Miscellaneous: Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke,... - FML

Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML

By FML Team

FML under the sheets

PETA we are sorry about today's comic. Yes it involves cats being farted on but it's not what it's really about. What it's all about...

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By Anonymous / Sunday 7 June 2009 15:53 / United States

Coherence dude, do you have it?

This Charming Man

Weirdo cousin

By Owned - Taiwan

Today, me and a friend I met in the club were sandwiching this blonde girl dancing, when 5 minutes later she turned around and said that I should get another girl and gently brushed me aside. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my grandmother tried to start a fist-fight with my wife during my wedding ceremony. FML

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By Greg - 29/8/2020 05:01

Lovely Rita

Today, I went to lunch with a friend in her car. I told her to park in a lot that had signs warning that we'd be towed, saying, "They never tow anyone from here. In fact, if you get towed, I'll pay for it." When we returned, her car was gone. I had to pay $145 in cash to get it back. FML

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By lingling - United States - Germantown

Today, some beefed-up guy wearing a wife-beater sat in my restaurant, took out a big sack of coins, and played My Little Pony songs on the jukebox for 4 hours straight. I couldn't summon the courage to tell him to leave. FML

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By Lorbibo - 14/1/2021 17:00

Yeet the guy

Today, I was trying to set up a date with my boyfriend of two years, but he said he didn’t want to, and then to interrupted me to talk to his friends on Discord. FML

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By jess - 16/12/2020 06:02 - United States - Denver

BO Central

Today, I was loudly asked if I'd rubbed poop all over myself this morning. I shower three times a day, brush my teeth for 10 minutes twice a day, and wear copious amounts of antiperspirant. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me out to dinner, which we never do. While at the restaurant he gets down on his knees, looks me in the eyes, and pulls out a little box. He opens it and inside is a note that says 'We're Done.' He then leaves me at the restaurant with the bill and the $2.00 box. FML

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By Anon O'Mous - United States

Today, I was taking a shower at the gym when hearing a loud popping noise. Surprised and startled, I jumped and slipped, hitting my head against the shower wall that left a small gash. The pop noise was just someone blowing bubbles from their gum. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, while at the dinner table, my grandmother told me she backed over a cat. FML

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By luckycharmed - United States

Today, my roommate played a "prank" on me. He taped a length of clear cellophane at ankle-height just outside my bedroom door, causing me to trip and faceplant the floor, and busting out a tooth. I now look like a hick, and my roommate is refusing to cover my dental bills. FML

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By Anonymous - Germany

Today, after five long years of having been together, my boyfriend told me that he wanted to take our relationship to the "next level". We now have a Sims relationship. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at Wal-Mart where all the aisles had been moved. An elderly woman asked me where the pet products were, so I told her that I didn't know, but showed her where they could be. An hour later, she came back with security. She'd told them I'd purposefully gotten her lost. They threw me out. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was blaring the radio to drown out the sound of the kids in the apartment upstairs. They then started jumping in time with the music. FML

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By robbed - United States

Today, I realized I was happy because we finally started having friends come visit us after months of not having company. I also realized that our secret stash of money was stolen last night while we had company. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/1/2021 01:02 - United States - Minneapolis

Mr Nice Guy

Today, it was our 12th anniversary. My husband only remembered because family members texted to wish us a happy anniversary. When he went out to the store to get groceries, he didn't even buy me flowers. He's also irritated that I "seem sad or something." FML

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By Anonymous - 5/1/2021 23:02

FEED ME

Today, I woke up in a military hospital, after having all four wisdom teeth out yesterday. A nurse came in with a breakfast trolley full of eggs and bacon, looks at my pleading face, looks at her clipboard and says, "Only non-solid foods for you, private." FML

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By sneeuwbal - Belgium - Dilbeek

Today, my girlfriend's dad called to say she wasn't allowed to come with me on a three-day trip on New Year's. He waited until Christmas to say it, even though we booked and paid for the trip nearly a month ago. Now he ruined both holidays. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I made out with a guy that I had just met at a party. It was my first kiss. I don't know what's worse, the fact that my first kiss is at the age of 23, or the fact that I saw him making out with a different girl later on in the night. FML

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By SaveMeTeddy - Canada - Burnaby

Today, it hit me that I'm incredibly pathetic, when at the age of 21, I tucked my stuffed animals into bed with me, facing in different directions so they could keep watch for monsters while I slept. FML

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By ThunderThighs - United States - Flemington

Today, I was so ashamed of my weight when I sat down and the suction of my thighs made a loud fart noise, I admitted to it being a fart rather than my fat rolls. FML

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By anon mom - United States - Manassas

Today, my 9 year-old daughter had really bad constipation. When I took her to the doctor, he had to 'break it up' with a gloved finger, and then he sent me home with directions on how to administer an enema. I do not recommend trying to give an enema to a kid that doesn't want one. FML

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By PookaKay02 - United States

Today, I realize that my boyfriend's breath quite literally smells like a sewer. It wouldn't be so bad, except that he tries to kiss me about every ten minutes, and I have to hold my breath. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/12/2020 22:02 - United Kingdom

What a coinkydink

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his best friend. Who just so happened to be the guy who made my high school years a living hell. FML

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By bl3ur0z3

Today, I learned that my new apartment complex does not allow "altercations in community areas". This includes pulling my child out of the pool and reprimanding him for holding his cousin under water. I can't parent outside my apartment. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was getting ready for my first date with a boy I really like when my dad insisted on meeting him. My dad is super protective and a cop. He cleaned his gun in front of my date and made it clear he had to be careful with me. My date started to cry when we got to the car. FML

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By rainyday - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. I said that at least I was always there for him when he needed me. He said "When did I need you?" FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I tried to discipline my two year old son. Whenever I do this, he starts pointing and imitating me, and I can't help but laugh. This explains why he never listens to me. FML

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By alyssabree42 - United States - Estacada

Today, I learned that when you hear a bump in the night, it's best not to check your parents' room. Some things cannot be unseen. FML

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By parent

Today, I found out that my son has been telling me he's gay so we would allow the "female friend" who is actually his girlfriend to stay over. FML

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By VoodooPriestess - 28/11/2020 14:02

What a catch

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years responded to my opening up about how I felt like I was always put on the back burner, was to ghost me for a week, and break up via text. Don't worry though, we can still be friends and maybe later, when he's ready, start the relationship again. FML

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By me - Canada

Today, I attended an elderly man's funeral. As I approached the casket his wife said, "Thank you for coming." I replied with, "No, thank you." FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I found out apparently, I have a weird looking vagina. How? My boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. He took one look at my vagina and with a look of horror said, "I have never seen one this GROSS." He's a gynecologist and probably sees 20 vaginas a day. FML

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By matt - 12/3/2021 08:01

People disprove

Today, I, a forty year-old man, went to the store with my teenage daughter and infant son. I got some very dirty looks. FML

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By RetailScapegoat

Today, I was fired for job abandonment. Yesterday, my boss told me to go home early because we were so slow. After I reminded him, he laughed and said, "Oh yeah... You're still fired." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Humble

Today, on my first driving lesson, I crashed my instructor's car. I didn't even make it out of the parking lot. FML

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By ohyaknow - United States

Communication

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I have ever or would ever fake an orgasm. I assured him that I wouldn't, when he has actually never given me one. I didn't have the heart to tell him. FML

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By Angela - United States

Today, I went to the doctor's office. People kept staring at me and I couldn't figure out why. Later, I realized my sister's puppies had chewed a noticeable hole in my pants' crotch. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a friend and I were walking around a festival when out of nowhere a giant bug hit me in the face. I went into instant ninja mode, screaming and flailing. When I stopped, I realized it was just a leaf and everyone was staring at me. FML

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By Cat Ashes - United States - Dewitt

Today, I received an unexpected package from my mother. It contained my cat's ashes. Apparently he died 3 weeks ago and she thought this was the best way to tell me. FML

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By MafiaWarsWidow - Australia

Today, I was on the phone to my boyfriend in England. I live in Australia. What did he talk about for 15 minutes straight? Mafia Wars on Facebook and how far he had got. FML

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Top comments

By genius_man16 | 0

#279518 - Sunday 7 June 2009 20:23

BAHAHAHA

You got owned by a kitten. YDI so much.

By orangerocker26 | 0

#279520 - Sunday 7 June 2009 20:24

why in the hell would you dutch oven your own cat. you deserved it.

COMMENTS

By simpsonman3000 | 0

#279517 - Sunday 7 June 2009 20:23

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

quade25 | 0

#2748842 - Friday 24 June 2011 12:50

what's there to scratch?

Reply

Muthalecka | 1

#3110480 - Monday 15 August 2011 5:20

#2 you hope? Do you care for this man's balls?

Reply

TheWildRover1 | 12

#5654205 - Monday 2 September 2013 1:55

I hope they are

Reply

m1k3_b0rr311 | 15

#6012470 - Saturday 19 July 2014 15:25

Yea i fucking do ae

Reply

rainbotato | 14

#6207390 - Friday 20 February 2015 3:55

are you retarded

By genius_man16 | 0

#279518 - Sunday 7 June 2009 20:23

BAHAHAHA

You got owned by a kitten. YDI so much.

Reply

ifmlftw | 0

#853489 - Sunday 14 February 2010 2:18

lmfao

Reply

bobnorris | 0

#925442 - Monday 8 March 2010 16:40

ow...

Reply

ccftw | 0

#980905 - Saturday 17 April 2010 13:09

Lol @ 1 haha

Reply

rawrlily | 0

#1039738 - Wednesday 23 June 2010 0:23

Aha.

kittehz don't liek persunz wif a tinee dik. Espeshullee wen thei fart on mee.

Reply

zolltf | 4

#1099105 - Friday 16 July 2010 21:30

I'm still waiting for Perdix to tell some joke about him playing with his sister's pussy, and losing his balls in the process

Reply

Draeven_fml | 0

#1367998 - Wednesday 8 September 2010 5:32

that a whole new level of animal cruelty

Reply

maz_irken | 6

#2596010 - Wednesday 1 June 2011 0:39

feel lucky. it's probable the only time you'll get pu...errr...nevermind

Reply

Herropreez17 | 0

#2683095 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 2:03

Yea. WHAT DID THE POOR KITTY DO TO YOU????

Reply

pink_raindrops | 26

#2911397 - Sunday 17 July 2011 6:37

I'm glad the kitty attacked your nuts. You thought it would be funny to see what his reaction would be, well you found out.

Reply

iammeorami | 25

#5357673 - Thursday 7 February 2013 4:08

awesome!

Reply

jarockstar27 | 10

#5404694 - Thursday 14 March 2013 6:29

And this dude wants our sympathy why??? Seriously deserved it!

Reply

Duggie1339 | 13

#5879137 - Saturday 8 March 2014 9:21

Okay based on my profile pic u can tell which side I'm on.... He/she is just a kitten, would u do that to a baby? You didn't deserve it... You deserve getting your balls chopped off and hung from your car mirror you sick fuck

By MakeMeMoo | 0

#279519 - Sunday 7 June 2009 20:23

What a moron...got what you deserved.

Reply

toaster468 | 0

#970710 - Monday 29 March 2010 21:59

you don't have testicles, you don't know what it feels like

Reply

tona01 | 16

#2232839 - Thursday 24 March 2011 2:37

exactly!!!

Reply

lebronesque73091 | 12

#5147438 - Wednesday 14 November 2012 9:46

LOL, that's too funny. You deserve it for doing that though

By orangerocker26 | 0

#279520 - Sunday 7 June 2009 20:24

why in the hell would you dutch oven your own cat. you deserved it.

Reply

brookemurray17 | 5

#4782384 - Tuesday 7 August 2012 5:56

Omg I'm laughing so hard rn

Reply

kittykat1501 | 31

#6319628 - Saturday 13 June 2015 23:29

It's his sister's cat

By nibas | 0

#279522 - Sunday 7 June 2009 20:23

HAHA omg. owned. don't fuck with animals.

Reply

ifmlftw | 0

#853496 - Sunday 14 February 2010 2:20

somebody call PETA!!!!!!!! jk. PETA is a waste of time. but I do love animals

Reply

tencentsakiss | 19

#990777 - Tuesday 11 May 2010 8:12

it's amazing how many people on here do fuck with cats and get owned by getting their crotch attacked

Reply

TheCrazyAli28 | 1

#2721549 - Monday 20 June 2011 9:09

lol I wouldn't mind gettn my crotch attacked.

Reply

abnormalbird | 11

#5824830 - Sunday 12 January 2014 4:49

367 THEY KNOW OUR WEAKNESS

By kelsey_LYNN | 0

#279525 - Sunday 7 June 2009 20:24

Lmfao!

Kitty ownage! YDI.

By ZiggyMorrison | 0

#279529 - Sunday 7 June 2009 20:24

Daaaaaaaayyyyyuuuuuumm

hope you can still have kids

Reply

Picking_Kuppies | 0

#2101940 - Sunday 20 February 2011 0:55

Why, so they can all fart on kittens?

Reply

wildmonkey | 16

#5672540 - Saturday 14 September 2013 5:23

Idiots like that shouldn't have kids.

Reply

jacqleeen | 11

#6440526 - Wednesday 21 October 2015 5:01

Your comment just made me burst out laughing!!

By CodeMonkey123 | 0

#279532 - Sunday 7 June 2009 20:25

YDI, that you jerk Mittens the super ultra crime solving kitten doesn't take shit from anyone!

Reply

turtlemanz | 8

#2203294 - Saturday 19 March 2011 7:39

literally

Reply

Lqum26 | 0

#2390493 - Saturday 23 April 2011 2:39

8 you made absolutely no sense

By DarkMirror | 0

#279543 - Sunday 7 June 2009 20:26

karma xD

But like it's such a bad thing? You probably shouldn't reproduce anyway.

By lol_chickens | 0

#279544 - Sunday 7 June 2009 20:26

Why the hell would you put a kitten under the sheets? D:

Anyhow, your balls must've looked all dangly and fun.