Intimacy: Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous...

By pleasedie - 07/05/2015 18:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob, only to end up slipping and head-butting him in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 039

You deserved it 6 802

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Same thing different taste

By kinkicali - 20/11/2012 08:43 - United States - Maple Valley

Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 498

You deserved it 36 513

Sexy moves

By what sex life? - 02/08/2016 06:26 - United States - Nashville

Today, while in the shower with my boyfriend, I tried to heat things up by washing his knob with my loofa. He couldn't stop laughing and eventually laughed so hard that he slipped and fell. He now has a bruised butt while I have a missing toenail from catching his fall. Ouch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 291

You deserved it 2 896

Wrong sort of poking

By Anonymous - 22/09/2013 05:40 - United States - Brandon

Today, my boyfriend got out of the shower and tried to hit my forehead with his penis. He slipped and slapped me in the eye with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 194

You deserved it 9 739

Sick moves, dude

By Anonymous - 02/09/2009 09:20 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a shower together for the first time. He was trying impress me and did some sort of dance move, he slipped, and when he fell he kicked my leg out causing me to fall and hit my face on the faucet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 405

You deserved it 4 241

One nation, under rod

By LaLa - 20/09/2019 22:00

Today, I was fooling around with my partner after his shower. He moved my hands up to push me against the wall. Instead of hitting the wall, my hands hit the shower rod. It fell on my face and I got a bloody nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 511

You deserved it 213

So generous

By noway - 10/08/2011 17:47 - Singapore

Today, I got into a fight with my boyfriend. The only thing he could think of to cheer me up was to give me "permission" to give him a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 164

You deserved it 7 104

No nut will do that

By Anonymous - 02/05/2023 00:00

Today, my boyfriend wanted a blowjob, shortly after we've started dating. He said to be careful because he blows a massive load. Thinking he's full of crap, I rolled my eyes and got to work. Had him going and then a massive load shot down my throat and a bunch of fire hoses sprayed out my nose. It burned so bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 1 342

By GasAttack - 07/09/2009 13:32 - Canada

Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 474

You deserved it 8 534

By Anonymous - 07/11/2010 22:00 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, when I lifted myself up a little bit. What I was not prepared for was my boyfriend leaning down to kiss my neck. We collided heads, hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 962

You deserved it 6 539

Heat of passion

By owl + bungee cord - 07/01/2014 20:38 - United States - Herndon

Today, my boyfriend and I were in the shower and things were getting heated. I tried to move position, but slipped and fell, bringing the shower curtain I'd grabbed onto down with me along its support rod. My ass hit the floor just as hard as the rod hit my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 538

You deserved it 10 056

Welshite 39

Friday 8 May 2015 0:10

Definitely not the type of head he was expecting.

Krwman 8

Friday 8 May 2015 0:11

Well, your heart is in the right place; even if the rest of you wasn't.

Comments

marigoldcobain 21

Friday 8 May 2015 0:09

Oh, god. F his life, lord almighty.

dont_touch_my_ca 8

Friday 8 May 2015 7:12

I think the guy has a had enough F-ing for today. Thanks though.

1dvs_bstd 41

Friday 8 May 2015 8:57

I think all the men just went >.

irishmaiden78 23

Friday 8 May 2015 0:09

Ouch! That's kind of a sucky thing to have happen. :(

coldasfire 23

Friday 8 May 2015 1:29

Not sure if pun or not

khaoticpanda 28

Friday 8 May 2015 3:55

Subtle. I like it.

FluffyPandas156 13

Friday 8 May 2015 6:44

at least he got head right?

sonasonic 34

Friday 8 May 2015 10:16

Unfortunately, the type where he won't ever celebrate Father's Day.

Welshite 39

Friday 8 May 2015 0:10

Definitely not the type of head he was expecting.

vreid 20

Friday 8 May 2015 0:15

You win

kaitlynjane 28

Friday 8 May 2015 3:26

Plot twist: OP's boyfriend is a masochist and it was exactly the type of head he was expecting... o.o

TheGatekeeper43 8

Friday 8 May 2015 3:35

Lolz nice

Jay0501 21

Friday 8 May 2015 4:12

OP gave him blue balls

TommyG493 11

Friday 8 May 2015 5:39

Black and blue balls

kayj905 15

Friday 8 May 2015 5:42

I was just about to say that same thing. GJ m8

RedPillSucks 31

Friday 8 May 2015 14:46

head and butt in the same move. its every guys dream, right?

Attacksloth 33

Friday 8 May 2015 14:50

I was definitely anticipating this being top comment.

Sael_fml 19

Friday 8 May 2015 0:10

wow, that really...blows.

soulcrusher11 16

Friday 8 May 2015 2:39

hhahahahahahaha

CaptainSmith28 19

Friday 8 May 2015 3:41

There's always someone...

TheIronFez 13

Friday 8 May 2015 3:53

If I had a dollar for every time someone said that, I'd be able to buy a house.

LeashaJoy5595 28

Friday 8 May 2015 7:55

Hey hey! Surprise, there is a pun that didn't get down voted!

JohnTheDonJuan 11

Friday 8 May 2015 8:12

Puns deserve to live and not get buried if they actually fit the fml.

Krwman 8

Friday 8 May 2015 0:11

Well, your heart is in the right place; even if the rest of you wasn't.

cactusprick 19

Friday 8 May 2015 0:11

At least you didn't headbutt the floor and bleed internally eternally :-)

MrDonSalvetti 27

Friday 8 May 2015 0:11

I'm sorry to hear that OP, but that sounds hilarious! XD But I also hope your boyfriends balls are better now.

Lorenzo1102 21

Friday 8 May 2015 0:11

I wish him good health

bettyc4 26

Friday 8 May 2015 0:11

Oh poor merciful blue balls!

lyricalservant 21

Friday 8 May 2015 0:12

That was not expected

Keywords

Miscellaneous Family Cats DIY Poopoo peepee Work Awkward Management Frustration Am I overreacting? Capitalism Relatable Coworkers Transportation ADHD Dogs Animals Dating Love Mental health Health Anxiety Technology Sleep Noise Roommate Clumsy AITA Confused Parents

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 460

You deserved it 109

Today, after my husband got ready for work, he touched my arm and slowly bent down. I assumed he was going to say he loved me and to have a good day. As I quickly thought of a loving response and prepared to give him a kiss, he whispered in my ear, "Did you put a dead mouse in the toilet?" Thanks a lot, cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 946

You deserved it 132

The Top

Today, I woke up to go to school. I was unbelievably tired, but I gathered the courage to go take my shower. I then took a long shower, cleaned up my room, got dressed, and ate breakfast. Going back to my room, I looked at the clock, which read 3:22 AM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 455

You deserved it 37 985

Today, I was singing my heart out in the shower, convinced I was alone. Turns out my roommate had friends over, and they could hear everything through the bathroom vent. Now, they keep requesting encore performances of my renditions of songs by The Smiths. FML

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 165

Today, when I woke up I saw that my bald head is covered with my wife's period blood. Again. She does it regularly once a month, despite asking her not to. She thinks this blood activates hair growth. She is serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 241

You deserved it 511

Today, a customer came up to me and asked if I knew where the make-up aisle was. I pointed him in the right direction but he just gasped and said, "Oh so you DO know where it is!" and walked away, roaring with laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 567

You deserved it 3 861

Today, as a stressed NHS nurse, I tried to take a relaxing bath, except I dropped my book in the water, my candle set my hair on fire, I slipped getting out and may have broken my finger. The noise woke up my two kids, so I had to start their bedtime routine over again, and I got bath salt crystals in my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 367

You deserved it 220

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend doesn't have time to text me back, but he does have time to post an entire Facebook album dedicated to cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 097

You deserved it 4 769

Same thing different taste

Sexy moves

Wrong sort of poking

Sick moves, dude

One nation, under rod

So generous

No nut will do that

Heat of passion

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