rear-ended me. I got out of the car to tell him he'd rear-ended me. He then argued with me, saying he "didn't feel it." FML

I agree, your life sucks

12731

You deserved it

856

Tweet

Share

By anon - 21/4/2009 08:32 - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking in the park when I heard some boys shouting behind me. As I turned around they poured a bucket of red liquid over my head. They thought I was someone they knew. I wasn't. And i was wearing a $200 white dress. Red dye doesn't come out of white dresses. FML

I agree, your life sucks

83952

You deserved it

4909

Tweet

Share

By thwack - 24/5/2012 18:26 - United States

Today, during a workplace safety exercise at work, I managed to cut off the tip of my thumb. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21986

You deserved it

3962

Tweet

Share

By Char-azard - 17/5/2016 09:03 - New Zealand - Napier

Today, my father bought a pair of fancy noise cancelling headphones. He doesn't realise that the noise cancelling function only slightly muffles the moaning and screaming in the porn he's watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14142

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1722

Tweet

Share

By Bleach dat Blood - 20/7/2015 03:02

Today, I woke to find a pool of my own blood all over my pillow. Frantic to find the source of the blood, I rushed into the bathroom and tripped over my too-long pajama pants. Crashing to the floor face first, I broke my nose. Turns out I had just bitten my lip in the middle of the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25925

You deserved it

3728

Tweet

Share

By distressed - 17/3/2015 12:00 - Australia - Burwood

Today, my mother worked out that my boyfriend and I are having sex. Instead of confronting me about it, she now just sits and stares at me judgmentally whenever I'm in the same room as her, making me feel incredibly uncomfortable. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36122

You deserved it

6923

Tweet

Share

By woahitbechels - 25/4/2011 01:10 - United States

Today, I dreamed that I was kidnapped by Charlie Sheen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35916

You deserved it

12532

Tweet

Share

By iDisable - 19/6/2011 00:27 - Australia

Today, my brother thought it would be funny to disable my iPod Touch for 45 minutes. After 45 minutes, I went to enter my password. I missed a number accidentally. 50 minutes to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24570

You deserved it

30642

Tweet

Share

By WorstMedicalBill - 20/11/2009 14:53 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when I realized I had to sneeze. Not wanting to sneeze on her, I tried my hardest to hold it in. When I climaxed, I couldn't hold it in any more and sneezed all over her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11104

You deserved it

21607

Tweet

Share

By Christoams - 12/1/2009 04:35 - France

Today, I was putting a new lightbulb in when my wife walks into the room and says "you can't see a thing, i'll turn the light on for you". And she did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30346

You deserved it

2417

Tweet

Share

By fuck wannabe knowitalls - 3/6/2013 23:13 - United States

Today, I received a death threat from some nutball accusing me of being part of some big government conspiracy called "Haarp." According to this psycho, I'm responsible for causing the recent tornadoes in Oklahoma. I'm just a small-time weatherman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51619

You deserved it

3750

Tweet

Share

By B - 18/4/2011 08:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I thought it would be funny to tickle my daughter's foot, which she hates. One bloody nose, multiple scratches and 4 toe-shaped bruises later, she's the one laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12599

You deserved it

57999

Tweet

Share

By Shinobi_3 - 26/2/2010 17:43 - United States

Today, while I was eating, a fly kept pissing me off. After three minutes of it buzzing around, I caught it and killed it. Then, without realizing it, I smeared its guts all over the front of my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7796

You deserved it

29199

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/5/2011 11:40 - Canada

Today, I found out that my grandma has been sending me birthday money every year. My mom just steals it before I ever see it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57301

You deserved it

3257

Tweet

Share

By oopsies - 4/7/2011 09:11 - United States

Today, I found out that the 2 loud "firework booms" I heard were actually a guy shooting his dog on the unfinished road behind my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43445

You deserved it

3033

Tweet

Share

By chickennbenchpress - 31/5/2011 17:05 - Canada

Today, I was on my third date with a really hot girl. A guy walked by singing the Pokémon theme song. She started making fun of the guy, mocking his immaturity. I joined in order to keep the conversation going. Everything was going great but then my phone rang. It was the Pokémon theme song. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18011

You deserved it

81168

Tweet

Share

By Gonzales - 7/8/2015 19:47 - Belgium - Leuven

Today, my girlfriend said she would give my penis a name: Gonzales. I asked why she wanted to name it that, and she said, "Because he's Speedy." FML

I agree, your life sucks

26589

You deserved it

5608

Tweet

Share

By mediocreboobs - 18/2/2009 22:31 - United States

Today, I was home alone tanning in my backyard which is fairly secluded. I took my top off and laid there for awhile before I looked over and saw the UPS guy standing at my gate with a package because nobody answered the door. I looked horrified and he said not to worry, he'd seen better. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47333

You deserved it

8808

Tweet

Share

By fmlfmlfml - 2/6/2009 18:03 - United States

Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunder storm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

96723

You deserved it

251293

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/8/2019 06:00

Today, I came home to my parents holding my marijuana. They told me that I had the stupidest hiding place ever, and that I was, "not only a pothead, but a dumbfuck pothead." FML

I agree, your life sucks

646

You deserved it

2444

Tweet

Share

By anon - 25/9/2014 05:48 - United States - Germantown

Today, I have learned a lot of "big" words from reading so much, but can actually only pronounce about half of them correctly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29809

You deserved it

6770

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/9/2011 02:26 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is getting back together with his crazy alcoholic ex-wife who frequently cheated on him. In addition to this news, I also found out that he maxed out all my credit cards. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33565

You deserved it

4854

Tweet

Share

By 2ndgenoration - 17/5/2014 21:56 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, my grandmother told me that since my dad was a mistake, I too am a mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50495

You deserved it

4186

Tweet

Share

By Immaculatedream - 27/7/2013 07:56 - New Zealand

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me after 4 perfectly happy years together. The reason? He had a dream in which his dead former girlfriend from when he was 13 told him she still loved him. He now believes his dead childhood sweetheart is trying to contact him and I'm "in the way of their love." FML

I agree, your life sucks

64048

You deserved it

4569

Tweet

Share

By Trama1201 - 4/1/2020 14:00 - United States - Boston

My short hair!

Today, I went to the library to bring back some books, I walked up to the counter and the librarian turned to me and said "What can I do for you young man?" I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1680

You deserved it

296

Tweet

Share

By scared shitless - 24/6/2020 08:02

Night terrors

Today, I learned the hard way that my girlfriend’s young daughter sleepwalks. I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water, only to be greeted in the dimly lit hallway by her creepy silhouette. I yelped like a bitch and dropped the glass on my foot, breaking two toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1531

You deserved it

273

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By genius_man16 | 0

#279518 - Sunday 7 June 2009 20:23

BAHAHAHA

You got owned by a kitten. YDI so much.

By orangerocker26 | 0

#279520 - Sunday 7 June 2009 20:24

why in the hell would you dutch oven your own cat. you deserved it.

COMMENTS

By simpsonman3000 | 0

#279517 - Sunday 7 June 2009 20:23

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

quade25 | 0

#2748842 - Friday 24 June 2011 12:50

what's there to scratch?

Reply

Muthalecka | 1

#3110480 - Monday 15 August 2011 5:20

#2 you hope? Do you care for this man's balls?

Reply

TheWildRover1 | 12

#5654205 - Monday 2 September 2013 1:55

I hope they are

Reply

m1k3_b0rr311 | 15

#6012470 - Saturday 19 July 2014 15:25

Yea i fucking do ae

Reply

rainbotato | 14

#6207390 - Friday 20 February 2015 3:55

are you retarded

By genius_man16 | 0

#279518 - Sunday 7 June 2009 20:23

BAHAHAHA

You got owned by a kitten. YDI so much.

Reply

ifmlftw | 0

#853489 - Sunday 14 February 2010 2:18

lmfao

Reply

bobnorris | 0

#925442 - Monday 8 March 2010 16:40

ow...

Reply

ccftw | 0

#980905 - Saturday 17 April 2010 13:09

Lol @ 1 haha

Reply

rawrlily | 0

#1039738 - Wednesday 23 June 2010 0:23

Aha.

kittehz don't liek persunz wif a tinee dik. Espeshullee wen thei fart on mee.

Reply

zolltf | 4

#1099105 - Friday 16 July 2010 21:30

I'm still waiting for Perdix to tell some joke about him playing with his sister's pussy, and losing his balls in the process

Reply

Draeven_fml | 0

#1367998 - Wednesday 8 September 2010 5:32

that a whole new level of animal cruelty

Reply

maz_irken | 6

#2596010 - Wednesday 1 June 2011 0:39

feel lucky. it's probable the only time you'll get pu...errr...nevermind

Reply

Herropreez17 | 0

#2683095 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 2:03

Yea. WHAT DID THE POOR KITTY DO TO YOU????

Reply

pink_raindrops | 26

#2911397 - Sunday 17 July 2011 6:37

I'm glad the kitty attacked your nuts. You thought it would be funny to see what his reaction would be, well you found out.

Reply

iammeorami | 25

#5357673 - Thursday 7 February 2013 4:08

awesome!

Reply

jarockstar27 | 10

#5404694 - Thursday 14 March 2013 6:29

And this dude wants our sympathy why??? Seriously deserved it!

Reply

Duggie1339 | 13

#5879137 - Saturday 8 March 2014 9:21

Okay based on my profile pic u can tell which side I'm on.... He/she is just a kitten, would u do that to a baby? You didn't deserve it... You deserve getting your balls chopped off and hung from your car mirror you sick fuck

By MakeMeMoo | 0

#279519 - Sunday 7 June 2009 20:23

What a moron...got what you deserved.

Reply

toaster468 | 0

#970710 - Monday 29 March 2010 21:59

you don't have testicles, you don't know what it feels like

Reply

tona01 | 16

#2232839 - Thursday 24 March 2011 2:37

exactly!!!

Reply

lebronesque73091 | 12

#5147438 - Wednesday 14 November 2012 9:46

LOL, that's too funny. You deserve it for doing that though

By orangerocker26 | 0

#279520 - Sunday 7 June 2009 20:24

why in the hell would you dutch oven your own cat. you deserved it.

Reply

brookemurray17 | 5

#4782384 - Tuesday 7 August 2012 5:56

Omg I'm laughing so hard rn

Reply

kittykat1501 | 31

#6319628 - Saturday 13 June 2015 23:29

It's his sister's cat

By nibas | 0

#279522 - Sunday 7 June 2009 20:23

HAHA omg. owned. don't fuck with animals.

Reply

ifmlftw | 0

#853496 - Sunday 14 February 2010 2:20

somebody call PETA!!!!!!!! jk. PETA is a waste of time. but I do love animals

Reply

tencentsakiss | 19

#990777 - Tuesday 11 May 2010 8:12

it's amazing how many people on here do fuck with cats and get owned by getting their crotch attacked

Reply

TheCrazyAli28 | 1

#2721549 - Monday 20 June 2011 9:09

lol I wouldn't mind gettn my crotch attacked.

Reply

abnormalbird | 11

#5824830 - Sunday 12 January 2014 4:49

367 THEY KNOW OUR WEAKNESS

By kelsey_LYNN | 0

#279525 - Sunday 7 June 2009 20:24

Lmfao!

Kitty ownage! YDI.

By ZiggyMorrison | 0

#279529 - Sunday 7 June 2009 20:24

Daaaaaaaayyyyyuuuuuumm

hope you can still have kids

Reply

Picking_Kuppies | 0

#2101940 - Sunday 20 February 2011 0:55

Why, so they can all fart on kittens?

Reply

wildmonkey | 16

#5672540 - Saturday 14 September 2013 5:23

Idiots like that shouldn't have kids.

Reply

jacqleeen | 11

#6440526 - Wednesday 21 October 2015 5:01

Your comment just made me burst out laughing!!

By CodeMonkey123 | 0

#279532 - Sunday 7 June 2009 20:25

YDI, that you jerk Mittens the super ultra crime solving kitten doesn't take shit from anyone!

Reply

turtlemanz | 8

#2203294 - Saturday 19 March 2011 7:39

literally

Reply

Lqum26 | 0

#2390493 - Saturday 23 April 2011 2:39

8 you made absolutely no sense

By DarkMirror | 0

#279543 - Sunday 7 June 2009 20:26

karma xD

But like it's such a bad thing? You probably shouldn't reproduce anyway.

By lol_chickens | 0

#279544 - Sunday 7 June 2009 20:26

Why the hell would you put a kitten under the sheets? D:

Anyhow, your balls must've looked all dangly and fun.